No Amateurs, Please

I have a question for the tool people. It’s very technical.

Why is it that when you work in the yard all day, and then you set up your miter saw in the driveway and make shelves, and you get sawdust all over yourself and you sweat like a pig, and then you go inside and find out the air conditioning isn’t working because a capacitor blew…it always happens on Friday night?

Entertainment While I Wait for my Dough to Rise

What’re you doin’ today?

What’re you doin’ today?

What’re you doin’ today?

What’re you doin’ today?

Garage or Museum?

In an earlier post today I grazed an annoying topic: my failure to make full use of my tools. Some of them, like the impact driver and miter saw, are getting worn out. Others, like the welder and router, not so much.

I was thinking what a shame it was that I didn’t use the idle tools more. Then I remembered…I don’t have to wait for a situation where I have to use them. I should be coming up with projects so I have EXCUSES to use them.

So I guess I’ll get to work on that.

It’s not like there aren’t opportunities. Marv and Maynard still need some kind of permanent perch on the patio, that swings out. I need to refinish the smoke box on the Hoginator. I haven’t created a new patio cabinet for paper plates and stuff, as I hoped to. My router table project has failed to materialize; I still have a nice router (Christmas gift) in a box.

Now…I’ll need some projects that justify buying a Bobcat.

I’m doing good today. I fertilized some trees, spread mulch, went on a Roundup search-and-destroy mission, filled the hole I recently pulled a concrete slug out of, shot fungus poison all over the place, and did various other nagging tasks. I threw out a perfectly good hundred-foot hose and replaced it, simply because I couldn’t stand it any more. I got it at Costco; what a deal. It kinks when you look at it funny. Life is too short to put up with that. It’s especially irritating when the hose is really long and you have to walk across the yard to unkink it. In several places.

I think I may buy some manure.

Start Buying Them Immediately

I have bunch of yard crap to finish up today, and yard crap means tools.

A reader sent me something interesting. It was a link to one of the craziest tools I’ve ever seen. It’s a motorized comealong. Or a handheld winch. However you want to look at it. It’s called the Pullzall, and you can see it at this link.

The cordless version has endless possibilities. Of course, it costs twice as much.

I can’t believe the junk you can buy, if you just know where to look.

There are a number of tools I dream about buying, yet somehow resist. This is remarkable, in view of the expensive toys I’ve already bought.

1. Fein Multimaster. I need this tool…and I think you will agree…because the commercials are so cool. Also, it looks like it would be great for a lot of small sawing jobs that don’t seem to fit any other kind of saw. Oh, wait? Did I say “Multimaster”? No, I need the Fein Supercut. Because it costs twice as much, so it must be way better.

2. Rotozip. Again, I cite the cool commercials. And you can cut in all sorts of squiggly directions.

3. Acetylene torch. Sometimes I just want to roast and punish things that have made me mad.

4. Car lift. Every garage should be built with one of these, ready to use. Mechanics all over America would have to emigrate. Which would be a great blessing to us all. Maybe we could send them to Iran, where their dishonesty and incompetence would wreck the economy.

5. Bobcat. Do I even need to explain why I need a Bobcat? Are you going to waste my time with stupid questions like that? I sure hope not.

6. Giant drill press. I was going to buy one, but the energy crunch added a hundred bucks to the price. These are actually useful. There are a lot of things you just can’t do all that well with a drill. I was hoping I’d be able to use it to turn scrap lumber into bird toys. A typical bird toy runs fifteen bucks, and they contain about ten cents’ worth of materials. And they have a short lifespan.

7. Milling machine. The only reason I won’t buy one of these is that I’m positive I won’t take the time to learn how to use it.

8. Blasting cabinet. I would use it maybe three times a year, but on those occasions, it would rock. The alternative is to shoot sand all over the yard, and I can’t say I’m uncomfortable with that.

9. Demolition hammer. When you need a demolition hammer, it’s pretty hard to come up with anything else that will do what you want.

10. Sawstop table saw. They stop instantly when they realize they’re cutting meat, i.e., you. Sadly they cost about a million dollars. Okay, their smallest cabinet saw is almost four grand. Comparable Delta saw: around two grand. Which is still $1700 more than I paid for my table saw. If you’re rich and you use a table saw, you have to be stupid not to have a Sawstop. If you’re not rich, it makes sense to bet a few fingers on your ability to dodge.

Wow, I managed to stall until 11:22. This was well worth the effort.

More

Bosch and Dremel just launched competitors to the Multimaster. HOORAY. And Proxxon makes a little version for small jobs.

Adequate, but not Great

Today someone was asking about the Publix bagged cheese I said I was going to try on a pizza.

It’s not great. Costco bagged cheese is wonderful, but this stuff is nothing to write home about. It seems better than most of the bagged cheese from major companies, but the texture is a little too much like vinyl for me.

