Body Work Discount

Here is my exciting project for the day. I want to negotiate an acceptable price for the Dodge I looked at last week.

The truck has body work on one side, in front of the rear wheel well. It also has a small puncture in a painted plastic strip above the bumper. I am trying to find out what it would cost to get these things fixed correctly. This would involve repainting an area the size of a 20″ TV, plus the bumper thing. That would probably run between five hundred and a thousand dollars. I submitted a question to an Internet expert in order to get confirmation.

The truck’s resale value is also affected. Not sure how much. Maybe ten percent.

Until this morning, I was under the impression that Coral Gables might have a really irritating law requiring caps on pickup beds, but it appears that I was wrong. While researching the issue, however, I found that a cover might not be a bad idea, provided it could be gotten out of the way easily when I carried large things. My church needs help ferrying speakers (people, not electronics) around, and that means luggage, and it might not be possible to cram the people plus the objects into a pickup cab. And it rains here. A lot. So the bed is not a great place for luggage, unless it has a cover.

I found a newer Dodge upstate, for a couple of thousand more (offering price v. offering price). It’s slightly less snazzy. It’s the “Big Horn” edition, which means better than base but usually not as good as an SLT. It has the 6.7-liter engine, which has more potential than the 5.9 but also more problems. I’d pretty much have to make it illegal in order to make it work, because the factory emissions stuff was apparently designed by Janeane Garofalo, and I’m not really interested in being fined. I don’t see how it could be a problem here in Florida, where we have no exhaust inspections, but what if I move? What if I drive through another state? Do they cite out-of-state drivers for emissions problems? I don’t know. My religious beliefs make me reluctant to break the law without a good reason, and the 6.7-liter Cummins appears to be utterly useless in its original state.

The modifications to make the engine function correctly run about a thousand dollars, and that’s not very appetizing.

I guess I’ll call the dealer with the 5.9-liter and lowball him again.

Flu Lite

I have never had side effects from a flu shot until now. Last night my throat seemed to swell up, as if it was half-sore, and I felt congested. It ruined my sleep. But it sure beats a week of hell, followed by a month of fatigue.

I just heard from someone who says a pharmacist told her she could catch the flu from the vaccine. I can’t believe people spread this rumor. If the pharmacist is right, every health authority in the world is wrong. Get on the web and see. Some people get the shot right before they come down with the flu, a cold, pneumonia, bronchitis, tonsillitis, or something similar, and they run around claiming the shot gave them the flu. The shot takes one to two weeks to work. Anything you catch within that time period is not attributable to the vaccine.

I haven’t been able to get my sister to get the vaccine. Some old doctor she knows told her to stay away from it because she had recently been injected with iodine dye, and the vaccine contains a tiny amount of mercury, and he thought it was too much “heavy metal.” Sure seems better than dying because you got the flu and chemotherapy has messed up your immune system.

I wish the swine flu shot was available. I’d take three. I do not want the swine flu. By the way, in case you don’t already know it, the reason they call it H1N1 (which is ambiguous, because it’s not the only H1N1 flu) is that Muslims have decided that any public mention of pigs is forbidden. For non-Muslims. For everybody. They get to make the rules, because people are afraid they’ll get blown up if they don’t toe the line. What a great attitude. I should start threatening to blow people up when they won’t obey me. I could get all sorts of discounts.

I dimly remember a time when bad behavior was punished, not rewarded. But I guess the people who advanced that philosophy have all been blown up by angry Muslims. Yet Janet Napolitano thinks I’m the big danger, because I have a shotgun and a Bible.

I’m starting to wonder if a major health crisis is on the way. I think God prepares his people for things, and here I am, growing bananas and plantains and storing beans and meat and canned fish. And we’re not having hurricanes, which would be a threat to frozen food. There must be a purpose for all this, beyond being cheap. If the swine flu mutates and starts killing large numbers of people, immunization will be impossible, and the best way to survive will be to stay home. That means storing food.

If my trees start paying off the way they’re supposed to, I’m in for a massive banana and plantain harvest in the near future. This would be a big help in a crisis. It’s hard to think of anything that is better to have on hand than bananas and plantains. They’re loaded with fiber. They’re high enough in calories to make them a good survival food. They’re incredibly versatile.

I wonder what else I could grow here, in the fungus and malicious bug capital of the world. Yuca, maybe. Calabazas.

Church was phenomenal last night. It was all about confession, which is a major feature of the teshuvah and atonement season. Protestants don’t seem to be big on the notion that confession has to be between people. The New Testament says something about confessing sins to each other, but the Old Testament is full of stuff about confessing directly to God. I suppose confessing to others as well as God may be a better way, depending on whether it will ruin your life. Some people will take your confession and turn it against you. People are not as forgiving as God. You could end up in jail or in some other kind of trouble. I am not sure God wants us to subject ourselves to great risk by confessing.

These days I worry about schadenfreude and unjustified anger. I once felt annoyed with a crippled person for delaying me by crossing a street in front of me. I am pretty sure this person did not become crippled in order to inconvenience me. At times like this you wonder what’s wrong with you.

Anyway, the pastor had everyone come up and kneel in front of the stage, for a session of repentance and prayer. It was a huge success. I can only imagine what it will be like today, with much higher attendance.

Every day this week, they’re having a one-hour event at noon, celebrating atonement and repentance. That ought to be good.

Last night, they blew a shofar in church. Things are so different, now that some Christian denominations realize they don’t have to preach replacement theology or outright anti-Semitism. Next weekend, they’ll blow it again, I think. They’re going to have a one-day fast, from 6 p.m. Saturday until 6 p.m. Sunday. That’s a day earlier than the Jews. Yom Kippur starts on Sunday night, and Jews will fast the next day. We’re not getting it quite right, but being Gentiles, we don’t have to.

