Supreme Irony

January 20th, 2010

I Judge You for Judging, Even When You Didn’t

I got some glib, condescending comments about Pat Robertson today. I started to respond, but then I deleted them. I make an effort to check the things I write, and people show up and post judgmental comments that are obviously not supported by a scintilla of research, and they expect me to post them and take the time to respond thoughtfully. They expect me to work much harder than they do, and I get tired of it. If you’re going to argue with me about the Bible, read it first. If you’re going to argue with something I said, make sure I said it. WordPress’s comment page has a Trash link for good reason.

If you didn’t watch the Robertson video, and you didn’t read my blog posts carefully, and you don’t read the Bible, you will not read and consider my comment responses. I am not stupid enough to waste my time researching and writing for people who have proven they won’t benefit from it.

The irony of the Robertson situation is amazing. The people who are condemning him are doing exactly what they falsely accuse him of doing. They don’t watch the video. They have no idea what he said. Still, they condemn him and post lies. Because, in their own minds, they’re better Christians than he. If judging other people’s sins is bad, how bad is it to judge other people for judging, when they never did?

Robertson did not say Haitians deserved what they got. He didn’t even say they brought it on themselves. He did not express happiness over the earthquake. He sent them (and is still sending them) millions of dollars. He prays for them. He shows compassion. He is doing more for Haiti than anyone who is criticizing him, and when he pointed out that idolatry causes problems, he was doing them a kindness, as a Bible-reading Christian should already know: “Let the righteous smite me; it shall be a kindness. And let him reprove me; it shall be an excellent oil which shall not break my head.”

I guess I should point out that I’m quoting the Bible, so the uber-holy folks who don’t actually read the Bible won’t show up in my comments to tell me how stupid the above passage is.

The only thing Pat Robertson can be accused of in good faith is a breach of tact, committed out of love. I wouldn’t even go that far. If my house fell on me and I were worshiping demons, and an evangelist came to dig me out, and while he was doing it, he said, “You’ll be better off if you give up astrology and Santeria,” I’d thank him for the advice. At least I hope I would. I search the Bible and books and sermons for correction, because I know I need it. I am very concerned about the changes I need to make. What’s wrong with a little advice? I mean GOOD advice, not platitudes offered by people who write by reflex.

The left’s bizarre, unbiblical, unchristian, humanist obsession with denying the existence of sin has leached into Christianity, and now Christians think it came from God. Look, sin is bad. It causes problems. Exposing it is a good deed.

Pat Robertson didn’t kill anyone. He didn’t drive anyone to suicide. No one will have to have counseling because of what he said. BUTCH UP already. How did we end up with such stupid priorities? Bodies are rotting under fallen buildings, and people are up in arms over a few words an old man uttered in compassion. Who knows how many Haitians will hear his words, consider them, and be blessed?

I can’t believe I have to defend this guy. I am no fan, but it’s disgusting to see other Christians lie about him like this. Whatever else may be true of him, he gave his life to God, and he has brought millions of people to Christ, and when we get to paradise, they’ll all be there. How many of his ignorant, lying critics have a record like that? You people would have a Bentley crushed because of a scratch on the fender.

Stop telling lies about this man. Give it a rest and focus on helping the Haitians.

I’m not taking comments on this post. Experience has shown that it would be pointless.

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Pointless Cruelty

January 19th, 2010

“Your Lifelong Dream Just Went on Craigslist.”

This is really funny. Mike is pulling his hair out because I told him we should open a pizzeria. I’ve been sending him Craigslist links for pizzerias that are for sale, just to torment him.

There are three pizzerias we used to frequent when we were kids. It turns out one of them–Mario the Baker–is for sale on Craigslist, so I forwarded it to him. He’s losing it.

There is no way we could buy this place. They want 1.4 million, which is like 20 times what I could consider investing. I don’t think haggling will get us where we need to be; call me a pessimist. “How does thirty thousand sound?” No, I don’t think so. But it’s fun to throw the temptation out there. I think Mike would sell his kids for parts to buy this place.

Mario’s was pretty good when I was a kid, but it’s not good now. It’s barely acceptable. The rolls are nice, but I would steer clear of the pizza. They have a second store now, near me. I tried it twice, and I haven’t been back.

Mike says he has talked to the owner. They sell a thousand dozen rolls a day. He says the old owner was a guy who collected toy trains, and he sold out to a Cuban family. That probably explains the bad pizza. I’ve only known of one really good pizzeria run by Cubans.

I was lucky enough to live near a lot of Italians when I was a kid. There were a lot of Mafia families a few blocks north of us. In North Miami and south Broward, there are a number of good pizzerias. South of that…you are taking your life in your hands. People down here think bad pizza is wonderful. They don’t know the difference. Send them to New York for a week, and they’d cry when they got back on the plane.