The Boar’s Head sliced mozzarella from the deli counter still seems like the best bet. I make them slice it thin, with none of that annoying plastic between slices, and I apply it two slices deep.

Palin Alleged to Shoot Joose as Well as Moose

People are asking about Alcee Hastings, the Florida Congressman who says Sarah Palin will treat Jews and blacks like the moose she shoots and butchers. Never mind the increasing anti-Semitism of the left. Never mind the fervent support conservative Christians give the Jews and Israel. Never mind the praise Jewish leaders have heaped on Palin.

Hastings is an impeached federal judge. It’s very tough for a federal judge to get in trouble of any kind, but Hastings managed to offend Congress so badly they pulled his ticket. He was impeached for bribery, but he was acquitted in his criminal trial. He turned around and ran for office and won. He’s like the Al Sharpton of judges.

Ecstasy

My new thing is to make a small pizza for lunch. I only use a cup of flour; the pizza is about ten inches or a foot wide.

I just made one. After I ate it, I couldn’t get up from the chair. I just sat there, marveling at how good it was. I would marvel for a while, and then I’d think about something else, and then suddenly I’d say, out loud, “DAMN that was good.”

These are the little moments a cook lives for.

One of the most important parts of making a pizza with commercial sauce is forcing yourself to add enough water. You have to have a sauce that won’t hold a peak after you pull a spoon out. It seems counterintuitive, but trust me, it’s crucial. That’s what I did today. And I went easy on the cheese. I used King Arthur bread flour, without oil. I smeared oil on the outside while it rose, but there was no oil inside the dough.

I wish I could have another, right now. But lunch is behind me and I have to go back to poisoning the yard.

“That Pile of Laundry…it Waved at Me!”

The IDF needs a marketing man, to popularize their Paladium commando boots in the US. With the red-hot fad that would result, Israel could retire its national debt.

I am wearing IDF boots right now. I bought them a couple of years ago at Israelmilitary.com. They were a lot less expensive back then. The price has gone up by twenty bucks. I miss the strong dollar.

IDF boots are like high-top Converses, except they have a much better sole. So you get the cool and comfort of a sneaker, with a boot sole that stands up to real life.

I had to do some mulching today, and I have to poison the entire yard with granules again. I have to clean the patio and do some other crap. I’ve been wearing tennis shoes to do this kind of stuff, but crud falls in around my ankles. The higher tops on the IDF boots are much better; they deflect debris.

I bought the wrong size last time. I couldn’t remember which European size I took, so I guessed, and these are half a size too big. I corrected that today, via Ebay, where they’re considerably cheaper.

I am getting more and more eccentric, I guess. Today I hit Old Navy and bought two pairs of cargo shorts. I usually wear Ralph Lauren shorts, but a couple of weeks ago, I wore a pair to Man Camp, and Val set them on fire. I realized my life is too dangerous for $60 shorts. At least when Val is drinking Bud and doing things that involve combustion. So I have two new pairs of fairly hideous $19 shorts. I’m not sure the pockets will hold a pistol; I’ll worry about that later.

I have this awful desire to buy a pickup and dress like a mental patient for the rest of my life, except when I am forced to put on good clothes. The cargo shorts…the boots…my straw Stetson…I could be the American cousin of Fred Dagg.

More Slaving, for You

It’s shocking how far I will go to help my adoring fans.

A while back, I tried Costco bagged cheese on pizza, and it was excellent. Today I decided to try the bulk bagged cheese they sell at Publix supermarkets. If it’s any good, I’ll write it up at Manly Grub.

I’m only putting it on half the pizza. I can’t risk a whole bad pizza, so I’m doing a half-and-half job with Boar’s Head sliced mozzarella.

.17 HMR Rocks

I had a nice time at the range. I took the Nylon 66 and the .17 HMR. Last time I tried to shoot the Nylon 66 with a scope, the results were pretty bad, so I thought I’d try again. Things went poorly.

It seems like the zero slides around as you shoot, which is consistent with what people told me when I bought the scope. They said the receiver was attached to plastic, or something, and that it would not hold still.

I took the scope off and shot at 25 yards, just to see what the story was. I shot as well as I could see, which is about all I can ask.

I got out the mighty .17 HMR and bipod, and I shot at pasters to see where the zero was. I was shooting at 100 yards. The zero had moved pretty badly since my last outing, so I zeroed the scope and started shooting at the bullseye. Here’s the first effort, which made me pretty happy. Things started out rough, but I could be shooting worse.

The next one didn’t have crazy fliers in it.

I was starting to get a feel for the way I should pull the trigger. I had the funny sensation that I was pulling it in my head instead of at the end of my arm. And I got some improvement. There are lots of fliers, but there are also a bunch of holes in a satisfying clump. And even with the fliers, the entire group is smaller than an apple. This is 25 rounds.

It looks like the rimfire scope for the .22 was a complete waste of money…UNLESS I get a Savage .22. Yes…that would totally justify it. I must have one.

