Apparently we Have Had a Very Bad Day

I’m up way too late. Here are some quotes from Democratic Underground, where the level of hysteria is, hopefully, indicative of how powerfully God has blessed us with McCain’s VP choice. Some are funny, and some are just, well, par for the course.

About the unwillingness, by intelligent Democrats, to promote the indescribably pitiable and desperate rumor that Palin’s baby son (who has Down’s Syndrome) is actually her daughter’s:

Did the Repukes wait for “proof” before slandering Edwards with the affair charges? (And it WAS slander if they didn’t know it to be true at the time). The fact that he had actually had the affair and had lied about it during the campaign is IRRELEVANT… they didn’t KNOW he was lying at the time they accused him of it.”

Apparently you can slander someone by telling the truth.

Here’s a fine citizen’s take on choosing not to kill your baby:

She should have aborted the tissue and moved forward with her life… Stupid is as stupid does.

She calls him Trig, but apparently, his real name is “the tissue.”

About an oil-state governor who openly attacked the oil industry:

Palin is associated with oil producers. That’s all one needs to know .

That’s like saying Scooter Libby is associated with Patrick Fitzgerald.

This one is just priceless:

Did anyone else see that picture of her with a fish. What a Nazi nut! She is nothing but more of the same failed policies looking out for the oil industry. She has to be and will be stopped. Just because she has a vagina does mean we will vote for her. She is a hate-filled fraud. Biden will rip her lungs out in the debates.

The hate shines forth in that family photo at the Drudgebart Report. And we are all aware of the link between raw fish and Nazism.

Here is proof that more kids are taking an interest in politics:

I bet Republicans are quacking in their boots right now!! Imagine little Sarah sitting down to debate BIDEN, of all people. He is going to chew her up and spit her out!

I have been quacking all day. Isn’t it clear that we’re all terrified? Republicans are on cloud nine. PUMAs are on cloud nine. And Obama just went from rock star to roadie. For the GOP, this has been the first good day of 2008. This may actually help us forget what Fred Thompson did to us.

The debate thing is what should be scaring Democrats most. Obama isn’t really a genius, in spite of the hype, and he falls apart when he doesn’t have a script. He’s openly ducking McCain, although it will be hard to keep that up if McCain gets a big Palin bounce. The underdog always has to take the fight to the leader. As for Biden, he is verbose and boring and not all that clever. There is no reason to think he’ll do well. And he’s not running for President, so a good Biden performance won’t be a big help to Obama.

One interesting thing: the PUMAs are criticizing Obama from within the left wing, with insights the right might never have come up with. They say he has a history of stealing huge chunks of Hillary’s speeches, for example. No one can hurt you like a former friend.

Guess I’ll get to bed so I’ll have energy to quack tomorrow.

GOP Toolbar

Here’s something fun. Get yourself a GOP toolbar. I know toolbars are annoying, but this one actually has a reason for existing. Every time you use the little search window (it’s Yahoo), you may end up sending a couple of cents (someone else’s) to the GOP. I’ve sent 18 cents already. This may push McCain over the top.

It’s so weird. After I saw Sarah Palin’s speech, I decided I was finally ready to donate. And later I looked at my comments, and other people were saying she shoved them over the brink, too.

I celebrated my bitterness and devotion to God by running back to Bass Pro tonight, to return the useless scope rings and rifle sling I bought. I could not figure out how a sling with one swivel was supposed to work, but I figured there had to be a reason for it. I returned it and went to look at the other slings. Guess what? They had the same model I returned. With two swivels. Somehow, the manufacturer shipped one with a missing swivel, and guess who bought it?

It’s irritating. I sort of know a little about guns, but every once in a while, I come up against something that proves I’m still lost. I was positive there had to be some kind of gun that only required one swivel.

I wasn’t able to get scope rings that would work on the Savage without raising the scope too high, so I have to order the damned things. While shopping online, I found the solution to my K31’s windage problem. If you have a K31 with a scope, take note. You can use Millett Angle-Loc .22 rings. They actually work. And you can adjust the windage.