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Money in, Pizza Out

January 19th, 2010

Simplicity

I know I’m crazy, but I can’t help myself. I started looking at pizzerias for sale on Craigslist.

My problem is, I know nothing about running a business. That’s what scares me. But I know what kills most pizzerias. Bad food, bad locations, unrealistic prices, stupid hours, and bad service.

It’s surprising how little money gets you in the door. I figured it would be like $100K, minimum, but it looks like a lot of places are ready to sell out for much less. You could equip a small place, from scratch, for maybe $30K.

I think a smart person would go to each of these places and try the food. If the food is good, the location is good, and the prices are okay, it’s a bad buy, because they’re doing things right, and they’re still not making money. If the location is good and everything else stinks, it’s an open door. They’re doing something wrong, and you can fix it.

We have a place called Cozzoli’s, in South Miami. It’s the worst. Bad sauce. Weak crust. Cheese that tastes artificial (I don’t think it’s real cheese). They should make money hand over fist, because the location is fantastic. But over and over and over, the place gets bought by people who just can’t cook. People will eat mediocre pizza, but when it gets downright bad, they’re going to stay away. I could take that place and make money, if Cozzoli’s would go away. The key would be to get rid of their disgusting food, which you probably have to buy in order to be a franchisee. The problem is not hard to spot, but it’s impossible to fix, unless you have a talent for cooking. And very few people have that.

Pizza is the hardest thing there is to cook well. I tried for years and got nowhere. There are lots of pizzerias near me, and I only know two within ten miles that I think of as worth visiting. None come close to the pizza I make. I beat them all; no contest. Not even close. Only a tiny percentage of restaurants have recipes developed by people who know (and care) what tastes good. They think desire and service and hard work are all it takes, but if the food isn’t right, no one will miss you when you close. If the food is exceptional and you don’t have any other serious liabilities, you should make money.

For someone like me, the key would be simplicity. Sharply limited menu, with extremely good food. As few seats as possible. Minimal staff. I could manage to make pizzas and sell them to people. But overseeing a wait staff? Looking after a big parking lot and dining area? I could see myself making a real mess there. In order for me to get anywhere, I would have to start out with a place that, for all intents and purposes, was a vending machine with ovens. Like a Domino’s with two or three seats. Keep it clean, cook the food, and keep the books. No live music. No bar. No kiddie area with a big bin full of slobbery plastic balls.

All I have to do is convince Mike to abandon his life and move a thousand miles. That should be easy.

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Delusions of Grandeur

January 19th, 2010

“I’m Sorry, but Mike Ate Our Inventory Again.”

I know I am smoking crack, but I am checking out the SBA website to find out what would be involved in starting a storefront takeout pizza place. All I need is a town up the coast where the pizza stinks.

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Prometheus Strikes Again

January 18th, 2010

Perfect, Mind-Blowing Sicilian Pizza

This is incredible. I can make Sicilian pizza. More than that, I can make the best Sicilian pizza on earth.

I made a pie today, figuring it would only be a good baseline effort. Somewhere to start. But it’s magnificent. If I had only cooked it longer and gone a little heavier on the sauce and cheese, it would have been the finest Sicilian pie imaginable. As it was, it shocked me. The smell that’s lingering in the house is still driving me crazy.

When this happens to me–and it happens a lot–is it luck, or does it mean God cares about good food? There has to be a reason he has given me so many good recipes.

I’ll tell you how to do it.

My local GFS didn’t have Super Dolce sauce, so I used Saporito. I added a little sugar to make it as sweet as Super Dolce. Other than that, I did everything the same. This is for a 12 x 18 rectangle.

INGREDIENTS

4 cups King Arthur bread flour (or any bread flour)
2 teaspoons salt
2 teaspoons pepper
4 rounded teaspoons dry yeast
1 pint water

Activate the yeast in the water. Put the other stuff in a really big food processor. Mine almost died when I did this. You may as well break your dough into two portions and process them separately.

Mix the dry stuff. Start dribbling the water and yeast in. When the dough forms a coherent glob, stop adding water and process for one minute. You want it a little sticky, but you should be able to handle it. Seems like you want as much water in it as you can manage, without ending up with something so loose you can’t make it into a pie.

Form the dough into a smooth glob, oil it heavily, and put it in an oiled dish to rise. Probably best to use a dish that somehow resembles the pizza pan. In other words, round for a round pan, and so on. It will make it easier to make the dough fit the pan.

Punch the dough down when it rises. Let it poof back up a little. The more time it has to rise, the better the flavor will be.

Dump it in an oiled steel pan and mash it until it fits. Make the borders slightly higher than the middle. Don’t overdo it, because you can end up with a pie that’s so tall around the edges, the cheese runs into the middle.

