Thank You, Lord

I am still feeling totally relaxed about the election. Hard to believe. I’m so glad. I did not need yet another sleepless night of fretting about the evils of socialism.

Place your bets. Will I be able to go to bed tonight and sleep, without knowing who won? Man, that would be fantastic. The 2000 thing was a nightmare, and ’04 wasn’t much better.

More

I had a confusing moment while voting on the gay marriage amendment today. I couldn’t figure out which of the following propositions I was supposed to vote on:

PROPOSITION 1: No poufters!

PROPOSITION 3: No poufters!

PROPOSITION 5: No poufters!

Luckily I was able to get some help from Bruce the pollworker.

Is “poufter” a slur? If so, make me go sit in the corner with Ann Coulter. I figured it was like “flamer,” which is still more or less acceptable.

Gerber v. Cold Steel

I went nuts a week or two ago and ordered not one but TWO machetes. They arrived today. Here is my review.

I got a bolo-shaped macheted made by Cold Steel, plus a classically shaped machete made by Gerber. The Gerber came with a sheath. I ordered a sheath to go with the Cold Steel. The Cold Steel machete is made in South Africa. The Gerber is Chinese.

The Cold Steel machete is a little short for my tastes. A machete is supposed to be long enough to whack brush with. I would say this thing is around 15″ long, which is more like a big knife than a machete. The weight and balance seem fine; having weight near the far end is good. The blade is dull, and the black oxide coating covers the edge as well as the sides. The handle is a very plain plastic job. It’s a little on the thick side, and it doesn’t feel all that natural in the hand.

The Gerber Gator machete is a few inches longer. The blade seems heavier. The back of the blade is a tree saw. I haven’t tried it, but people who have say it really works. The handle of the machete is maybe eight inches long, so I suppose you could put both hands on it if you needed to. It’s made of some kind of hard rubber over plastic, and it’s attached to the blade by two bolts. The oxide coating on the blade does not cover the edge, which is pretty sharp by garden tool standards. The blade has an eye toward the far end, so you can hang the machete on a nail.

The Gerber looks very nice, and it seems to be well made. The Cold Steel looks like something someone made in shop class. The Gerber sheath seems nicer, although they are both made of heavy nylon, and I assume they would wear equally well.

I am too lazy to go out and test-whack the hibiscus bushes, but as things stand now, the Gerber seems like a very nice deal, and the Cold Steel is a lot less appealing. You can get the Gerber and the sheath delivered to your door for about twenty bucks. The Cold Steel and sheath cost maybe six bucks more, depending on the breaks, and you get less. I have had two Cold Steel knives, and they were both great. Not sure why their machetes are so boring.

These things were both very cheap; much better than Home Depot, where they charge $22 for a Chinese machete with no sheath and a dull blade and no oxide coating.

The sad thing is, I really didn’t need a second (or third) machete. But I was bored, and I was not happy with the Home Depot job. And how can you turn down a ten-dollar machete? It’s impossible.

I’m thinking I may reserve the Gerber for pig-slicing. It looks ideal for the job. That saw on the back will make short work of the stubborn bits. If I sharpen the knife edge up, it should slice pork really well. And while I love my 14″ Forschner scimitar knife, a machete sends a message a kitchen knife just can’t equal. It says, “Men are eating. Go back in the house until the police come.”

YI YI YI YI YI YI YI YI

In case you didn’t know, Mike Huckabee has hooked up with The Nose on Your Face, and he is actively soliciting stuff from the site for his show!

I was not thrilled with Huckabee as a candidate, but I think he’s a natural for TV, and it’s great to see TNOYF hit the big time. Go look.

Worst Pun of 2008

Feel like taking a well-deserved poke at the so-called Church of Scientology? Run over to Agent Bedhead and Digg her entry about Scientology goons roughing up Anonymous protesters.

Bring a Folding Chair

My sister has been losing her mind over the prospect of an Obama Presidency, so she decided she had to be in the voting line at 6 a.m. today, and she managed to persuade me to go, too. I thought she was nuts, but by the time the polls opened at 7, there was a line down the block. Does this mean there will be lines all day, or did I just encounter a bunch of hysterics and people who can only vote before going to work? I don’t know. But here’s what I have to say.