Naturally, I encountered a new problem while researching. I read about “lapping” scope rings. This means you install the rings and then put a straight metal cylinder in them, with some abrasive, and you twist it until it grinds the insides of the rings so they’re in line with each other. Supposedly you can bend a scope if you don’t do this, and it will also prevent marking. Does it really matter? Hard to say. I’ll tell you what I don’t understand. If you grind the paint off the inside of the rings, what keeps them from rusting? Maybe you can blue them or coat them with a protectant.

Speaking of protectants, a lot of people recommended Eezox to lube and protect guns. I got on the web and checked some tests out, and it looks like Break-Free CLP (which I already have) and Outers Metal Seal may be better.

Naturally, I’m too confused to actually buy anything.

“Game over, Barky. It’s McCain Time.”

I found a blog which purports to be the main PUMA site. As I am sure most of you know, that stands for “Party Unity, my Ass,” and it’s a group of really angry women who wanted Hillary Clinton to get the nomination.

Take a look and tell me. Can this be for real? Tell me Karl Rove isn’t behind this.

On the one hand, it’s great news, if it’s genuine. On the other, it’s depressing that anyone could bail on a party’s principles because of the candidate’s sex.

The Adjective the Knights of Ni Cannot Hear

This is bad. Already, the liberal press has described Sarah Palin as a “staunch conservative” and a “staunch pro-lifer” (because she made the radical choice not to kill her son for having Down’s Syndrome).

I can’t believe they’re hitting her with “staunch.” You know as well as I do, it’s never good to be a “staunch” anything, as far as the press is concerned. You never hear anyone say, “That Algore is a staunch environmentalist.” No one says, “Those folks at PETA sure are staunch animal lovers.” No, it’s always “staunch”-[insert something the press hates].

She has been the VP choice for less than a day, and already, she has to fight the stench of “staunch.”

Man, they must be mad at her. It’s not her fault Obama chose an Alfred and McCain chose a Robin.

Or maybe Catwoman.

Zoot Would be Pleased

John McCain has chosen Alaska governor Sarah Palin as his running mate. What do you think? I know Aaron will be happy.

I know little about her. But I hear good things. Christian. Pro-life. Executive experience, unlike Barack Obama. Youth. A sparkling personality. Tons of achievements. It’s hard to believe one human being did all the things she has done.

She’s a woman, obviously. Is that good or bad? When I practiced employment law, I saw a number of valid sex discrimination cases, but I never saw a case of bona fide racial discrimination. It seemed to be much rarer. So if being black hurts Obama, won’t being a woman hurt her more?

Not sure. Somehow, I think a female Vice President will scare the woman-haters less than a female President. And we have Hillary’s furious, abandoned one-issue, female followers. Ordinarily, they might consider Palin male, because she’s conservative. But right after being stomped and abused by the Obama campaign, they may see things differently. And many of them aren’t true liberals. I think there is a difference between a classical (i.e. left-wing) feminist and a female voter who simply has a burning desire to see other women in office.

It’s unfortunate that she comes from a state with 12 residents. I suppose the theory is that her real constituency, in this election, will be all those angry, loosely affiliated women. All over the country.

The Democrats can claim this choice proves John McCain knows a young person can be a good President. But it’s a bad move. For one thing, it highlights Obama’s greenness. For another, her accomplishments dwarf his. Obama got into Columbia and Harvard on affirmative action, and he did virtually nothing with his life except work as a political hack. Sarah Palin has executive experience, she’s a pilot, she hunts, she wins dog races, she has five kids, she was nearly Miss Alaska, and she also has telekinetic powers and has a patent on a perpetual motion machine.

If I remember correctly.

Bless me with your opinions.

More

This shows how unfamiliar I am with this lady: I thought she raced dog sleds, but she actually raced snowmobiles in “Iron Dog” races. Whatever those are.