I watched Robert Morris this week, and he said something interesting. He explained the Bible verse that says the Holy Spirit convicts us of righteousness. He says that means it helps us realize we are in right standing with God. Over the last few weeks, I’ve had an experience like that. I’ve gone to church and heard a powerful message about something that is no longer a big problem for me, and I’ve had the sense that I was doing okay with regard to that issue. I’m always nervous about feeling like I’ve arrived, but sometimes it’s okay to admit you’ve gotten past something. I think.

He also said the Holy Spirit is not weird. I assume that was intended for people who roll on the floor and bark like dogs and claim the Holy Spirit is making them do it. He said that if you act weird in church, it probably means you’re a weird person in your own right. Makes sense to me. I think that if you parade around making funny noises and jerking and twitching in front of a congregation, it probably means that if you were not a Christian, you’d be sort of like Meat Loaf or Alice Cooper. The same way some of the “Davidic worship” guys might otherwise be female impersonators.

I really look forward to sleeping tonight.

Prosperity is a Lot of Work

I must have 25 bags of frozen lime and key lime juice now. I wanted my trees to be productive, but I’m starting to wonder where the juice is going to go.

I just put away five half-cup bags, after slicing and freezing a Costco beef loin. I’m turning into my grandmother! I have a pressure cooker, I grow food, and I’m considering learning to can. What next? Knitting?

You have to be a good steward. That’s the pitch. Back in the 80s, they used to say God would bless you with prosperity and health as long as you sent Jim Bakker and Robert Tilton enough money. It didn’t really matter what you did the rest of the time. And of course, it did not work. Oddly, God did not reward people for buying evangelists purple Bentleys and mink toilet seat covers.

These days, the message is somewhat more balanced. Give alms; don’t just send checks to questionable TV preachers. Repent. Pray. Fast. Go to church. Behave responsibly. Robert Morris writes and speaks about this stuff, and I think he’s right. It’s a little insulting to claim you can be a monumental jerk and get God to bless you, but it’s also insulting to say God doesn’t reward people. So anyway, I am afraid to throw out the fruit and herbs I grow, and I try not to spend like a total fool. Hence the freezing and bagging.

It seems to pay off, at least with regard to bananas, limes, herbs, and peppers. Actually, things are going very well with me in general. People close to me have it harder than I do at the moment. I can’t talk about every good thing that’s happening in my life. Wish I could.

Hey…what if I had paid more attention to my elders when I was a kid? I would have been doing a lot of this stuff a long time ago. Doh!

I’m going to try to get a flu shot now. I was going to take two friends to church, but they both got the flu. Coincidence, I’m sure. It’s not like there are any forces out there that try to keep people from turning to God. Never. Couldn’t happen.

We’re still on for next week.

I Must Decrease

I just had my weekly McDonald’s breakfast. What DO they put in this stuff? I’m positive it contains crack. I feel magnificent. Like Popeye on a spinach bender.

I can’t get over the change I’ve experienced since the fast I did a couple of weeks back. I have better control in several areas of my life, and it’s not subtle, and it’s not imaginary. The other day, I went to my church for a meeting, and I was invited to a prayer group, and I had to kill some time, so I went to Krispy Kreme. Later I told my pastor, “I worked a miracle. I had ONE doughnut.” If you, like me, are fat, you understand what I mean. Fat is what happens when you can’t stop. Something (or someone) compels you to grab that next cookie or slice or McMuffin. Sometimes you win, but over the long haul, you lose often enough to grow extra chins and require a second “fat wardrobe.” I don’t have that problem any more. It’s gone.

I started working on my weight a few weeks back, and over a fairly long time, I lost about four pounds. I did not enjoy it all that much. Now I’m down ten, and I’ve quit dieting. I used to have a thing I called “fat day.” It meant I dieted all week and ate whatever I wanted on Saturday. I don’t do that any more, because I don’t have to. I behave well enough–every day–to allow me to give up gimmicks and mind tricks. The weight is coming off because I no longer have irresistible fat inclinations.

It’s not because fasting reduces the calories I take in. I do fast once in a while, but I promise you, I can easily overcome the calorie deficit if I try. In the past, I always stuffed myself on the day after a fast, so I probably came out ahead. Muslims complain that they gain weight during Ramadan, when they fast every day. The empty days are not what make the difference for me. I just don’t have the gluttony bug any more.

I used to celebrate Saturday with a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit, one or two McMuffins, three hash browns, and a large Coke. That’s enough energy to keep a small city going for a week. I told myself the third hash brown was for Maynard and Marvin, but I always got most of it. Today I had one biscuit, one McMuffin, one hash brown (minus bird donations), and a medium soda. And while I was ordering, I didn’t hear that familiar voice in the back of my head, screaming that I needed to order more food. I used to order large pizzas and eat them by myself. I don’t think I’d enjoy that today. Two or three slices…that, I could enjoy.

I think you can’t progress as a Christian if you set your heart on the things of this world and let them control you, and that includes food. The book of Proverbs says gluttony causes poverty. Did you know that? It’s not a good thing. It evidently carries a curse. That shouldn’t be a surprise, since it ruins your knees, your pancreas, your sleep, your looks, and your arteries. It costs you jobs, because people don’t like to hire fat applicants. It makes you less attractive, so you may have very limited choices when you marry. It can cause people to ostracize you socially. And it can even be expensive. Food and drink cost money, and so does insulin.

I love good food, but I have come to realize that I have to limit my involvement with it. To cook good food, you have to put in time. You have to spend many days preparing and trying dishes. It’s very tough to do that if you’re eating sensibly every day. Cooking will have to take a lower priority in my life.

Think about the calories you take in when you eat “normal” food. Two eggs, toast, butter, jelly, four strips of bacon…that’s enough food to get you through twelve hours, but you’re supposed to eat again in five. Add coffee with a little cream and sugar, and it’s around a thousand calories. A burger, fries, and a Coke…same thing. Then sit down to dinner and have a small steak, two vegetables, a roll, and a salad with dressing. By the time you’re done, it’s probably 4,500 calories. Fine, if you’re a lumberjack. Are you a lumberjack? I’m not.

