Latest Luxury

My new Bible arrived today. I will not even try to guess how excited this makes you.

I already had three Bibles. One is my mother’s old Bible. It’s a nice but well-worn leatherbound King James. This is the one I take to church. I used to wonder why Bibles were bound in soft leather covers, but now I realize they make a big difference in a book you have to carry around. I don’t want to keep carrying this one. It has no thumb indices, it’s not an easy version to read, it doesn’t have much added material, and it came from Kenneth Copeland Ministries, which is a little creepy. I also have The Complete Jewish Bible in blue leather. It’s excellent, because it was translated by Orthodox Jews (or Orthodox ex-Jews, if Aaron objects), and there are some things Gentiles just don’t translate correctly. But it has no columns, the print is tiny, and there are virtually no annotations, so it’s a pain to use. The third book is The Spirit-Filled Life Bible, in hardcover. I really like this one. The people who compiled it are pretty close to my view of things, and it’s full of historical information, annotations, references, and spiritual guidance. But I don’t want to carry a hard book to church.

The answer? The Spirit-Filled Life Bible, in burgundy leather, with thumb indices. I even had my initials put on it. Why not? It’s the New King James Version. I like this better than versions like the NIV, because (this is what I have been led to believe) it isn’t corrupted by political or secular considerations. In other words, God isn’t a lesbian, wives are supposed to submit to their husbands, there is no First Epistle of Al Gore, and so on and so on.

The thumb things are great, because some speakers just don’t take the time to let you find a book. And I won’t even pretend I know the order of the books in the New Testament. Let’s see. Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Acts, Romans…Revelation. I know Peter and Jude are pretty far back. That’s about all I can tell you.

The Jews put the Psalms in the wrong place. I said that just to be annoying, and I’ll bet it worked. In The Complete Jewish Bible, the Old Testament is arranged according to Jewish tradition (what a crazy idea), so the Psalms are near the end, and everything is moved around. On top of that, the books have their original names, which I can never seem to memorize. They can’t mess with the New Testament, though. The books are where they’re supposed to be. Although they renamed Hebrews.

Now I have two Spirit-Filled Life Bibles. Maybe I should give the hard one away.

I met with my pastor yesterday. I thought it went very well, although the start was a little rough. The church is a fairly confused place right now, and I apparently threw the whole joint into a panic by calling and asking about counseling. It was an innocent mistake on my part. When I joined, some of the materials listed a phone number for counseling, and my family is under stress, and I always tell other people to go to their churches for counseling, so I decided to try a dose of my own medicine. But this church is full of poor people, and evidently, when you say “counseling” to the staff, they think of rehab and foreclosure prevention and emergency housing and so on. They think of referring desperate people to county agencies. They don’t think of financially comfortable middle-aged white guys who under pressure because their sisters have cancer.

Anyway, after the fuss died down, my pastor made an appointment with me, and I went in for an hour. I took some Orinoco bananas, various hot peppers, key limes, and Persian limes. That made me happy. I think it’s a good idea to share anything you harvest with your church.

I found out there are some things I can do for the church, which was a big relief. I keep showing up, giving my offerings, and going home, and that’s not really what church should be like. You should try to do something beyond that. I helped build my last church. I worked in the music ministry. I drew a cartoon for the Sunday school program. I painted their sign. If you don’t do things like that, you remain a guest forever.

I already have a writing assignment, so I’m working on that. And they may need help with things like picking up guest speakers at the airport. The Thunderbird may not be the ideal vehicle for this, but I suppose occasionally they get someone whose luggage is small.

The church is in a huge commercial building with a lot of tenants on the upper floors. The bottom floor is full of gigantic empty spaces that are being turned into various types of facilities. All sorts of stuff for kids. He took me around and showed me what they’re doing. By the end of the year, it ought to be pretty impressive. But it would be a big help if they had more members who were not struggling financially.

From our conversation, I gathered that Miami is a tough nut for a church to crack. I think just about anyone could have told him that before he moved here, but I suppose that’s what makes Miami a good place for a preacher to go. We have voodoo, Santeria, spiritism, whatever nonsense the Brazilians worship, plus godless materialism and every type of perversion imaginable. And the racial prejudice is pretty bad. Cubans don’t mix all that well with blacks or other Hispanics, and apparently most black groups don’t get along with Haitians. Now that I think about it, ordinary white people probably have fewer problems than any other group. All the other groups hate each other too much to bother hating us. About the worst thing that happens to us is that we go to stores and can’t get the Cuban price on anything. And we’re not supposed to know that.

I got some good advice regarding my own troubles, which are not that bad to begin with. My sister’s illness dwarfs anything that might be bothering me.

I don’t know what’s up ahead. I maintain faith for her healing, but I think we are kidding ourselves about what the treatment will be like. The chemotherapy has been virtually problem-free, but radiation is on the way, and it has its own side effects, and we haven’t thought much about the wild cards. By that I mean the problems which doctors expect and lay people don’t. The chemo and radiation have high monetary costs, and we know those, and we would like to think that’s what the cancer will cost. That makes us reluctant to inquire about other issues. But cancer patients get things like thrush and pneumonia. All sorts of things we can’t foresee, even after three cancer deaths in the family. And the swine flu is here, and there is no vaccine.

Stay away from cigarettes and smokeless tobacco. Have I said that before? Sounds familiar. And if you don’t care enough about yourself to quit, care enough about your family to get insurance or save a lot of money. Live or die, your ordeal will be very expensive. And when you get sick, they’ll pay, no matter what they have to do.

I’m still using fasting to attack my family’s difficulties. It seems to change me. Since I had that breakthrough last week, I haven’t felt the same way about food, and I’ve lost two pounds. It’s not the fasting itself that made the weight drop off. It’s the way I act when I’m not fasting. I am able to control myself, even on Saturdays, when I used to gorge. I want to find out what else fasting can do for me, even though I hate doing it. I am afraid to believe it, but God may have put an end to my weight problems. That would be fantastic. I want to have one wardrobe, low blood pressure, healthy knees, snore-free sleep, and no risk of diabetes. I’m not a giant mountain of lard, but I want to drop 25 pounds and keep it off.

I think fasting was ineffective in the past because I didn’t pray much when I fasted. I felt so miserable, I just laid around suffering, waiting for the day to end. I knew that wasn’t the way to do it, but I felt horrible, and I didn’t have enough character to overcome it. If you have a problem like smoking or drinking or drugs, you might give fasting a try.

I thought this time of my life was a lull, because I wasn’t writing a book. But I’m helping my sister and looking after my business affairs, and now I have some things to do for the church, so I guess I won’t be idle. I’m very glad. That was something that concerned me.

Try not eating for a day or two. Maybe you’ll get the same kind of results I did.