I Don’t Need a Nightlight

For years, I had a problem with my pillows lighting up at night. I would roll over or whatever, and little green spots would light up all over the pillow. It was the craziest thing.

I found I could reproduce the lights by crumpling and slapping the pillows.

Thought they were some kind of static electricity, but in my experience, static electricity moves quickly when you discharge it. You get a brief spark and then nothing. The green lights were usually quick, but I remember seeing one dissipate slowly over maybe half a second.

I used to wonder about it. Was it some kind of electrical thing I didn’t understand, or was it some sort of Holy Spirit residue, from praying with my head on the pillows?

Here in my new home, I am still having the problem. I rolled over in bed the other day, and my hand brushed against the contoured sheet. As my fingertips dragged over it, little light trails followed them. They were bright bluish white. They were maybe half an inch long.

You really notice things like that in the middle of the night in a dark room.

Some day I want an explanation for this. When you’ve had experiences you know were supernatural, it’s easy to give up on natural explanations and attribute paranormal causes to things that are really just physical. No one wants to be the guy who saw a goose fly past his window and told people it was the Holy Spirit.

When I think about this, I always think about Ed Harris as John Glenn in The Right Stuff, hollering, “Get out of here, you gadgets!” at a bunch of sparks coming off of his capsule.

Are You Sure You’re Sure?

It’s remarkable how many things I “believe” but don’t really believe.

Of course, I am contradicting myself on a superficial level, but receptive people already understand, without my having to explain. Which I will.

Consider the times I prayed to be healed and then received miraculous healing. While I was praying and commanding my body to be healed, I believed God would heal me. Had I not, I wouldn’t have prayed, right? But I didn’t believe completely, in every corner of my heart. When the healings came, there was still some surprise.

People are fuzzy thinkers and fuzzy believers. When we reason, we aren’t afraid to discard things that appear to be facts, when they conflict with other evidence, our desires, our emotions, and our intuition. Surprisingly, fuzzy logic often leads to the better conclusions than non-fuzzy logic. When it comes to faith, we can hold a mixture of belief and unbelief.

It can be frustrating to deal with folks who think the human mind takes a binary approach to thought and feeling. The world is full of individuals who can’t tolerate the notion that a person can think or feel two ways about something at the same time. It should be very obvious that human beings have internal conflicts, but many of us look at the mind and heart the way engineers look at toasters, and they draw simplistic, half-baked conclusions about the way we work, the way children do.

I guess I started this blog entry with a digression, but I don’t care.

Today I looked at Youtube over breakfast. I wanted to watch some Christian material. I chose Tom Fischer; I’ve been watching a lot of other people, and today I felt like it was his turn.

I saw a video labeled “Street teaching with Tom Fischer-evil spirits” [sic], and I was drawn to it. I have been the site of an internal battle lately, between evil spirits on one side and the Holy Spirit and me on the other. From watching Fischer’s other videos, I knew he was likely to have something important and USEFUL to say.

About 97% of the time, preachers tell us things that are useLESS or counterproductive. Actually, useless and counterproductive are synonyms when it comes to religion. Neutrality doesn’t exist.

I am only interested in teaching I can put to work. Keep the fables, traditions, and feel-good stories to yourself. If powerful material is meat and less powerful material is milk, the slop most preachers serve is colored water and valium.

A few years back, God showed me interesting things about evil spirits. He showed me that demons are actually dead human beings. You can see it in the book of Enoch, and there is also evidence in Genesis. Rebellious angels married women and reproduced with them, and they gave rise to a race of vile beings that were stronger than ordinary humans. At least some were giants. They abused and dominated people, and they also ate them.

Am I making a stretch when I call them human? I doubt it. Jesus was the result of a spirit/human coupling, and he was human. In any case, demons are our dead brothers and sisters, and they really hate us. They were going to run the world and either destroy us entirely or keep us around as slaves and food. We got it all, with eternal life in heaven to follow, and they got nothing but the promise of eternity in flames.

Supernaturally, we are the 1%.

I’m not saying we make up 1% of the beings that have lived on earth. I’m saying we’re privileged, like the mythical 1% liberals love to hate. Heard of white privilege? We have human privilege. Among humans, God’s children are even more privileged.

The Bible is all about genocide. Churches don’t get that. The earth contains two races: God’s children and the children of darkness. God and Satan battle to exterminate each other’s seed and put their own seed in charge. Read Joshua.

God said Noah was “perfect in his generations.” I take that to mean he had no demon blood. Why? For one thing, the phrase makes no sense otherwise. It doesn’t mean he was righteous, because had that been the case, God would have said, “Noah was righteous.” The bit about “in his generations” makes no sense in that context, but if you take it to mean the generations that gave rise to him were untainted, it all comes together.

Genesis lists Noah’s ancestors carefully. Why do that if you’re not proving a point? His great-grandfather was Enoch, who was so righteous God removed him from the earth. His grandfather was Methuselah, who was so righteous God waited for his death before sending the flood. You won’t see Og the giant in the list.

God flooded the earth to kill off the seed of the angels, and he chose a pure male to repopulate the earth.

The dead children of the angels are stuck here. At least some of them are. Jewish legend says the earth was cleansed of them, and that Satan persuaded God to release 10% to tempt mankind. Mary Baxter, who claims she visited hell, says there are beings partially embedded in the walls there. They can’t come here.

Like whorish girls throwing themselves at rock stars, women had sex with angels, so now we have disembodied demons that cause disease, murder, perversion, mental illness, and all sorts of iniquities.

No man taught me these things. I read Enoch, I read the Bible, I prayed in tongues every day, and things fell together in my mind.

This is what I “believe.” I think God showed it to me. But my faith in what I believe is not perfect. I like having it confirmed by other sources. It proves I’m not making things up.

Fischer’s video was made in 2012. I don’t recall when my understanding of the origin of demons came to me, but it was at around that time. I was going to Trinity Church, which I attended from 2008 until early 2012. I had no idea who Tom Fisher was, and he still has no idea I exist. We didn’t conspire or listen to the same preachers.

If you watch the video, you will see that he says pretty much the same things I say. He says demons are the spirits of giants. He mentions Enoch. That’s confirmation. If there were people teaching these things on TV, and we both watched those people, or if we had seen similar teaching on the web, you could say we drank someone else’s Kool-Aid. That’s not what happened.

He says things I don’t say. He says people have found bones from the giants all over the world. I have never heard anything about that, and to say that I doubt it would be an understatement. I don’t think we’ve found grossly outsize bones that appeared to be humanoid. Sometimes stories and pictures go around the web, using fossils to prove the Bible is true, but they are generally fraudulent.

It’s not unusual for Christians to be fooled by fake news or bogus science.

The Internet is so weird. I started thinking about giants, and I remembered a famous discovery: the Holly Creek giant. The story of the giant says that in 1965, man named Kenneth White found a huge skeleton buried under a cliff in the area of Kentucky known as Holly Creek. When the bones were put together, they measured almost 9 feet in length. The skull had slits instead of round eye sockets, and it was about 30 inches in circumference. White later reburied the bones, and of course, there are no photos, and no one has dug it up to prove the story’s veracity.

My mother was born on Holly Creek. It’s a tiny place. Not even a town. If Kenneth White exists, she probably knew him. I knew an Artie White and a Stan White, from the next county to the west.

I looked around to find evidence supporting or refuting the story, and I came across the obituary of my grandfather’s buddy Earl Napier. I wasn’t looking for it. The name showed up in Google results.

I had wondered what happened to Earl. He died in a hospital in Lexington in 2010. Now I know.

I remember the night Earl punched out a guy named Gary at the Dixieland Lounge in Winchester, where I worked the door. Gary called him a dirty name, and Earl Punched him immediately, right in the mouth. I would say Earl, a former boxer, was 5’7″ tall, and Gary was about 6’6″. Gary was upset afterward because Earl punched him without any warning. I think he felt a man was obligated to respond to a bar challenge orally before attacking. It was a matter of etiquette.

Earl did okay against his giant.

Sometimes I wonder if the dinosaurs were demons. With their outrageous physical adornments, dimensions, and accessories, they remind me of the demon-controlled people who pierce themselves, split their tongues, cover themselves with tattoos, put fake horns under their skin, and so on. God made people look fairly uniform and boring, and he banned body modification under Moses, but Satan is driven by pride and a craving for attention, so his children look for ways to sensationalize their flesh.

Imagine what would happen if a doctor in San Francisco got complete control over people’s genes, and he could turn you into anything you wanted. Imagine the crazy competition that would ensue. Giants. Huge birds. Creatures from Avatar, with upgrades. It would be something to see. It would be like gays competing to get the most attention with their costumes, in parades like the one they have every year in Key West on Halloween.

If God allows us to live long enough, one day we’ll have that kind of control over our flesh, and the excesses will be astounding. Antlers. Fins. Whatever you want.

Enoch said God killed the giants because they were giants in the flesh but not the spirit. That makes complete sense. Satan is all about peaking early, and so are his children. It makes sense that they would be spectacular on earth but pathetic in the afterlife. Look at his famous human children. Beyonce. Madonna. Elvis. Jeff Bezos. Bill Gates. The living ones are very impressive right now, but one second after they die, they will be pitiable, unless they repent.

Satan is like “Peaked in High School Rob Lowe.”

There are dinosaurs whose bodies don’t seem to make sense. What possible evolutionary advantage can there be, on land, to weighing 70 tons? Think of the crazy structures dinosaurs had. Spinosaurus had a huge fin on its back, which would have hindered its movement. Tyrannosaurus had front legs that were too small to reach its mouth or the ground, and scientists can’t figure out how they could have evolved. There were dinosaurs with huge, inexplicable, inconvenient structures on their heads. If you look for physical justifications for these things, they are hard to explain, but if you consider what body modifiers would do if they could change their DNA, they look logical.

I know it doesn’t make sense. We date things using radioactivity, and the dates say dinosaurs disappeared about 60 million years ago. It’s just a funny thought.

I do wonder if our dating techniques are reliable. God and spirits can change the physical world’s properties. For example, there was no rain until Noah’s time. God could change a constant here and a law there and leave us very confused. He held the earth still in the sky for Joshua. He can do whatever he wants.

Why God would allow us to have a misleading fossil record is beyond me, but it’s something I think about. I know God is real; he has proved it over and over. That gives me a firm premise, so the things I see in the physical world, by comparison, are not reliable.

Genesis tells us many things happened, but there are many possibilities it does not mention and doesn’t exclude. We don’t know if the six days of creation were consecutive. It’s not clear whether the days were 24-hour earth days, longer days in an earth that turned more slowly, or longer days measured by heaven’s standards. We don’t know if creatures existed before those named in the creation story.

