Obama’s Pick to Counter Conceited Demeanor: Humble Joe Biden

How do all my fellow fascists feel about Obama picking Biden as his running mate? I’m pretty comfortable with it, although I was really hoping he’d go with Jeremiah Wright.

It’s an obvious gravitas move, but I don’t think it will work. George Bush did it in 2000, successfully. But he picked a very distinguished guy who was deadly in a debate. A guy who donated millions to charity, in a year when Al Gore donated about four hundred bucks and Bill Clinton donated his used underwear. George Bush picked a guy Americans respected. Remember, this was before the media maligned him and turned him into Freddy Kruger. I am still amazed that they succeeded. Far as I know, they have never proven that Dick Cheney has done anything bad. Can you think of anything, except for getting overly excited on a quail hunt? He didn’t get nailed for the Libby nonsense. He didn’t lie about WMDs. He pays his taxes. He hasn’t committed any crimes. And his daughter is a full-throttle lesbian, which, if anything, ought to please the press. He has a hell of a reputation, for a guy who has never been shown to be guilty of a single bad act.

Biden has a disagreeable manner. He’s condescending, which is probably not a good thing, when you’re trying to counterweigh the supreme arrogance of Barack Obama. They should call the ticket “the Ego Twins.” And he has told some truly hilarious lies, which will make for great 527 material. Remember when he stole Neil Kinnock’s “coal mine” speech, nearly word for word? I can’t wait to see that on Youtube.

On top of all that, he bleaches his teeth until they’re blue, and he has obvious hair plugs. I realize those things aren’t important, but because our liberalized education system turns out voters who don’t have the analytical skills to vote intelligently, a Presidential election is a popularity contest. And Biden is not charming. He has the mien of a car salesman. I’m pretty sure he even practices smiling.

Biden comes from a tiny state, and no one cares if he carries it. That’s a big plus. And he’s very rich. Today on Fox, while he was leaving his home to join Obama, they showed video of a mansion on Biden’s property. And it’s not his! It’s a separate house his mother lives in! It looked like 10,000 square feet to me. Imagine how big the main house is. Since Democrats have taken the position that they hate anyone who owns houses, Biden will have to be a big liability. But it could be worse. He could own a giant house AND have a love child in San Francisco.

The Washington Post says he has a damaging sound bite. At one point, he said this: “I’ve had a great relationship [with Indian Americans]. In Delaware, the largest growth in population is Indian-Americans moving from India. You cannot go to a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I’m not joking.” That will be fun to explain away.

Truthfully, I don’t care about that remark at all. It’s only offensive to Indians with absolutely no sense of humor. There is nothing insulting about being associated with hard-working entrepreneurs, and as it happens, Indians really do run a lot of convenience stores and franchise restaurants. As stereotypes go, that one is pretty flattering. I can see how Democrats would consider it an insult, however. Suggesting that members of a fairly prominent minority choose to work for a living instead of relying on socialist handouts from the Mommy Dearest state.

The impression I have is that most Indians have a good sense of humor about themselves and realize they can be funny without intending to. They lampooned themselves pretty mercilessly in Monsoon Wedding and Mississippi Masala. And who cares if you work at a convenience store, if you own it and you drive to work every day in a Mercedes? We need more people with that attitude.

I just wish they would open more Indian restaurants. Here in Miami, the Indian food situation is bleak.

I’ll give Biden a pass on the 7-11 crack (just like Hillary’s Gandhi gas-station joke), but I have a feeling Obama just put a Denver Boot on the wheels of his campaign.

Another Biden gaffe mentioned by the Post: he said Obama was the first clean, articulate black man. More or less. It was undeniably demeaning to blacks; Biden implied that no other black man in history was mature or responsible enough to be President. We’ll be seeing that footage a lot in the weeks to come. You have to wonder if this is Obama’s message to voters: “It’s okay to vote for the young black man, because we have a stiff old white guy on the job, making sure he doesn’t act up.” In 2000, we were told it was okay to vote for Curious George Bush, because Dick Cheney was the Man in the Yellow Hat. Now we’re being told it’s okay to vote for Arnold Obama, because Joe Biden is Mr. Drummond.

One more good thing about the Biden pick: it will assure that Obama has to run against two candidates. John McCain, and Hillary Clinton. The Clinton smear machine just went into high gear; the flying monkeys have been released. We are going to learn things about Obama and Biden that will curl our hair. It’s too bad Clinton attack stooge Anthony Pellicano is in jail. He could have been a tremendous asset. I’m sure Hillary will do a bang-up job, though. By this time next month, Barack Obama will turn out to have been conceived from Hitler’s frozen sperm, and we’ll have an enhanced version of the Zapruder film, showing Joe Biden beside the Grassy Knoll, holding a spotting scope while exposing himself to handicapped Girl Scouts.