I have to stay under about 2,200 calories per day, unless I’m working in the yard or something. That’s one decent meal, or three wimpy ones. No way around it. So I eat a crummy bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, I have something small for lunch, and then I have meat and two vegetables for dinner. That’s about all I can do. I can’t hang out in the kitchen every day, working on recipes for lasagne and paella. I can eat a little better on days following fasts, but I can’t be serious about cooking.

Anyway, I can’t believe God freed me from the fat curse. I’m like a week and a half away from wearing my “real clothes.” And I didn’t expect this; it wasn’t the goal I had in mind when I fasted. It must have been important to God.

If you want to see proof God does things for people, come see me eat a third of a pint of Haagen-Dazs. Fat people can’t eat a third of anything. They have to have it all.

This is the exciting thing about Christianity. We are a society of people with problems we can’t solve. We have diet books, relationship books, exercise books, addiction books…none of it works. We’re trying to fill a void only God can fill. The world is full of people who have testimonies about instant and permanent delivery from destructive habits and inclinations. You generally won’t get permanent solutions from Dr. Phil and Weight Watchers and AA (the secular version of AA, that is). You get temporary solutions that give you false hope. God has the real antidote.

We always assume Biblical references to salvation refer exclusively to our eventual trip to paradise, but I think that may be wrong. I think that’s just one aspect of salvation. I think deliverance from addiction or debt or anger or perversion is salvation. God rescues believers all the time. The rescue we get when we die is just one example. The last manifestation of a lifelong pattern. Why be satisfied with one part of the package, when you’re supposed to have the whole thing? Not perfect life, but victorious life. If it has been bought and paid for, why not make use of it?

I feel an urge to get out some jeans and see which pairs I can put on without making them explode. Maybe I should put on safety goggles to protect me from flying buttons.

More

I am wearing a pair of relatively thin jeans. I couldn’t resist the urge to try them on. They are on the tight side, but wearable.

This is just crazy.

He Laughs at Your Bottled Water

I have been writing about the Forty Days of Teshuvah, which precede Yom Kippur. Today I got an email from the International Fellowship of Christians and Jews, linking to a piece by Rabbi Yechiel Eckstein. He explains the significance of repenting (literally “returning”) during the ten days before the day of atonement.

Why ten days and not forty? I forget, to be honest. I’m too tired to think. I’ll look it up.

Okay, here it is. It was originally ten days, but Jewish tradition extended it to include the prior month. Teshuvah is important. You don’t want to miss anybody. As Rabbi Eckstein points out, Ezekiel 18:23 says, “Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? declares the Sovereign Lord. Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live?”

Rabbi Eckstein also explains the Jewish belief concerning the way God determines and seals our fates during this period.

Interesting notes: Jewish tradition says man was created on Rosh Hashanah, and that the world was created five days earlier. Good thing it wasn’t the other way around.

Uh oh. Looks like the page where I got the information is run by Messianics. They quote John the Baptist (sometimes referred to by Messianics as John the Immerser, but never “John the Space Cowboy”). Aaron will not be pleased.

According to [the very non-Messianic] Rabbi Eckstein, “[T]he Hebrew month that leads up to the High Holy Days is a time when ‘the King is in the field,’ when God’s presence is more immediately accessible to us.” I did not realize that, but given my experiences in August, I would have to say that I think this is absolutely correct. I am freaked out all the time these days. I know how crazy I sound, but it’s true. Sometimes I stop what I’m doing and look up, because he’s just HERE.

All I can say is, “pearl of great price” is no exaggeration. Paul described the things he gave up to follow Jesus, using a term that can be translated as “dung.”

Regarding the tremendous significance of forty-day periods in the Bible, I noticed something new the other day. I hadn’t caught it before. Moses didn’t just fast for forty days, during his Sinai experience. He fasted for forty (no food, no water), brought down the commandments, got mad and broke them, and fasted for forty more, presumably to get God to spare the idol-worshiping Hebrews. Moses was hardcore. I can do three days, with water. After that, I figure I’m about as holy as I can stand to be.

Sorry about the Steve Miller joke.

Why be Distracted by Facts When Theory and Wild Guesses are What Really Matters?

Man, what a day I had.

I ran up to church to meet with the pastor about the book I’m helping him write. I also dropped off a couple of items I thought could help them out. I spent an hour and a half with him, going over organization and structure. Then he invited me to a GAP meeting. This is what they call their small prayer groups: “God Answers Prayer.” The church has about a million of these for women and maybe fifteen for men, which shows you how the demographics are. The one I went to is the pastor’s group, so all the guys there were leaders. Two were former military, one was the pastor’s son, one was a music leader, and another was a cardiologist. Okay, I guess he wasn’t exactly a leader, but he seems to be close to the nerve center.

The pastor made the mistake of asking me what my impressions of the church were, and I guess I spewed for ten minutes, telling them all sorts of background they probably did not want to hear about. But they were very nice about it. When I talked about an experience I had had, in which the presence of Jesus came to me and pretty much sat next to me, one of them nodded his head vigorously. I think he knew exactly what I meant. I need to know more people like that. I felt like Richard Dreyfuss in Close Encounters of the Third Kind, when they dumped him in a room full of other people who had been given visions by extraterrestrials. Someone else understands!

They’re doing all sorts of wild stuff up there. They’re opening an accredited Bible school, where you can get a for-real degree that can later form the basis of a master’s. They’re having a huge convention-type thing just for women, and they’re going to need male volunteers. Not sure what for, but I suppose it’s safe. They’re having a men’s prayer breakfast. And the pastor is thinking of putting together a deal where men help confused boys get it together. A lot of kids in that area need basic instruction in things like manners and hygiene and responsibility. Who else is going to teach them?