When I was a kid and I awoke and saw demons crawling on the walls, floor, ceiling, and bed, they appeared to be reptiles and bugs. The reptiles weren’t so large they would be considered unusual on this planet, but the bugs were up to a couple of feet long.

There are fossils of three-foot-long centipedes and an eight-foot millipede as wide as a bathroom scale. Paleontologists have also discovered a dragonfly 17 inches long. There was a two-foot scorpion.

I don’t know how to explain the fossil record, but I have proof that God is real, so it doesn’t matter. Somehow or other, the facts will reconcile when they are known.

Tom Fischer says it’s harder to get demons out of Christians than unbelievers, because Christians know better than to let them in. We allow them in through deliberate sin, and then we hold onto them through denial. We don’t confess or repent, so God allows them to stay. When they are allowed to stay, they corrupt our hearts and give us physical ailments. If we can get rid of them, the iniquities and ailments will leave.

I’ve been confessing and repenting like crazy since I saw Fischer talk about these things in other videos.

I can tell God is destroying the influence spirits have on me. Sometimes I feel things leave. My mind is much quieter than it was a month ago. I think fewer invisible things are speaking to me. My desires are changing suddenly, too.

Fischer and I agree on something else: the eradication of the giants in the promised land was shown to us to symbolize our own obligation to drive demons out of ourselves. No one taught me that. Moses sent spies into the promised land, and when they returned, they said the people who lived there were too strong, and some were giants. Ten spies wanted to quit, and God destroyed them and a bunch of other people with a plague. Two–Joshua and Caleb–had faith and wanted to keep fighting. They were preserved and rewarded with land.

Fischer is the only person other than myself whom I have heard saying these things.

A while back, God told me I was one of many, and he was not kidding. I don’t have to feel proud or special. God is saying the same things to many people. I’m just disconnected from them, as Elijah was disconnected from the 7000 people who had not bent the knee to Baal. God has an army tied together by the Holy Spirit. It’s not something I imagined.

Unfortunately, that army has almost zero influence in organized churches.

Compare modern humans to the 10 weak spies. We are defeated by all sorts of spirits. We give up in the face of cancer, addiction, mental illnesses of all types, blindness, allergies, arthritis, infertility, homosexuality, obesity, and a host of other ills. The vast majority of addicts will die addicts, even with the best help available. Medicine has never cured a cold or the flu.

Lately we’ve adapted by declaring that our demon-driven problems are actually virtues. Fat women are “curvy.” The retarded are “differently abled” or whatever the euphemism of the week calls them. Homosexuality, in which men use highly specialized reproductive organs to deposit reproductive fluid in orifices in which reproduction cannot occur, is considered normal. We glorify cripples instead of healing them. We have a “new normal” attitude toward these things, and worse, we treat people who offer hope like child molesters and rapists. A Christian who tries to help a homosexual will get about the same treatment as a Nazi.

Healing and other types of deliverance have been available, free of charge, for 2000 years, and we have turned away, and we have persecuted those who could help us, because we’re afraid to believe.

I’m going to keep going forward. If I drop dead while trusting God, so be it. I will eventually drop dead anyway, and I don’t have that many years left. What difference does it make? The people who are against me only have a few years to peck at me. After that, I will be beyond their reach and out of the way of all harm.

If you think it would be helpful to you, take a look at the video. It certainly helped me.

Another Youtube Resource

I got up today and watched healing Youtubes over breakfast. Excellent way to start the day. Much better than political blogging or driving off to an office to help people sue each other.

I’ve been writing a lot about a man named Tom Fischer. He quit working and began traveling the world, healing people. He also helps them receive salvation and the baptism with the Holy Spirit. He helps people start praying in tongues. Sometimes he teaches.

I embedded a few of his videos here. I felt he was confirming a notion God gave me a few years ago. I believe God is killing off organized churches. I believe the church era is ending. Churches are human organizations, and Satan is very good at taking those over. He can’t deal with independent individuals connected to God by the Holy Spirit. He’s too small and weak. He doesn’t have the resources.

Through Tom Fischer, I found other people doing the same thing on Youtube.

The other day, reader Steve commented, saying a guy named Tom Loud was doing it. Today I took a look. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, but Tom Loud knows Tom Fischer.

It appears that there is an informal network of Holy Spirit Youtube healers out there. They know each other. Sometimes they visit each other and make videos together.

It’s great, the way it works. These people can’t be controlled by preachers.

What if Tom Fischer gets a great revelation, and he talks about it on his channel, and fellow Youtube healer Doug Collins gets out of line and disagrees? He can’t do anything to Fischer. He can’t tell him he’s expelled from the church. He can’t take away his position or keep him away from people. All he can do is sit and fume, ineffectually, while Fischer obeys God. He can’t spend Tom’s money on vacations and spas, either. That’s a very powerful church model.

I have no reason to think Doug Collins would do any of that. I picked his name because it was one I knew.

Think how different the Catholic Church is, to pick an extreme example. They can excommunicate you if you stand up for God. Excommunication includes damnation.

At least they can’t torture people to death any more.

My old pastors had the power to separate me from my friends (people I thought were friends). They could keep me from speaking in front of the church. They could take away my offices. Good luck trying that now. I can only say that to Trinity Church, because New Dawn Ministries no longer exists.

Maybe we finally have a viral church. I don’t mean a church that spreads via the Internet. I mean a church that spreads like a virus, from ordinary person to ordinary person. That would be nice. Selfish, attention-whore Preachers are like fat ticks and leeches that need to be sliced off. They are completely unnecessary.

Musings from Patmos

It’s nice when I find out I’ve gotten a harvest from a seed I’ve sown (or unsown). It happened today. I got rid of Facebook a while ago, and today I’m very glad I did. Winnie Mandela just died, and I’m glad I’m not seeing mournful, respectful Facebook posts from people I know.

Winnie Mandela was a sadistic woman who ran a murder gang. She openly endorsed “necklacing.” In South Africa, a “necklace” is a tire with gasoline poured over it. You force it down over a person’s trunk and arms, and then you light it. The victim can’t use his arms, so he is trapped while the tire burns.

Tires burn for a very long time, and they are hard to put out, especially when a gang of people prevents anyone from trying. A person trapped in a burning tire roasts alive, thrashing and screaming in agony. Winnie Mandela was in favor of this. In 1986, she said, “With our boxes of matches and our necklaces we shall liberate this country.”

Winnie Mandela ran a mob that lynched black people, but many black people admire her.

If I still had a Facebook account, I would be tempted to log in and see what my old friends were saying. I know a lot of people who don’t hear from the Holy Spirit. They accept the BLM line without reservation. Some supported Bernie Sanders in 2016. The rest supported Hillary Clinton. They like to go to church and dance and sing, but it’s all make-believe. Church is just a nightclub to them. A place to socialize and be seen and admired.

I don’t care what your political opponents do to your country; if you believe in burning them alive, you serve Satan. Civilized people don’t do things like that. The worst offenders among the men who created and ran the Nazi death camps got trials and humane hangings which caused death instantly. John Gacy was executed painlessly with drugs. Human beings were created in the image of God. There are certain things you just don’t do to them. Not if you have a choice.

Imagine the torments Satan has thought up for this lady. People who claim to have seen hell say Satan tailors the punishment to fit the crime, so the damned experience magnified versions of the things they did to others here on earth.

I am glad I don’t have to deal with the disheartening spectacle of rebellious people praising Winnie Mandela.

On a related note, I’ve been thinking about the kindness God showed me when he got me out of toxic churches and away from Miami.

Charismatics in South Florida are completely out of line with the Holy Spirit. They’re caught up in leftist identity politics. As for Miamians in general, they are generally very weak Christians, atheists, or demon worshipers. Cubans and other island people sacrifice goats and chickens to demons in Miami. There are “churches” where these sacrifices are performed legally. They got the United States Supreme Court to side with them when local officials tried to ban their practices.

I have seen some crazy things in Miami. I volunteered at a church where voodoo practitioners showed up at night uninvited, to light candles and speak curses. We found a voodoo doll on the property, with a big red hole where its heart should have been.

The doll worked. The people who formed the believing heart of the church were driven out by the pastors.

I used to have a photo of that doll stored in a phone. It disappeared.

People say you can’t curse a Christian, so how can I claim a voodoo doll worked? Think of the things that have happened to Christians and ask yourself if they’re really immune to curses. You can’t curse someone who walks with God, but how many Christians fit that description? The voodoo buffs beat the Wilkerson family (the people whose corporation owns Trinity Church). Real devil worshipers will beat insincere Christians every time. That also goes for ignorant Christians. It’s hard to think of a charismatic pastor who has served as long and learned less than Rich Wilkerson.

I looked over a series of blog posts I wrote during the final weeks of my relationship with New Dawn Ministries, the extinct church I belonged to until 2015. I saw that I had misremembered a few things. For example, I thought I was a deacon and armorbearer when I left. That’s not exactly true. A few weeks before I was given notice that I was unwelcome, I quit serving. Officially, I was “taking a break,” not quitting, but I never served again.

The day I stopped serving is when I started healing. It was as if breath returned to my lungs.

Before I quit, I had been coming to church at around 8:00 a.m. I helped get things ready. I participated in the volunteer prayer session, which the pastors and “house prophet” often skipped. I sat around a lot. The pastors and “prophet” often showed up late, but we were required to arrive too early. In order to accommodate my morning prayer routine, I had to get up between 5 and 6 a.m. The services usually ran until early afternoon. Sometimes they were longer. On some occasions, they kept going because God was moving. A lot of the time, it was because the pastor wanted to talk.

It was a burden, and burdens are what Jesus said he would take away from us.

The time of the volunteers was wasted, as though it had no value. We had to spend too much time at church, and on top of that, we were serving a man and woman who were undermining everything we did. The pastors were killing the church with painfully loud music and services that went on forever. We were on a treadmill. In fact, one day while I was sitting in church, I heard God say, “Stay on the treadmill.” I wrote it down. He wasn’t giving an order. He was summarizing the sermon. He was telling me we were going nowhere, and that the pastor was commanding us to continue doing things that did not work. The river was supposed to be carrying us forward, but we were trapped in an eddy.

When I quit serving, I felt like I had put down a huge barbell. I started coming to church at 10:30 and leaving when I thought it was appropriate. I didn’t have to stand outside and open the door for people. I didn’t have to go to early-morning volunteer meetings and be chastised for not giving the pastor enough money for his birthday, or for not honoring his marijuana-promoting, disrespectful son. I didn’t have to listen to his out-of-order wife. I didn’t have to put up with her writing things like “PLEASE DELETE THIS POST!!!” when I said things on Facebook.

