SCORE!

Okay, keep this to yourselves.

The Walgreen’s at Bird Road and US 1 has flu shots. Hurry.

Prosperity is a Lot of Work

I must have 25 bags of frozen lime and key lime juice now. I wanted my trees to be productive, but I’m starting to wonder where the juice is going to go.

I just put away five half-cup bags, after slicing and freezing a Costco beef loin. I’m turning into my grandmother! I have a pressure cooker, I grow food, and I’m considering learning to can. What next? Knitting?

You have to be a good steward. That’s the pitch. Back in the 80s, they used to say God would bless you with prosperity and health as long as you sent Jim Bakker and Robert Tilton enough money. It didn’t really matter what you did the rest of the time. And of course, it did not work. Oddly, God did not reward people for buying evangelists purple Bentleys and mink toilet seat covers.

These days, the message is somewhat more balanced. Give alms; don’t just send checks to questionable TV preachers. Repent. Pray. Fast. Go to church. Behave responsibly. Robert Morris writes and speaks about this stuff, and I think he’s right. It’s a little insulting to claim you can be a monumental jerk and get God to bless you, but it’s also insulting to say God doesn’t reward people. So anyway, I am afraid to throw out the fruit and herbs I grow, and I try not to spend like a total fool. Hence the freezing and bagging.

It seems to pay off, at least with regard to bananas, limes, herbs, and peppers. Actually, things are going very well with me in general. People close to me have it harder than I do at the moment. I can’t talk about every good thing that’s happening in my life. Wish I could.

Hey…what if I had paid more attention to my elders when I was a kid? I would have been doing a lot of this stuff a long time ago. Doh!

I’m going to try to get a flu shot now. I was going to take two friends to church, but they both got the flu. Coincidence, I’m sure. It’s not like there are any forces out there that try to keep people from turning to God. Never. Couldn’t happen.

We’re still on for next week.

I Must Decrease

I just had my weekly McDonald’s breakfast. What DO they put in this stuff? I’m positive it contains crack. I feel magnificent. Like Popeye on a spinach bender.

I can’t get over the change I’ve experienced since the fast I did a couple of weeks back. I have better control in several areas of my life, and it’s not subtle, and it’s not imaginary. The other day, I went to my church for a meeting, and I was invited to a prayer group, and I had to kill some time, so I went to Krispy Kreme. Later I told my pastor, “I worked a miracle. I had ONE doughnut.” If you, like me, are fat, you understand what I mean. Fat is what happens when you can’t stop. Something (or someone) compels you to grab that next cookie or slice or McMuffin. Sometimes you win, but over the long haul, you lose often enough to grow extra chins and require a second “fat wardrobe.” I don’t have that problem any more. It’s gone.

I started working on my weight a few weeks back, and over a fairly long time, I lost about four pounds. I did not enjoy it all that much. Now I’m down ten, and I’ve quit dieting. I used to have a thing I called “fat day.” It meant I dieted all week and ate whatever I wanted on Saturday. I don’t do that any more, because I don’t have to. I behave well enough–every day–to allow me to give up gimmicks and mind tricks. The weight is coming off because I no longer have irresistible fat inclinations.

It’s not because fasting reduces the calories I take in. I do fast once in a while, but I promise you, I can easily overcome the calorie deficit if I try. In the past, I always stuffed myself on the day after a fast, so I probably came out ahead. Muslims complain that they gain weight during Ramadan, when they fast every day. The empty days are not what make the difference for me. I just don’t have the gluttony bug any more.

I used to celebrate Saturday with a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit, one or two McMuffins, three hash browns, and a large Coke. That’s enough energy to keep a small city going for a week. I told myself the third hash brown was for Maynard and Marvin, but I always got most of it. Today I had one biscuit, one McMuffin, one hash brown (minus bird donations), and a medium soda. And while I was ordering, I didn’t hear that familiar voice in the back of my head, screaming that I needed to order more food. I used to order large pizzas and eat them by myself. I don’t think I’d enjoy that today. Two or three slices…that, I could enjoy.

I think you can’t progress as a Christian if you set your heart on the things of this world and let them control you, and that includes food. The book of Proverbs says gluttony causes poverty. Did you know that? It’s not a good thing. It evidently carries a curse. That shouldn’t be a surprise, since it ruins your knees, your pancreas, your sleep, your looks, and your arteries. It costs you jobs, because people don’t like to hire fat applicants. It makes you less attractive, so you may have very limited choices when you marry. It can cause people to ostracize you socially. And it can even be expensive. Food and drink cost money, and so does insulin.