Make sure the top of the dough is oily (light olive oil, not green), and let the dough rise some more. I let mine get up to about 3/4″ in height. You should flip the dough once while you’re making it fit, because this will make the bottom of it lumpy. That will give you wrinkles and air spaces that will give you different degrees of doneness on the bottom of the pie. This is a very good thing.

SAUCE INGREDIENTS

8 oz. Stanislaus Saporito or Super Dolce sauce
2 level teaspoons sugar (Super Dolce) or 3 (Saporito)
1/2 – 1 teaspoon garlic powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon white vinegar

Man, this was good.

1 teaspoon olive oil
2 teaspoons dry oregano – get something decent, not Badia
enough water to make the sauce loose – maybe a cup

I used 3/4 this much sauce, and it wasn’t enough. It might be wise to add a little more oil to the sauce. It got a little dry in the exposed areas, but that may have been because I spread it too thin.

Smear the cheese on top of the pie. Add 16 ounces Costco mozzarella. Cut it with good provolone if you want. I used half provolone on one side of the pie, and it was very good.

Mike was right on the money with the lighter olive oil. I am never using green olive oil on pizza again.

Bake in a 550° preheated oven. I rested my pan on a stone. I gave it 8 minutes, but I should have gone ten. The pan was on the middle rack.

This will be better if you can get the pie to come out so you can give it a couple of minutes on the bare stone, but my stone is too small for that. This dough is sticky, so make sure you use a pan that really works.

I need a smaller pan. The skillet idea comes to mind.

I can’t get over this.

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Pizza: not a Food; a Calling

January 18th, 2010

Errand Turns up Cheese & Pan

I’ll be working on pizza storage today. I just got back from Gordon Food Service. Horror of horrors: they were out of Super Dolce sauce. I got a can of Saporito, in case the change was permanent. Saporito is very good; I just like Super Dolce a little better.

I looked around for steel pans for Sicilian pizza. I found a couple on Ebay, and I made an offer. It looks like the gold standard is a cold-rolled steel pan with a wire that runs around the perimeter under the lip for reinforcement. They’re expensive on the web, but Ebay has them much lower. While I was at GFS, I noticed they had steel cookie sheets for seven bucks, so I picked one up.

It seems like it’s a bad idea to wash anything that goes in the oven with a pizza. I don’t wash my screens. It would make them stick. I’m going to season the steel pans and leave it at that. I’ve seen steel Sicilian pans in pizzerias, and they’re never washed. Right now I have the GFS pan in the oven with olive oil. It looks like it may be stainless, in which case I am not sure seasoning it is possible.

I was annoyed to see that light olive oil is no bargain. I hit a grocery on the way home, and their price was $8.25 for 25 ounces. You would think extra virgin would cost more. GFS has a 50/50 blend of olive oil and some other oil. It’s cheap, and it’s probably a great choice, since street pizzerias use cheap ingredients. I’m thinking the smart move is good oil for the rolls and bad oil for the pizza.

GFS didn’t have loaves or bags of provolone. I picked up some slices. I’ll see how it blends with Costco cheese. No store I went to today had any interesting cheese. I can always hit Laurenzo’s market the next time I’m in the north end of town.

Mike and I should open a pizzeria. Seriously. Find a tiny store in a good location near South Miami and start baking. We’d be rich in five years. There is still no really good pizza here. An okay place opened near me a while back, but the location stinks, and we would be a lot better than an okay place. And we could put my cheesecake on the menu. Fat women would stampede the store like enraged buffalo.

GFS has Gold Medal “All Trumps” flour for $22.50/50 pounds. Not all that cheap, really. If I bought ten five-pound bags at the grocery, it would be 50% more expensive, so it’s not nearly as impressive as GFS’s other buys. I still want to try it, though. I’m incorrigible. They also had a brand called “Golden Tiger,” slightly cheaper. Can it be that the Chinese are expanding from tools to flour? It’s probably really good, until the lead and melamine kill you.

I ran by Whole Foods Market because I read that they sell sourdough starter. No dice. I looked for other stuff, such as cheese that might be useful. I think the cheapest cheese I saw was $11.99 per pound. Nothing in that store interests me. I think you have to be a complete moron to shop there. I couldn’t find anything I wanted. Not even an impulse buy. Every so often, when I want something unusual, it turns out they have it, but shopping there on a daily basis is like emptying your wallet directly into the toilet.

Super-organic natural food usually tastes funky. Am I the only one who notices? The store smells “off.” The beverages always have an odd aftertaste. The faux junk food tastes like real junk food that has a disease. The peanut butter is like sand and Crisco. The only good stuff is the normal food, like croissants and fresh seafood and so on. But why would you go to Whole Foods and pay twice as much, if it’s something you can get at a real grocery for less?

