My New Favorite Composer

I used to catch a lot of flak for saying I thought Bach was boring. That hasn’t happened in a while, so I thought I’d stir up the fuss again.

I’m working on sight-reading now, and it’s hard to find good material. I need stuff that’s repetitious and not too imaginative.

Hmm. What composer fits that description? I wonder. I wonder.

Oh, come on. You know it’s Bach. I just got out a book of his inventions and sinfonias, and it’s MADE for sight-reading practice. He repeats patterns over and over and over and over and over with little bumps up and down in pitch. I love it. It’s ten times better than my sight-reading book.

I just don’t understand what people see in this guy. Okay, sure, he wrote pieces with five voices in them. So what? Isn’t that pretty much what any choir director does, when he tells people to sing harmony? “Here’s the main melody. Here’s a high harmony part. Here’s a low harmony part. Now sing while I go to the coffee machine.” I’ll bet I could compose a piece with four or five voices tomorrow, and I know virtually nothing about music.

Bach’s notes are perfect for note-reading practice because they’re predictable yet too boring to memorize. The timing is perfect for timing practice, because it’s simple. Sixteenth note, sixteenth note, sixteenth note, sixteenth note, sixteenth note, sixteenth note, sixteenth note, sixteenth note, sixteenth note, sixteenth note, sixteenth note, sixteenth note, sixteenth note, sixteenth note, quarter note…just kidding; it’s a sixteenth note. Pretty wild stuff, J.S. Hey, they have a new thing called a DOTTED note. Some day you might want to try one. Maybe you can’t do them on the harpsichord.

My dad calls Bach “finger exercises.” I didn’t know how right he was.

I still maintain you can sing this to almost any Bach piece: “Doodly doodly, doodly doodly, doodly doodly, doodly doo. Doodly doodly, doodly doodly, doodly doodly, doodly DOO.” Try it. It works. You may have to change the number of doodlys, but that’s about it.

Give me Chopin or Debussy any day. You never know what those guys are going to do next.

Time to Check Drudge

I made a list. I did some of the things on the list.

Then I got woozy and had to make pizza.

Dang this virus.

Who put Mannitol in my Mucinex?

I am still sick. Not very sick, but a little. I got sick on Christmas Day. That was almost 20 days ago. How long can a virus last? At this rate, people who broke their arms hanging Christmas lights will get well before I do.

I’m only taking two medications now. Nyquil and Hall’s cough drops. At first, I took the drops because they seemed to soothe my dry throat. Now I’m not sure why I’m taking them. But I don’t know if I can stop. The packages says to use one drop every two hours. I read that after establishing a regimen of one drop every ten minutes. Now I’m wondering…what are the long-term health effects of overdosing on menthol and eucalyptus oil? You could hang me in a taxi to freshen the air. It’s like I’ve been using Lestoil for aftershave.

Marv likes Hall’s, too. I was lying in bed with him the other day, listening to a CD, when I noticed that he was obsessed with my mouth. Something in that region was driving him crazy. He was standing on my chest with his eyes wide, squeaking frantically and trying to put his beak in my mouth. I figured it had to be the cough drop I was working on, so I gave him one of his very own. He chomped it up while shaking his head to dissipate the minty fumes. It apparently caused him some discomfort, but that didn’t slow him down at all. It was like me, eating curry.

Maynard just eats the wrappers.

I guess I’m going to have to go cold turkey when the drops run out. At least I still have Nyquil. Although it doesn’t seem to do anything any more, except for helping with congestion. I miss that Nyquil high. Ten minutes after a dose, I was as happy as Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet. They ought to make Nyquil in a convenient inhaler mask. I could chase it with PABST…BLUE…RIBBON.

Obscure references. They are what I live for.

I still think Kyle Maclachlan is K.D. Lang. No one has proven otherwise.

I never watched Twin Peaks, but if you feel like making references in the comments, knock yourself out. I thought it was very dull. I remember something about pie, and a scene with a lady in a clear plastic laundry bag. I think.

I think I can actually DO things now. That would be a good idea. Doing things. Lying in a recliner refreshing The Drudge Report and waiting for death is not much of a lifestyle.

The Internet has gotten really boring. I used to read lots of blogs, and I wrote several blogs, and I had a big time. Now it’s pretty much me, Weather Underground, Sondra K., Day by Day, and Drudge. Moxie quit blogging. Agent Bedhead keeps writing about celebrities I have never heard of because I’m old. Dennis doesn’t have much going on now that Pajamas Media is on life support. The Hampsterdance is gone. Is it any wonder I have felt compelled to venture into the real world more and more, and that I spend more time dealing with actual human beings? Some are born with a life, some achieve a life, and some have a life thrust upon them. That’s how I see it.