I love good food, but I have come to realize that I have to limit my involvement with it. To cook good food, you have to put in time. You have to spend many days preparing and trying dishes. It’s very tough to do that if you’re eating sensibly every day. Cooking will have to take a lower priority in my life.

Think about the calories you take in when you eat “normal” food. Two eggs, toast, butter, jelly, four strips of bacon…that’s enough food to get you through twelve hours, but you’re supposed to eat again in five. Add coffee with a little cream and sugar, and it’s around a thousand calories. A burger, fries, and a Coke…same thing. Then sit down to dinner and have a small steak, two vegetables, a roll, and a salad with dressing. By the time you’re done, it’s probably 4,500 calories. Fine, if you’re a lumberjack. Are you a lumberjack? I’m not.

I have to stay under about 2,200 calories per day, unless I’m working in the yard or something. That’s one decent meal, or three wimpy ones. No way around it. So I eat a crummy bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, I have something small for lunch, and then I have meat and two vegetables for dinner. That’s about all I can do. I can’t hang out in the kitchen every day, working on recipes for lasagne and paella. I can eat a little better on days following fasts, but I can’t be serious about cooking.

Anyway, I can’t believe God freed me from the fat curse. I’m like a week and a half away from wearing my “real clothes.” And I didn’t expect this; it wasn’t the goal I had in mind when I fasted. It must have been important to God.

If you want to see proof God does things for people, come see me eat a third of a pint of Haagen-Dazs. Fat people can’t eat a third of anything. They have to have it all.

This is the exciting thing about Christianity. We are a society of people with problems we can’t solve. We have diet books, relationship books, exercise books, addiction books…none of it works. We’re trying to fill a void only God can fill. The world is full of people who have testimonies about instant and permanent delivery from destructive habits and inclinations. You generally won’t get permanent solutions from Dr. Phil and Weight Watchers and AA (the secular version of AA, that is). You get temporary solutions that give you false hope. God has the real antidote.

We always assume Biblical references to salvation refer exclusively to our eventual trip to paradise, but I think that may be wrong. I think that’s just one aspect of salvation. I think deliverance from addiction or debt or anger or perversion is salvation. God rescues believers all the time. The rescue we get when we die is just one example. The last manifestation of a lifelong pattern. Why be satisfied with one part of the package, when you’re supposed to have the whole thing? Not perfect life, but victorious life. If it has been bought and paid for, why not make use of it?

I feel an urge to get out some jeans and see which pairs I can put on without making them explode. Maybe I should put on safety goggles to protect me from flying buttons.

More

I am wearing a pair of relatively thin jeans. I couldn’t resist the urge to try them on. They are on the tight side, but wearable.

This is just crazy.

Carfax Lets me Down

I’m all bummed out. I made an offer on a big red Dodge pickup, and then I found out it had been in an accident.

Everybody uses Carfax these days. There is another outfit called Autocheck. I looked at Carfax, and they didn’t have any accident information on this truck, but later I tried Autocheck, and they listed right side damage.

I went to the dealership with a magnet, and sure enough, it fell off the right side of the bed, in front of the wheelwell. I stuck my head in the wheelwell and shined a flashlight on the inside of the sheet metal. I couldn’t see anything wrong. The paint had a blister on the outside of the bed, and there were a few defects in it.

I can’t tell how bad the accident was. The rear door looks fine, but it could be new.

I guess this truck is a loser. I can have a mechanic look at it, but damaged vehicles can have all sorts of subtle problems. For example, they can drive crooked because the front and rear wheels aren’t in line with each other.

Argghh.

I Brive a Dus

Today I drove a battleship down US 1. I checked out a nice pickup.

I have been whining making perceptive and highly justified complaints about the insane cost of used trucks. I originally wanted a used truck, so somebody else would get stuck with the depreciation, but when I priced F150s and similar items, I found that people were knocking about ten percent off the new price, which is idiotic. Why pay $18000 for a truck with no warranty and 40,000 miles when you can get the full monty for $20000? But it looks like prices on larger trucks are a lot better.

I did not want diesel. I know how great it is, but I didn’t want the smell, the slow acceleration, or the aggravation of finding fuel. But I kept reading good things about the new diesels, and I finally came around. I figured if I was going to go full-throttle and get a heavy-duty pickup, I should get an engine that would last for eternity and never need electrical work. A true SHTF engine.