Am I too excited about good, cheap food? I can’t help myself. I’ll spend a hundred bucks learning how to make a two-dollar pizza.

Here’s a great Youtube find:

I’ve never seen pizza with cheese under the sauce, but I’m sure it’s great. This joint is in New Jersey, so if the pizza wasn’t good, they would be out of business. It’s not like Miami, where bad pizza can put your kids through college.

Here’s another good one:

Didn’t they both refer to San Marzano tomatoes? I should check those out.

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From the Stanislaus Foods website:

ALTA CUCINA® “NATURALE” STYLE PLUM TOMATOES

The closest thing to Old Italy in America! Favored by restaurateurs serving the classical dishes of Italy’s urban “ristoranti,” Alta Cucina® “Naturale” Style Plum Tomatoes are Stanislaus’ answer to true San Marzanos, which are no longer available except at exorbitant prices.

Today, true San Marzanos are generally unavailable because small Italian farmers have consolidated and turned to mechanized commercial tomato varieties rather than the hand-harvested San Marzano. Although lax enforcement has allowed some Italian packers to get away with mislabeling tomatoes as “San Marzano” (when in fact they are not), in truth, the treasured San Marzano tomato has all but disappeared.

And that’s why we created Alta Cucina® “Naturale” Style Plum Tomatoes! Each can of Alta Cucina® is full to the brim with sweet, tender, ultra-premium plum tomatoes in “Naturale” style juice—packed from select tomato varieties chosen by Stanislaus for their fresh fragrance, exquisite flavor, and delicate “melt-in-your-mouth” texture.

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Here’s a place that sells steel Sicilian pizza pans: CLICK.

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Peacemakers and Pizza Maker

January 18th, 2010

Pizza is a a Lifelong Pursuit

My church is going crazy these days. Unlike the major news outlets, which will be gone from Haiti in a week, we are engaged in a long-term effort, and because of the earthquake, it’s going to be ramped up. All sorts of stuff is happening. They even have me writing copy for them.

Trinity Broadcasting is all over this, and our church is going to be their main resource in the Haiti campaign. I suppose that makes sense, since most of the people who attend are Haitian. On top of that, our pastor has hooked up with Friend Ships Unlimited, and they have a boat on the way from Lake Charles. It’s going to dock in the Port of Miami and go back and forth between Miami and Port au Prince. The people making this stuff happen are working late hours and going without sleep. It’s pretty impressive.

The services this weekend were largely aimed at Haiti. The Saturday service was converted to a time of prayer, and we heard a lot about the crisis in the other services. Attendance was heavy.

One of the church’s pastors–an older gentleman of Haitian descent–was in Port au Prince when the earthquake came. He spoke to us. He said the ground shook for four or five minutes. Ordinarily, he would have been some distance out of town–he only goes to Port au Prince when he’s on the way back to Miami–but on this occasion he was in Port au Prince a day earlier than usual.

He said he was in a hotel, on the second story, when it hit. The ground moved vertically as well as horizontally. He had to hold onto a doorframe. When it was over, he went out in the short street where the hotel was located, and six people were already dead. One was a little girl whose head had been severed. He also found a woman whose hand had been amputated when her fallen ceiling pinned her wrist against her refrigerator door. She was trapped for six hours like that. The hand was severed, but the arm was still trapped. She had to stand and wait while rescuers freed her.

The neighborhood was white with concrete dust. It must have been like 911.

When the quake was over, no one at church knew whether this man was alive or dead. He managed to hitch a ride to Miami on a military flight, and he arrived in the sanctuary without notice, much to everyone’s relief.

We work with Mission of Hope. They have a big campus outside Port au Prince. It was far enough to be spared significant damage. I suppose now it will be bursting with people who need help.

I don’t know all that much about our involvement, because I have never participated in it. I guess that will change. I don’t know what they’ll want me to do.

There are tons of good charities working on this. I doubt it matters which one you help, as long as they check out. If you want to find out about our organization, you can find it at this link.

I still don’t know what’s going on with their plan to put me to work in their cafe. I hope they follow through on their plan to get a pizza oven. I don’t know if it’s practical, though. I rarely eat anything more complicated than cheese pizza, but most people want a lot of toppings, and that makes the whole business much more complex and bothersome.

My flour education never stops. This weekend, I learned some people use flour made from durum wheat, which is the same stuff used to make coarse semolina. You can’t get fine semolina flour around here, as far as I know. Whole Foods doesn’t have it. I’d like to try it. I’ve also learned that Gordon Food Supply sells a brand of flour that’s very high in gluten. That would be fun to try, although if I don’t like it, I’m stuck with a huge bag of useless flour. I’m sure it would be great, but these days, I tend to lean toward low-gluten flour, and by that I mean 3 grams per “serving,” as defined on the label.