It’s too bad the scope and the Nylon 66 don’t get along, because the gun itself seems to be nice and accurate.

Range Day Again

I woke up this morning thinking it was a perfectly ordinary day. Then I remembered…Wednesday is now RANGE DAY. So my outlook has brightened considerably. I’m going to see if I can be on the firing line by 11:00 a.m., which will be a great improvement over the old Thursday range days, which started at one p.m.

I’m considering getting a new stock for the .17 HMR. The existing stock is very small and weird. Rifle-stocks.com has about two thousand models from which to choose. I’d like a thumbhole, but I don’t want a full-blown target stock. I’m thinking their “Wildcatter” model might be good. I detest laminates, but they’re supposed to be better than solid wood. So I’m leaning in that direction.

I can’t believe what they cost. By the time you add all the crap you really need, it’s over $150.

Boyd’s has stocks that will supposedly fit with no work. They look kind of creepy, however.

We have a debate coming up. I hope you will join me in praying that John McCain and Sarah Palin will crush Obama and Biden. And that we will hear the name Franklin Raines a lot. The public needs to be aware that Raines, a current Obama advisor, is the main reason we have a financial crisis right now. His socialist policy of lending to people who couldn’t make mortgage payments is what landed us in this mess.

Obama will appoint socialist judges. He will bring back the death tax. He will increase taxes in general. He’ll be indifferent to the fate of Israel. He’ll empower a lot of anti-Semitic leftists. We don’t need this guy in the White House.

More

More happy news from Jerusalem.

Hefty Annoyance Gone

I feel like I just had a giant boil lanced. I have ejected my newly extracted concrete slug from the yard. I can’t believe how heavy it is. It took effort to roll it onto my handtruck. I’m surprised I was able to lift it out of the hole yesterday. In fact, it was hard to roll the handtruck. I had to keep the handles way down, to keep the slug from rolling off, and the weight made it hard to roll on the grass.

I was going to put it in a wheelbarrow, but I realized I would have to get it two feet off the ground in order to do that. My macho-man days are behind me; I avoid lifting whenever possible. When people make fun of me for it, I make a mental note to remind them, when I’m a healthy 65-year-old with a straight back and they’re having vertebrae fused.

Want a great lesson to teach your kids? Here it is: straining your back or a joint for one second can cause you misery for eighty years. Don’t be a fool, to save yourself the minute or two it takes to get help or the right tool. Never lift anything you don’t have to. I’ve done some dumb things. I pushed a cow off of me after it fell off a ramp. I have lifted my Moto Guzzi off its side several times. I used a pec machine which, I am pretty sure, is designed to loosen and rupture shoulder ligaments. But I am reformed. I was very careful when I lifted the slug yesterday, and if I had even suspected a problem, I would have dropped it instantly.

Back in ’05, I helped someone clean up his yard after a hurricane, and he made fun of me for asking for ear plugs. Whatever. He won’t be around in twenty years, to buy me a hearing aid to hear the TV. A single exposure to loud noise can cause permanent hearing damage. Wish I had known that when I was ten. At the gun range, I wear muffs plus silicone plugs. I wear plugs when I ride motorcycles, because of wind noise.

I have to BUY dirt to fill the hole the slug came out of. It’s about a cubic foot. Can you believe that? It never occurred to me to prepare for that. I should de-pot my Trinidad Scorpion plant and put it in there.

Wake up, Mainstream Media

How come we hear so little about the fact that Democrats are primarily responsible for the financial crisis which is weakening our country? Ignorant voters tend to respond to economic problems by swinging left. They need to know that swinging left is the main cause of this debacle.

Funny, because over the past 8 years, those who tried to fix Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac — the trigger for today’s widespread global financial meltdown — were stymied repeatedly by congressional Democrats.

More here.

Socialism is a dangerous remedy. It exacerbates the problems it purports to cure. So you get more socialism. Then more problems. Eventually, your economy tanks. By then, you may have lost so much freedom, it’s impossible to fix things by restoring capitalism.

Franklin Raines…Franklin Raines…Franklin Raines. That should be our mantra until election day.

…Are These Guys Sharing a Bottle of L’Oreal?

Look.

Those Poor Cows

Mish Weiss continues violating her vegan code by drinking dairy-based protein shakes. Somewhere, an oppressed cow is suffering the torment of sore nipples.

If any of you have tips to help cancer patients beat nausea and put on weight, please let me know, or put them in the comments at Mish’s blog.

Her white-cell count is up, which may indicate a cold or something. Say a prayer that it will pass. And don’t forget Leah. She’s still recovering from paralysis and brain damage.

Stolen from Leah’s site, a video. While you watch it, remember Joshua. Remember Gideon. Remember that before a nation can have a Solomon, it may have to have a David. Somebody willing to pick up a sling and use it.

That principle applies to people, too, as they face their own battles. Call that a heavy-handed hint.