I can’t believe the things I read about these things. Acceleration like the (admittedly sad) American sports cars of my youth. Better mileage than my roadster. Unlimited hauling capacity. I can’t figure out what the down side is.

I’ve read horror stories about Ford’s newer diesels, but everyone seems to like the Dodges (Cummins) and the Chevys. I don’t know who makes the Chevy engines. Detroit Diesel used to be part of GM. I don’t know whether that’s still true.

Chevys are not that easy to find, cheap. Neither are GMCs. But Dodge 2500s are relatively plentiful. Their late-model diesels come in two flavors: 5.9-liter and 6.7-liter. The bigger one would be a great choice, but for the fact that the Green Weenies ruined it with a bunch of emissions garbage you can’t remove without voiding your warranty and risking annoying nonmoving violations. So the 5.9 is IT. Chris Byrne drives one. It’s hard to imagine anyone who would learn more about a truck before buying it, and he seems to like it a lot.

I found a red Dodge yesterday, with a 5.9 and four-wheel drive. I don’t really need the four-wheel drive, but I suppose it’s good insurance, depending on where I find myself living in the future. It has tow stuff, and it has under 30000 miles. I Carfaxed it. It has a little scrape on the bumper, plus some small dings on a door, but other than that, it looks very good.

I took it out on US 1, and I have no complaints. It’s very big, and parking it will be no fun at all, but it’s comfortable, it rides well, and the air conditioning survived the Miami in September test.

These guys want $27K. I think I’ll offer $24K and let them sweat. I have a mechanic lined up to look it over. It still has nine months left on the warranty, but I want to make sure the odometer is correct and so on.

I can get a 2WD model for under $20K, but it has over twice the mileage, and it was assembled in Mexico, which scares me to death. The Carfax on the other truck doesn’t say it’s imported, so maybe it was made at the Missouri plant.

Either one would be a nice change. I just don’t know if I can force myself to sell the Thunderbird. Sometimes you want to go through a drive-through without causing a scene. Maybe I should sell it and get something cheap and small for running around.

He Laughs at Your Bottled Water

I have been writing about the Forty Days of Teshuvah, which precede Yom Kippur. Today I got an email from the International Fellowship of Christians and Jews, linking to a piece by Rabbi Yechiel Eckstein. He explains the significance of repenting (literally “returning”) during the ten days before the day of atonement.

Why ten days and not forty? I forget, to be honest. I’m too tired to think. I’ll look it up.

Okay, here it is. It was originally ten days, but Jewish tradition extended it to include the prior month. Teshuvah is important. You don’t want to miss anybody. As Rabbi Eckstein points out, Ezekiel 18:23 says, “Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? declares the Sovereign Lord. Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live?”

Rabbi Eckstein also explains the Jewish belief concerning the way God determines and seals our fates during this period.

Interesting notes: Jewish tradition says man was created on Rosh Hashanah, and that the world was created five days earlier. Good thing it wasn’t the other way around.

Uh oh. Looks like the page where I got the information is run by Messianics. They quote John the Baptist (sometimes referred to by Messianics as John the Immerser, but never “John the Space Cowboy”). Aaron will not be pleased.

According to [the very non-Messianic] Rabbi Eckstein, “[T]he Hebrew month that leads up to the High Holy Days is a time when ‘the King is in the field,’ when God’s presence is more immediately accessible to us.” I did not realize that, but given my experiences in August, I would have to say that I think this is absolutely correct. I am freaked out all the time these days. I know how crazy I sound, but it’s true. Sometimes I stop what I’m doing and look up, because he’s just HERE.

All I can say is, “pearl of great price” is no exaggeration. Paul described the things he gave up to follow Jesus, using a term that can be translated as “dung.”

Regarding the tremendous significance of forty-day periods in the Bible, I noticed something new the other day. I hadn’t caught it before. Moses didn’t just fast for forty days, during his Sinai experience. He fasted for forty (no food, no water), brought down the commandments, got mad and broke them, and fasted for forty more, presumably to get God to spare the idol-worshiping Hebrews. Moses was hardcore. I can do three days, with water. After that, I figure I’m about as holy as I can stand to be.

Sorry about the Steve Miller joke.