They seem happy that I’m willing to show up once in a while and do something, but from my perspective, they’re doing me a favor. This is what I wanted. Going to church once or twice a week, leaving a little money, and going home do not constitute living by faith. I want to be part of the team.

For a long time–as long as I can remember–I’ve felt out of place in this world. Unwelcome. I find the mindset and lifestyle of unbelievers grubby and dismal. I don’t seem to be able to fit in, even when I try. I don’t think there is a place for me in the brutish realm of people who think this is all there is. I’m hoping I can be more at home among people whose beliefs are like mine.

A reader–maybe Ed–once left a comment about this sensation. It was a scriptural reference, reminding us that Christians aren’t really part of this world. We’re like ambulatory embassies. Present in a hostile country, but property of a different land. The Bible actually calls us ambassadors.

I feel so relieved. This stuff works. This is how life is supposed to be. Not a luxury cruise, but still, a succession of triumphs. Even our losses are wins. How can you beat that?

I kept saying something wonderful was going to happen to me, didn’t I? I didn’t know what it was. I admitted that. It looks like it’s going to be an assortment of wonderful things.

But why talk about things I can’t prove? Much better to whine about how old the dinosaurs are and whether our ancestors were monkeys. Those are the things that really matter, aren’t they? And the apparent trivial inconsistencies in the gospels…I should be deeply, deeply concerned about those. Why get caught up in things like joy and purpose and miracles and answered prayers and victorious living? No intellectual cares about things like that.

Sorry I even brought up the subject. What was I thinking?

I Will Organize Your Life

I managed to get some work done on the book today. It’s not a great sign when someone who needs organization comes to me. I am not known for my hospital corners and neat files. But I’m managing. I’m writing an outline, and today I started an introduction, which, itself, is a lot like an outline. If you write the introduction to a book before you start the book, it ought to give you some idea which way you’re headed.

I’m still all excited about fasting, even though I hate it. I went to a barbecue and ate like a normal human being. That kind of self-control is new to me. If fasting will do that for me, I’m all for it. And it’s not just food. I’m doing better in other ways. Is this the answer to things like drug addiction and compulsive gambling? I have to wonder. It worked for me. Am I the only one who gets that kind of treatment? Presumably not.

Today I came up with a theory that if you fast, God won’t send you to hell, because you’ve already been there.

I’ll be shooting up to the church on Wednesday to talk about the book and drop off some junk. I won’t be as far along as I had hoped, but I’ll have a very good start.

The other night, I wanted to unwind, so I turned on the tube and looked at Daystar. This is like TBN, sort of. I hadn’t heard of it until earlier this year. They were interviewing a guy named Larry Huch (pronounced “huck”), and he was talking about the significance of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. I can’t get used to Christians saying “ROSH huh shuh NAH”; all the kids I grew up with said “ROSH huh SHAH nuh.” Anyway, I keep talking about the Forty Days of Teshuvah, prior to Yom Kippur, and how the Jews believe this is like Lent. If you get it together during this season, repenting and praying and giving, God will bless you or refrain from punishing you in the new year, which starts in a couple of weeks. That’s the theory.

Larry Huch has written a popular book about such things. It’s called The Torah Blessing. I’m thinking of getting a copy. They were giving away copies to anyone who would pledge 25 bucks per month to Daystar, over the coming year. I don’t want it that bad, but I might buy one.

Seems like charismatics all over the US are going nuts over supporting Israel and learning about Judaism. Huch even claims the Bible says God will give prosperity to people who pray for the peace (probably “shalom,” which means more than peace) of Jerusalem.

My pastor is planning to have somebody blow a shofar in church. THAT is way out there. It shows the progress churches (some) have made in figuring out what really matters to God. The older, established churches tend to be hostile to Israel and Jewish interests, but the newer ones have a much better attitude. Jews may find us annoying, but we’re actually helping, to such a degree that the International Fellowship of Christians and Jews (funded by Christians, run by a Jew) has a fairly powerful voice now before the Israeli government. We’ve flown hundreds of thousands of Jews to Israel. We feed old Israelis. We help poor Jews in the former USSR. God has helped us to get off our butts and get a lot done. It’s as great a gift as any of us could ask for.

The wild thing about it is that it was predicted by prophecy, and the people who believed the prophecy weren’t just Christians. The Jews themselves proclaim it. They note the passage that speaks of a day when ten Gentiles will grab the hem of a Jew’s garment and say “We will go with you, because we have heard that God is with you.” They talk of Isaiah’s prediction about Gentiles carrying the sons and daughters of Jews to Israel. That’s not just nonsense televangelists say to get people excited enough to send them money. Rabbis say it.

Fun times. Unless you go to a church that preaches replacement theology. To them, the Jews are just a bunch of jerks.

Daystar just signed a contract to broadcast Christian TV into Israel. Not sure how that’s going to work out. In Israel, the word “missionary” is pronounced with the same sentiment as words like “Nazi.” At least they’ll be able to see that someone on the planet is on their side. I’d guess that 95% of American Jews have no idea how supportive some branches of Christianity are. The figure is probably not much different in Israel.

John Hagee insists that Jews do not have to accept Jesus to get salvation. He makes a very good argument, based on the life of Joseph, whom he sees as a type of Jesus. I would love to believe it. Since I have never made any headway whatsoever toward converting a Jew, and since I have very low expectations of future success, I don’t know if it matters much.

One odd thing about the gospels: they claim the Jews said they wanted the blood of Jesus to be on them and their children. Isn’t this what Christians say every day about themselves? If you apply the blood of a sacrifice to yourself, aren’t you accepting the benefit of that sacrifice? It seems strange that it should be bad–an admission of guilt–for a Jew to apply the blood, while it’s very good for a Christian. This passage would seem to back up Hagee’s contentions. If someone calls you a Christ-killer, say, “I sure hope I am,” because if you aren’t responsible for the sacrifice, it can’t do you any good.