The Jezebel spirit is real. A friend of mine thinks Satan is effeminate, and I think he’s right. Satan acts like a jilted first wife or a bitter ex-girlfriend, and he does marvelous things through overbearing, masculine women and effeminate or lazy men. God cursed Adam with curses that reflected Adam’s behavior toward him. One of the curses was that his wife would seek to control him.

When you reject a controlling woman, she doesn’t just seek to reconstruct her own life. She devotes her time to making you suffer. Satan is like that. He lived close to the throne, clothed in glory that came from God, like an arrogant wife wearing clothes her husband paid for. God has a new “wife” now. He has the body of Christ. No ex can stand a new wife who is prettier and more supportive. No ex can stand to see a doting ex-husband giving beautiful things to his new wife or raising kids with her. No wonder Satan’s only pleasure comes from making us suffer.

There is no way I could go back to that kind of life. Some ex-convicts say they would rather die than go back to prison. I know the feeling. That’s how I feel about fake churches and South Florida. When God frees you from a slave master who destroys your dignity, the thought of going back is too vile to contemplate.

I loved the freedom I had after I quit. If the pastors felt this way or that about something, it wasn’t my problem. I didn’t have to listen to them. If they came up with a hopeless project God clearly wasn’t behind, I didn’t have to get involved.

I remember the pastor saying we had to give more money, because he wanted a new building. I had started giving LESS money, and I was very happy about it. I didn’t do as he asked.

His brother-in-law started an orphanage in Haiti. This was a guy with a history of failed church projects, and he was involving desperate kids in this one. Suddenly his tendency to fail was dangerous.

I didn’t touch it. There were better people running orphanages already, and sending money to proven winners seemed like the way to go. God doesn’t back failure. He takes from those who lack and gives to those who already have. Remember him saying that? He blesses people who are capable of receiving blessings.

The pastor’s brother-in-law couldn’t raise money to get a new building. He failed. He also failed when he tried to increase church membership. He failed when he tried to get a men’s ministry off the ground. With the creation of the orphanage campaign, we were supposed to trust him with the welfare of fragile children.

Not possible.

He also failed when he tried to rally the troops after the pastor was arrested. He accused them of “running.” There was no way they could continue to follow the pastor, and it should have been obvious.

They had some kind of fundraising banquet which was disastrous. People said the food was extremely bad. I didn’t go. I wasn’t A victim any more. Also nice: I no longer had to contribute to birthday collections for the pastors or the many “pastor appreciation day” collections the church demanded. It was beautiful.

I was tired of photos of the pastors being massaged and pampered at our expense. I can understand doing something nice occasionally for tired servants who work hard, but our pastors were very lazy. They only opened the church for services. The rest of the week, it was closed, and they had lives of leisure.

The best thing about the change was that I didn’t answer to the pastors or “prophet” any more. If I felt like saying this or that about God, I said it. I said it, publicly or privately, as I felt moved by the Spirit. There was nothing they could do. I could take down the prosperity gospel. I could debunk the feel-good gospel.

They were conspiring about me behind my back, and they gave a close friend the assignment of spying on me (for which she later apologized), but I was unaware and unconcerned.

After I cut the cord, I took the gloves off. The pastor’s brother-in-law butted in on a Facebook entry I wrote, because he thought I was commenting negatively on his orphanage project. I was actually talking about something else.

At New Dawn Ministries, like Trinity, negativity was worse than blasphemy. Once they committed to a mistake, they did not want to hear any back talk. They would point the ship toward the rocks, and everyone had to cheer until they ran it up on the rocks.

The pastors at New Dawn didn’t even accept negativity from prophets. Their official doctrine was that a prophet only said encouraging things.

The brother-in-law was mistaken about me criticizing his orphanage, but since he brought it up I decided to treat him like a man and not a porcelain doll. I stated my misgivings about it, and he blew up. He wrote a long outburst accusing me of speaking as though I were “the voice of God.” He ended it with some incongruous Christianese boilerplate about loving me and wanting to help me and so on.

When Christians are furious at you, they will often tell you they love you and want to help you.

We have all experienced this. “You lying backslider and wolf in sheep’s clothing: Satan has prepared a special place in hell for people like you. Get ready to burn for all eternity. You will pay for your heresy unless you repent. I say this with love, my Christian brother, so call me if you want prayer.”

Who accepts an offer like that?

When you don’t take up their very attractive offers of help, you’re the one who looks like a heathen. At least they hope so.

In what must was a tremendous affront to a member of the pampered inner circle, I flatly stated that I didn’t think the stuff about love and good wishes was sincere, given the things that immediately preceded it.

I committed other offenses. I reached out to people about lazy pastors who let their wives abuse churchgoers. When I found out the pastors were urging members to shun people who left the church, I called them and their church out by name and told people they were welcome to remain in my life. I had a public discussion with three other people who had been shunned, and we held nothing back, because we wanted others to wake up and be protected. The freedom was very pleasant.

You can’t imagine what a sensation this was. The pastors of this failed one-room church were extremely proud and very quick to anger, and so were their relatives and associates. That anyone would contradict them publicly was unthinkable. You just couldn’t do it. It could not happen. Yet it was happening.

I can see why John the Baptist taught in the wilderness, far from the rabbis.

It’s not surprising that the head pastor got charged with felonies. God uses progressive punishment: hints, then strong warnings, then little problems, and then very big problems, with hell the biggest problem of all. The pastors were incapable of self-examination. They closed their ears, so the consequences kept building. A friend of mine says God would have spared him, had he listened. I believe that’s true.

I have rejected correction myself, so I know how it works. I am grateful to God because he got through to me before I exhausted his patience.

Recently I realized God had put me in northern Florida to heal me of the wounds I received in the snakepit of South Florida. Now I understand that he is also keeping me away from church so I can be healed of the wounds I received from backward Christians.

I doubt I’ll ever go to church regularly again. God showed me that almost everyone who has mistreated me or held me back in recent years was a Christian, going after me because I was open about sick doctrine. That’s quite a testimony. I have to be concerned about unequal yoking, not just when I associate with heathens, but even when I walk through the doors of a church. That’s a little too much opposition to put up with consistently.

Church should be like a wife. It should give you support and rest. It should back you up and help you succeed. My churches were like hookers. They only wanted me for what I could do for them. I sincerely wanted to help them do well, but they didn’t care about me at all. I was just a john.

My churches’ leaders provoked me to anger with consistent abuse. Provocation is temptation. I have enough temptation in my life without finding it at church. I know I have to forgive people, but I don’t want to subject myself to unrepentant, self-righteous people who require forgiveness over and over.

Jesus said you should forgive a brother seventy times seven times, but he didn’t say you should be grafted to such a person at the hip. Hanging around with abusive people is like remaining on a beach after the topless girls come out. The first time a person tempts you to be angry, it’s his fault. Every time you allow him to do it after that, it’s your fault.

None of this should be controversial. There is nothing unusual or surprising about receiving bad treatment from Christians. It’s what’s supposed to happen, in this world of deaf and blind believers. It’s normal. God told us it would happen.

Jesus and the prophets were killed or sent to be killed by Jews who believed in God and thought their persecution was pleasing to him. Jesus never had a problem with a pagan until the rabbis gave him to the Romans, and even then, the Romans did their best to turn him loose. The Jews insisted he be killed.

The Jews, not the Romans, stoned Stephen to death because he admitted he saw Jesus in heaven at the right hand of God. Paul sat by and approved. Before his conversion, Paul was a pious Jew whose job was to round up Christians and have them imprisoned by other pious Jews. He wasn’t a pagan.

Through a psalm, Jesus said he was wounded in the house of his friends. He said his own friend had lifted up his heel against him. If I draw close to God and then experience abuse from Christians, it’s not an anomaly. It’s confirmation of God’s word.

Life is so strange.

I’m not concerned about church any more. I will focus on healing, and if God sends me to a church later on, I will go. It’s a good arrangement. I don’t want my Sundays screwed up any more. Somewhere, there are people who can be blessed, and God will put me among them, church or no church.

Maybe you’re enslaved, like I was. Are your pastors proud? Do they listen to correction? Do they have a bunch of corrupt, inept relatives and friends who get cushy jobs and lots of unquestionable authority? Do they hide their finances the way my pastors did? Is your church languishing and failing to grow? Are you expected to donate excessive amounts of money, time, and work? Do you feel like you’re being restrained? Have you been persecuted for telling the truth? If you have had these problems, you may be in a cult.

It’s okay, and it’s important, to ask God to help you understand your situation. He didn’t create you to serve a self-anointed pharaoh, and he will be happy to set you free.

And Shabbat Shalom

If you read this blog, you may know that I visit Internet forums to keep up with my hobbies. I always complain about the negative attitudes I encounter. Rudeness is amplified on the web because people feel safe. It’s hard to punch someone who insults you from across the country. Today I got up and looked at my email over breakfast, and I found I had a private message at one of my forums. Someone was wishing me and another person a happy Easter. I don’t use the word “Easter” because it’s pagan, but other than that, it was a great surprise. Much better than starting the day with a message calling me a Nazi or asking me to cite multiple sources for a controversial claim such as “iron rusts.”

After responding to the message, I watched some Youtubes. I found a new series of healing videos. I thought watching God heal people would be a good way to acknowledge Passover, which is the real name for Easter. Tom Fischer, the guy I’ve been watching lately, has friends in Canada, and they go around healing people.

I want to stress that none of the people I watch ask for money when they heal. Tom Fischer has a Paypal account and so on, for donations, but those are for people who watch, not people he helps. He quit his job and uses the money to pay his bills while he wanders around pursuing his ministry.

It seems strange to watch Canadians heal people. I think of Canadians as naive, starry-eyed leftists, and leftism is enmity to God. But every country has a remnant of serious believers.

I’ll embed a video so you can see what they do.

It’s terrible that the church gave up on miracles. What a monumental sin church leaders committed when they started preaching cessationism (the belief that manifestations of God’s power stopped). Look at the weapons we threw away. Look how we blocked God in his desire to help people.

Carnal men took over the church, and because they were carnal, they didn’t know God. They didn’t know anything about him. They made up doctrine from thin air and pagan scraps, and they created the Catholic and Orthodox churches. The leaders didn’t know God, so they couldn’t do miracles or manifest any of the fruit or gifts of the Spirit. To save face and keep their slaves in line, they taught that God had stopped working in the earth. The black poison then ran down onto the Protestant churches, in a grotesque parody of anointing oil running down Aaron’s beard and clothing.