Roasting Like a Burger Under a Heat Lamp

I thought today would be a slow day, but I ended up hauling my sister around, getting groceries and prescriptions. Her doctor phoned a prescription in to a pharmacy about five miles away, and in Miami, five miles is like fifty because of the horrible traffic. We got to the pharmacy, and the Miami-bilingual (fluent Spanish, four words of English) pharmacist said she hadn’t filled the prescription because she had not been able to understand the doctor. So we came home, my sister called the doctor, the doctor excoriated the pharmacist, and then we went back. Two and a half hours of baking, roasting road time under the Miami sun, interrupted by an hour-long break, during which we had to search for my sister’s lost car keys.

We are seeing side effects, but we don’t know what caused them. They injected dye into her on Tuesday, and the iodine in the dye makes some people sick. They didn’t hydrate her after chemo on Monday, and that makes some people sick. Her radiation oncologist was contracting a bug when she saw him, so she is worried that he might have given it to her.

I should have some semblance of a life next week, but I am not setting my heart on it.

I have a little free time before dinner. I wish I had a long enough layover to support a nap.

Where do You Put the Anchor?

My disgust over my experiences with car dealers has driven me to broaden my pickup search to the used market. I got fed up with used trucks because the asking prices I had seen were just plain stupid, but given the intransigence of the Ford dealer I tried to reason with, maybe Craigslist isn’t a bad option.

I wanted a relatively small truck. Half-ton. I’m not all that eager to maneuver a tank through Miami traffic. I have no idea how you get a big truck into Miami’s miniature parking spaces. But there are some deals on bigger trucks, and as much as I hate the idea, I can get diesel, with all of its advantages. I found some F250s, but everyone says the Ford diesels are an abomination, so I wrote them off, and I’ve been looking at Chevy and Dodge. I found a monstrous white Dodge with a 6.7-liter Cummins, for $19,000. It has around 75,000 miles on it, but the overhaul interval on these things is 350,000, so I think I could get my money’s worth out of it. Also, people are reporting 18 miles per gallon on these tanks, with excellent acceleration.

Here are the problems. First, it’s huge. We’ve already covered that. Second, there is no warranty. I’d have to buy one. If I bought a warranty, I’d probably have to leave the emissions crap on the truck, and it looks like this garbage is the only thing that can kill the engine. Third, it’s a Dodge, so it was probably put together by monkeys. They have the worst fit and finish in the universe. I have never owned a Mopar product, but the ones I have ridden in were a lot like what you would expect Chinese cars to be like. Fourth, I have a neurotic fear about running out of diesel while looking for a station that sells it. I should also note that it’s a six-cylinder, which makes repairs cheaper but probably makes it rough.

If I took off the emissions stuff, I would have no engine warranty. On the other hand, if I took off the emissions stuff, I would probably never need an engine warranty. Hard choice.

The specs on this thing are like something out of a science fiction movie. It will pull an aircraft carrier on a trailer. It will accelerate better than most cars. It gets better mileage than my Thunderbird. You can put a the weight of the Washington Monument in the bed.

Unless I abused it, you would expect it to last nearly until my grandchildren died. It’s pretty ridiculous.

It’s way, WAY cheaper than the new trucks I’ve been looking at.

It has pimp rims. What is it with people?

Maybe I’ll go take a look at it. I fear it would be like driving a bus. Depending on how cheap insurance is, I suppose I could hold onto the T-bird for a while, for city driving.

Or I could drop the whole idea and become a regular U-Haul customer.

Why be Distracted by Facts When Theory and Wild Guesses are What Really Matters?

Man, what a day I had.

I ran up to church to meet with the pastor about the book I’m helping him write. I also dropped off a couple of items I thought could help them out. I spent an hour and a half with him, going over organization and structure. Then he invited me to a GAP meeting. This is what they call their small prayer groups: “God Answers Prayer.” The church has about a million of these for women and maybe fifteen for men, which shows you how the demographics are. The one I went to is the pastor’s group, so all the guys there were leaders. Two were former military, one was the pastor’s son, one was a music leader, and another was a cardiologist. Okay, I guess he wasn’t exactly a leader, but he seems to be close to the nerve center.

The pastor made the mistake of asking me what my impressions of the church were, and I guess I spewed for ten minutes, telling them all sorts of background they probably did not want to hear about. But they were very nice about it. When I talked about an experience I had had, in which the presence of Jesus came to me and pretty much sat next to me, one of them nodded his head vigorously. I think he knew exactly what I meant. I need to know more people like that. I felt like Richard Dreyfuss in Close Encounters of the Third Kind, when they dumped him in a room full of other people who had been given visions by extraterrestrials. Someone else understands!