Cain’t, and Would not Want to, Touch Dis

I hope you’re not watching Barack speak when you could be watching Brak rap.

More

It turns out the Wikipedia entry for Space Ghost is an excellent read.

You Pay Thousands to Get in, and They Don’t Even Bury You

A while ago, I wrote an entry about mountain climbing. I was disgusted to learn that many people who climb mountains refuse to help other people when they get in trouble, even when helping isn’t necessarily dangerous. And I mentioned someone I knew, who died on Mount Everest. I had only heard the story secondhand; there was no information available on the web, either, so I couldn’t learn anything new.

For some reason, I just Googled it again, and there is new information, and it turns out what I was told was right. It happened on a day in late summer, in the Nineties. He and his group were taking what is known as the northern route, without Sherpas or oxygen. He died in what is described as “a crevasse accident,” while climbing alone.

I had heard that his death was caused by his refusal to take advice; that he had wandered off from the group, knowing it was dangerous. But it was just gossip.

I decided to look into the safety rules for climbing. I knew there had to be some. And here is what I found. A nearly endless number of sites repeat the same thing: “never climb alone.” That certainly makes sense to me. People die on high mountains, even when they have plenty of capable companions. Climbing alone almost seems like evidence of a death wish.

What an awful thought. He must be up there right now, mummified in a dark, frozen crevasse, still wearing his climbing gear. He’ll be there as long as Everest stands. And who knows what his death was like? It may have been quick, or it may have taken a day or more. I assume there was no way to help him; the crevasses up there can be extremely deep.

It must be horrible, being in a situation like that, knowing you did it to yourself, and that no one is going to help you, and that all you have to look forward to is feeling your limbs freeze and then passing out. It has to be even worse, if you know passing climbers can help but choose not to, because–you have to understand–they spent a lot of money on their Everest vacations.

The guy that led the group has a website. He puts up cheery paintings from Tibet and Nepal; some from the year of the accident. Looks like he got over it. It has to be strange, making a living in a field where seeing your customers die unnecessarily is a normal part of the job. If I ran a business where customers routinely died on me, I’d probably look for some other way to pay my bills.

I think the rule for helping alpinists in trouble should go like this: you should be allowed to refuse to help another climber, simply because of the money you’ve spent, PROVIDED you go visit his loved ones afterward, face to face, and explain your decision to them. If you can do that, you’re so crazy you deserve to be excused.

One Thing of Which we Will Never Have a Shortage

I assume a lot of you are familiar with my feelings on high-end audio. It’s a giant load of manure, for the most part. You may remember the time I linked to an experiment which proved audiophiles couldn’t tell the difference when a tester substituted coat hangers for expensive cables. Okay, let’s be fair. Maybe the experiment proved coat hangers make really fantastic cables.

Here’s another funny story. Back in ’01, some French guy gave 57 wine experts a glass of white wine and a glass of red wine, and he invited criticism. And none of them noticed something which should have been obvious. Both glasses contained the same wine. The red wine was the white wine, with dye added. These are the people connoisseurs rely on when they decide it’s okay to spend four hundred bucks on a bottle of Bordeaux.

Here’s a quote about another experiment the guy ran:

The second test Brochet conducted was even more damning. He took a middling Bordeaux and served it in two different bottles. One bottle was a fancy grand-cru. The other bottle was an ordinary vin du table. Despite the fact that they were actually being served the exact same wine, the experts gave the differently labeled bottles nearly opposite ratings.

Dang.

Why are human beings so full of it?