Here’s something really weird, since I’m writing about weird things. On Yom Kippur, the Jews sacrificed a goat. This goat had a red thread tied around its throat. A second goat with a white thread was sent into the wilderness to starve. After the atonement, the thread would turn from red to white. Between the time of Jesus’s death and the destruction of the temple, the thread did not turn white. The odd thing about this story is that it doesn’t come from Christians. It’s from the Talmud. It doesn’t refer to the death of Jesus, but it does refer to a period beginning forty years prior to the temple’s ruin, which is essentially the same thing.

Christians say it proves there was no longer any need for an animal sacrifice for atonement. Jews say the thread was just there to help the priests remember which goat was which, and that the miracle had nothing to do with the atonement. We disagree about what it means, but the testimony that it happened is not controversial, and it comes from Jews.

Part of the Jewish response is that Jewish followers of Jesus continued to use the temple. But not all sacrifices were for atonement. There were all sorts of things that went on at the temple. Christians who study this stuff believe sacrifices will continue in the Messianic Age, in the rebuilt temple, in spite of the fulfillment of so many things. They believe this because the Bible predicts it, and because some sacrifices have nothing to do with erasing sin.

Go ahead and read the Jewish response to the Messianic interpretation. It’s no threat to a Christian’s faith. All it proves is that two sets of people can agree on the facts and disagree completely on what they mean. I present the story because it’s of value to Christians.

And now I have to deliver banana nut bread to my sister.

Somehow it Does Not Seem Right

Yesterday was amazing. I had already been to church on Saturday night, but I think it’s important for family members to attend together, so I went on Sunday with my sister. Sometimes you just know a message is right for a certain person, and this was one of those times. I didn’t want her to miss it.

When we arrived, I let her decide where we would sit. I always take the first convenient seat. There are TVs all over the church. It makes no difference at all where you sit, except that the music is way too loud at the front. But she likes to be up by the stage. Yesterday, she didn’t care where she sat, so we took two seats in the back. The message was great, and when it was over, the pastor’s mom came up and introduced herself. She and her husband sit in the back, and because we were so near them yesterday, they noticed us. That was great. Anything that helps us get more involved is good.

Afterward, I went to watch the Dolphins with Val and Pat and Tommy, and although I didn’t expect to achieve anything with regard to religion, by the end of the day, two people had decided to go to church with me. I couldn’t believe it. We’ll be going on Saturday.

The sermons my pastor is turning into a book contain a section in which he says each of us has four “families.” One family is our friends. He says you can’t hang around with people who don’t believe, because they pull you back into a worthless lifestyle. That had concerned me, so before I went over, I asked God to help me lead rather than be led. And look what happened. I was content to sit there and be quiet. I had very little to do with it. But it happened.

On the way home, I thought about the offer I made on the pickup. They wanted about two thousand over what they had in the truck, and they wanted me to finance it. The theory behind financing is that I get a thousand more off the price, because Ford has a finance rebate. I don’t want to finance, because I hate debt.

Well, guess what? It’s an even worse idea than I thought. If I finance, the payments will be several hundred a month. Under the terms of the contract, I’ll have to pay for several months before I can pay the balance off and get rid of the loan. Now, what do you call the first payments you make on a loan? “Interest.” It has no effect on the principal. It’s pure profit for Ford. Depending on the rate, I’ll be shoveling a huge pile of money directly to Ford, effectively jacking up the price of the truck.

Man, I get tired of being treated like a moron. Do they seriously think I’m stupid enough to pay them over two grand in interest to get a thousand back? On what planet do they find people dumb enough to fall for that?

Show me where I’m wrong. The loan isn’t interest-free. On their sites, they’re quoting 7%. That means something like two grand in interest, and until Ford gets it, the amount you owe remains constant. Principal comes later.

Talking to a car salesman is about like talking to Satan. If you can deal with car salesmen and drug addicts, nobody alive can fool you. Their tactics are exactly the same. You have to wonder how much higher new car sales would be, if people didn’t dread being lied to and abused every few years. Realtors are angels compared to car salesmen. So are most other salespeople. I wonder why the car industry attracts the worst liars. Car people can’t even tell the truth in the service department. The dealers hire slimy salesmen and call them “advisers.” Their advice usually amounts to “spend money and get nothing in return.” Geez.

Lawyers can’t hold these people a light. They are not even in the same universe.

The crazy thing is, this is their best behavior. This is how they act in a recession, while trying to sell an old truck nobody wants. A vehicle which tops out at 18 miles per gallon. I can’t even imagine dealing with them on something that’s actually appealing to buyers.

Craigslist is starting to look better and better.

Not really. It’s horrible.

Anyway, I am passing up the fantastic deal the salesman offered me. Call me crazy.

Dialysis Too?

From Heather:

They did the cardio vert on mom yesterday. They only had to shock her once and it went really well.
Her heart is back in normal rhythm, but she is experiencing anemia due to her kidney’s not functioning, they are giving her two units of blood today.
Could you please pray that her kidneys are healed and her body is cleansed of cancer? We are asking for a total healing so she doesn’t have to go on dialysis.

And Then I’ll Stop

I believe today is the day to break down and buy a horizontal band saw. I have piles of metal and no way to cut it into usable pieces. I thought the dry cut saw was the answer, but I was sadly mistaken. It works great for small jobs, but big cuts dull the blade and take forever.

Looks like it’s time to drive to Northern Tool.

I could have gotten a nice used Jet cheaper, but at the time the ad was running, I had no way to bring it home.

I have to get the garage together. The whole length of my table saw top is covered in junk. During the time leading up to Yom Kippur, I am trying to repent of laziness and irresponsibility, so the garage mess has to be dealt with. Maybe I’ll set up the saw and attack the disorder.