They’re doing all sorts of wild stuff up there. They’re opening an accredited Bible school, where you can get a for-real degree that can later form the basis of a master’s. They’re having a huge convention-type thing just for women, and they’re going to need male volunteers. Not sure what for, but I suppose it’s safe. They’re having a men’s prayer breakfast. And the pastor is thinking of putting together a deal where men help confused boys get it together. A lot of kids in that area need basic instruction in things like manners and hygiene and responsibility. Who else is going to teach them?

They seem happy that I’m willing to show up once in a while and do something, but from my perspective, they’re doing me a favor. This is what I wanted. Going to church once or twice a week, leaving a little money, and going home do not constitute living by faith. I want to be part of the team.

For a long time–as long as I can remember–I’ve felt out of place in this world. Unwelcome. I find the mindset and lifestyle of unbelievers grubby and dismal. I don’t seem to be able to fit in, even when I try. I don’t think there is a place for me in the brutish realm of people who think this is all there is. I’m hoping I can be more at home among people whose beliefs are like mine.

A reader–maybe Ed–once left a comment about this sensation. It was a scriptural reference, reminding us that Christians aren’t really part of this world. We’re like ambulatory embassies. Present in a hostile country, but property of a different land. The Bible actually calls us ambassadors.

I feel so relieved. This stuff works. This is how life is supposed to be. Not a luxury cruise, but still, a succession of triumphs. Even our losses are wins. How can you beat that?

I kept saying something wonderful was going to happen to me, didn’t I? I didn’t know what it was. I admitted that. It looks like it’s going to be an assortment of wonderful things.

But why talk about things I can’t prove? Much better to whine about how old the dinosaurs are and whether our ancestors were monkeys. Those are the things that really matter, aren’t they? And the apparent trivial inconsistencies in the gospels…I should be deeply, deeply concerned about those. Why get caught up in things like joy and purpose and miracles and answered prayers and victorious living? No intellectual cares about things like that.

Sorry I even brought up the subject. What was I thinking?

Watch Your Back, Michelle!

I can’t find anything remotely interesting in the news today. I guess the Kanye West thing is fun. We already knew this guy was foolish, but it’s funny to see his hero call him a jackass. Have you heard the recording? Text can’t capture the contempt in Obama’s voice. He thinks West is a moron. A real idiot.

Obama has an amazing talent for alienating his allies. Maybe that’s why he wants to bomb Pakistan. I thought it was just ignorance, but it may be a fundamental characteristic of his personality.

I’m not sure why conservatives are criticizing Obama over this. He told the truth for once. That’s a huge improvement. Obama is one of the worst liars ever to occupy the Oval Office. His record of promise-breaking is right up there with Hitler’s. I’m glad he finally said something candid.

You have to wonder how this will affect his standing with young blacks. They consider Obama the messiah, but any successful rapper is a demi-messiah in their eyes, so they will have to choose sides. I don’t know what the reaction among non-celebrities will be, but I would expect rappers to be very torn. In order to support Obama, they will have to overcome the intense urge to close ranks.

Obama recruited West to push his message back in 2008. Wonder if there will be any more meetings! I’d love to be a fly on the wall.

I can’t name a Kanye West song. I consider myself lucky.

I wonder what it was like to live back in the days when celebrities were relatively civilized. I think we were a lot better off with Gene Kelly and Lauren Bacall than we are with Kanye West and Lady Gaga.

I see Jimmy Carter is calling Representative Joe Wilson a racist for interrupting Obama. Let me see if I can magically predict what Carter will say in his official statement. “This ugly outburst was rooted in hostility toward a black President, which is unacceptable, since the appropriate targets of mindless hatred are the awful Jews.” I guess I’m demanding, but I’m not interested in racism analysis from a notorious anti-Semite.

I got my weekly Winn-Dixie ad. This is a big event. I intended to buy and freeze a lot of wings last week, but I failed, so now I suffer from suspense as I root through this week’s specials to see if I still have a shot.

HOLD THE PHONE! PORK SHOULDER, 99¢ A POUND! YES! YES!

Wait…I was supposed to be looking at wings.

CHURRASCO, $3.99!

Dang. Focus.

No wings.

