Start Buying Them Immediately

I have bunch of yard crap to finish up today, and yard crap means tools.

A reader sent me something interesting. It was a link to one of the craziest tools I’ve ever seen. It’s a motorized comealong. Or a handheld winch. However you want to look at it. It’s called the Pullzall, and you can see it at this link.

The cordless version has endless possibilities. Of course, it costs twice as much.

I can’t believe the junk you can buy, if you just know where to look.

There are a number of tools I dream about buying, yet somehow resist. This is remarkable, in view of the expensive toys I’ve already bought.

1. Fein Multimaster. I need this tool…and I think you will agree…because the commercials are so cool. Also, it looks like it would be great for a lot of small sawing jobs that don’t seem to fit any other kind of saw. Oh, wait? Did I say “Multimaster”? No, I need the Fein Supercut. Because it costs twice as much, so it must be way better.

2. Rotozip. Again, I cite the cool commercials. And you can cut in all sorts of squiggly directions.

3. Acetylene torch. Sometimes I just want to roast and punish things that have made me mad.

4. Car lift. Every garage should be built with one of these, ready to use. Mechanics all over America would have to emigrate. Which would be a great blessing to us all. Maybe we could send them to Iran, where their dishonesty and incompetence would wreck the economy.

5. Bobcat. Do I even need to explain why I need a Bobcat? Are you going to waste my time with stupid questions like that? I sure hope not.

6. Giant drill press. I was going to buy one, but the energy crunch added a hundred bucks to the price. These are actually useful. There are a lot of things you just can’t do all that well with a drill. I was hoping I’d be able to use it to turn scrap lumber into bird toys. A typical bird toy runs fifteen bucks, and they contain about ten cents’ worth of materials. And they have a short lifespan.

7. Milling machine. The only reason I won’t buy one of these is that I’m positive I won’t take the time to learn how to use it.

8. Blasting cabinet. I would use it maybe three times a year, but on those occasions, it would rock. The alternative is to shoot sand all over the yard, and I can’t say I’m uncomfortable with that.

9. Demolition hammer. When you need a demolition hammer, it’s pretty hard to come up with anything else that will do what you want.

10. Sawstop table saw. They stop instantly when they realize they’re cutting meat, i.e., you. Sadly they cost about a million dollars. Okay, their smallest cabinet saw is almost four grand. Comparable Delta saw: around two grand. Which is still $1700 more than I paid for my table saw. If you’re rich and you use a table saw, you have to be stupid not to have a Sawstop. If you’re not rich, it makes sense to bet a few fingers on your ability to dodge.

Wow, I managed to stall until 11:22. This was well worth the effort.

More

Bosch and Dremel just launched competitors to the Multimaster. HOORAY. And Proxxon makes a little version for small jobs.