The effects of the fast I did week before last are still with me. In addition to having more self-control, I’m down about nine pounds. And before you say it’s because there are days when I eat fewer calories, let me rain on your delusional campfire. I could fast three days a week and gain weight, because I would more than make up for it on the remaining days. If I go above two thousand calories a day, I gain weight. I can eat six thousand calories in a day without breaking a sweat. You don’t have to eat a tremendous amount of food to do it. Four pints of ice cream, for example. It’s very easy to put 2,000 calories into a meal. The reason I’m losing weight is that I eat less every day, and the reason for that is that I no longer feel the same way about food. This is no different from the testimonies of heroin addicts who have been freed instantly.

I hope I can get similar changes in other areas of my life.

Avenger of Suckers

I made an offer on a 2009 pickup. It amounts to about $500 above the money they’ve put into the truck. I know the cost of the truck and the delivery charge, and I know how much the holdback is, so I subtracted the holdback and added $500. It’s a good offer, for a year-old truck that tops out at 18 MPG. A truck nobody else wants. They should be willing to sell below their cost, given the age of the truck and the current market. That’s how life goes, when you’re in retail. You can’t make a profit on every deal. I know they have other costs, but that’s not my problem.

The dealer turned me down flat. They want $1200 more. Sure, if Mary Poppins and Frosty the Snowman decide to buy a truck so they can drive around the world with elves in the back, shoveling candy to the little girls and boys who go to bed on time and swear allegiance to Barack Obama. Other than that, they pretty much have to deal or sell it to another dealer at auction.

After I got their response, I decided there was no way I was going to contact these characters again. When you’re negotiating, and you make an offer, and the other side pretends to be utterly uninterested, you wait for them to crack. These guys have to get rid of this truck. I don’t have to buy one.

Today, after four days, they got back in touch. It was just an auto-response. But it proves my point. The only way to deal with a car salesman is to apply the screws and tighten them until he squeals. My offer was too generous; they probably think I’m a sucker. The only way to convince them otherwise is to let them sweat. I offered them more than I think the truck is worth, because I don’t think a Christian should hammer people ruthlessly in the marketplace. They should be satisfied with that.

I may respond tomorrow. I may respond Monday. Maybe I’ll get cold feet and kill the whole idea. I try to think of my money as God’s money. I don’t want a truck just for fun. I want to make sure I’m doing something intelligent. Maybe I was wrong to decide to buy. Time and prayer are always good ideas.

Anyway, it’s funny to watch them play the game.

I think my response will be, “Please consider my offer withdrawn.”

They want me to finance the truck, which will get me a thousand dollars in Ford money. They want to add that money to the price, plus over $200. I do not borrow money if I can avoid it. I don’t care if Ford likes it; I don’t care if they understand that I plan to pay it back in four months. It’s a scam, and anyway, I think borrowing is like daring the devil to wreck your plans. If I pay cash for a thing, I’m free and clear. If something bad happens later, I won’t have to worry about collection agents. I won’t have to take a job I hate, because bills for things I’ve already worn out and discarded will be coming to me over the next five years. And nobody can repossess what I bought. When you borrow, you give up choice. You put yourself in a position where you have to earn, regardless of how you do it. And working is less enjoyable, because you’re not anticipating buying good things with the money. You’ve already enjoyed the good things. All that’s left now is the drudgery of paying for them, and paying the people who charged you for the privilege of enjoying them before you really owned them. And if you choose to go bankrupt, the cost is your self-respect and your good name.

The Bible says it’s arrogant to say you will do this or that, in the future. You should say, “God willing, I will.” If you borrow, you’re saying, “I will continue to earn enough money to pay for all the junk I want to have right now.” Is that smart? I don’t think so. The Bible strongly discourages borrowing. It encourages lending, but it does so with the understanding that you can’t charge usury, and you may have to forgive the loans.

I just realized I’m wearing a T-shirt that says, “Borrowing is for the weak.” It’s from Northern Tool. I couldn’t resist buying it. It’s supposed to be funny, but it’s also one of the universe’s fundamental truths.

I wonder what a $200,000 house would cost, if we didn’t have the mortgage system. Probably $50,000. When people pay real money, as contrasted with pie-in-the-sky future money, they have to pay a lot less. Three things make things cost more than they should: insurance, borrowing, and government involvement.

A Harley dealer once told me some guy came in for a trade-in, threw him the keys to his old bike, told him which new bike he wanted, and said, “Make it $250 a month.” That was all he cared about. He opened the henhouse door and drove the fox in with a cattle prod. Over time, the bike probably cost him fifty grand. The picture would have been a lot different had he had to shovel out up front. MSRP would have been something like $18,000. He probably couldn’t afford it.

I don’t like borrowing. I don’t like borrowing. I don’t want to be a finance company’s slave. I don’t care if it looks smart on paper. When you look at the paper, isn’t it “walking by sight”? Aren’t we supposed to walk by faith?

I don’t care if everyone does it. Most people do lots of really stupid things. My errors are sufficiently abundant as it is.

On another subject, I have a question. What’s a reasonable amount of money for one person to spend on groceries, per week? I don’t really know. I have turned into a bargain-hunting maniac, frequenting Costco and subscribing to grocery-chain sale emails, and while I haven’t added up the cost of my food, I’ll bet it’s pretty low, because about 80% of my meals are cheap, simple, healthy stuff I eat just to stay alive. What should I be paying? Seems like I should be able to do very well on a hundred bucks a week, plus maybe twenty-five for treats, but I’m not sure.

The most expensive meat I eat regularly is fish, at around six bucks a pound. I like to buy prime beef for $12-$13, but that’s rare, and lately I’ve been finding it at Costco for seven-something. I buy whole pork loins for peanuts and cut them into chops and freeze them. I avoid prepared vegetables, like Birdseye and so on. I generally steam or nuke fresh produce. I eat boring oatmeal for breakfast. On the weekends, I like to treat myself to McMuffins and pizza and Chinese food and ice cream, but that adds up to about three meals.