GO VOTE, AND DO IT EARLY.

Democrats smoke a lot of dope and get up late because they don’t have jobs; we can get an edge here by making sure we make it through the lines by the time the polls close.

It was a little nauseating, listening to the white housewives in the line as they talked about how much they and their friends worshiped Obama. A lot of white people are voting for this guy just so they can brag about voting for a black person. If the country goes under the Magic Obama Bus, that’s fine. They got to feel good and grandstand a little. These are people who have no idea what capitalism is or what socialism is, or why one works and the other leads to tragedy, totalitarianism, poverty, and despair. All they know is, Obama gives them a warm fuzzy feeling, and he wants to save all the kitties and bunnies and trees.

It’s really unfortunate that women are allowed to vote. Whatever problems would arise from male-only suffrage, at least we would be safe from socialism and pacifism, and we would always be allowed to defend ourselves and our families.

It’s too bad the Republicans don’t have a great black hope, but since we have such a hard time finding decent candidates regardless of race, it isn’t surprising. The white candidates aren’t exactly inspiring, so why would anyone expect us to be able to come up with black candidates who were any better?

Obama is a sorry excuse for a candidate; for some reason, everyone on the left is mesmerized and can’t seem to perceive that he is a far-left junior Senator with no executive experience, no notable achievements, anti-Semitic ties, and anti-white leanings. They don’t see it, but it’s true. John Kerry was ten times the candidate Obama was. So was Hillary. I would say the same about Al Gore, except that I think he may be mentally ill.

It’s very odd that the left is so worked up about this guy, or at least that they think they are (in reality, the polls are fairly close). He’s like Salieri in Amadeus; a patron saint of mediocrities.

I hope all of you will vote, and that you will not forget to pray. It really, really matters. Open your Bibles and look at all the accounts of God choosing leaders. Look at all the accounts of God’s people overcoming powerful opponents by faith. The polls don’t mean anything, if God is with us.

I am glad I got this over with. Tomorrow I’ll get up and decide whether it’s time to celebrate, or time to buy weapons Obama and the Democrat-controlled Politburo will ban next year.

When the Canaries Get Nervous, Get Out of the Mine

This is from Women in Green. Naomi Ragen, an American Jew in Israel, explains why Jews need to vote for McCain, in order to preserve their beleaguered nation. I can’t link to it, because it’s not on the web. It came via email, so I will have to republish the entire piece. I put one sentence in boldface.

Why I Voted for John McCain
By Naomi Ragen

The first election I remember clearly was that of John F. Kennedy. I was a
little girl at the time, but the handsome candidate won my heart, and the
election. For decades the differences between Democrats and Republicans in
America have been slight, with one candidate a little more articulate or
photogenic than the other, but certainly both were capable, patriotic, and
experienced.

This election ­ probably one of the most important in the history of America
­ changes all that. Faced with hostile forces which threaten all of us in
the free and civilized world, Americans experienced just how dangerous their
position is on 9/11, when there safe, protected world came crashing down on
their surprised and unsuspecting heads. In this election, Americans either
choose to continue fighting those forces by voting for John McCain ­ a
staunch patriot and war hero, or to give in and give up by choosing Barack
Hussein Obama, a virtual unknown who wants to slash America’s defenses, lose
her war in Iraq, and start unconditional talks with homicidal maniacs that
threaten us all with atomic war.

I trust John McCain on security. He is the son and grandson of four star
navy admirals. He has a son serving in Iraq. He was tortured in a
Vietnamese prison for five and a half years, and wouldn’t let his father ­
supreme commander of all U.S. forces in that war- use pull (protekzia, as we
say in Israel) to get him out before others. He understands the importance
of winning the war in Iraq to Israel’s security. As he said: “We are engaged
in a basic struggle between humanity and inhumanity; between builders and
destroyers. If fighting these people is not intrinsic to the national
security and most cherished values of the United States, I don’t know what
is.”