Another amusing thing is that when you expose BS, many people can’t accept it. They actively work to put the BS back in place. I just looked at a piece about research which suggested coffee really does taste better at Starbuck’s, because of the overall atmosphere. I see no reason to doubt it. Food tastes better outdoors, doesn’t it? Why should coffee be immune to similar effects? But some guy–this is actually funny–swooped in, in a comment, to make up an excuse for store coffee. He said stores have machines that heat water to higher temperatures, and that you can’t get such temperatures in home machines. Two things. First, as a subsequent commenter pointed out, water at sea level never gets hotter than 212 degrees, and home coffee makers could certainly achieve that if they wanted to. Second, if you know anything at all about coffee, you know that high temperatures ruin it by dissolving alkaloids that taste bad. This is why you don’t boil coffee in a pan and pour it through a strainer.

A while back, as most of you know, I got tired of listening to people perpetuate the myth that steaks need to be “rested” before you eat them. Restaurants don’t do it, and neither should you. Ideally, a steak would be prepared a foot from your plate, and you’d jump on it before it had been off the heat for more than a few seconds.

I proved it with a Youtube video. I cut a steak in two pieces. I cooked them together. I ate one immediately, and I ate the second one five minutes later. And the first one was better, because the outside was hotter than the inside. Obvious. But people have heads like granite. It kills them to give up their cherished wrong beliefs. It doesn’t matter how much proof you show them; if people are determined to believe fantasies, that’s what they’re going to do. Guns cause crime. Raising taxes always increases revenues. Ethanol is a great idea. Steaks need to be rested. You name the myth; they’ll defend it. Sometimes bitterly. Why a person would get emotional about a steak myth is beyond me, but it happens. Some of my Youtube commenters were furious.

One guy claimed you have to rest the steak in foil, and that the steak would actually get hotter during the rest. Thermodynamics is no obstacle to a good myth. That must be some great foil. I think from now on, instead of wasting propane, I’ll cook my steaks by wrapping them in foil and throwing them on the counter. Where do you store foil like that? If you put it in a cabinet, it would set fire to the kitchen.

The funny thing about the angry Youtubers is that none of them were willing to do what I did. I wasted a perfectly good steak and an hour of my time, performing a well-designed experiment. And I filmed the whole thing. The people who got mad at me just called me names and said I was wrong. Who has more credibility, in a situation like that?

The myth of the super-hot coffeemaker reminds me of the myths you hear about steakhouse ovens. They’re made in Area 51, by alien slave labor. They cook steak with bursts of tachyons, previously known to exist only in theory and on certain episodes of Star Trek. And the steak comes from special steers raised in antigravity chambers in a space station with a cloaking device. And the aging is all done at CERN and Livermore Labs. It’s very technical. You wouldn’t understand.

The fact is, anyone who can find prime beef and turn a gas valve on and off can make the best steak on the planet. It’s not just doable; it’s incredibly easy. Anything that chars a steak well without messing up the flavor will work.

Cigars are surrounded by BS, too. The excellence of Cuban cigars is no myth; they’re wonderful. They’re generally better than cigars from other countries. On the other hand, some marvelous cigars are cheap, and some highly regarded Cubans are only very good. For example, the Cuban Montecristo No. 2 gets raves, but it’s not really that great. It lacks complexity, which is the only thing that really separates great cigars from good ones. On the other hand, I have some smokes rolled by a local guy in Miami–ten bucks for 20–which are wonderful. He passed away. Too bad, for all the people who bought his cigars. I also had a Brazilian CAO which was better than any Cuban I’ve ever smoked. It was the high point of my experience as a cigar smoker.

I know people will argue with me about the Montecristo, but I know I’m right. I’ve had samples from two different batches, and it’s one of the few Cubans I would not recommend to anyone who has to pay for it. Nice cigar, and well worth smoking when free, but not worth the price. A nice aged Bauza pyramid is nearly as good, and it costs about a third as much. After six months in the humidor, they taste like roasted pistachio nuts.

I haven’t tried every Cuban, but if I were going to make recommendations from the ones I’ve had, I’d mention Cohiba Esplendidos, Cohiba Lanceros, Ramon Allones Specially Selected, Ramon Allones Gigantes, Hoyo de Monterrey double coronas, Trinidad Fundadores, Romeo y Julieta Churchills, and H. Upmann Sir Winstons. I can’t say I’ve ever had a Cuban that wasn’t good, but when you spend big, you want to taste what you’re paying for, so you should buy the best.