Pie…that would be good. Yes. Pie.

I will make a list of actual things to do. Then I may conceivably do some of them. This is my plan. I like it.

I can always leave Drudge open while I work.

At Least it’s Free

My heater pooped out again! Might as well admit it. But all is not lost. I opened it up and found a little electronic doodad that wasn’t making contact, and I bent it a little, and now I have heat. Oddly, this worked out even better than a perfect repair, because now I can take the heater back and get a refund. So free heat until a better one arrives. I think the thing I bent was the tip sensor or the overheat sensor, and now the heater works, but it won’t shut off if it falls over. If I messed with the overheat sensor, I guess the heater will just explode.

Anyway, I’m happy. I get heat while half of Miami is freezing.

Made me Happy, Though

I know everyone thinks the space heater miracle is stupid, so I’ll make things worse.

Until February 12, I’ll be putting in an hour of prayer every day, in the middle of the afternoon. Today when I went in to get started, I noticed that MY NEW SPACE HEATER WAS NOT WORKING. I moved it to another outlet and fiddled with it. No dice.

I could have gone to the hardware store and held hostages until they got me a new heater, but I reminded myself that there is always a reward for doing the right thing, and I got down to prayer. Eventually, I got around to the heater. I prayed that I would be able to get it to work.

And before I finished praying, I heard a little sound like “ting,” and I turned the heater on, and it ran.

I’m not kidding. And it gets weirder. After a while, the heater started to go WAAAAHHHHWAHWAHWAH for some unknown reason, and since the prayer session was still underway, I prayed that I would be able to fix it. And while I was lying there, I reached over and moved it a little bit, and it quit making the noise.

By now I figured I could get anything I asked for. But I managed to restrain myself and ask for things my family and I actually needed and which I figured would please God. Otherwise I might be typing this from inside a Bentley, with Aisha Tyler in the passenger seat.

The heater made a little more noise later on, but I believe I have it figured out, and anyway, it works.

I thought it might be silly to tell this story, because there probably is such a thing as meaningless coincidence, but then I thought it would be worse to have a prayer answered and not give credit. We’re supposed to pray about little unimportant things as well as major items, so why shouldn’t God answer?

Dinner was excellent. I made a pizza with two thirds divine Costco mozzarella and one third extra sharp cheddar. I think 20% cheddar would be perfect, but this was very good. The cheddar threw off a little more fat than I really wanted, and it made the pie slightly more acidic than it should have been, but other than that, it was great. Reducing the amount should fix it. Making the cheese more acidic, by adding cheddar, may allow me to cut back on the vinegar in the sauce.

I can’t get over that amazing Costco cheese. I’ve used Grande, which has no bad points, but I honestly think Costco is better. I believe I paid $2.15 per pound. Grande is over four bucks per pound online, plus shipping. One of these days I’ll find a way to beat Stanislaus sauce with supermarket ingredients, and they’ll have to put me away to keep me from eating pizza nine times a day.

I think I’ve settled on a crust formula. I’m omitting the fat INSIDE the dough and applying oil OUTSIDE while it rises. That way, the crust doesn’t crack and tear while you toss it, but you don’t get the flavor of rancid oil. It seems like nearly all olive oil has a slightly rancid taste, which is exacerbated when you use it inside bread dough. Maybe I’m wrong.

The crust was much better than the last one I made. I used this:

1 cup bread flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1 rounded teaspoon dry yeast
~4 ounces water

I ran it through the food processor earlier in the day, and then I oiled it and stuck it in a Pyrex dish in the fridge until I needed it. I think lowering the yeast from a tablespoon was a good move, and I think the time in the fridge did the dough some good. It tossed perfectly, except for a pinhole which was easily fixed. When you keep oil out of the dough, the bread flavor really comes through.

If you’re not putting pepper in your dough, you’re missing out. It doesn’t taste like pepper when you bake it. It tastes more like cherries. You have to try it to understand. I leave it out of garlic rolls, but it’s a must in pizza dough.

I cook so well these days I don’t really have much motivation to make anything new. I guess cooking is like that. There are only so many dishes a person wants to make well. It’s not like music, where you could write a new piece every day and never be satisfied.

I Can Hook You Up

I managed to get a space heater today. I can’t believe it.