It’s bad not to be able to flow in God’s power and righteousness, but what about preventing other people from receiving his gifts? That’s infinitely worse. Millions of people have died with unsolved problems God was eager to fix, and millions more have been turned off by our powerless, corrupt churches. The apostles healed people as a matter of course, to show them God’s power and love, but all we can do is hand people a list of rules and tell them to tough it out until they die.

God wanted hordes of ordinary people to go around teaching and healing for nothing, and he intended to use ministers to replicate themselves, but man preferred a few ignorant old men in big, fancy, ridiculous hats.

You can go into established churches today and have ignorant old men tell you miracles are rare or nonexistent, while people who don’t go to their churches are actively working miracles all over the world. Here’s supernatural symmetry for you: the old men replicate themselves just as real ministers are supposed to. People who listen to them pop up in Youtube comments and criticize people who heal in God’s name. I’m talking about Christians, not unbelievers.

The Christian church has a sad history as one of the world’s largest and most successful terrorist organizations. We’re pretty peaceful now, but it hasn’t been that long since disagreeing with a pope or a preacher could get you tortured to death. Today I can talk about prayer in tongues and miracles, but not too terribly long ago, a person like me could have been falsely accused of heresy or witchcraft and then murdered in a way that would have caused great suffering.

An “infallible” pope threatened to torture Galileo, imprisoned him, and kept him under house arrest until he died. Pope John Paul II “recanted,” to use a term Galileo would have liked, long after Galileo’s death. Two infallible popes disagreed about a matter clearly well within the realm of doctrine, and the doctrine of infallibility didn’t suffer. That’s really something.

The Jews killed prophets, kidnapped and beat Jesus, and had Jesus murdered. Christians have a long history of crushing people who prove God is alive. There are no new types of error under the sun.

I’ve been healed numerous times. What am I supposed to do? Write a letter to the Pope or the heads of the dead Protestant churches and apologize? Should I get some matches and burn myself, to undo healings I’ve received? Should I say I don’t really pray in tongues or that I haven’t seen spirits, just to make dried-up old men who know nothing feel better about the nonsense they dispense?

Catholics teach that people like me–all non-Catholics without exception–go to hell. All. They have a temporary version of hell called purgatory, which contradicts scripture, and they say I may be lucky enough to go there instead of grown-up hell, but it’s still a hell. Jesus visited me personally twice and never mentioned this. I don’t know, but I’ll bet the pope has never met him. I base that on his leftism and his bizarre remarks about religion.

Think how different the world would be if men stopped fighting the Holy Spirit. A few people here and there are healing others and getting them free from things like addiction and homosexuality, but most churches are against them, and generally, if you go to a church for healing or deliverance, you will get…NOTHING. Then we expect people to stay in the faith, with no reason to believe there’s anything to it. What if most Christians were capable of healing people and setting them free?

Uptight Christians say we shouldn’t follow signs, and they use this doctrine to shut down the miraculous, but who provided more signs than Jesus and the apostles? They were sign factories. They shed signs like trees shed leaves. They healed people so they would know God was real and that he loved them. The Bible says signs will follow us, and it doesn’t provide a cutoff date. How can that be squared with cessationism?

On one side, we have churches that hate miracles, and on the other, we have huge TV ministries that fake them for money. They seem different, but it’s the same thing. Both types of churches work to discredit God and come between him and people he wants to adopt.

Seeing people set free is wonderful. It’s so great, it’s tempting to try not to believe it. We hate having our hopes shattered, so instead of risking it, we kill our own hope and miss the obvious. We feel like we can’t lose if we don’t play, but that’s not true. Everyone is on the field, all the time.

Youtube has startled me by turning out to be a blessing. Can any good thing come out of Youtube? It’s a celebration of idiocy. If you’re careful what you search for, you can find wonderful things.

My advice is to go after the supernatural. Paul said, “Follow after charity, and desire spiritual gifts, but rather that ye may prophesy.”

Christianity is a supernatural thing. It’s not a list of rules. It’s not a lifestyle. It’s about spirits and supernatural righteousness and power. We can’t make it work on our own, and we were never asked to.

Squiddly Diddim Bop Em Diddim Plop

I have been resting today. Earlier I had a supernatural experience, and I have already written about it. Since it happened, I’ve felt much better, but I’ve also felt drained.

I finally got up and did something relatively useful. I walked to my game camera and took it down. Yesterday I put it up near a place where animals cut under my fence.

There were several videos in the camera, not including the one of me taking it down or videos that don’t show any animal life. The first two were the usual coons, but I also got a coyote and a fox.

The interesting thing to me is that these predators showed up during the day. I thought coyotes were nocturnal, but one crossed my fence between 1 and 2 p.m. I’ll post a capture.

The fox showed up at around 8:30 this morning. I had put some stuff down to attract animals, and it appears that it was gone before he arrived. He nosed around looking for it.

I’ll post a shot of the fox I filmed earlier this month. As you can see, it’s a different fox. It’s younger, and its coloring is more brilliant. It’s much smaller than today’s fox. So it looks like I have at least two foxes here, and our backward government will not let me shoot either one of them!

What do they want? Do they want foxes overrunning the place? Do they want them crowding me off the recliner and fighting over the remote?

Don’t tell me tyranny doesn’t exist.

Today’s fox seems nearly as big as today’s coyote. The coyote seems small, although I’m not equipped to judge. Maybe it’s young.

Their behaviors are different. The fox seems carefree. It’s intent on finding food. The coyote seems worried. He raises his head over and over and sniffs the air, like he knows there is a guy on a recliner, thinking of coyote pelts.

It’s as if they know the hunting laws. Coyotes are legal 24/7/365. Foxes are sacred. You can’t hunt them at all. No wonder the fox is relaxed.

The coyote video is encouraging because it shows I don’t have to be up at 4 a.m. to shoot one of these guys. It’s discouraging because the coyote is already nervous even before my arrival. I think he’ll be as wary as Donald Trump speaking at a Sierra Club dinner. Of weeds and mold and whatever it is they eat.

I’m disappointed that I haven’t filmed a bear. That would be neat. People keep expressing doubt that we have a bear, but you know what they say. Poop don’t lie.

I found some exciting new poop today. Poop is my new hobby. You could call me a poop watcher. I don’t know what it is. It’s not a coon. I don’t think it’s a bear. It’s not a bobcat or a coyote. It doesn’t look like fox poop. It’s sort of like very small, more or less rectangular cow manure.

Scanning the numerous helpful poop sites on the web, I have to conclude that it must be a bear after all. Maybe it’s a very small bear. Maybe it’s a big one that eats too much cheese.

You’re supposed to call poop “scat.” Seems pretentious. Looks like plain old poop to me. Scat is poop with a college degree.

I don’t want to think of poop when I listen to Ella Fitzgerald.

I have never seen deer poop here, and I’ve only seen a couple of things that looked like they could be turkey poop. When we bought the property, I made a big mistake. I had it surveyed. I had it inspected. I had a title search done. I did not do a poop inventory.

Live and learn.

I heard a bird of prey call while I was walking in and I saw what must have been a big hawk. It was sitting in the top of a hickory tree. It was huge. We have little hawky-looking birds here the size of crows, but this one would have fed three people.

When I got to the house, two sparrow sort of things were flapping around in the garage. They could not find the giant open door, so I opened the other one, increasing their odds of escape by 100%. They made it.

I have started putting seed in our feeder, partly to attract birds to amuse my dad (who turned out not to be interested in them), and partly to attract squirrels and get them fat and stupid for squirrel season. I’ve seen some strange birds going after the seed. I saw some that were tiny and bright yellow. I think that’s what I saw in the garage today.

It has occurred to me that I could go out and look at birds. But the only good optics I have are attached to rifles. I don’t know if I want to have a game warden spot me aiming a .308 at an eagle. There is probably a law against it, even if you take the bolt out of the gun. Wardens have heard a lot of clever excuses. “I’m just carrying my friend’s rifle.” “I’m just sitting in a covered deer blind with a Ma Deuce because it’s hot out.” As a result, the laws prevent you from doing just about anything that resembles hunting, unless you do it to animals in season. You can probably get fined for saying “BOO” to the wrong animal.

I think I’m forbidden to even walk within a certain distance of a tortoise hole. Like I know where they are.

I like the game camera. I should have bought a better one, but this one is fun. Maybe I’ll eventually see something other than a crow, coon, coyote, or fox. If I do, I will certainly let you know.

Blaine and Antoine Get Their Pom-Poms

I was going to get up and stop blogging after publishing my last entry, but a couple of things happened. I want to mention them.

First, I felt the spirits of fear and anger leave me. When spirits leave you, you may feel a sort of spasm or contraction. In the Bible, a spirit “tore” someone as it left. Anyway, I feel much better now, and I hope I can hang onto it and avoid provocation.

Second, I read that two men have become LA Rams cheerleaders.

This is interesting to me, because I am one of the few people on earth who talks about the conflict between Hellenism and God. Hellenism is the adoption of certain Greek customs. It was a huge problem when the Greeks ruled Israel.

The Greeks worshiped professional athletes, and athletics, which should be trivial, was very important. Athletics helped people make connections and succeed. Athletes competed nude, and when Jewish men stripped, their circumcisions were seen. Some Jews became ashamed of circumcision, and they tried to disguise it or undo it. Some people refused to circumcise their sons.

Circumcision is a very big deal to Jews. It’s the sign of the Abrahamic covenant. It’s far from optional.

The Greeks also promoted homosexuality through sports, and to Jews, homosexual relations are abominable.

Hellenism was very destructive to Judaism, and athletics was one of the weapons Satan used.

The US is plagued with Hellenism. Our universities accept students who lack the mental capacity to succeed, in order to put them on sports teams. We also have pampered athletes who compete for a living. We pay them incredible salaries. We let them commit crimes. Our women beg to have sex with them and try to have their illegitimate babies. We go to football games on Sunday instead of going to church.

Organized sports promote pride, dishonesty, aggression, lust, and homosexuality. Even sports organizations that discourage homosexuality as policy feed it in private.

I don’t like pro sports. They’re sick and evil. I don’t care who disagrees. I don’t care if God managed to speak through Tim Tebow. God has spoken through a lot of people who weren’t where they should have been. You will notice God took Tebow off the field.

If God wanted Tim Tebow to continue and succeed in the NFL, where would he be today? A lot of people prayed for him to make it, and God didn’t listen.

One of the signs that pro sports are idolatrous cult activities is that people get furious when you point it out. The anger is way out of proportion to the offense. That’s a demonic thing.