I don’t know why I’m writing about cigars. I can’t remember my last smoke, or the last time I bought cigars.

Another bit of cigar BS: some foreign vendors who ship Cubans claim they get super-special hand-selected Cubans, better than everyone else’s. It’s not true. They just say that because they operate in countries where taxes make their prices artificially high, and they need an excuse to help them compete with Hong Kong and the Canary Islands.

The worst BS I have personally fallen for is the Japanese kitchen knife BS. They are just too fragile and expensive to be useful. I’m afraid to use mine. And my $20 rust-prone cleaver from China is actually better than my Shun, which sits gathering dust.

Pizza! There’s a BS-filled topic for you. I still have Caputo 00 flour I bought ages ago, because people said it was the best. I think I paid three bucks per pound. Whatever it was, it was obscene. Never again. It was a complete waste of money. Well, that’s not really true. I was paying to find out whether it was any good, and I got my answer. Right now, my favorite pizza flour is whatever bread flour is on the shelf at the store. I like King Arthur brand because I know I can trust it, but for all I know, Pillsbury is just as good. And if I were rolling my crusts instead of tossing them, I’d use biscuit flour because while it doesn’t toss well, it gives a lighter crust.

My last pizza had a crust that would have brought tears to your eyes. Pillsbury bread flour. It was chewy. It blew up nicely in the oven. It had a wonderful yeasty flavor. I get misty remembering it. And boy, do I get good results with Costco bagged mozzarella. I was shocked. But I accepted the truth when I tasted it. You’ll never learn anything new if you can’t see past what other people tell you.

The power of BS is remarkable. Challenging BS can get you shot or burned at the stake. Maybe I should learn to go with the BS flow.

Man, that cheese is good, though.

This Girl Could Make me Vote for John Edwards

While I’m on the topic of what a bad Christian I am, have you SEEN “McCain Girl” from Barelypolitical.com? Oh, man. Obama Girl is okay, but McCain Girl is just too much. I feel like voting for McCain just so she’ll keep making videos.

Her name is Kate Secor.

Like a Dog With a Bone

You LOST, okay?

The Truck I’m not Going to Buy Makes me Unhappy

I’ll tell you what is depressing about the pickup truck I am trying to convince myself not to buy. It’s like a vanilla ice cream cone. It’s the Pat Boone of trucks.

I live in a place where the sun is insanely hot, due to the angle of incidence. That means anything left in the sun heats up fast. That means you have to be crazy to buy a car in a dark color. A long time ago, my dad was shopping for cars, and I had him stand between a dark car and a white car, with one hand on each. As he noted right away, the dark car was way, way hotter. That translates to a hotter car every time you get in it, and a longer wait for the A/C to start having an effect. So when you run a typical errand, the car may still be unbearably hot when you arrive at your destination.

What does all this add up to? A white or silver truck. For some reason, there are very few color choices for the model I like. It has to be white, silver, or something dark. Whoops, I meant “avalanche,” “radiant silver,” or something dark.

On top of that, I refuse to buy a four-door truck. Why do people who don’t drive employees to job sites get those things? I guess they build them for henpecked husbands. “Look, honey, the whole family can fit! No, no, don’t walk away! Wait! Wait!”

They’re more expensive than regular trucks, they have more parts to go bad, the beds are shorter, and they have lower payloads. Useless. But because so many people buy them, the “King Cab” version (not four-door) is rarer. And I have to have automatic, because I have decided I am secure enough in my masculinity to admit that manual is just plain inferior. And I demand the big V6. I drive so little, I don’t care at all about gas mileage.

Given those constraints, the only white or silver non-four-door Frontier in my area is white. And the interior is tan. Whoops, I meant “desert.” So I would be tooling around in a cheesy white truck with a tan interior. I can’t even find silver.