Yesterday I was told nobody in Miami had space heaters. A tour of the local stores indicated this was true. Northern Tool, Costco, Best Buy, Target, KMart, Home Depot, Bed Bath & Beyond…no luck. I figured I would have to get used to a 65-degree bedroom.

I went to Costco today to get mozzarella, and on the way home, I prayed for success in finding a heater. I decided to run by the local mom-and-pop hardware store. I asked a stock boy if they had heaters, assuming he would say no. He said that if I went to the back register, they had about thirty of them.

THIRTY.

Apparently, I got there right after the delivery arrived. If I understood them correctly, they bought a pallet of heaters from the Home Shopping Network, and I happened to be on the scene before they disappeared. People were calling their relatives, asking if they needed heaters. Others were calling the store, bribing the workers to hold heaters for them. Incredible.

I called my dad to make sure he didn’t need one, and then I handed over my American Express and made the buy. I told them I felt like I was buying crack. I had to go to the parking lot and get a box off the pallet; they weren’t even in the store yet.

So much for reverse-cycle air conditioning. It’s better than nothing, but not much better.

Does God answer prayers about things like space heaters? I got my heater. You decide.

Thanks, Mr. Gore

It’s 47 degrees out! What a relief! Shorts weather at last!

I’m almost serious. After two days of 44 and below, 47 with the prospect of 51 later seems like Hawaii.

Yesterday I had a problem with the space heater I keep near the birds. I flicked the switch that toggles the heater between 1300 and 1500 degrees. It stuck in the 1300 position. That disturbed me, so I got in the truck and went to four stores, looking for a new heater. A Home Depot employee told me nobody in the area has them. They haven’t had them for three weeks.

Whatever happened to capitalism? Isn’t it supposed to fill needs like this?

Maybe it’s time for a run to Harbor Freight and Northern Tool. If anyone can help, they can. Space heaters are extremely unreliable, and if I lose the one the birds are using, I’ll have to start burning furniture.

No; That Would be Crazy

This week at my prayer group’s Saturday meeting, I learned that our leader had suggested we keep journals. This is pretty funny, in my case. I’ve been blogging since late 2002. If you bound my Internet writing, it would be thousands of pages.

Nonetheless, it makes sense to keep a private journal. I would have a lot more freedom.

He said we should write down three goals every day. One for our church and two for other reasons which I forget. Because I didn’t write them down. Couldn’t find my pen, which was jammed down in the corner of the pocket of my George Bush chore coat. I have to email him and get him to repeat it.

Lists are great. You get things done when you make lists, provided you make an effort to do the things you write down. Three goals…that’s a list.

Back when I was Piano-Obsession Man, at the end of every day, as I lay in bed, I listed the musical accomplishments I had achieved that day. It was a great way to maintain motivation. Unfortunately, I eventually realized I could not remember piano pieces the way I used to remember pieces for guitar, banjo, and mandolin. I quit playing. It seemed pointless. Learn a piece, learn another piece, and forget the first piece, because I wasn’t practicing it. I had a two-tune repertoire because I couldn’t hold the pieces in my mind. I figured it was senility.

A while back, my second cousin (married to one of the finest classical trombonists) suggested I learn to sight-read, in order to compensate for the memory problems. Recently, I decided to give it a shot. I’m making progress. I think this is one of the things I could write about in the journal. It would be nice to be able to compare one week’s entries to those of an earlier week. I feel like I’m getting nowhere, but I know that’s because I haven’t documented the improvements.

Practice is strange. It breaks down into note reading and timing practice. Note practice is extremely tedious. I’m just figuring out which key to hit. I have to be at a keyboard for this, because I have to move my hands around. Timing practice is very different. I just have to hit one note, over and over, at the correct times. I don’t really need an instrument to do it. If I were pressed, I could do it in my head, holding the book in front of me while sitting in a chair.

Timing practice is less tedious, because the beat pulls me through it. I think it’s also the most important part of the venture. Timing is extremely complicated, and you have to be able to do it instantaneously. Notes…there are only nine on a staff. Surely note reading has to come together faster.

Today I realized I can now imagine musical measures in my head and hear the timing. Very odd. Maybe I can eventually practice my timing without piano or music. My head will be like the Matrix. More than it already is.

I have to figure out how to keep a journal in Microsoft Word, without losing my mind. Imagine keeping track of 365 documents per year.

