Roller Coaster
September 1st, 2009Find Something to Hold Onto
If you ever have to deal with a close relative who has cancer, be forewarned. There are peaks and troughs, and you will not be able to predict their nature or when they will come. So enjoy the peaks as much as you can, and in the troughs, remember how bad you felt before the last peak. Remember how sure you were that you would never have another happy moment.
We have reached the point where doctors are taking time out to make it clear that the word “cure,” in the context of certain cancers, does not mean the same thing it means when you have strep throat or athlete’s foot. I’m sure many of you have been there. Doctors try to use optimistic language, especially early in the disease’s progress, so they say things like “cure” in a loose, deceptively hopeful way that might later be called heartless. I guess that makes me heartless, too, because I had read the statistics, and I chose not to argue.
Also, the financial burden is starting to become better defined. That’s an area where cancer patients get lots of surprises.
So far, treatment has been a breeze. The oncologist says this type of chemo is least pleasant during the first round, so a good first round is great news. But next week, radiation starts. Twice a day. I’ve seen what it can do to people.
I have been trying to come up with a good writing project, and given the changes in my life, it has not been easy to think of things. I used to think this was a problem, but I was wrong. Right now, I have free time. If I were writing all day, or doing radio or TV promotion, I would have to cancel things in the upcoming weeks so I could drive to and from the cancer center. The more help you have from your family, the less costly and stressful treatment will be. My writing lull makes me available.
It’s easy to feel as though something is after my whole family, picking us off one by one. My aunt passed in ’94, and my grandfather followed a month later. Then my uncle. Then my mother. My grandmother died at 92, which isn’t something I should complain about, but it happened to fall within the string of deaths we’ve experienced. My cousin died in a plane crash. My dad is 77, and he needs to lose weight and learn to relax. I’m tired of death, and I’m especially tired of cancer, because we never seem to get the kinds you can’t prevent. When people in your family smoke cigarettes or chew tobacco, you always feel that you’re living at the foot of the gallows, waiting for the next name to be called. And they do get called.
God keeps moving in our lives. I want my sister to take the right attitude and be here to see the end product. I can’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to do, but I’m glad I’m better armed for this fight than I would have been two years ago.
September 1st, 2009 at 4:42 PM
Be sure to stay on their asses about her condition. If I hadn’t physically threatened my wife’s oncologist to be square with me about her condition and chances, I wouldn’t have been with her when she died.
September 1st, 2009 at 5:11 PM
Praying for your sister, you and your family.
September 1st, 2009 at 5:29 PM
Still praying.
I am sorry that the doctors aren’t being straight with you. It drives me crazy.
Just got back from mom’s internist, kidneys are still very bad (@15%)and causing the anemia, and fluid build up.
Re:your writing, have you considered your journey back to God? I am so inspired by your writings of faith. Maybe go through the blog and expand of some of what you have already written.
September 1st, 2009 at 5:41 PM
I am optimistic about your sister. I don’t know the details but I know optimism is one of the best medicines YOU can give her.
I will give you what I can from my heart. Prayers definitely help, you know that and that is one reason for my optimism. I also know others, quite a few at my age, who have lymphoma who are healthy and leading good lives. But still she is on the prayer list, with you and your dad.
As for my family, Eliot was to leave today, he had a fever yesterday, they tested for swine flu, he didn’t have that. But he still had a fever today so will have to join his unit when he has been 24 hours without fever. No baby yet, either. We really have to leave it to God with this one, for sure.
September 1st, 2009 at 8:17 PM
Thanks, Ruth.
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Unfortunately, it’s not lymphoma.
September 1st, 2009 at 10:48 PM
Almost everyone who is dead in my family died of cancer. In fact, I can’t think of anything else but suicide. I’m not afraid, but it is weird.
You are certainly correct that it is a roller coaster. My one aunt, who I asked prayer for is still with us. She is doing an alternative treatment and is hanging in there. Thanks for the prayers. My uncle isn’t doing that well.
And yes, you have to mastermind the doctors. Somebody needs to be her advocate. They try to keep it all coordinated but sometimes they don’t.
September 2nd, 2009 at 8:17 AM
I’m sorry to hear about your sister. My prayers are with you.
September 2nd, 2009 at 9:57 AM
Sorry, don’t know where I remembered that from. Still….
September 2nd, 2009 at 10:01 AM
We originally thought it was lymphoma.
September 2nd, 2009 at 10:22 AM
Prayers from here, too.
“I am sorry that the doctors aren’t being straight with you. It drives me crazy.”
Isn’t that just obnoxious? I had hernia surgery 3 years ago. When I noticed I had a hand-sized numb spot, I told the doc, and he just nodded. Yep, happens all the time. We just don’t bother telling you.
SRSLY? It wouldn’t have stopped me from doing the surgery, but I would like to have known!
September 2nd, 2009 at 12:12 PM
My mom’s dying of a slow growing lung tumor. Trips to Mayo, weeks on the vent when she caught a cold…. The whole thing sucks, I know. My prayers are with you
September 3rd, 2009 at 1:45 PM
I’m taking the day off work today do the MIL’s chemo chauffering. It is not likely to end well.
I remember my cancer, although I got away with surgery and no chemo/radiation, it was an interesting ordeal and a spiritual eyeopener.
I wish you and her well through this.
September 5th, 2009 at 9:05 PM
I am probably provoking you, but I’m going to pray that you accept your sister’s diagnosis for what it is and nothing more. It is easy to blame vile and wicked diseases on transgressions. It is far more difficult to accept them as a lesson God thinks necessary. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours as you learn and heal.
September 6th, 2009 at 8:47 AM
“It is easy to blame vile and wicked diseases on transgressions. It is far more difficult to accept them as a lesson God thinks necessary.”
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Seems like the same thing to me.