I had read that Caputo 00 flour was low in gluten, and I repeated it, but this weekend I found an “expert” website bearing a claim that 00 flour is actually high in gluten. I don’t know what to believe. I guess I could look for a Caputo label, online.

Man, I love the Internet. Apparently, it’s 11.5% gluten, which is high.

I had read that it was low in gluten, and that the things that made it special were its purity and the fineness of the grind, but apparently I was deceived. I don’t like it in pizza, so it doesn’t matter, but I don’t like being wrong, either.

You can get flour that’s 14% gluten. That must be interesting. Sometimes when I make pizza, I add gluten with a spoon, so it’s not like you’re limited to what you get in the bag. Gluten is easy to buy, and it beats working yourself to death trying to find the ultimate flour.

Costco cheese continues to exceed expectations. I have learned that a lot of the things I do to make pizza work are actually necessary only to compensate for bad cheese.

I put white vinegar in my sauce. It turns out the reason I need that is that most cheese has no flavor. With Costco cheese, I can reduce it or omit it. I also add olive oil to my sauce. I didn’t think it had much effect on the cheese, but it does. If I go over a tablespoon in two ounces (weighed as it comes from the can) of Super Dolce sauce, the oil rises up into the cheese and makes the pie too oily. This doesn’t happen with Gordon Food Supply Primo Gusto cheese, but it’s a problem with Costco mozzarella, so I have to drop the olive oil down to a teaspoon or two. It’s good to be able to reduce the olive oil, because the oil I have degrades the taste of the sauce a little. Oil oxidizes in the bottle before you buy it, and I think that gives the sauce a slight cardboard taste. Mike says the answer is lighter, cheaper olive oil, but if the olive oil is reduced, I don’t have to worry about it.

Someone advised me to add cheddar to my cheese. This pumps up the fat content and adds sourness, which you need. Works great with Primo Gusto, but there is no need to do it with Costco cheese. It might be nice to cut it with a good provolone or scamorza, however.

Mike advised me to underlay the mozzarella with grated Romano. Again, it depends on the mozzarella.

I’ve noticed that Costco cheese has a smoky smell. I was afraid I had gotten something on the bag, but it turns out the smell comes from the cheese. I guess it has a fragrance because it’s quality cheese.

I have read that Gordon Food Service will special-order Grande Cheese, but you have to buy a whole 30-pound case. I don’t think it’s worth it. I know it’s fantastic cheese, but things are going so well now, what’s the point?

I may run up to GFS and get more sauce to freeze. I plan to make more frozen dough portions. They don’t save time, because it takes a couple of hours to turn frozen dough into a pie. But they do minimize the mess and the work. If you can plan a meal three hours ahead, frozen dough will work for you. If you have to have pizza faster than that, because you can’t anticipate the need, forget it.

You’re better off planning ahead and freezing dough or refrigerating it for a day, because the flavor and texture will improve a little as the dough sits. If I could manage to make sourdough portions, I’d be in paradise. You can’t do that on the spur of the moment. Freezing and sourdough crust go together naturally. I should order some starter.

I could also freeze dough for garlic rolls, although I don’t know if I’d ever use it. A small pizza is a reasonable meal. It won’t make you fat. Add two garlic rolls, and you’re way over budget. Maybe on rare occasions I could fix myself three or four rolls, but it’s risky.

Freezing entire pizzas would be great, but you need a very big vacuum sealer. I don’t see it happening.

The major breakthrough that made all this possible was the decision to use the food processor to knead dough. If I had to use my hands or a mixer, I would never have been willing to make pizza often enough to learn anything. The food processor turns it into a three-minute job, from kneading the dough to putting the food processor parts in the dishwasher. The actual kneading is a little over a minute, and the dough is perfect.

Sooner or later I need to get my Sicilian working. I never found a steel pan I liked. Maybe the best thing is to use a big cast iron skillet. If I dedicate one to pizza, I’ll be able to develop a finish that will assure stick-free crusts. I can make excellent thick-crust pizzas just by using more dough in my regular recipe, but I like the pan-baked crusts they make in New York. They’re a little oily and very crunchy on the outside. My thick crusts are plain old pizza crusts. Wonderful, but not Sicilian. Ordinary pizza crust is like baked bread, which must be why you have to use a stone. A stone lets the crust dry as it bakes. Sicilian is sort of fried on the bottom.

This stuff never ends. But it’s okay. I remember a time when my pizza was disgusting. Now it’s always great; the only issue is whether it has the precise characteristics I imagine before I make it.