I watched a video of the new cheerleaders. They’re very, very effeminate. They’re not going to be like Ronald Reagan and George Bush, who belonged to college squads. They’re going to be sexually provocative, just like the girls. I’ll embed the video.

Am I upset by this new low? I think it’s bad, but I’m also pleased, because maybe there is some hope that football idolaters will feel this slap. Anyone who goes to or watches a Rams game will have these men thrown in his face for three hours. These dancers won’t just be dancing. They’re cheerleaders, not ballerinas. They’ll be doing their best to arouse men sexually.

Maybe it will make people think.

Unequal Yoking has a Price

I had a fascinating experience last night.

Yesterday I wrote about spirits I’ve noticed, operating in my presence. The ones I mentioned were spirits of fear and groundless anger.

While it was still dark today, I woke up, and a spirit of fear was with me. I was very anxious…about nothing. Usually when we have emotions, we are able to come up with explanations. For example, if I had to be sentenced to prison today, I would tell myself I was anxious or afraid because of that. This morning, there wasn’t a rationale for my anxiety. I have little challenges, but things are going very well.

I use the word “rationale” because I know our emotions aren’t as connected to circumstance as we think.

I know I’ve had emotions that were not caused by my circumstances. For example, when Jesus visited me in the night, I felt overwhelming joy, and I knew I was going to be safe forever. My circumstances hadn’t changed, apart from the visit. After the visit, the joy left, and so did the knowledge that things were going to be all right.

When I entered the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum, I felt grief fall on me like a cold blanket being dropped over my back. I knew it wasn’t my grief, because I wasn’t a good enough person to be that affected by the misfortune of others. It was the grief of the Holy Spirit.

I used to suffer from depression. I thought I was depressed because I lived with abuse, because my parents had a marriage of discord and torment, because I did badly in school, or because I was dissatisfied with my social life. I later learned I was depressed because I was depressed. I heard irrational negative thoughts all day. I didn’t have a good reason to be depressed; there is no such thing. Even when you have no hope, depression isn’t necessary or helpful. I was young. I was very able. I had great opportunities. Another person in my situation might have felt very encouraged in spite of the problems.

I’m sure spirits were involved in my depression and the grief I felt at the museum. I know they produce many of the emotions, thoughts, and drives we think originate in us. I know the emotional state of Jesus filled me when he visited.

This morning, in my dark bedroom, I believed I had a spirit of fear, so I did what you do when spirits trouble you. I fought it supernaturally. I spoke defeat to it. I asked God to drive it out. I commanded it to leave. I prayed in the Spirit.

There are levels of belief. For example, I have a certain level of belief in Jesus right now. When he visited me, the level was much higher. I knew he was there. If he had physically manifested himself, I suppose the level would have been higher still.

I believed a spirit of fear was after me right away, but when I started fighting it, I became very aware that it was distressed, and that I was feeling fear that came from a separate being. I could feel it moving in me, in turmoil. My belief that a spirit was with me became knowledge.

I continued fighting it, and eventually things subsided, and I went to sleep. I can’t say it’s gone for good, but I scored a knockdown with God’s help.

Some people say love is the opposite of fear. I don’t think that’s true, but John said perfect love casts out fear, so perfect love and fear can’t coexist. I think that when God’s supernatural love flows through you, it pushes out fear, not because fear is its opposite, but because you naturally prefer love to fear. Love takes up your attention, and fear can’t get a hearing because it’s repulsive and no longer makes sense.

When God’s love is flowing in you, God is with you, and you can’t be afraid in his presence unless you have an issue you need to address.

That’s my best guess. When people say love is the opposite of fear, it doesn’t ring true with me, and when I ask God if it’s true, I get no confirmation.

The people who say love is the opposite of fear are generally people who aren’t Christians, and I don’t accept doctrine from the lost.

God’s presence is like light, and all forms of evil are like darkness. His presence annihilates them, the way light annihilates darkness. It’s not a battle. When God appears, where he is, evil instantly ceases to exist. When God is present, love flows from him like light from the sun. I’ve felt it, not just emotionally, but physically. When he’s around, you can feel the rays of love bathing your body.

Actually, light is like God’s presence. His presence existed first.

I have some confirmation. Look at what I found when I checked 1 John:

Again, a new commandment I write unto you, which thing is true in him and in you: because the darkness is past, and the true light now shineth.

He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in darkness even until now.

He that loveth his brother abideth in the light, and there is none occasion of stumbling in him.

But he that hateth his brother is in darkness, and walketh in darkness, and knoweth not whither he goeth, because that darkness hath blinded his eyes.

I don’t think love and fear are opposites. I have the conventional, ancient, nearly universal belief. I think anger is more like love’s opposite. It certainly cuts off love in me, more than fear does.

If anger cuts off love, you would expect anger to open the door to fear, because it blocks the presence of the one who annihilates fear.

That makes more sense to me.

I have pursued God’s love for a long time. I know anger is poisonous, and I know it’s an issue with me. I spent years cultivating an anger addiction. I always pray for God to help me love people and to forgive them. Especially the most vicious people in my life. But anger is a habit, like fear, and I am tempted to be angry many times every week. I am subjected to vexatious behavior from people who love darkness.

Provocation by obnoxious people who love to cause suffering is temptation. Trying to stay free of anger when there are vexatious people in your life is harder than getting free after those people are removed. It’s like trying to get free of lust while living in an apartment in the back of a strip club.

We don’t call provocation “temptation,” and that’s remarkable, because that’s what it clearly is.

When Jewish leaders beat Jesus and spat on him, they were tempting him. They wanted him to sin so Satan could have him condemned and destroy his power to keep people free while alive and out of hell after their deaths. Satan also wanted Jesus in hell very badly.

The spirit of anger is the spirit of murder. I learned I had it a long time ago. God mentioned it to my by name. I had it cast out, but it returns, so I still have to battle it. It doesn’t mean I have any desire to harm anyone physically. I could never do that except in a self-defense situation, and I don’t want to. It just means that when I get angry with people, I have a desire to diminish them, take their dignity, and remove them from my life. The Jews believe verbal abuse is a sort of murder.

Orthodox Jews who hate Jesus call him “YESHU,” which, in Hebrew, is an acronym for “May his name and memory be blotted out forever.” Some Jews who have accepted Jesus say that, at least. It’s not just a mean name. It’s an attempt to annihilate him.

One wonders…what is better? To ask God for deliverance from obnoxious people, or to be made so powerful in love, obnoxious people can’t make headway?

Here is what I think, based on the Bible. You should do both.

The Bible tells us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. They tempt us in all sorts of ways. It also says we should not put God to the test. When you associate needlessly with unbelievers, you test God. Clearly, then, we should avoid being around nasty people when we don’t have to.

Jesus got away from vexatious people. He spent a certain amount of necessary time with them, and then he took off. If Jesus himself didn’t hang around with his enemies, neither should we.

As for being built up in love, that’s a fundamental goal no Christian questions.

Prepare for conflict, but avoid it. That makes sense to me.

I know people who got married or pregnant before getting to know God. Their pain is tremendous. They are stuck in relationships with people whose presence is like being flogged, or they are recovering from such relationships. Sometimes the problematic partner changes. Usually, they don’t, and it doesn’t matter what the believing partner does, because any conversion can be prevented by free will.

Being single has its downside, but like I always say, the wrong woman is literally worse than cancer. No one ever commits a murder-suicide because of cancer.

The spirits of fear and murder are desperate to stay with me and work on me. They use abusive people. They use people who won’t listen. They use caffeine. They use every tool they can pick up.

If I can get lasting victory over these spirits, God’s love should flow through me unopposed, and I should feel considerably better.

This stuff is important. You have to maximize God’s presence in your life, and you can’t dictate terms. You have to do it his way. Give up what he tells you to give up.

I envy people who have very limited exposure to the nasty and the boorish, and who spend a lot of time sharing love with like-minded individuals. I expect to get there myself some day.

More Data for my Soros/DHS File

I did exactly what anyone who knows me would expect me to do. I ordered a bolt-action rifle in .204 Ruger, and I’m also getting a night scope. I am becoming a full-tilt-boogie deplorable.

This is the kind of hardware that makes Hillary supporters wet the bed. The only thing worse than a deplorable who can shoot you from 20 feet away in broad daylight is one who can shoot you from 400 yards away at night with very little chance of being caught.

I often wonder what liberals think about modern shooting technology. In truth, I doubt they know about it. Their knowledge of guns is like my knowledge of gay porn or the vocal stylings of Barbra Streisand. I don’t know much about it because I don’t want to be exposed to it.

Liberals say things like “shotgun rifle” and “assault weapon” as though they made sense. They think AR-15’s are automatic weapons; they say it all the time. Most of them probably have no idea America is full of Republicans with thermal night scopes, wireless IR game cameras, and rifles with suppressors. They’re probably only dimly aware that some people make their own ammunition, or that a lot of us can make our own guns if we have to.

I’ve been watching Youtubes of people using thermal and IR night scopes. It would make Hillary faint and fall into her van all over again. Americans would make the most dangerous guerrillas on earth. The Second Amendment WORKS. God help anyone who comes after us. Not that he would.

We can take unsuspecting agents of tyranny out from very long distances, day or night. We can conceal ourselves visually and thermally. We can do all sorts of stuff. And there are so many of us, if the government turned against us, they wouldn’t have enough personnel or hardware to deal with us.

People say the government could overpower us with its machinery and weaponry, but they only have enough of that stuff to fight what? A million people at a time, tops? And they’re trained to fight helpful people who show up together in big clumps, wearing uniforms. They don’t do so well against multiple isolated attackers who resemble friendlies, spread out over wide areas, attacking at random times. Look how the Viet Cong frustrated them.

They would be in real trouble if they went up against, say, 100 million internal enemies who know all their secrets. And many cops and soldiers would turn and fight on our side. Many would fight the government from within.

Liberals are terrified of semi-automatic rifles, but if things got crazy, I think armed civilians would do more damage with hunting guns, which liberals pretend to like. Guerrillas don’t engage head-on. They use surprise. They attack from cover and disappear. Doesn’t that sound like hunting?

If a nut was mad at me, I would much rather have him kick in the front door and try to get me with an AR-15 than shoot me from under a bush a quarter-mile away.

Maybe Uncle Sam could win another civil war, but I think he would suffer very badly if he tried.

It’s interesting to think about. Personally, I can’t imagine taking part in armed resistance, because I think it’s carnal. But it’s nice to learn new skills. I’ll say something else. When the leftist-controlled government finally comes after Christians, it will be better to hand the local kapo your rifle and surrender from a position of power than to turn yourself in because you can’t fight back. Anybody can surrender from a position of weakness. If God calls on us to refrain from violence and submit to execution, the godless will benefit more if they see that we had a choice.