Beware of Imitations

This weather is cracking me up. People like me are only now finding out whether the 3s in the tens columns on their digital thermometers will display. Last night on the way home from church, my truck’s gauge read 39. The last time it read below 40, it was probably being driven onto a truck at the plant where it was manufactured.

I feel great this morning. The illness is lifting. I can breathe. And I probably slept ten hours, which doesn’t hurt. Viruses affect your brain chemistry. I’m sure of it. Sometimes I get depressed or tense when I have a virus. When they go away, you get a natural lift. Your normal state returns, and it seems like euphoria.

I was able to go to church last night. On the way, I started feeling God’s presence again, the way I did before I got sick. I felt him moving during the service and afterward, too. Man, I missed that. What an incredible gift. It amazes me that God saw fit to let me have that, because what I deserved was to be abandoned.

These days I spend half an hour praying in the Spirit before I get out of bed, and I have to admit, I sometimes turn on the tube for a few minutes while I’m doing it. Today I saw a popular preacher in a giant stadium, preaching about self-love. He said you should never insult yourself, because to do so is to insult God’s creation. You know the spiel.

I don’t disagree with messages involving positive thinking and behavioral change. My own pastor talks about these things a lot. But I wouldn’t stay in a church where that was the main thrust. It’s not what Christianity is about, and we aren’t the people to go to for this kind of instruction. Frankly, the Scientologists are probably the masters of positive thinking. If that’s all you want, go to the best.

As for self-love…I am not a fan. We now know that men in prison tend to have very high self-esteem. What does that tell you? It tells you self-esteem is not where growth comes from. In fact, it can prevent growth and cause you to become more evil. If you think you’re just dandy the second you pop out of the womb, why would you want to change?

Look at the Bible. Do we see example after example of God telling people, “Hey, stop beating yourself up. You’re WONDERFUL, just the way you are!” Of course not. Over and over, he knocks people to the ground and tells them to remember their place. Job. Paul. Various kings. Nebuchadnezzar. How long a list do you want? What was the first sin? Eating a piece of fruit? No, it was pride. Inappropriate self-love. Satan committed it.

If you’re a person with good values and good intentions, low self-esteem can be an obstacle. You should not hate yourself. You should not be crippled by the projection of your own self-loathing onto other people. But a certain amount of shame is essential. It’s the warning mechanism God built into your soul’s immune system. It tells you something is wrong. It brings people to altars. It causes us to change course when we’re headed for trouble. It keeps people humble.

The Bible makes it clear, and Christians teach, that God works best though humble people who seek his help constantly and give him credit. Moses and Jesus were humble, and God repeatedly reminds us that he is humble. What better role model could you want? How can anyone question the wisdom of aspiring to have a character trait possessed by God himself? If criticizing yourself is criticizing God’s work, criticizing humility is criticizing God.

What is humility? It’s an attitudinal expression of the knowledge that you are not perfect. What does “perfect” really mean? It didn’t originally mean “flawless.” It meant “complete” or “finished.” If you know you’re not a finished work, you will continue improving yourself. Isn’t that what we’re here for?

Paul had problems with pride, so what did God do? He allowed Paul to have an unpleasant disease (or some other painful problem) Paul referred to as a thorn in his flesh. I don’t enjoy being chastised with misfortune. If I can avoid it by criticizing myself and changing, I will do so, every time. With deep gratitude. I think I’ve been hammered and hindered for crediting myself too much. I don’t want that to continue until I’m 80, because I’m too thick-headed to get the message.

The self-love message is just one example of worldly thinking which can be useful, but which should not be part of Christianity’s primary emphasis. You don’t have to be a Christian to learn worldly wisdom. A Buddhist or a Mormon can teach you about discipline, organization, exercise, eating right…all the worldly wisdom you can imagine. Only a Christian can show you how to humble yourself, obtain eternal life, and receive the transforming power of the Holy Spirit. Those are the important things. This is a supernatural faith. The changes God makes in us are, essentially, magical. We have to learn worldly wisdom, too, but it can’t come first. It can’t save you, any more than your own righteousness can get you into heaven.

The Bible tells us we receive power when we are baptized with the Holy Spirit. It says the Holy Spirit does two things for us. It changes our character by giving us the fruit of the Spirit. It changes our abilities by giving us the gifts of the Spirit. These are the things that make us like God. These are the things that make us powerful. This is what Jesus died for. He himself said it was better that he should die, so we could receive this. This is more important than looking in the mirror every day and giving yourself a Stuart Smalley talk. Positive thinking is a human effort. The power of the Holy Spirit is the work of God, in you. It’s better. That’s all there is to it.