I don’t ask much in this life. Well, yes I do. Nonetheless, I think I should be spared the horror of a white truck with a tan interior. Can’t I at least get grey seats?

The Frontier is the only acceptable option. The GM, Dodge, and Ford small trucks are hideous abominations. The Tacoma has a payload one third smaller. The Ridgeline is what Harvey Fierstein sees in his mind when you say “truck.” It’s a joke with a bed that barely holds a week’s groceries. The bigger trucks would be hell to put in the garage, and I just plain don’t want to drive a battleship in Miami traffic. I don’t want to park it in Miami’s tiny parking spaces.

White. A white truck. I’d look exactly like Hank Hill, only without the narrow urethra.

The last few times I considered getting a truck, I managed to put it off until the sweating stopped and the urge went away. I hope I can pull that off one more time.

Have a Bosco and Read

Chris Muir is going pro with Day by Day. That means money is involved. YOUR money. Go over and take a look. If you don’t feel like supporting the only major online conservative cartoonist, that’s fine. No one will look down on you for it or call you a MISERABLE EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING. I think you should contribute. You don’t know how hard it was for me to talk him out of becoming a male stripper. And because he already quit that job a couple of times in the past, he has lost all seniority, so he would also have to pick up litter in the parking lot.

Also, it looks like Christopher Walken is soliciting donations for a new computer for Mike over at Cold Fury. His MACINTOSH COMPUTER CRAPPED OUT.

That’s right, George Moneo. Read it and weep. Hippie.

Thank You, OPEC

I am aflame with temptation.

Trucks are getting so cheap now, they practically take you to court and force you to take them for nothing. I can get a Nissan Frontier with all the crap I like for around $16,500. Man, it would be nice to have one.

But I don’t think I can bear to part with the T-bird just yet. Ford seems to have fixed the COP problem, and I do love a ragtop.

If I kept it, I would have to park the truck outside, and some idiot in this neighborhood has an egg fetish. I can’t believe how cowardly people are. I must be the scariest guy in Miami. I don’t know if I’ve offended someone, or if the kids across the street are just growing up and feeling their hormones.

It could be the trashy neighbors across the fence, with the junky cars and the green pool and the barking dogs and the loud parties in the middle of the night. I’m sure they hear from the cops all the time. Maybe they go around the neighborhood and egg every property, to make sure they got whoever turned them in.

One thing I don’t understand: people with used trucks are trying to charge 80% of the cost of a new one. Hard to believe, in this market.

I know I won’t buy. But I have to say, the oil crisis isn’t completely bad.

Only Obama can Condescend to Obama

I just figured out why Obama picked Joe Biden, a grizzled old white authority figure and archetypal DC insider.

For two years, the condescending Obama has been patronizing us. He patronized his constituents. He patronized the press. He went on to patronize the entire nation. Then he went to Europe and patronized all the foreigners. Then there was nobody left to patronize.

So he came back home, and he picked a guy whose nature reflects Obama’s real opinion of his own experience and ability.

And thereby completed the circle. By patronizing himself.

Obama’s Pick to Counter Conceited Demeanor: Humble Joe Biden

How do all my fellow fascists feel about Obama picking Biden as his running mate? I’m pretty comfortable with it, although I was really hoping he’d go with Jeremiah Wright.

It’s an obvious gravitas move, but I don’t think it will work. George Bush did it in 2000, successfully. But he picked a very distinguished guy who was deadly in a debate. A guy who donated millions to charity, in a year when Al Gore donated about four hundred bucks and Bill Clinton donated his used underwear. George Bush picked a guy Americans respected. Remember, this was before the media maligned him and turned him into Freddy Kruger. I am still amazed that they succeeded. Far as I know, they have never proven that Dick Cheney has done anything bad. Can you think of anything, except for getting overly excited on a quail hunt? He didn’t get nailed for the Libby nonsense. He didn’t lie about WMDs. He pays his taxes. He hasn’t committed any crimes. And his daughter is a full-throttle lesbian, which, if anything, ought to please the press. He has a hell of a reputation, for a guy who has never been shown to be guilty of a single bad act.

