This is Why I Should Have Had Kids

I have done gone crazy AGAIN.

I went out in the yard to dig a hole for a cara cara orange tree. I knew it would not be fun. The dirt here is about 40% rocks, and some are as big as hams. Most of the shovel loads I moved contained less than a pint of dirt and/or rocks. And I really enjoy the sensation of ramming the shovel through the soil, feeling as though I’m getting somewhere, and then stopping dead when I find the inevitable chunk of oolite.

I had hoped my mattock would help, but it has a three-foot handle, so to use it, I have to stoop. No, sorry. That will not work.

Og told me I could get a spade attachment for my rotary hammer, but it’s SDS Plus, and I can’t find spades that work with that format or whatever you call it.

I threw up my hands and started digging, and within three minutes I could actually hear my fat screaming for me to stop. Never dig a hole after the age of thirty. Believe me. If they started doing this in gyms, the digging people would eventually kick the crap out of the spinners and the Tae Bos, because nothing except all-out fistfighting is as tiring as making a hole.

Anyway, I eventually finished.

I decided to do this yesterday. I realized I still needed trees, and I went to Home Depot to check out the citrus. I found a nice Key lime and a cara cara, and I promised myself I could have them IF I dug the holes first. Because I did not want to see them turn into pot queens while I put it off.

A cara cara is a navel orange. Ordinarily, navel oranges are exquisitely lame. Dry, flavorless, and hard to peel. Here in Florida, no one takes them seriously except yankees. The king orange of all time isnt an orange at all. It’s a tangelo, also known as a minneola or honeybell. It’s supposed to be a cross between a grapefruit and a tangerine, but it’s more like a giant orange with a peel that falls off if you so much as look at it funny. The flesh is brilliant orange, and it tastes like a sweeter and less acidic tangerine. Down here, people like tangelos. I don’t know anyone who wastes time and space on navels.

That being said, the cara cara is special. It’s a weird hybrid. It has dark pink meat, and it tastes wonderful. It also peels easily.

I really hope I don’t die from digging holes. Maybe I’ll survive long enough to have someone bring me fruit in the hospital.