This is what “grace” means. It means we receive things directly from God, and that they are things we can’t and don’t deserve. Salvation is the first gift. Then the other stuff comes along, if you know how to receive it.

Grace is the reason I’m not doomed to be a fat person any more. I was instantly delivered from overeating. It wasn’t even on my mind when it happened. God made the decision, and it happened without warning. Other people have been delivered from drug addiction, anger, covetousness…you name it. And it happens supernaturally; it’s not the result of hard work. If God took this deliverance away from me, I’d be as fat as ever in two months.

I think what happened to me may be an example of the fruit of the Spirit. One of the fruit is self-discipline. When it came to food, I never had any. Or at least I didn’t have enough. I always gave out after a certain amount of time, and then the fat came back. Now it just stays off. I picked up a couple of pounds while I was ill, because I was inactive and I spoiled myself and I had two holiday meals. But that weight is gone, as of today. I have a closetful of smaller pants I expect to be wearing in March.

The other day, reader Ed sent me a testimony from Norm Miller, the Chairman of the Board of Interstate Batteries. This man is an alcoholic. One morning, after he had been an alcoholic for a long time, he realized he needed God’s help. Here’s an excerpt:

At the very instant I realized I had become an alcoholic, I blurted out in a half-yell of desperation, “God, help me! I can’t handle it!” I’ll never forget those words, because He took the compulsion to drink away completely. It was over right then. I realize it doesn’t happen that way for everyone, but it did for me, and I’m eternally thankful. The weird thing is that if you’d asked me the day before if I believed in God, I would have told you that I didn’t know—that I hadn’t given much thought to it.

It’s wonderful if you can complete a 12-step program and force yourself to stay clean until you die. But what Norm Miller got is better, and he’s not the only one. This is what God wants us to have. It beats being a drunk with lots of self-esteem.

Worldly people have no faith in their ability to improve, so often, their answer is to tell you that you should be happy as you are. Fat is beautiful! Homosexuality is diversity! Having your genitals hacked off because of sexual confusion is a glorious breakthrough! A little screaming in a marriage is healthy! Falling off the wagon twice a year and losing your job is no big deal!

That’s no way to live. Never accept defeat. Don’t call surrender victory. If God is God, there is a way out, and it’s not something you achieve by trying hard. Look at the people Jesus healed. Did he tell the lady with the issue of blood to try real hard to stop bleeding? Did he tell the dead girl he raised she could get up if she just believed in herself? Please. Elijah didn’t incinerate any bulls, and Moses didn’t part the Red Sea. God did. When things are as they should be, God does the work.

I’m not saying you’ll overcome every problem you have (or that you won’t). But God’s supernatural power is for everyone. We are supposed to have it and use it. It will allow you to beat things you could never handle on your own.

I don’t need to go to church to hear about self-love and positive thinking. I can get that from any bookstore. It’s great stuff. But it’s not what Jesus died for. It’s not God’s great gift. It’s not the pearl of great price.

More and more, I feel myself changing. I see old problems melting away. The overeating thing happened instantly. Other things improve slowly but steadily. I could think positive all day and never have this happen to me. I knew all about positive thinking fifteen years ago. I can tell you which books work. Only God was able to put me on a permanent positive trend. The other stuff was like Band-Aids for hemophilia.

I’ll point out one other thing. God gives you favor, and he fights your supernatural and natural enemies. Will Scientology do that? Will Tony Robbins do that? Of course not. These things happen outside of you; changing your attitude has no effect on them. You need supernatural beings out there working to change things. God supplies them. He sent ravens to feed Elijah. Think positive right now and see how many ravens you can conjure up. He sent an army of angels to fight on David’s side. Tell yourself you’re beautiful and successful for a while, and see how many angels show up to kill your enemies. Probably not many.

Pray in the Spirit, pray with your understanding, fast, and walk by faith. That’s where the power is at. This other stuff has fleeting value. If you put your faith in it, it will only misdirect you and slow you down.

I Venture Outdoors

My viral symptoms have decreased greatly. Last night I got all excited and texted the leader of my Saturday prayer group, saying I would be there if it didn’t rain. Then I got up this morning, and it was about 50 degrees out and drizzling. This never happens in Miami. We get rain. We get cold weather. We get them three months apart. We don’t get them on the same day.

I considered the prospect of having a relapse and having to lie around doing nothing for another week. Then I thought about the prospect of missing another prayer group. And I pictured myself all bundled up in the spacious, toasty cab of my giant diesel pickup. And I got my fat behind in the shower and got ready to leave.