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Nuremberg is Coming

January 17th, 2010

The Future is Ours

I had to skip piano practice on Friday because I was busy working on Haiti stuff for my church, but last night, I got back to work. I took out my book of Bach sinfonias and inventions and worked on sight-reading. It was remarkable. I went maybe an hour and a half, and it was not particularly tedious, and it got easier and easier as time passed. I did not make music by any stretch of the imagination, but I felt like something had broken loose and I was finally on my way.

This happens when you try to develop skills. I remember reaching a point in my physics studies where things started to flow. The variables seemed to move around on their own, instead of requiring me to push them. And when I used to play the guitar, I got to a point where my hands sometimes took off by themselves.

The only other skill in which I have this feeling is writing, and the breakthrough has become permanent, because I stuck with it. I write effortlessly now. I don’t think about it. It just appears on the screen. If I could get to the point where I could compose like that, it would be as great a gift as I could ask for. Writing is great, but it’s an extremely difficult skill to market, and unless you hit it big, you don’t touch many people or accomplish anything worthwhile. I’d get more satisfaction out of creating music. I can get words out of my head just fine. The music is still stuck in there.

I screwed up when I was studying physics, even though I had reached the point where I was working pretty fluently. I got burned out after several years of accelerated study, and I couldn’t catch myself no matter what I did. The people at the University of Texas could not have cared less. They didn’t want a troubled student inconveniencing them, so they gave me no help, and they waited for me to give up. I’m sure they were relieved when I quit.

I think I would have been fine had I listened to my own mind. I had found that the way to solve problems was to stop thinking and wait for the solutions to appear through creativity, not analysis. That was the most reliable thing I had going for me. Stop thinking, and wait. But I couldn’t make myself rely on it. It was too weird.

I’m wrong; that wasn’t the real answer. Ultimately, the problem was that I was away from God, so I had plenty of enemies but no help. I prayed, but I didn’t try to change my life fundamentally. So nothing happened. It was as though the ceiling were made of brass and the prayers bounced off of it.

What an idiot. I was in Texas; there were probably great churches all around me. But it didn’t occur to me that I needed to go in and recommit myself to God and get the help I needed.

God will let you flounder and suffer. Under some circumstances, he will let you die while you wander in confusion. You can’t always expect him to wipe your nose for you. I was in a mess because I had done something stupid. I knew better. I had no right to expect to be rescued.

People let me down, too. I’m sure there were people who were supposed to pray for me and reach out to me, but they blew it off. Fixing the world is our responsibility, even though God gives us the power to do it. Bad things happen because there aren’t enough of us on the job.

When I left my church in Miami before taking up physics, I didn’t get persistent calls, asking if I was okay. People didn’t come to see about me. The friends I had made didn’t bang on my door and ask to pray for me. Now that church doesn’t exist. No surprise. Church isn’t primarily about getting miracles and prosperity and growing a giant congregation and getting on TV. I think those are things too many charismatic churches focus on, and that was definitely the case when I was involved twenty years ago. Church is about seeking God’s face and doing what is right. My church wasn’t there for people who needed help, and God wasn’t there for my church. He let it dry up and vanish.

I blew it. My pastor blew it. The other members of the church blew it. I ended up wasting about eighteen years, and during that time, my mother got lung cancer, and my sister continued the smoking habit that eventually gave her lung cancer, and things went badly for my family.

I don’t condemn anyone. It seems like the body of Christ has been burdened with ignorance for about 1900 years–blinded like Samson–and things are still being restored. I know the people in my old church would have done the right things, had they been better informed. I sure would have. I can’t condemn them, when my own performance has been so bad.

Unity is important. Predators usually won’t plunge into cohesive herds. They look for animals that wander off on their own. It’s stupid to think the mission of a church is to build a big facility and get lots of video coverage for a fast-talking pastor who hawks dubious DVDs with his leering, comb-overed photo on the boxes. You look after the members first, and you try to do God’s will. A church is made of members, not bricks. Let Satan get at the members, and the church will fall.

The church I go to now does a better job of binding its members together. There are lots of prayer groups. There are activities and outreaches that get people together. It could be better (and I know it will be), but it beats what I’ve seen in the past.

Piano practice is going well. Lots of things are going well. I think things that have been taken from me in the past will be restored as time goes by. Maybe not everything, but many things. Then when my life is over, I’ll be free from the struggle forever. The vicious, parasitic spirits that torment us like horseflies seem powerful now, but they will be like ticks and worms compared to us, and they won’t be able to follow us where we’re going.

It’s a good deal. Freedom from persecution, and public execution for our enemies. You can’t beat that. We’ll be like Mordecai and Esther, living in safety and peace while Haman and his dead sons were publicly impaled on high poles.