Jesus wasn’t captured. He sent Judas for the high priest, and he waited.

I wanted something to shoot animals in the area above squirrels and below deer. I wanted low recoil so I could see hits through a scope. I wanted super-duper accuracy. I think I got it. The .204 Ruger looks like a wonderful gap-filler between .17 HMR and .308 Winchester.

The night scope was not cheap, but I had a credit card point gift card I hadn’t found a use for, so I emptied it. I used to use my own credit card points to buy tools, but that’s harder to do these days. Now that I’m on a farm with my dad, a lot of the tooly things I buy are charged to him. It’s important for me to avoid spending my own money because of the death tax. If I’m using a tool around his farm, it makes no sense for me to pay for it.

If things work out, I should be able to try everything out this weekend. I can’t wait. I think after this I can stop buying guns for at least 6 months.

Except maybe a .22 pistol.

Which barely counts.

I better go out and take the game camera down. I bought rechargeable batteries for it, so now I’m using it again. With regular batteries, it would have gone through about 20 AA’s a week.

Wish me luck. I’m hoping to find out which bear has been pooping here.

Sometimes Resistance Proves You’re on the Right Track

For the last couple of days, I’ve felt like Satan was mounting a fresh offensive against me. He’s against me all the time. He tormented me when I was a kid. He’s a coward, so it’s natural that he would go after children, including the unborn. He’s always against me, but the intensity of his attacks varies. Lately I’ve been getting stronger in repentance and prayer, so it makes sense that he would launch a new offensive.

He’s always predictable. His bag of tricks is very small, and it never grows.

God has been showing me things about spirits that have been working in me. I turned back to him 11 years ago, but there is still a lot I have to do. The speed of my renewal has been limited by ignorance. I looked to men to tell me what to do, and they told me things that were wrong and omitted things that were essential. Thank God for prayer in tongues. Through it, God bypasses pulpits and cuts through error.

I have problems with a spirit of fear that comes to me, and I also have trouble with anger.

Fear is a great tool for attacking people who live by faith. I quit planning my life, and I gave up my law practice. I quit promoting my books. I’m pretty old. I can’t reasonably expect to go work in a mailroom somewhere, work my way up, and develop a new career. Satan has an easy angle of attack. He can tell me what I’m doing is irresponsibility, not faith, and that I will pay in the end. I’m fine now, but he says, “What if you lose what you have? What if banks collapse? What if an identity thief takes everything?” Of course, I know God has me covered financially. He has told me that again and again. But he doesn’t harp on financial issues the way Satan does. Satan can’t shut up.

As for anger, sometimes I get angry at people for things that shouldn’t bother me at all. I feel impatience with people who are simply weak or limited. This is not something I want in me. Even at the instant I feel it, I hate it, and I speak defeat to it, but I continue having to battle it.

You can have an iniquity you hate and refuse to act on. Very strange.

My belief is that problems like this are demonic. When you have a sinful inclination you don’t even like, it can’t be just you.

When I was a kid, I used to feel anger toward people who wore glasses, as if seeing poorly and wearing glasses were things they did on purpose. I felt anger toward people who had other flaws. My vision was better than normal. I couldn’t empathize with people who wore glasses. I empathize with them now! I have about 15 pairs of reading glasses distributed through the house.

I don’t know where I got the inclination to be angry at people for things they couldn’t help. It must have come through my dad, because my mother was never like that. My dad was angry at people about just about everything.

I feel I have to keep closing doors. Things I thought were okay a year ago seem dangerous and counterproductive now. They seem like weights and shackles.

For a long time, I’ve known caffeine was bad. Now I’m pretty sure I can’t even have decaf. It’s not caffeine-free, after all. It’s just very low in caffeine. I feel that I have to give up chocolate, which contains the stimulants theobromine and caffeine.

Chocolate is interesting. It comes from the Americas. Indians in South and Central America believed it was given to man by one of their false gods. It was believed to be an aphrodisiac, and it was used in rituals. The word “theobromine” means “food of the gods.” The Indians believed chocolate gave men power over women. They were right about that!

The other day I had a hard time falling asleep, and I hadn’t had any caffeine. At least, I hadn’t had any coffee. I had had some chocolate though. I read up on it and saw that it can keep you awake and make your heart pound.

I don’t want to go through a laundry list of my iniquities, beyond fear and anger, but they’re common things.

For a few years, I’ve felt that Christians needed to be more serious in this era. I’ve felt that we couldn’t get away with things we got away with in years past. I compared the world to a sinking ship. When you’re filling lifeboats, you don’t kiss and cajole people. You take them by the arm and say, “Drop your suitcase and get your ass on the boat.” Christians can’t be as gentle or patient as they used to be. Satan is taking over America, and the weak will be consumed.

I got a confirmation of this while watching a Tom Fischer video. He said the path was getting narrower. No argument here.

I don’t think God bothered people about chocolate and coffee 25 years ago. We didn’t need to be as sharp as we do now.

It’s startling how things have changed. Today I read that a professor of theology at a Catholic university wrote a paper or something claiming Jesus was a “drag king,” which means a lesbian who dresses like a man. He thinks Jesus was physically attracted to the disciples. It’s disgusting. You would expect it from a Jewish Marxist at Columbia University, but the deluded, lost person who wrote this mess thinks he’s a Christian and an expert on Jesus. And Catholics are paying him and providing for his pension!

We are DONE. We pay many, many people to teach our children things like this. We have given up. We don’t even try to resist. America is so filthy it beggars description. NOW, not 10 years from now.

I have given up the “once saved, always saved” mantra. It would be nice if it were true, but I don’t think it is. I want to stop sinning or at least minimize it.

I hate to keep referring to Tom Fischer, but he mentioned a man who claimed to have visited hell. The man said the angel who escorted him told him hell was his lot because he was angry at his wife all the time. He didn’t say it was because he molested kids or embezzled or beat his dog. Just anger, without repentance. That was disturbing. I can’t say it was true, but it’s something to think about. Holding onto anger is wrong even if it won’t take you to hell, so it’s a good lesson.

Another strange thing: I feel like I’m grieving for my dad, who is still alive. I’ve had that feeling before. Last year or the year before, God told me his patience with my dad was gone. He had given him relatively good health and success in spite of the things he did and his contempt for God. God had even given him a few conspicuous miracles, which my dad acknowledged, to wake him up. It didn’t work.

Since 2015, my dad has lost the ability to work, and he has lost control of his circumstances. He has a problem which typically kills people in 4 to 5 years, and he is a couple of years into it. After all that, he’s still in denial.

I don’t like to consider what our family could have been like, had we submitted to God. It’s too terrible to dwell on. So much was wasted. My dad’s wife is dead, from a disease caused by drug addiction. He has no grandchildren. He has never seen a child marry. His daughter is an estranged felon who probably lives in government housing. He has no friends. He offends people constantly. He has nothing to do.

His Christian doctor used to send him Christmas cards, showing the doctor and his wife, kids, and numerous grandchildren. I know what my dad thought about the cards. He thought, “What is wrong with my children? Why didn’t they do this for me? I was a good father.” I know that because he has said things like that to me.

You can pray for a person to accept God. You can do it all day, every day. It’s a complete waste of time unless the person agrees. My dad tells himself he has done everything right. He sees himself as wronged. He denies his pain. He says he has never had a bad day in his life. That’s not just the devil. That’s him.

I have protected my dad from himself. I used to pray about his health every day. I helped him get a CPAP. I got his doctor to force him to quit doing certain things (including the one which may be the main cause of his cognitive problems). Had it not been for me, he would have been completely incapacitated by now. I can’t carry him forever, though, especially when it comes to crossing heaven’s threshold.

His time is short. He will ask God to save him when he’s in his final terror, and that will have to do.

God put me in charge of everything my dad has. I now know how to manage it and do the books. I deal with everyone. My dad is 100% out of the loop. No one he used to know has his phone number; he can’t learn to use the phone, anyway. I will inherit everything. God has prepared me to look after it. This was not the original plan, but that’s how it is.

I thought I would stay in northern Florida, but I don’t see it that way now. I love it here, but I don’t seem to be putting down roots that would make it hard to leave. Before I got here, I told a friend I thought God would take my dad not long after we moved. I still think that’s true. I needed to move here to show me I could get away from Miami, and so I could start healing. I believe I was also intended to be of some help to a friend who lives here. Now I know I don’t have to be in Florida to look after business in Miami. I can move even farther away. Flying to Miami from Knoxville would be easier than driving from Ocala.

I think I’ll be in another (hopefully very red) state by the end of next year.

God hasn’t written these things on a scroll and delivered it to me. I could be wrong. I hope I’m not. I hope he moves me farther north, to a place more suited to me. Once there, I’ll do whatever it is he has left for me to do on earth, and then I’ll die or be raptured.

As Usual, Preachers not Helpful

The more exposure I get to Christians who hear truth from God, the angrier I get about the garbage I was taught in the past.

I have to forgive, so I do. I can’t hold the anger. I say I forgive bad preachers in the name of Jesus, and I ask God to forgive their sins against me. That’s mandatory. But I have to say, I marvel at the load of excrement people have handed me over the years. It’s like a dumptruck load of poop containing a few tiny diamonds.

I hate to use his name again, because I don’t want people to think a man has the answers to their problems, but today I watched another Tom Fischer video, and once again, he said something God had also told me, which no preacher had ever said to me: the principle of unequal yoking doesn’t just apply to marriage. He told some kids they needed to stay away from people who were negative about God.

Here is the context: he was healing someone at an amusement park, and her friend dragged her away, so she didn’t get what God wanted her to receive.

I’m looking at the pertinent Bible passage, to quote it, and I’m startled to see how ignorant I have been, even today. I’m so used to hearing this passage cited with regard to marriage, I think of it as a marriage teaching. That’s wrong. It’s very general. It applies to friendships, businesses…everything.

Here is what Paul said in the first book of Corinthians:

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?

And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.

No mention of marriage! I’m very familiar with the Bible, but it’s a big book, and my memory is flawed. I was surprised to read this.

The fourth psalm says, “But know that the Lord hath set apart him that is godly for himself: the Lord will hear when I call unto him.” Notice how it connects separation with having your prayers heard.

I am torn when I think about this. I’m thrilled to get confirmation, but it also makes me think about my dad. He is like a traveling zone of permanent dusk; a little area in which it’s always dark. A cloud seems to surround him. And I live with him and take care of him. That’s serious proximity.