Two missed meetings are enough. I can’t sit around for another week, missing out. I had to take the chance.

I could not believe the experience I had driving to Hallandale and back (that’s where we meet). On the way up, the truck’s exterior temperature gauge read 44. On the way down, it sunk to 41! Am I on Mars, or what? This can’t happen here.

I don’t care. It was well worth it. Seven of us met at Denny’s, and we talked about our goals and testimonies, and we all got on the same page. I needed that. If all you do is sit in a service for 90 minutes a week, you’re barely getting a toe in the water. The fight is on, all day, every day. Your enemy doesn’t take time off. You need all the support you can get.

Appropriately, we talked about warfare today. That’s what Christian life is. We often make that comparison, saying we are like soldiers and that our lives are like war. But that’s backward. Earthly soldiers are like Christians and angels and demons. Earthly war is like the battle in the heavens. The real war–the first war–is the one that started when Lucifer rebelled. All the wars we’ve seen here are pale imitations. We mistake the copies for the original. The spiritual war is more important. The stakes are higher. The injuries are greater. And only the spiritual war can cause death. Earthly war can kill your body, but spiritual war can cause the permanent destruction of your soul. That’s the only true death there is.

Our group leader, John, went back to something he discussed with us three weeks ago. He had a book called A Warrior Culture, by Donny Prater. In that book, Prater compares Satan to a lion, and he describes the way lions hunt. They carefully evaluate their prey so they can focus on the weakest individuals. They stalk the chosen victims patiently, for hours. They gang up. And the best defense is unity.

I thought that was interesting, because it reminded me of the things I’ve read about snipers. The greatest American sniper was a man named Carlos Hathcock, and I read his biography. I learned that snipers like to wound careless, exposed people from cover and then leave them alive, screaming in pain. Why? So their buddies will come out from concealment in order to save them. Then the sniper shoots them as well. That way, he can turn one wounded soldier into a pile of bodies.

This kind of thing is happening in my family. One person is more vulnerable than the others, so that person is the primary object of attack. The enemy is able to make that person behave in ways that are extremely exasperating. What happens when a family is attacked in this way? It can give rise to unforgiveness and anger in the other family members. It may make them question God, because it seems as if he’s not helping. It may make them drink or take drugs to relieve the stress. It makes it a challenge to focus on compassion. It’s Satan’s way of jimmying their temple doors open, so he can attack them with the same force. He wounds one of us, and he uses that person to snare the rest of us.

It’s an interesting strategy, and it’s not always easy to know what to do. Jesus himself told the disciples that if the people of a town would not listen to them, they were to shake that town’s dust off their shoes and leave. Paul abandoned a perverted Christian to the destruction of the flesh, that his suffering might turn him back to God. Longsuffering–even God’s–has limits. On the other hand, you have to be sure you show enough patience and understanding. It’s wrong to turn to harsh tactics too early. It can be self-righteous and judgmental.

I suppose the test is to examine your intentions and the likely outcome of your actions. If they pass inspection, you must be doing the right thing.

Christians aren’t the only ones who have to perform this balancing act. Over and over, both testaments refer simultaneously to mercy and judgment. God is just, and God is merciful. At the same time. He can do that without error or contradiction, but I know I make mistakes. I wish I were smart enough to know when I’m going too far in either direction.

Satan always has a trite response, if you screw up. If you’re too soft, you’re condemned as an enabler. If you’re too hard, you’re selfish and uncaring. Funny thing about Satan: unlike God, he’s pretty predictable. He’s not as smart as God, he does not know the future, and he’s always playing catch-up. He uses the same worn-out tricks, over and over. God, on the other hand, has an endless well of new ideas to trip him up and make a fool of him. God gave us the last book of the Bible about two millennia ago, and thanks to his brilliance and the revelation power of the Holy Spirit, we are still finding new truths in it, catching Satan flatfooted. He never knows where the next punch is coming from.

This is why prophecy is so hard to understand. It’s not to keep men in the dark. It’s to humiliate the enemy and prove God’s sovereignty. The truth is in front of Satan and has been for ages, and he can’t discern it, but a ten-year-old kid full of the Holy Spirit can see it when God is ready to let it be known. Look at the second psalm. It lays out the plan of the crucifixion, but Satan wasn’t bright enough to figure it out. When he got Jesus cruficied, he thought he had won, but he was actually shooting himself in the belly! He destroyed his own kingdom on that day, and he gloated while he was doing it. He’s very smart, but his intelligence is limited.