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More Self-Righteousness and Hatred

January 16th, 2010

Shame on Us

This morning’s prayer group was phenomenal. Oddly enough, the regular leader was out of town, and the guy who led the meeting is Haitian. He has family in Haiti; he still doesn’t know exactly what’s going on with them, and he is very concerned. Guess what he talked about? Ezekiel 33. Read it. If you think Pat Robertson was wrong to say what he did, imagine how you’d feel if he had read this chapter aloud on his TV show. Here is an excerpt:

1 And the word of the LORD came to me, saying, 2 “Son of man, speak to the sons of your people and say to them, ‘If I bring a sword upon a land, and the people of the land take one man from among them and make him their watchman, 3 and he sees the sword coming upon the land and blows on the trumpet and warns the people, 4 then he who hears the sound of the trumpet and does not take warning, and a sword comes and takes him away, his blood will be on his own head. 5 ‘He heard the sound of the trumpet but did not take warning; his blood will be on himself. But had he taken warning, he would have delivered his life. 6 ‘But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet and the people are not warned, and a sword comes and takes a person from them, he is taken away in his iniquity; but his blood I will require from the watchman’s hand.’

That goes way beyond what I feel entitled to say. I just said idolatry causes severe problems, and that it’s a good idea to knock it off.

Funny thing; one of the other guys in the group is Haitian, and he disapproved of Robertson’s words, while agreeing that it was appropriate to talk about Ezekiel 33.

The guy who led the group was a great choice. He knows the Bible really well, and he has tremendous enthusiasm and sensitivity. One of the best things about church is meeting people who stand beside you and reinforce you in your walk. I’m so glad I’m not limited to an hour and a half a week, sitting in a pew, completely passive.

Tonight I’ll be helping with PR, as we reach out to Haiti. Should be interesting.

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Bedtime Pushed Back

January 15th, 2010

Blogging Skills are Actually Useful on Rare Occasions

I contacted my church to see if they needed help during the Haiti crisis. BIG mistake. Now I’m cranking out copy for their website and trying to help them get a blog going. The PR lady at the church says she has been sleeping two hours a night. They’re going to be doing a lot of work, partnering with charities, TBN, and ministries.

Not sure why they didn’t call me instead of waiting, but there it is.

Hope I can be of use.

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Mercy & Sharing Helps in Haiti

January 15th, 2010

100%!

Thought I would remind people of another fine Haitian charity. Mercy & Sharing passes 100% of donations on to the needy. This is the charity started by Susan Krabacher. They are posting updates on their site.

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Yoda Speaks

January 15th, 2010

I Need Cheap Olive Oil

I called Mike about my pizza confusion. He had sage advice.

I am using olive oil that is too good. That’s why the flavor of my dough is wrong when I use oil. He uses the cheapest olive oil known to man. Three dollars a liter. It has almost no color. I tried to get cheap oil, figuring that was what pizzerias used, but I guess I didn’t go cheap enough. You want something with almost no olive flavor. If it’s green, leave it on the shelf. Virgin olive oil is green, so you want the slutty stuff.

He has a great new invention. He plans to roll pizza ingredients up in dough and then cut the roll in slices and bake them. This would be like a stromboli, except a stromboli is baked as a complete roll. I think baking the slices will give a much tastier result, with more browning.

He likes my idea of freezing dough, sauce, and cheese and stapling the bags to each other as a sort of pizza kit. I have to pat myself on the back for that one. Sure beats starting from zero every time you want food.

He showed his son how to make pizza dough in a food processor, which is something I showed Mike. Now the kid will be the emperor of his dorm. I am proud.

Mike refuses to make pizza with no oil in the dough. Can’t reason with him on that, but his results are beyond reproach.

He thinks I should use oil in my garlic rolls, even if I don’t put it in the pizza. And he uses regular biscuit flour, not the high-gluten stuff. He says he would only use bread flour if he were trying to impress someone. Not sure what that means.

I think bread flour is better for rolls, but I can’t deny the perfection of biscuit-flour pizza crust. It’s worth noting that 00 flour, highly regarded by pizza snobs, is actually low in gluten. Many people assume otherwise.

Interesting stuff. The puzzle has no unique solution.

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New Haiti Info

January 15th, 2010

Partnership

My pastor says they can use my help with their Haitian relief effort, but as yet, I have no idea what form that help will take. Hopefully it will not be something that results in me fainting from exerting myself while this virus lingers. Although that would make for a good Youtube.

On Twitter, he reports that Trinity Church will be partnering with Friend Ships Unlimited. That will be interesting. Apparently they’ll be working out of the Port of Miami.

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Costco Wins Again

January 15th, 2010

Infallible Cheese

I just finished a biscuit-flour pizza made with reduced sauce and no vinegar, with no fat inside the dough. It was spectacular.

This is frustrating. It seems like every time I make a pizza, it’s really good, but I can’t decide which way I like it best. It’s like having to choose among seven different girlfriends.