I’m looking around the web, and other people claim they do great on a lot less than $125. Maybe I’m overestimating.

Anyway, the information would be appreciated.

Doing Things Wrong is Never Right

Still trying to create an outline for the pastor’s book.

Today I watched DVDs instead of using audio CDs. It was somewhat depressing. The theme of the book is family planning. I don’t mean the Planned Parenthood type of family planning, which means planning to have your unborn children sucked out and put in dumpsters. I mean approaching marriage and family with forethought, goals, and rules. This is not how my family worked, and the results are about what we should have expected.

Pastor Rich is the grandson of a pastor. Evidently his grandfather did something right, because his father became a minister and ran a church in Nassau, and Rich is a pastor, and he has four sons, none of whom appear to be drug addicts or repeat felony offenders. According to my mother, my grandfather considered becoming a minister, but he became a prosecutor, a tort attorney, and a judge. And he grew cigarette tobacco. He had four daughters. Two are dead because they were cigarette addicts. My sister now has lung cancer. Three of the four sisters had bad marriages. Most of the grandchildren have had problems, as have the great-grandchildren.

Over the last eight years or so, I’ve been learning things fortunate people learn by their tenth birthdays. When I watch these DVDs, I realize these things are obvious. You can be very smart and get pretty old without learning obvious things.

When we insist on doing things our own way, we are like socialists. Socialism never works, but the people who keep trying it don’t believe that. They keep saying they just need to make some adjustments. They need to find the right people to put in charge. Whenever there’s an improvement, they claim it means they’re on a trend that leads to perfect bliss. That’s what sunk the Soviets. They looked at 1900, and they looked at 1950, and they saw a big difference, and they figured things would keep improving. But that’s not what happened.

If you do things your own way, you may have success in some areas of your life, and you may have periods where things improve, but you’re never going to have the kind of family you would have if you did it God’s way. It’s a con game, and you’re a con artist as well as the victim.

Maybe a few people who read the book or get the disks will learn and manage to avoid the kind of needless, wasteful problems my family has faced.

Winn-Dixie Abandons Me

I just suffered a major catastrophe. This is really bad. I got an email saying my weekly Winn-Dixie ad was ready to view, and IT’S NOT UP. I was hoping to load up on cheap chickens and wings, but somehow Winn-Dixie has failed me.

Wings are the ultimate in cheap, excellent, low-carb food. Throw seasoning on them, bake for an hour at 425°, toss in a mixture of Frank’s and butter, and you’re done. I’m sure there are better recipes, but this one is so good and so easy, everyone should know it.

To make it work as a budget meal, you have to have cheap wings. I was counting on Winn-Dixie for that. I was going to buy a big package, break it into smaller lots, and freeze them in vacuum bags. Maybe the ad will pop up in a while, and my hopes will be revived.

What a fool I was, back in the years when wings were always cheap. Back when nobody wanted them. I knew they existed, but they sounded unappealing.

When I went to Columbia University (where classmate B. Hussein Obama was a total cipher), I used to go to a joint called the Chicken Gourmet. It was one of the many bizarre inexpensive restaurants in the area which were run by Greeks. I always went for a burger known as the Super Cheese. The sign advertised Buffalo wings, but I had no idea what they were, so I never tried them. I’ll bet I didn’t have wings until 1989. Sad.

Okay, down to business. I have accepted the fact that my blog has turned into a prayer resource for sick people. I have some items.

Reader Aelfheld, who helps hurricane-magnet Ward Brewer maintain his blog (which I can’t find today), has this to say:

I almost hate to do this, but a friend’s friend by the name of Ben has been diagnosed with stomach cancer at the ripe old age of 28. He’s been through one surgery, but he’s lost a good bit of weight and the doctors put in a feeding tube to try and stimulate his intake and digestion. He still has chemo- and radiation therapy to look forward to. I’m told he’s confident and upbeat, but certainly additional prayers can help.

Imagine. He’s 28.

Yesterday I mentioned Heather’s mom. Here is today’s news:

First off a great big thank you and God Bless to all of you who are praying for my mom.
Mere words can never express the gratitude that I feel for lifting us up in prayer. If I could see you all, I would give you a big hug.
They had to stop and shock her heart like this when she had her open heart surgery. Her heart just gets all out of rhythm and that is the only way it can be brought back to normal.
I have to tell you this, her heart rate was in the 100s when the dr. sent us to the hospital. You could see her jugular vein, jumping in her neck. I think it scared her doctor as badly as it scared me. The funny thing was though, today she felt better than she had since she had be released from the hospital on the 26th.
So right before I left the hospital tonight they came in to do her 8P blood-draw, BP, and temp, and her heart rate had come down to 90’s and that’s with no new meds either! So I know that prayers are working! Just keep them coming.
God is so good!
Thank you and God Bless!

My buddy Mike is going through some difficult times. I can’t give details, but it’s family stuff, not disease or financial problems. He is on my list today, and I hope he’ll be on yours.

I told him about the powerful results fasting had produced in my life. Maybe it will help him. I’m still losing weight, and I still have increased self-control and peace.

As for me and my family, we are trying to get things arranged so the cancer treatment goes smoothly. I am going to have to take a hand in managing appointments and getting information from doctors, and there are sensitive financial arrangements that have to be made, and this may be a hard couple of days, so any help would be very welcome. In particular, my dad will be under a lot of stress.

I am very grateful to see that my early mornings are working again. For a while, I couldn’t seem to get up earlier than 7:00, no matter what I did. Rising wasn’t the problem. Things kept coming up to prevent me from getting to bed early. Over the last week, that problem has gone away, so I’ve been doing much better. I’m convinced that getting up as early as possible is a very important part of a successful Christian life. I want to make sure my enemies start the day walking on their heels, and like I’ve said before, almost nothing worthwhile happens after 9 p.m. If Jay Leno means more to you than peace and prosperity, you are hopeless.