Barack Hussein Obama, on the other hand, is the son of a white woman from
Kansas and a Black Muslim from Kenya. He has never served in the military.
His spiritual mentor is Rev. Wright, a Black racist and anti-Semite who
preaches ‘God damn America’ from the pulpit. Obama calls himself a “citizen
of the world,” and is popular with European-haters of America. He has other
close friends who hate America, including domestic terrorist Bill Ayers who
blew up buildings in the sixties, and planned to blow up the Pentagon. Obama
is also friends with Israel-hating Rashid Khalidi who had close ties with
the PLO, and indicted Syrian-American slumlord Tony Rezko. He has lied
about these connections. But about this he has told the truth: if elected,
Obama one of his first acts as president will be to remove U.S. troops from
Iraq and to hold unconditional talks with terrorists like Ahmadinejad.

The Democrats have run a very, very expensive campaign, financed by million
of dollars of foreign donations (which are illegal), including money from
Arabs in Gaza, to hide these facts. They have succeeded in convincing Jews
to believe what they are told, not what they should be able to see with
their own eyes. It is estimated seventy-five percent of Jews in the U.S.
will vote for Obama- the opposite of the Jews in Israel. They will vote
for him to feel that they are ‘enlightened’, overcoming any prejudice
against a Muslim and a Black man. They will vote for him because they have
been told he will be better for the economy (he won’t. He’ll destroy the
U.S. economy with new taxes, ) They will vote for him because instead of
G-d, they believe in abortion rights, they don’t really care what is best
for Israel, and because they want to feel like liberal Americans who read
the New York Times, not ethnic outsiders.

People like me are harder to convince. That tends to happen to you when you
are in the same building with a Hamas terrorist who has just blown himself
up in the hope he can take you and your family with him. I voted for John
McCain, and so did every other American in Israel I know, Jew and gentile,
religious and secular.

Did Mr. T have a Son?

Procrustes’s Truck

I got another truck question. Is a long bed worth it, or are the parking and turning-circle problems such a pain it’s better to have a regular bed?

Speak Up

I keep seeing F-150s and Silverados with 6-cylinder engines for sale, cheap. Does anyone know if these trucks are any good? I like the idea of the lower maintenance and repair cost of a 6-cylinder, but I don’t want to have problems with inadequate power. And who doesn’t love V-8 smoothness?

I know some 6-cylinder engines have high horsepower ratings, but those ratings can be very deceptive. If the horsepower rating on my T-bird meant anything, it would do the quarter in under 14 seconds.

I have mentioned my dad’s desire to get a pickup and a trailer; just to be clear, I am not planning to haul his trailer behind my truck.

Call me a Cynic

Here’s something the media will never tell you.

When Joe the Plumber brought attention to Obama’s socialist agenda, the left went after him. The press dug into his past, and the Obama campaign smeared him with ridiculous and meaningless assertions. They pointed to a small and completely normal tax debt, and they told us he was not licensed to do plumbing in his part of Ohio. They also dropped the following bombshell: “Joe” is actually his middle name. That was the best they could do.

Now we know that people in the Ohio government ran checks on him, using state computers. One check was performed by the Ohio Department of Job and Family Services. They wanted to see if Joe was a deadbeat dad. The lady in charge of this outfit is one Helen Jones-Kelley. Her defense is that Joe made a public claim that he wanted to buy a prosperous business, and that suggested he had assets, so her people were obligated to see if he owed money to his poor battered and estranged wife and his starving kids–people who do not exist.

I feel very safe in assuring you that Helen Jones-Kelley is lying. Ohio has millions of citizens, and many are well-off, and many are well-known. I promise you, Ms. Jones-Kelley hasn’t run checks on all of them, or even on a significant percentage of them. Who is she trying to kid? Why don’t we start with the rosters of every professional sports team in Ohio? Let’s throw in every civil servant who makes over, say, $40,000, and then let’s throw in every well-known businessman in Ohio. If they haven’t been checked, her defense is a lie.

The press has admitted that Jones-Kelley donated $2300 to the Obama campaign, which is a big chunk of a civil servant’s salary. Here is what they probably didn’t tell you:

See if you can spot anything in this photo that might lead you to wonder if Jones-Kelley has a motive that goes beyond liberalism. Think hard. You’ll eventually figure it out. If you’re confused, post a comment, and I’ll give you a clue.

If other blogs are already posting photos like these, pardon me. I am far too lazy to go beyond the three blogs I read regularly.