One of the annoying things about Trinity Church, where I worked as a volunteer, is that the family that runs the church doesn’t teach people to separate themselves from the world. They’re against it, because they are ignorant about God and the Bible, and because they love money. They want to be as inclusive as possible. They try to make Jesus cool. While I was there, they played dirty secular songs at services. They showed a filthy Tyler Perry movie in which people discussed VD at the dinner table.

Greedy preachers are very pushy about forcing excessive contact with the children of darkness. After all, some children of darkness go to church and tithe. The preachers want us to rub elbows with the lost. They want us to immerse ourselves in them, and the rationale is that we will reach more people that way. They remind is that Jesus associated with drinkers.

The big difference has to do with leadership. Greedy preachers are followers, not leaders. Rich Wilkerson, Sr. (Trinity’s pastor) is a huge follower. He adopts whatever seems to work in rich megachurches. He doesn’t hear from God, and he doesn’t appear to care what God thinks. He has gotten old, his megachurch and TV ministry dreams still haven’t come true, and he appears to be looking frantically for a quick fix.

He’s like Saul, the cursed king who couldn’t hear from God and turned to a medium instead.

When Jesus associated with drinkers, he was a leader. He didn’t play beer pong and learn how to pick up women. He offered people a way out, while retaining his own righteousness. He rejected the ways of the people around him. He never told them what they were doing was okay. He spoke the truth at all times.

When you’re around unbelievers, you will evangelize them, and they will evangelize you, even if no one makes a conscious effort. In other words, you will be a pro-God force among them, and they will proselytize you for Satan. If you’re not a leader, you will lose.

When the Wilkersons play Kanye West songs and put Kim Kardashian in a VIP seat, they’re followers. They’re like whimpering dogs, rolling over to show Satan their bellies, hoping for a quick rub. They have no dignity and no power. They are doing what the crowd wants, and the crowd is controlled by Satan and the flesh.

Satan controls the crowd. The crowd controls the Wilkersons. Satan controls the Wilkersons. This is the danger a preacher faces when he kneels and grovels before the unsaved world.

I remember going upstairs to Richie Wilkerson’s office once. Richie is Wilkerson’s son. I was amazed to see Oprah Winfrey’s magazine displayed proudly on the table in the waiting room. Winfrey is an enemy of Christianity. She openly admits she’s not a Christian. She promoted Eckhart Tolle’s non-Christian cult. Her materials should not be in churches.

Winfrey says she rejected God when she read the Bible passage in which he said he was a jealous God. She chose to believe in something else. She judged God, believing herself to be morally superior to him.

I wasn’t a preacher, and I knew Winfrey was toxic. Every American Christian should know this. Winfrey is poisonous bait for the uninformed. She’s a huge promoter of homosexuality, leftism, racism, idolatry, and female rebellion. But here were a preacher and his wife, displaying her infectious pus in a church. The congregation was something like 80% black, so you may have some ideas as to why the magazine was placed there.

A leader would have told his flock to get away from Winfrey and West, but when West dropped by the church, Wilkerson tweeted about it, calling him a “great friend.” I don’t know what he did for the church. Maybe he gave Wilkerson money.

Megachurch preachers woo rich people because of mathematics. They teach the unscriptural law of tithing (an obligation that never applied to Gentiles). The tithe is 10%. A greedy preacher knows that if West nets $100 million in a year, the tithe would be $10 million. I believe that it was for this reason that the armorbearers at Trinity were required to pamper people like West, Kardashian, and various professional and even college athletes.

You’re not supposed to tithe. The tithe is law, it never applied to Gentiles, it was for the temple (not churches), and in any case, we are above the law.

Preachers like Wilkerson love to tell people they’re not under the law, because it helps them attract insincere Christians who want to keep sinning. But there’s one law they support with all their hearts and souls: the law of the tithe.

I saw a tithe-hungry preacher say Gentiles had to tithe because Abraham tithed on a single occasion before the law was written. What Abraham gave was a freewill offering. He did it because the Holy Spirit told him to. We know of no other example of Abraham tithing. In any case, Abraham was a patriarch of the Jews: the only people who would ever be commanded to tithe.

The worship of Mammon has ruined a lot of churches. One nice thing about one-on-one ministry is that no money is needed. You can talk to your friends without incurring any overhead at all. It’s free. It’s fast. It’s efficient. And it keeps you out from under the iron hands of blind preachers who tell their flocks what to do.

Preachers block God all the time. A preacher told me not to tell people they could lay hands on each other. Can you believe that? He said if the wrong person laid hands on someone, a demon could go into the person being healed. So if your son has been hit by a car, and the pastor hasn’t approved you to lay hands, you can’t do anything but pray.

I don’t think believers can send demons into unsuspecting people. Jesus said the things that come out of our own hearts defile us. We do a fine job pulling demons into ourselves. I have no reason to believe other people can shove them in when we don’t open the door.

The preacher also said you should never lay hands on a person’s head. Something about bad stuff going into their minds. If I have the power to inject demons into people’s skulls, why would you let me come to your church?

Paul told Timothy not to lay hands on people suddenly, but he didn’t say only certain people could lay hands. Here is what Jesus said:

And these signs will follow those who believe: In My name they will cast out demons; they will speak with new tongues; they will take up serpents; and if they drink anything deadly, it will by no means hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover.

As I have said many times, God showed me that getting the toxic people out of my lives was much more important than bringing good people in. The principle of unequal yoking is very important and very powerful. You shouldn’t have a spouse or lover who is against God. You shouldn’t have lovers, period. You shouldn’t have friends who are against God. You shouldn’t go to a workplace where the atmosphere is anti-Christian. If you have problems like this, you should seek to be loosed. Ask God to provide better alternatives. I still have one or two connections I don’t want, and I am going to look for God’s help in getting free.

It’s very, very good to have a Christian spouse, children, or friends, but you can survive without them. It’s crucial to get rid of the God-haters in your life.

Anyone who is not led by the Holy Spirit is led by demons and fallen angels, at least part of the time. Demons and fallen angels hate me so much it can’t be described. My suffering is like crack to them. They pursue it without resting. It should be obvious to me that I have to keep cutting ties, and that I should reject new friends who are potential problems.

I use Internet forums, even though one of their main functions is to facilitate communications of baseless malice. I have a lot of hobbies, and forums can be helpful. I went to a forum to get advice on hunting and shooting. Some guy from my county started telling me I could only shoot on pieces of land that exceeded a certain minimum size, and he claimed the county limited shooting hours. He could not shut up about it, and he was rude and aggressive. In Florida, only the state can pass laws regulating firearms. He wasn’t even close to right, and he refused to check. Anyway, he ruined one of my threads, and he came to another and started in. Oddly, he also sent me a private message, inviting me to a place where people shoot skeet and trap.

It’s not unusual for abusive people to try to make friends while they’re abusing you. They have to do things like that in order to establish control. They’re asking permission to put a leash on you.

I would love to shoot skeet and trap, but I’m not going near this obnoxious, arrogant guy. Satan sent him to provoke me. Why would I enable him? He’s full of anger and poison. I told him never to hijack one of my threads again, and I used the forums “ignore” feature so I would not see any more of his material. I deleted his messages.

That’s how I should have acted all my life. Pray for people and forgive them, but…cut…them…loose. Fast. Instead, I attached myself to a lot of people who kissed up to me at first and then started running me down and trying to control me.

Try that today. You have no chance. I am utterly ruthless about cutting people off, and I do it instantly, without warning. Then I literally forget about it. There aren’t a lot of people I miss.

If you’re abusive, you know it. When I set you free, I’m not going to insult my own intelligence by explaining it to you. The explanation would just prolong my exposure to you.

The more people you expose yourself to carelessly, the more shots Satan has at the target. He will shoot all sorts of missiles, hoping one sticks.

I wonder if this is why I’ve always hated joining things, and why I’ve limited my friendships. Maybe God put those tendencies in me to limit the harm people could do.

The world is hell’s roof, and people are very, very messed up. They are dangerous, even when they seem nice. Anyone who doesn’t hear from God has the potential to be programmed to hurt you. If you want to win, you have to get authority and call the shots. You have to be the head and not the tail. If you’re around an unsaved person, there should be a very good reason.

While I was writing this, I deleted my Facebook account again. I only created it so people could find me and so I would have access to the Facebook pages of companies I wanted to deal with. It became a source of vexation to me. I kept getting “friend suggestions” featuring cheap-looking women wearing sleazy, provocative attire. No one I know used Facebook to contact me.

Sometimes I looked at friends’ pages, and I saw silly, disturbing posts supporting gun control and BLM or slandering President Trump. I don’t need that in my life. Those people are not really my brothers and sisters. They are half-Christians who don’t hear from God and hate correction.

I thought I might need Facebook to contact a company or something, but that hasn’t happened. Maybe the last time I deleted my account, I should never have returned, even in a limited way.

I Hate Live Oaks

God keeps straightening me out. It’s wonderful.

It’s funny that I used the term “straighten,” because the Bible uses a Hebrew word meaning “crooked” to describe iniquity, or the habits that make us sin. A person who has an iniquity is like a spring. You can pull a spring straight, but it will try to go back to its original shape, and people with iniquities are the same way. Once you’re bent and sealed, you lose the ability to straighten yourself without help. I suppose this is why Jesus healed a woman who was bent over. It was his way of showing us he was not only willing to forgive our sins, but to take away the demonic habits that force us to continue sinning.

When I pray these days, the main thing I ask for is correction. That has been true for a long time. I’m not going to search my blog for “correction” to find out how long, but it has been my main concern for quite some time. It’s one of the best things to pray for. All the other good things in your life are like branches. Correction is the root and trunk.

I feel like I got some correction yesterday. I set my pasture on fire, and I learned something from it.

I was burning debris. I had a big pile of live oak leaves, and I put branches and twigs on it. I had a permit from the forestry people. The weather looked safe. I got it going, and after a while, I took the tractor about 200 yards away to pick up more stuff. I would guess I was gone a couple of minutes. On the return trip, I saw smoke coming from a new place.

I was not happy. I drove over to the pile, grabbed the hose, and ran. Somehow the fire had jumped a hundred feet and set the grass on fire. During the few minutes I was involved with getting the additional debris, I would say 3000 square feet had gone up.

The hose is 150 feet long, and the farthest extent of the new burn was about 170 feet away. You can imagine my state of mind. I was able to spray a little over 20 feet, so the flames were just within reach. When I got to the burn, the wind was blowing toward an area with a lot of dry grass. I remembered what God had taught me. I spoke defeat to the difficulty of putting out the fire, and I asked for help. Instantly, the wind changed direction.