I wouldn’t mind smoking a shoulder for Sunday, but the Mancamp crowd is hard to pry out of its usual haunt, because none of them want to drive. After all, beer has been known to materialize at Man Camp. I guess you should realize something is wrong when you’re middle-aged and you have to plan your social events in a way that makes it unnecessary for you to drive drunk. I used to have to quit drinking two or three hours before I left. I don’t have as much interest in alcohol now, so I don’t have that problem.

Aren’t pigs fantastic? Pork is the king of meats, at prices paupers can afford.

All I Want is to be Only Mildly Cheated

I am really irritated with the automotive industry. It took me weeks to pick out two acceptable pickups, and when I made a reasonable offer on one, the dealer didn’t even counter. I haven’t made an offer on the other one. I guess I could go ahead and do that.

A long time ago, I read one of those expose books written by former car salesmen. The author pointed out that dealers are not always rational. Most of them are used to treating the public like suckers, and sometimes they get very offended when you aren’t sufficiently humble or stupid. Sometimes they will refuse to sell at a price which will make them money, simply because they can’t stand the thought of not cheating you. Maybe that’s the situation I’m in.

I made an offer which is reasonable to begin with. It will let the dealer recoup the cost of an old undesirable vehicle, and I threw in $500 to defray his expenses. I’d go up a couple of hundred bucks, if necessary. All this guy had to do was make a sane counteroffer. Instead, he tried to convince me that I should spend four figures in interest in order to get a thousand-dollar discount. He gets the commission on the financing. He gets the thousand. I pay interest amounting to maybe two thousand. That’s not a counteroffer. That’s a sad delusion. Maybe they’re up there smoking opium and pretending we’re in a boom. But we’re not. Trucks are rotting on lots everywhere. You can’t sell an inefficient truck for $2000 more than you paid for it, unless you’re surrounded by complete idiots.

It’s no wonder dealers go out of business so often. It’s no wonder there is no such thing as customer loyalty. How can you be loyal to someone who spends every second feeling around for a soft place to stick the knife?

I’m going to call the guy I bought the Thunderbird from. Maybe he can get this truck moved down here for me. If I have to pay $200 to move it, it’s still better than giving up because the salesman is crazy.

I have looked at used F250s. Apparently, the 6-liter diesels they put in these things are complete garbage, so that rules out a whole class of trucks. I hate diesel anyway. Diesel smells, the valves make a racket, and I just know I’ll run out of gas…I mean “fuel”…looking for a diesel pump.

I know the 2009 F150 is a very nice truck. When it comes to full-ton trucks, I have no idea who makes the best.

Oh well. Back to shopping.

Day Saved by Desperation and Willingness to Take Insane Risks

I made banana nut bread last night. First time. We’re trying to keep weight on my sister during her cancer treatment, and I had frozen bananas from one of my trees, so it seemed like the thing to do. She gave me a recipe from one of her friends, and I gave it a shot.

It came out very well, but I had to mess with the recipe to make it work. I think this person recited the recipe from memory and got it wrong, because it called for 2 1/2 cups of flour and only one egg and one stick of butter. It was so dry I couldn’t turn it into dough, let alone batter. I added a second egg and some banana liqueur, and it worked. Next time, two eggs, a stick and a half of butter, and two cups of flour. There is no point in playing.

The recipe didn’t contain any spices. I think a small amount of cinnamon and nutmeg would be helpful. If I get it right, I’ll publish the recipe.

It’s amazing how badly people cook. You hear about a fantastic recipe for this or that, and it turns out to be something off the back of a can or box, which forty million people are already using. That’s pretty much what happened here. I looked at the web, trying to find out what the recipe needed, and I noticed that virtually all banana nut bread recipes are nearly identical to this one.

Not my favorite thing on earth, but if you make it right, it’s worth the effort.

I Will Organize Your Life

I managed to get some work done on the book today. It’s not a great sign when someone who needs organization comes to me. I am not known for my hospital corners and neat files. But I’m managing. I’m writing an outline, and today I started an introduction, which, itself, is a lot like an outline. If you write the introduction to a book before you start the book, it ought to give you some idea which way you’re headed.

I’m still all excited about fasting, even though I hate it. I went to a barbecue and ate like a normal human being. That kind of self-control is new to me. If fasting will do that for me, I’m all for it. And it’s not just food. I’m doing better in other ways. Is this the answer to things like drug addiction and compulsive gambling? I have to wonder. It worked for me. Am I the only one who gets that kind of treatment? Presumably not.