Biden has a disagreeable manner. He’s condescending, which is probably not a good thing, when you’re trying to counterweigh the supreme arrogance of Barack Obama. They should call the ticket “the Ego Twins.” And he has told some truly hilarious lies, which will make for great 527 material. Remember when he stole Neil Kinnock’s “coal mine” speech, nearly word for word? I can’t wait to see that on Youtube.

On top of all that, he bleaches his teeth until they’re blue, and he has obvious hair plugs. I realize those things aren’t important, but because our liberalized education system turns out voters who don’t have the analytical skills to vote intelligently, a Presidential election is a popularity contest. And Biden is not charming. He has the mien of a car salesman. I’m pretty sure he even practices smiling.

Biden comes from a tiny state, and no one cares if he carries it. That’s a big plus. And he’s very rich. Today on Fox, while he was leaving his home to join Obama, they showed video of a mansion on Biden’s property. And it’s not his! It’s a separate house his mother lives in! It looked like 10,000 square feet to me. Imagine how big the main house is. Since Democrats have taken the position that they hate anyone who owns houses, Biden will have to be a big liability. But it could be worse. He could own a giant house AND have a love child in San Francisco.

The Washington Post says he has a damaging sound bite. At one point, he said this: “I’ve had a great relationship [with Indian Americans]. In Delaware, the largest growth in population is Indian-Americans moving from India. You cannot go to a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I’m not joking.” That will be fun to explain away.

Truthfully, I don’t care about that remark at all. It’s only offensive to Indians with absolutely no sense of humor. There is nothing insulting about being associated with hard-working entrepreneurs, and as it happens, Indians really do run a lot of convenience stores and franchise restaurants. As stereotypes go, that one is pretty flattering. I can see how Democrats would consider it an insult, however. Suggesting that members of a fairly prominent minority choose to work for a living instead of relying on socialist handouts from the Mommy Dearest state.

The impression I have is that most Indians have a good sense of humor about themselves and realize they can be funny without intending to. They lampooned themselves pretty mercilessly in Monsoon Wedding and Mississippi Masala. And who cares if you work at a convenience store, if you own it and you drive to work every day in a Mercedes? We need more people with that attitude.

I just wish they would open more Indian restaurants. Here in Miami, the Indian food situation is bleak.

I’ll give Biden a pass on the 7-11 crack (just like Hillary’s Gandhi gas-station joke), but I have a feeling Obama just put a Denver Boot on the wheels of his campaign.

Another Biden gaffe mentioned by the Post: he said Obama was the first clean, articulate black man. More or less. It was undeniably demeaning to blacks; Biden implied that no other black man in history was mature or responsible enough to be President. We’ll be seeing that footage a lot in the weeks to come. You have to wonder if this is Obama’s message to voters: “It’s okay to vote for the young black man, because we have a stiff old white guy on the job, making sure he doesn’t act up.” In 2000, we were told it was okay to vote for Curious George Bush, because Dick Cheney was the Man in the Yellow Hat. Now we’re being told it’s okay to vote for Arnold Obama, because Joe Biden is Mr. Drummond.

One more good thing about the Biden pick: it will assure that Obama has to run against two candidates. John McCain, and Hillary Clinton. The Clinton smear machine just went into high gear; the flying monkeys have been released. We are going to learn things about Obama and Biden that will curl our hair. It’s too bad Clinton attack stooge Anthony Pellicano is in jail. He could have been a tremendous asset. I’m sure Hillary will do a bang-up job, though. By this time next month, Barack Obama will turn out to have been conceived from Hitler’s frozen sperm, and we’ll have an enhanced version of the Zapruder film, showing Joe Biden beside the Grassy Knoll, holding a spotting scope while exposing himself to handicapped Girl Scouts.