It’s a mistake to underestimate Satan, but it’s a mistake to overestimate him, too. Most of the time, there is no subtext to what he’s doing, and defeating him is generally not that hard. His tactics become more and more foreseeable as you grow; you improve, but he does not. He can’t grow. He can’t adapt. His nature was fixed before the earth existed. The numbers and powers of his army were fixed. The numbers and power of God’s people will increase until the end of creation. No wonder he hates us. His development is over. His time has an end. We will improve and grow stronger forever.

Sometimes he wins a battle in spite of everything you do. But far more often, he loses. Maybe that’s because his resources are limited. If he had an unlimited supply of extremely powerful spirits to pit against us, maybe it would be a different story. As it stands, it appears that he has to allot them carefully, because we win many, many battles.

One of the things I pray for is that God will use me and my family to break Satan’s heart the way he breaks the hearts of human beings. I want to be used to blight Satan’s crops and crush his plans. I even want the church to have better music than the secular world, because music was Satan’s special gift. I want him to see himself forgotten and outdone and frustrated, before we assemble to watch him burn. He already hates me. I’m sure he’s doing all he can to destroy me and my family. I want to return the favor while I live. If you want to make a malicious person hurt, you just have to prevent him from doing harm. If I can hinder Satan the way he hinders human beings, I will consider my life well spent.

Global Warming Apparently Comes in Spurts

WE’RE HAVING A HEAT WAVE! IT’S 58 DEGREES OUTSIDE! LET’S ALL GO SKINNY-DIPPING! FINALLY THE AGONY IS OVER! IT’S GOING TO BE 74 DEGREES TODAY! AND THEN TOMORROW NIGHT, IT’S GOING TO BE A WARM AND TOASTY 34!

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!

Thirty-FOUR? FAHRENHEIT? Did I wake up in Minnesota?

I have to check Weather Underground again. This can’t be right.

It is right! And we’re going to have an eighty-percent chance of precipitation! I’M BUYING A SLED!

I guess Al Gore doesn’t have to worry about being tarred and feathered while it’s too cold to pour the tar.

I can’t recall a single winter when we had weather like this. It sounds like it’s going to be snowing in Orlando. I am so tired of wearing long pants and real shoes INDOORS because the central air can’t cope with anything lower than fifty-five degrees.

Maybe this would be a good day to get another space heater. Surely Home Depot has restocked after the initial terror.

Will this kill any of the bugs or animals that have been driving us nuts? It’s too late to help the citrus.

Thank God I’m getting over this disease. I am desperate to attend my weekly prayer group again. Tomorrow I’ll put on my liberal-mortifying George Bush Carhartt chore coat and drive up to Denny’s to see the other guys.

Oh, man. I have like thirty grapefruit ripening. I may have to freeze ten gallons of juice. My bananas! I have to pick the bananas!

At least we’re having a real winter. It’s kind of a bummer when you go a whole winter with no good sleep weather.

I’ll enjoy this warm and muggy day while it lasts.

Help us Out

My family has a problem that has to be confronted. For some time, my father and I have been working on it, making preparations. Barring unforeseen hindrances, today is the day we will put the plan into effect.

I wish I could tell you details, but I don’t think it’s appropriate. I can say this: the problem is extremely severe, and it has been with us for nearly thirty years. In the process of arriving at a strategy to fix it, I have seen God’s hand very clearly, and I think he is helping us, and I believe our approach will work. At the very least, it will put an end to one aspect of the problem, which is that it bleeds outward from the affected person and harms others very badly. I credit God with fixing that, and boy, am I grateful. In reality, the people suffering as collateral damage are already assured of freedom. The only real issue is whether the person at the center of the storm will benefit, and that will come down to free will.

If anyone feels like praying that we will be guided and protected and led to success, I would be extremely grateful. I’m sorry to say that I probably won’t be able to come back later and thank you while providing an explanation. That’s just the nature of the problem.

We are going to need strength, unity, and God’s favor in this fight. I am confident that he will be beside us, and that we will get the best results possible.

Onward and Upward

I don’t remember who suggested using cheddar in pizza cheese, but it works. I added two ounces of cheddar to six ounces of mozzarella/provolone mix, and it came out very well. I was afraid there would be an odd conflict between the cheddar and the tomato sauce, but it worked out fine. The cheese laid down nicely, and it was chewy and had a little more flavor than usual. I couldn’t even see the cheddar in the finished product. The orange color disappeared into the mozzarella.