Today I came up with a theory that if you fast, God won’t send you to hell, because you’ve already been there.

I’ll be shooting up to the church on Wednesday to talk about the book and drop off some junk. I won’t be as far along as I had hoped, but I’ll have a very good start.

The other night, I wanted to unwind, so I turned on the tube and looked at Daystar. This is like TBN, sort of. I hadn’t heard of it until earlier this year. They were interviewing a guy named Larry Huch (pronounced “huck”), and he was talking about the significance of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. I can’t get used to Christians saying “ROSH huh shuh NAH”; all the kids I grew up with said “ROSH huh SHAH nuh.” Anyway, I keep talking about the Forty Days of Teshuvah, prior to Yom Kippur, and how the Jews believe this is like Lent. If you get it together during this season, repenting and praying and giving, God will bless you or refrain from punishing you in the new year, which starts in a couple of weeks. That’s the theory.

Larry Huch has written a popular book about such things. It’s called The Torah Blessing. I’m thinking of getting a copy. They were giving away copies to anyone who would pledge 25 bucks per month to Daystar, over the coming year. I don’t want it that bad, but I might buy one.

Seems like charismatics all over the US are going nuts over supporting Israel and learning about Judaism. Huch even claims the Bible says God will give prosperity to people who pray for the peace (probably “shalom,” which means more than peace) of Jerusalem.

My pastor is planning to have somebody blow a shofar in church. THAT is way out there. It shows the progress churches (some) have made in figuring out what really matters to God. The older, established churches tend to be hostile to Israel and Jewish interests, but the newer ones have a much better attitude. Jews may find us annoying, but we’re actually helping, to such a degree that the International Fellowship of Christians and Jews (funded by Christians, run by a Jew) has a fairly powerful voice now before the Israeli government. We’ve flown hundreds of thousands of Jews to Israel. We feed old Israelis. We help poor Jews in the former USSR. God has helped us to get off our butts and get a lot done. It’s as great a gift as any of us could ask for.

The wild thing about it is that it was predicted by prophecy, and the people who believed the prophecy weren’t just Christians. The Jews themselves proclaim it. They note the passage that speaks of a day when ten Gentiles will grab the hem of a Jew’s garment and say “We will go with you, because we have heard that God is with you.” They talk of Isaiah’s prediction about Gentiles carrying the sons and daughters of Jews to Israel. That’s not just nonsense televangelists say to get people excited enough to send them money. Rabbis say it.

Fun times. Unless you go to a church that preaches replacement theology. To them, the Jews are just a bunch of jerks.

Daystar just signed a contract to broadcast Christian TV into Israel. Not sure how that’s going to work out. In Israel, the word “missionary” is pronounced with the same sentiment as words like “Nazi.” At least they’ll be able to see that someone on the planet is on their side. I’d guess that 95% of American Jews have no idea how supportive some branches of Christianity are. The figure is probably not much different in Israel.

John Hagee insists that Jews do not have to accept Jesus to get salvation. He makes a very good argument, based on the life of Joseph, whom he sees as a type of Jesus. I would love to believe it. Since I have never made any headway whatsoever toward converting a Jew, and since I have very low expectations of future success, I don’t know if it matters much.

One odd thing about the gospels: they claim the Jews said they wanted the blood of Jesus to be on them and their children. Isn’t this what Christians say every day about themselves? If you apply the blood of a sacrifice to yourself, aren’t you accepting the benefit of that sacrifice? It seems strange that it should be bad–an admission of guilt–for a Jew to apply the blood, while it’s very good for a Christian. This passage would seem to back up Hagee’s contentions. If someone calls you a Christ-killer, say, “I sure hope I am,” because if you aren’t responsible for the sacrifice, it can’t do you any good.

Here’s something really weird, since I’m writing about weird things. On Yom Kippur, the Jews sacrificed a goat. This goat had a red thread tied around its throat. A second goat with a white thread was sent into the wilderness to starve. After the atonement, the thread would turn from red to white. Between the time of Jesus’s death and the destruction of the temple, the thread did not turn white. The odd thing about this story is that it doesn’t come from Christians. It’s from the Talmud. It doesn’t refer to the death of Jesus, but it does refer to a period beginning forty years prior to the temple’s ruin, which is essentially the same thing.

Christians say it proves there was no longer any need for an animal sacrifice for atonement. Jews say the thread was just there to help the priests remember which goat was which, and that the miracle had nothing to do with the atonement. We disagree about what it means, but the testimony that it happened is not controversial, and it comes from Jews.