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That Sound…it’s Almost Like Music

January 15th, 2010

Plus Pizza Ruminations

Tragedy is always with us. Back to lighter topics.

I had a big–HUGE–breakthrough last night while practicing the piano.

I recently decided to resume piano, but instead of trying to learn pieces, my only goal was to learn to sight-read fluently. If you can’t sight read (and you’re not a savant), you can’t truly understand music, and composing will be very tough. It will be like using the hunt-and-peck method to type a novel. That’s not the only reason I wanted to learn. My memory just isn’t good enough to allow me to store piano pieces over the long term. I was advised to learn to sight read in order to be develop the ability to play things I had learned in the past. The sheet music helps you over the rough spots.

For weeks, I’ve been using a boring sight-reading book for an hour a day. That’s all I could stand. I put in fifteen minutes of note reading with each hand, and I also did half an hour of timing training.

I got to the point where the book was frustrating. There was very little material in it, and I had a problem with the exercises getting into my memory. Once that happens, you’re not sight-reading. You’re playing from memory, so your sight-reading skills get no workout.

I moved on to a boring book of horrendous Bach pieces, plus a book of easy classics. That helped a lot, but I was frustrated because I wasn’t yet mixing note-reading with timing practice. When I practiced timing, I used the sight-reading book, which features a bunch of exercises using one “A” key for each hand. When I practiced note reading, I ignored the timing, because I couldn’t focus on timing and finger placement at the same time.

Last night I found some very simple pieces in my books, and I started putting the notes and timing together. It works. I played abominably, but I managed to get through the measures. I only used one hand, but it was still great progress. Now I don’t have to suffer with separate exercises for notes and timing, and what I play sort of resembles music, so it’s not as boring. It goes much faster, and it’s much more satisfying to do. And I’m not forced to rely on a training book. Instead of gritting my teeth and quitting the instant the timer rings, I enjoy this enough to go past an hour. That should make a gigantic difference in my progress.

I’d like to write some Christian music. The industry seems to be in a slump right now. It could use a shot in the arm. Maybe I could make a contribution. I ask God for his help all the time. I ask him to help me master music. It seems to be paying off. Whether or not I ever publish anything, at least I’ll be able to read music properly and write it without struggling. That’s a tremendous gift. I’m thrilled about it. Last night, in my head, I heard the wildest variation on Vince Guaraldi’s “Linus and Lucy.” I’d love to put it in MIDI form, just for fun. Can’t do that if I can’t write music.

Christian music sounds dull, right? Wrong. Amazing Grace. Handel’s Messiah. Good Christian music appeals to everyone. Only the lame stuff is dull.

What else is going on? I still struggle with pizza. I flirted with cheddar for a while, but then I got some more Costco mozzarella, and I felt like a philanderer. That’s some cheese, that Costco cheese. Might be better if it had a little more sourness to it, but it’s just about perfect. Adding cheddar is just about pointless. I can use it straight.

The problem with that is that it affects the sauce. Mike advised me to use white vinegar in my tomato sauce, and it works, but recent pizzas lead me to suspect that the main reason the vinegar is necessary is the inadequacy of the cheese. When I use Costco cheese, I have to cut way back on the vinegar. Today I plan to make a pie with no vinegar at all. It’s not gluttony. It’s research. I am actually looking forward to eating something else for lunch. I love pizza and I want it constantly (even while I’m asleep), but even a small one makes it necessary for me to watch my intake for the rest of the day, and it makes my diet unbalanced.

Another odd thing: better cheese seems to reduce the need for sauce.

I’m thinking I might start making tiny pizzas with half a cup of flour, but here’s a funny fact: to test a recipe, you need a certain amount of food. One bite doesn’t tell you much. A 12″ pizza is about the minimum for a quality trial. If I halve the flour, I’ll end up with pizzas about 8 1/2″ in diameter, which is not too bad, but not optimal.

The dough is also on my mind. I’ve been using bread flour and no fat, and then I’ve been putting olive oil on the outside of the dough so it won’t crack when I toss it. But I had a lot of great biscuit-flour pizzas in the past, and I’m wondering if I should try it again, with the oil on the outside. Low-gluten biscuit flour tends to crack more easily than bread flour, so it may be a challenge.

Today I’m going to make a biscuit-flour pie with little or no vinegar in the sauce. I guess I’ll learn something.

It’s good that I exist to do all this testing. I think I’m bringing the world valuable information. Imagine having to do all this for yourselves.

To the best of my knowledge, pizza is the single hardest food to make well. I have never come across another culinary challenge that even came close. I suppose this is fitting, because pizza is the best food there is. Some would say it’s wrong to claim one food is better than all others. That it’s subjective. No; pizza is king. That is an absolute truth, predating the creation of the universe. If I denied it, my head would explode.

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