Okay, I have done a cursory check. Looks like Ace has been here already. UPDATE: do yourself a favor and don’t click on his NSFW photo link. I wouldn’t have linked had I checked it first.

Hey, maybe Jones-Kelley has done this for other Democrat candidates, some of them white. Hmm…wonder if we could check her agency’s records and find out. Would you bet on the evidence supporting her defense?

I have a feeling one Change we can look forward to is a Change in the leadership of the Ohio Department of Job and Family Services. If Jones-Kelley is guilty of abusing her position, she needs to be replaced. When a government official does a thing like this to a private citizen, in order to squash his expression of political views, it’s not just a tort or a crime. It’s OPPRESSION. Which starts with “O.” Not that I’m suggesting anything.

Connect the dots.

My Feet are Back on the Kibbutz

WHEEEEE my new IDF boots arrived. The first pair I bought were a little loose. My feet sort of defy those measurement machines they use in shoe stores; I’m never completely sure what size to buy.

I am dressed to kill. IDF boots, wool socks, cargo shorts, and a baseball shirt. I ordered 6 shirts from a company that sells Anvil shirts for under five bucks each. I got three colors. You could say I am getting over being a clothes horse.

I have to go buy Scotchgard. I just have to. I can’t take these beauties out in the dirt and filth without giving them some hope of protection.

These boogers are actually made in Israel. I didn’t know that until today. Walter Sobchak would approve.

Now I have to find a home for the old ones. I hate the thought of seeing them on some unrepentant wino on the corner. Maybe it’s time to make a Goodwill drop.

Fuel for Obama?

Here is something I wish I had read before I started blogging.

Proverbs 24:17-18:

Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth:

Lest the LORD see it, and it displease him, and he turn away his wrath from him.

I see the US perched on the verge of a sharp decline into socialism, which brings poverty and totalitarianism. I used to think it was punishment for our sins. Things like pride and greed and cruelty and sexual immorality. But I have to wonder; isn’t it possible that the GOP is being repaid for gloating during the Bush years?

I certainly did it. I still have a Sore Loserman shirt. I posted a ton of material about the whininess of liberals, and I reminded them over and over that no matter how much they hated George Bush, they still had to send him their taxes every year.

Now look what’s happening.

Maybe we need to cut back on “moonbat” and so on and make more of an effort to be civil. Liberals have been much, much worse about lowering the tone of discourse, but many of them don’t know any better. They think arrogance and cruelty are virtues. If you know better, you should act like it.

What good have we done ourselves, ridiculing the opposition? None, as far as I can see. Ann Coulter raises millions (no exaggeration) for Democrat candidates, and she has probably never converted a single person to conservatism. Tell me I’m wrong. Have you ever seen a Democrat scratch his head and say, “Wow, maybe Ann Coulter has a point”?

It’s fun to vent, and liberalism is inherently silly and self-contradictory, but in the end, we are all Americans, and most of us want what’s best for everyone. We should stay focused our ultimate goals–peace and prosperity and unity–instead of settling for the short-end thrill of calling another person an assclown. If we behave ourselves, we’ll end up receiving more abuse than we deliver, but isn’t that the way life is, for good people? And isn’t it worth it, if we make America a more peaceful place and help the opposition to come around to our way of thinking?

I don’t know about you, but given the choice between being a George Will or being a Sandra Bernhard (or worse), I’d go with George every time.

Something to think about, now that we may be about to elect a cigarette-smoking, gun-grabbing President with strong socialist tendencies.

Store-Bought Poo Gets Tree Off to Pleasant Start

My fine new cara cara tree is in the ground. Praise God. And I did not even have a heart attack.

I think I did okay. One frustrating thing: the tree came in a pot a foot tall, and the packaging said to dig a hole “three times as wide and as deep” as the pot. Clearly, that means a cylindrical hole three feet deep and three feet wide. Imagine digging that in my rocky yard. No way. I got on the University of Florida website, and they said to dig a hole NO DEEPER than the pot was tall. With SLOPING SIDES. Now I was getting somewhere. That made the job possible. Had I paid attention to the packaging, I would now be dead, and the authorities could just roll me into my giant hole.