A place near me uses Muenster cheese, but it’s not nearly as good. Mike says his kids insist on cheddar.

I should have started mass-producing frozen pizza components long ago. It’s the only way to avoid wasting cheap Costco and Gordon Food Service ingredients.

I weighed out a bunch of two-ounce portions of sauce base, depositing each on a square of foil. I’m going to freeze them and vacuum-seal them. It’s a lot of aggravation, but I can get almost 50 portions from a $5.25 can. Let’s say they cost 12¢ each, which is an inflated figure. The cheese runs about $1.25. The flour is about 20¢. The olive oil is about 20¢. Add it up, and you get $1.77 for a better 12″ pizza than anything available in a restaurant. The cost of the yeast, sugar, salt, and seasonings is negligible.

The danged vacuum bags aren’t free, but they would have to cost a ton to make this anything other than a steal. You can always use foil.

I suppose women who have raised families will be amused to see someone so excited about home economics, but you know how men are. We order, we pay, and we tip generously. We go through the checkout line without coupons. We have no idea what’s on sale. Carping about pennies…that’s downright effeminate. Plus it’s work.

This is why cab drivers and waiters can’t stand women. It’s why a cab driver will drive past five women and pick up a man. But I guess it costs men a lot of money.

I think I may cut back on the white vinegar in the sauce. Next time:

2 ounces (weight) Stanislaus Super Dolce sauce
4 teaspoons cheap olive oil
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon dry oregano
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon sugar
1 teaspoon white vinegar
water

I still think I’m on the right track when I say pizza sauce is more like salad dressing than pasta sauce.

Life is sweet. It’s good to succeed at something as important as pizza.

Best Pizza in Town, for Pennies, ON DEMAND

The Prefab Pizza Project is going well. I have three dough portions in the freezer, two on the counter, and two in the food processor. I kept one aside so I can have pizza for lunch.

I couldn’t find shredded white cheddar for the cheese test, so I bought orange cheddar. I don’t see what difference it makes. I got the sharpest shredded cheddar they had.

Olive oil was on sale for not too much more than the Costco price. Hard to complain about that.

This is going to make life so much easier, and boy, is it cheap. One cup of flour, two tablespoons of oil, two ounces of sauce concentrate, and eight ounces of $2.50/pound cheese per 12″ pie. It’s virtually FREE. And so much better than any pizza I can buy.

No single human being should have this much power.

This morning I got an earful of negativity and unbelief over the phone. It depressed me for a while, because I was already (in my opinion) under attack. I was concerned about it. I thought maybe I should fast for a day. But the good Lord cleared it up before I could do anything. I found new resolve and new joy, out of nowhere. I am not going to allow myself to be offended by two weeks of illness and the bad attitude of one other Christian. I have been given the strength to rebound, and I am accepting it with gratitude and relief.

Have you ever been in a position where you had to tell another Christian, “Shut up and go home. I’m going on without you”? Ultimately, every one of us is alone with God and the angels. Never rely on another human being unless you have no choice. It’s too easy for the enemy to take them down or turn them against you. Working with others and accepting their help is essential, but it’s dangerous to be dependent on them.

I guess the new batch of yeast is ready. Back to the Cuisinart.

I Feel Like I Invented the Freezer

Once again, I am drawing from Mike’s vast well of culinary expertise. I am making pizza dough and freezing it. It’s too cold to do anything else. I’m letting the dough rise partially, and then I’ll freeze it, and that will make it suitable for storage in vacuum bags. It’s hard to vacuum-seal soft food, but freezing will firm it up.

I also plan to break my sauce into two-ounce portions and freeze it. Each one is enough for a 12″ pizza. I won’t put any water or oil in it. Just the sauce base. Then I can staple the sauce bags to the dough bags, and I’ll have frozen pizza, ready to rock!

I may also break the cheese into 8-ounce portions. I’ll oil it before I freeze it. I made pizza with oiled cheese yesterday, and I’m sold on the idea.

This should be fantastic. Frozen dough is better than fresh, and oiled Gordon Food Service cheese is very good. And I won’t have to buy a gallon can of sauce every time I want a small pizza for lunch. Stapling the bags together will assure that everything is there when I need it.

Sadly, I have to go out in the chill to get more oil. But I think it’s worth it.

A reader suggested putting white cheddar in my cheese. I think I’ll try that today at lunch. The cheese I’m using is excellent (when oiled), but the flavor is not absolutely perfect.