Part of the Jewish response is that Jewish followers of Jesus continued to use the temple. But not all sacrifices were for atonement. There were all sorts of things that went on at the temple. Christians who study this stuff believe sacrifices will continue in the Messianic Age, in the rebuilt temple, in spite of the fulfillment of so many things. They believe this because the Bible predicts it, and because some sacrifices have nothing to do with erasing sin.

Go ahead and read the Jewish response to the Messianic interpretation. It’s no threat to a Christian’s faith. All it proves is that two sets of people can agree on the facts and disagree completely on what they mean. I present the story because it’s of value to Christians.

And now I have to deliver banana nut bread to my sister.

Somehow it Does Not Seem Right

Yesterday was amazing. I had already been to church on Saturday night, but I think it’s important for family members to attend together, so I went on Sunday with my sister. Sometimes you just know a message is right for a certain person, and this was one of those times. I didn’t want her to miss it.

When we arrived, I let her decide where we would sit. I always take the first convenient seat. There are TVs all over the church. It makes no difference at all where you sit, except that the music is way too loud at the front. But she likes to be up by the stage. Yesterday, she didn’t care where she sat, so we took two seats in the back. The message was great, and when it was over, the pastor’s mom came up and introduced herself. She and her husband sit in the back, and because we were so near them yesterday, they noticed us. That was great. Anything that helps us get more involved is good.

Afterward, I went to watch the Dolphins with Val and Pat and Tommy, and although I didn’t expect to achieve anything with regard to religion, by the end of the day, two people had decided to go to church with me. I couldn’t believe it. We’ll be going on Saturday.

The sermons my pastor is turning into a book contain a section in which he says each of us has four “families.” One family is our friends. He says you can’t hang around with people who don’t believe, because they pull you back into a worthless lifestyle. That had concerned me, so before I went over, I asked God to help me lead rather than be led. And look what happened. I was content to sit there and be quiet. I had very little to do with it. But it happened.

On the way home, I thought about the offer I made on the pickup. They wanted about two thousand over what they had in the truck, and they wanted me to finance it. The theory behind financing is that I get a thousand more off the price, because Ford has a finance rebate. I don’t want to finance, because I hate debt.

Well, guess what? It’s an even worse idea than I thought. If I finance, the payments will be several hundred a month. Under the terms of the contract, I’ll have to pay for several months before I can pay the balance off and get rid of the loan. Now, what do you call the first payments you make on a loan? “Interest.” It has no effect on the principal. It’s pure profit for Ford. Depending on the rate, I’ll be shoveling a huge pile of money directly to Ford, effectively jacking up the price of the truck.

Man, I get tired of being treated like a moron. Do they seriously think I’m stupid enough to pay them over two grand in interest to get a thousand back? On what planet do they find people dumb enough to fall for that?

Show me where I’m wrong. The loan isn’t interest-free. On their sites, they’re quoting 7%. That means something like two grand in interest, and until Ford gets it, the amount you owe remains constant. Principal comes later.

Talking to a car salesman is about like talking to Satan. If you can deal with car salesmen and drug addicts, nobody alive can fool you. Their tactics are exactly the same. You have to wonder how much higher new car sales would be, if people didn’t dread being lied to and abused every few years. Realtors are angels compared to car salesmen. So are most other salespeople. I wonder why the car industry attracts the worst liars. Car people can’t even tell the truth in the service department. The dealers hire slimy salesmen and call them “advisers.” Their advice usually amounts to “spend money and get nothing in return.” Geez.

Lawyers can’t hold these people a light. They are not even in the same universe.

The crazy thing is, this is their best behavior. This is how they act in a recession, while trying to sell an old truck nobody wants. A vehicle which tops out at 18 miles per gallon. I can’t even imagine dealing with them on something that’s actually appealing to buyers.

Craigslist is starting to look better and better.

Not really. It’s horrible.

Anyway, I am passing up the fantastic deal the salesman offered me. Call me crazy.

Dialysis Too?

From Heather:

They did the cardio vert on mom yesterday. They only had to shock her once and it went really well.
Her heart is back in normal rhythm, but she is experiencing anemia due to her kidney’s not functioning, they are giving her two units of blood today.
Could you please pray that her kidneys are healed and her body is cleansed of cancer? We are asking for a total healing so she doesn’t have to go on dialysis.