Wait…Jay Leno retired, right? I forgot.

This couldn’t have happened at a better time. Tomorrow is a chemotherapy day, and my sister will also have lab work, so she needs to be at the hospital at around 8:00, and we don’t know whether she’ll feel like driving home, so she’ll need a ride. She may also start radiation. It’s not clear. She isn’t researching this stuff the way I am. I’ve seen a lot of ominous information about radiation side effects. Chemo has been almost painless, but radiation causes fatigue as well as eating problems, and when they irradiate your head, all sorts of things can happen. So I’m trying to see to it that we’re ready. Because I’m already getting up early, morning rides to the hospital will be no problem.

I don’t tell my sister the negative things I’ve read about her condition, unless she insists or there is an important reason to tell her. She doesn’t know much about her own cancer, and she doesn’t want to. I suppose she has a right to decide how much bad news she wants to hear. And the news is so bad, I’m not eager to tell her.

Sometimes I feel tempted to tell her she has to get on the ball regarding some issue or other because x or y is in her future, and she needs to be ready for it. But I avoid dropping big bombs.

I’m getting back to work on my pastor’s book now. Thanks for everything.

Seems Like Everyone is Sick

Heather’s mom needs prayer.

My mom is back in the hospital. Her heart is going to have to be stopped and shocked back into rhythym. She is also in kidney failure, but they are improving, so all prayers are appreciated.
God bless!

We are trying to get things going with my sister’s treatment. Not medical issues, but difficulties getting family members to work together peacefully and smoothly. If anyone wants to throw out a prayer, I would sure appreciate it.

Catch a Gamefish, not a Bottom-Feeder

I can’t believe I’m finally writing something that will be useful to God. For a long time, I’ve wished I had some way to put my writing ability to good use, but I came up dry. The main issue is that I’m not qualified to write Christian books on my own. I am not a Bible scholar or a pastor. I suppose I could write something if I had someone with more authority guiding me, but I would have to stay away from anything tending to make me look more knowledgeable than I really am. By helping an experienced pastor with a book, I can bypass the problems. The ideas are his, and he has the final word, so it’s not too likely that the world will end up reading something stupid which I inserted through ignorance.

I wish I had gotten this involved long ago. Christian life is much easier when you know you aren’t alone, and it’s also easier when you’re doing something that gives you purpose.

Yesterday while I was working on the book, I kept seeing one indication after another that God aimed this project at me. I’m not just writing it down. I’m learning from what it says, and it’s exactly what I need. It’s always startling when he confirms himself, which is strange, because it happens so often, you would think I’d get used to it.

The book is about planning a family, and the section I’ve worked on so far is about finding a spouse. Guess what he compares a quality spouse to? A dolphin. The green fish my father and I catch off Miami all the time. He compared unsuitable spouses to catfish. You can catch them anywhere, and the bait doesn’t matter. If you want a dolphin, you have to search and be persistent, and you have to go where they school. When I read that, I remembered what Aaron always tells me. “Fish in stocked ponds.” Coincidence, right? Tell yourself that if it makes you happy.

I had no idea the pastor liked to catch dolphin. What’s my dad’s favorite thing to do? Dolphin fishing. My dad, the guy I pray for all the time, hoping God will get through to him. I emailed the pastor and told him he needed to fish with us. Later I told my dad. He said, “I’m afraid he’ll get the Holy Ghost on me.”

He was joking, but it just might happen.

The book contains a lot of solid advice no one ever spelled out for me before. For example, you have to look at a potential mate’s family and ask yourself if you want your kids to be around them. The example he gave was a father-in-law who gets drunk at seven a.m. and spends the day cursing at everyone. Conventional wisdom tells us you marry the person, and that love conquers all. In reality, you marry the family.

He also said you should not demand fireworks up front. This is another thing Aaron likes to talk about. The Orthodox have their kids meet each other and get to know each other, but they don’t have the kind of long, meandering engagements the rest of us have. There’s no sex, and maybe sometimes the chemistry is not obvious at first, but they expect to grow to love each other. That’s virtually the same take you’ll see in the book. And doesn’t Ecclesiastes say the end of a thing is better than the beginning? That’s a universal principle.

He used Samson as an example of what happens when you date or marry outside your faith. Again, this is something society tells us is romantic and sort of noble, but in reality, it’s a recipe for misery.

He called Delilah a catfish. She was a Philistine, from the same area that gives the Jews so many problems today.

Socially, the church is not right for me and my sister. At least, it seems that way at the moment. I would guess that the church is about 75% black, and a lot of them are from the islands, and a big percentage of the congregation is made up of single mothers. It makes for a tough financial picture. And it’s not the kind of place where everyone will look like me or have a lot in common with me. But I don’t see the problem. It’s working. The closer I get to it, the better things seem to work. Maybe now I can get more involved and find ways to do more to help.

I haven’t heard anything back about the truck I made an offer on. If I get a suitable vehicle, I can help the church with guest speakers and so on.

In other news, the benefits of fasting seem to be lasting. Maybe this is the key to self-control. Maybe if you fast AND combine it with directed prayer, it cleans you up. All I know is, I’ve lost a belt notch, and another one is about to go. And I don’t feel deprived at all. And I feel more relaxed and less irritable, and I seem to have more control in all areas.

I’m the only one losing weight, fortunately. On Sunday, I made cornbread and soup beans for my sister, and yesterday I made her take a loaf of homemade bread home. Radiation is on the way, and so is most of the chemo, so she needs to eat everything she can find. I don’t know if she’s taking it seriously enough, but luckily, this is an area where I have a special gift.

After lunch I’ll be working on the book again. I can’t wait to get to it.

If you haven’t come up with a project for the Forty Days of Teshuvah, there is still time. Get to it.