I paid for excrement. Again. I don’t know why I can’t just lower a suction hose into the septic tank. I put maybe 25 pounds of manure in the hole with the plant, and I put the dirt back in (minus a couple of gallons of rocks), and I fertilized the general area. Then I did something the university website told me to do. I mulched with Chattahoochee gravel. This is brilliant. This stuff can’t rot, it can’t hold water, and it will keep weeds down. Maybe it will save me from the weedeaters that keep ripping into my trees.

It was depressing, using my new Gerber to rip open a bag of crap. But I took a deep breath and did it. This is what I bought it for. Maybe I should have a Gator II for the yard and a clean Gator II for regular life.

I bought myself a hoe. This is a marvelous implement everyone needs. I think I was biased against buying one because of the miserable times I spent helping my cousin hoe his tobacco. But there is no hoe substitute. It does things a shovel refuses to do. And it’s really dull, so it gives me an excuse to get out the grinder.

I can’t wait for my poison to arrive so I can start systematically killing my St. Augustine grass and letting the Bermuda invade. I’m convinced that St. Augustine is just a delivery system for bugs and disease, and besides, it’s ugly. And I enjoy poisoning things, so that’s a plus.

I better eat lunch before the ambulance arrives.

This is Why I Should Have Had Kids

I have done gone crazy AGAIN.

I went out in the yard to dig a hole for a cara cara orange tree. I knew it would not be fun. The dirt here is about 40% rocks, and some are as big as hams. Most of the shovel loads I moved contained less than a pint of dirt and/or rocks. And I really enjoy the sensation of ramming the shovel through the soil, feeling as though I’m getting somewhere, and then stopping dead when I find the inevitable chunk of oolite.

I had hoped my mattock would help, but it has a three-foot handle, so to use it, I have to stoop. No, sorry. That will not work.

Og told me I could get a spade attachment for my rotary hammer, but it’s SDS Plus, and I can’t find spades that work with that format or whatever you call it.

I threw up my hands and started digging, and within three minutes I could actually hear my fat screaming for me to stop. Never dig a hole after the age of thirty. Believe me. If they started doing this in gyms, the digging people would eventually kick the crap out of the spinners and the Tae Bos, because nothing except all-out fistfighting is as tiring as making a hole.

Anyway, I eventually finished.

I decided to do this yesterday. I realized I still needed trees, and I went to Home Depot to check out the citrus. I found a nice Key lime and a cara cara, and I promised myself I could have them IF I dug the holes first. Because I did not want to see them turn into pot queens while I put it off.

A cara cara is a navel orange. Ordinarily, navel oranges are exquisitely lame. Dry, flavorless, and hard to peel. Here in Florida, no one takes them seriously except yankees. The king orange of all time isnt an orange at all. It’s a tangelo, also known as a minneola or honeybell. It’s supposed to be a cross between a grapefruit and a tangerine, but it’s more like a giant orange with a peel that falls off if you so much as look at it funny. The flesh is brilliant orange, and it tastes like a sweeter and less acidic tangerine. Down here, people like tangelos. I don’t know anyone who wastes time and space on navels.

That being said, the cara cara is special. It’s a weird hybrid. It has dark pink meat, and it tastes wonderful. It also peels easily.

I really hope I don’t die from digging holes. Maybe I’ll survive long enough to have someone bring me fruit in the hospital.

New Internet Daydream

I have no intention of building a belt grinder. Let’s get that straight, right away.

But what if I were?

I have this idea. There is some empty space under my workbench. And one of the annoying things about belt grinders is the way the motors sit beside them taking up room. And another annoying thing about them is the need for some kind of post to hold the whole mess. So why couldn’t I suspend the motor under the bench, put some kind of removable access panel in the top of the bench, and fix the bench so the grinder could be attached to it quickly when I needed it? Think about it. You grab the grinder (which is not that big, in and of itself), and you pop it onto the table, and you yank the access panel, throw a drive belt on the motor and grinder pulleys, crank the belt tight, flip the power switch you mounted on the front of the bench, and GRIND, GRIND, GRIND.

Does that sound insane? Who cares.

There are free no-weld grinder plans available out there, but some of the resulting grinders are monstrosities. If you weld instead of using bolts and so on, you can use a lot less metal. And here I am, with a spiffy welder of my very own.

I assume you want a fast one-horse motor for a thing like this. Time to check Ebay.