The fire spread much more slowly after I arrived than it had at first.

I got the fire put out, and I definitely got some exercise.

You can imagine the possibilities that were going through my head. “Am I going to burn my neighbors’ houses down? Am I going to prison?” I have no idea what the legal consequences of a burning accident involving a legal fire would be. I had tried to do things right, but I know lawyers. They would make lists of things I could have done, and they would ask why I hasn’t done them, and to a Monday morning quarterback with the benefit of hindsight, sitting on a jury, those things would have looked obvious.

The adrenaline was going pretty good at first, but when the flames were out and I was just hosing the ground to keep them down, I felt very peaceful. I don’t understand that.

When it was all over with, I asked God if I had done something against his will, to cause the problem. My feeling was that I needed to revisit the blog post I had written earlier that day, to examine it and take out anything that looked suspect from a spiritual point of view. Back at the house, I did that.

It was a very strange accident. You’re not supposed to burn things on windy days, and the weather looked good when I started. The forestry people didn’t have anything to say when I called for the permit; they monitor the weather. I did my homework, but after I started the fire, the winds increased very suddenly.

How can anything travel 100 feet through the air and set a new fire? I’ve had the wind kick up during debris burns before, and nothing like that happened. I assume it was the live oak leaves. Those things are a curse.

I have probably put more than a ton of leaves on the pile since I got my lawn sweeper a couple of months back, and I have a lot more leaves to go. I have to get rid of them because they kill the lawn. They’re unbelievable. When I started burning them, I expected them to burn fast, but a live oak leaf pile will burn for three days, and if you put 200 gallons of cold water on it and stir it with a shovel, it will start burning again after you leave.

I am genuinely surprised that no one has harnessed the potential of live oak leaves. As kindling, they have no equals. Easy to start. Long burning. Impossible to put out. There must be some use for them.

Once things were calm, I went to Tractor Supply and bought a lawn sprinkler. I aimed it at the burn pile. It has been going all night. I am taking no chances. After it had been going for over an hour, the leaves were still smoking.

I prefer to receive correction during prayer. Alarming problems are not my preferred type of lesson. But they work really well.

I don’t think God burned the grass, but we open doors to spirits that hate us, and God gives them permission to do bad things. From the Bible, it’s clear that he uses these things to teach us. Look at Job.

Charismatic churches don’t teach much about accountability or the connection between our errors and our earthly problems. They’re afraid it will impact their income. The Bible is different. Over and over, we see Biblical figures who have problems and are then told what they did wrong to cause them. It’s not just an old covenant thing, because it happened in the New Testament. Somehow the feel-good preachers think God has made a rule change, and as a result, we miss out on valuable lessons.

I suppose this is why we keep stepping in the same piles of poo over and over, and it must be why the new piles get bigger as we age.

Correction is sometimes unpleasant, but it’s priceless. Ten seconds of correction can save you from a lifetime of misery. Correction is a key that opens prison doors and lets Christians out. When God gives me correction, I try to see it as a gigantic gift, because that’s what it is.

I don’t whine any more. I don’t say, “Why me?” I’ve done so many bad things in my life, any bad thing that happens to me is justified and fair. Regardless of what book covers may tell you, bad things don’t happen to good people. There are no good people. Good things do happen to bad people, however.

Trees symbolize people, and leaves are works. Wonder if that means anything.

In related news, I’ve been thinking a lot about internal healing.

As a male, I do my best to ignore problems I think I can’t fix. If you go long enough without letting yourself think about a problem, you forget you have it.

I won’t apologize for putting my problems away. I didn’t know God until I was in my twenties, and I was raised with cruelty and darkness. I knew Satan very well. I dreamed of him every night until I was at least seven. I felt his presence. I woke up at night and saw reptiles and two-foot-long bugs crawling all over the walls and bed. I had a lot of problems, and I didn’t have God’s solutions, so I used the flawed tools I had. I sucked it up and kept living.

I was completely powerless when I was a kid. I couldn’t fight demons. I couldn’t fight or even get away from abusive people. If someone wanted to mistreat me or someone close to me, I had to sit and wait for it to be over. Best I could do. What a way to live.

It was so unnecessary; God fixes such problems easily. But I had no one to introduce me to God, so a situation like mine was to be expected. It was normal. Satan’s world is like a coop full of chickens; some chickens are on top, and some are on the bottom, being pecked incessantly. I was on the bottom.

While you’re away from God, you collect demons, like a rock growing mildew. They become your constant companions. It doesn’t matter if you’re a nice person or you try to do what’s right. Everyone who is away from God lives in a degenerate state. When you’re in that state, demons exert control over you. They whisper to you all day. You take on their thoughts and emotions. It’s as though they were part of you. The real you, disentangled from the mildew and its deep, winding roots, would be hard for you to recognize. Meeting him would be like meeting a stranger.

That person would be much cleaner and healthier than the demon-encrusted version of himself.

As time passes, God keeps showing me internal damage and corruption that need to be fixed in order to increase his power and peace inside me. It’s as if I’m vomiting things I had forgotten I’d eaten.

After I started seeking God, he told me that getting rid of the wrong people in my life was much more important than adding the right people. That’s a harsh testimony against humanity, but it’s true.

I was cursed. I attracted bullies and users. Maybe 10 years ago, I started cutting people off. There were also people I didn’t have the good sense to cut off. They stopped talking to me. I think their demons didn’t want me to interfere with their sick parasitic relationships with these people. Eventually, I recognized the toxicity of these individuals, and I chose not to go after them. In fact, I worked proactively to get rid of them. I cut them off.

Being alone is not great, but it’s infinitely better than being with children of darkness who reinforce Satan’s work inside you. And if you’re a Christian who knows God, you can’t truly be alone. You can be isolated from human beings but God will always be within and around you.

I made a lot of progress cutting out the dead wood after I turned back to God, but I still got involved with some very oppressive people. The pastors at Trinity Church were dangerous, like quicksand. They were human traffickers pretending to be shepherds. They snared people with false warmth and the lies of the prosperity gospel. Then they squeezed money, free work, and man-worship out of them. Anyone who spoke up for God was scolded or marginalized.

There was a nice old man named Pastor O.A. at Trinity. He was completely serious about God. He had been there long before the Wilkersons took over. I saw him talk in the pastor’s prayer group once. He piped up unprompted and said some very sincere things about God. The pastor waited until he stopped, and then he moved on. It was like watching a father deal with a mentally ill son having an outburst at the dinner table. No respect.

Pastor O.A. was not ambitious. He cared about human beings. He ended up teaching a sparsely attended Bible study on Saturday mornings. I don’t recall ever seeing him speak at a service in the church he served for decades.

Even the serious people at Trinity got stunted by the pastors. They trusted the leadership to help them grow, and because they put too much trust in them, they ended up trapped.

There was a wonderful lady who worked making costumes for Trinity. She was also an armorbearer and dancer. It seemed like she was always at the church. Nothing they asked was too much. She passed her prime, single, at Trinity. This was a very attractive lady with a lot to offer. They got her.

The pastors at my next church were a lot better in some regards, but pride got them.

I involved myself with church “ministries,” which means volunteer teams. I encountered considerable oppression from the people on these teams, as well as the people who ran them. Some of the most oppressive people meant well. They were just ignorant. They didn’t pray in tongues much, and they swallowed every lie that came down to them from venal preachers who worked for Satan. They didn’t believe in questioning any preacher who worked in front of a TV camera.

I think a lot about the “house prophet” at my last church. He promised people all sorts of things. He gave us candy instead of meat. “You’re going to have twins.” “The church is about to explode with prosperity.” I don’t know of any prophecies that came true.

It took me a while to realize he was not hearing from God. At first, I thought he was the real thing.

Eventually, the church set the “prophet,” who was younger than I was, over me as a mentor, and he was always saying things to suppress and discourage me. It was like Satan saw a spring bubbling up and sent him over to cap it.

I don’t know what he’s up to today. The church is gone. It imploded in disgrace, taking his prophecies with it. I wonder if he ever discussed that with anyone. He never contacted me to retract the things he said to me in God’s name. He is probably still in spiritual trouble.

I have prayed for him, but I don’t call him. It’s hard to offer correction while talking to a person who sees himself as a sort of dad and has a doctrinal bias against self-criticism. The leadership of the church, which included him, saw me as a loose cannon. They asked a friend of mine to keep tabs on me and report. Hearing about that was disturbing. It reminds me of the secret meetings Pastor Wilkerson had after I left Trinity. I’m not a person the house prophet would listen to.

I didn’t push for promotion anywhere. I did what I was told to do, and I didn’t worry about getting an opportunity to share what God had told me. I felt frustration, but I figured something would happen eventually. It never did. I was able to help a number of people privately, but I accomplished little as a church agent.

I used to try to help people by asking them to come to church. I stopped doing that at Trinity, and I stopped doing it at the other church. So did another person I know. We felt frustrated because we knew we were offering them tainted goods. We should have invited them to private prayer with us.

These churches were just like ordinary businesses. The best way to get promoted was to be a relative of the boss, even if you were ignorant and completely carnal. The second-best way was to be one of the boss’s pals. The third-best way was to be aggressive and to flatter the boss. People in these three categories got platforms. I only got to speak in private, or during times when open testimony was allowed.

The world is an amazing place. You flee to the church because you’re used and bullied, and what do you get? Christian users and bullies.

And we feel good about our churches! “We’re the ones with the answers. We are the righteous. I mean our church, not that stupid church across the street.”

Jesus said Satan was the god of this world. He’s also the god of many churches.

Churches used me more than the helped me, and when I tried to help others, they got in the way.

I used to respond to negative people by becoming like them. They had mantles of darkness over them, and I let them give me a little mantle of my own. It gave demons power over me. Now it’s important to do deep cleaning. I have to get God’s help in recognizing all of my iniquities, not just some of them. I have to go after the ones I kind of enjoy.

I have to give up a lot of what I think of as my own personality.

God takes up the slack when the human traffickers fail. He instructs. Last night, he told me something interesting: I have to quit thinking of sin in terms of degree. For example, as regards transgression, there is no difference between looking at a woman in a lustful way and going to a strip club for a nude lap dance. Staring at a woman at the grocery store is the same sin as looking at pornography. It’s not harmless.

This reminds me of the time I saw preacher Steve Munsey, on the stage at Trinity, making squeezing motions with his hands at chest level, saying, “You can look, but you can’t touch.” This is what he taught the congregation, including kids.

No; you can’t look.

I try not to look at women the way I used to. I cut myself off and repent and apologize to God. But I have been laboring under the delusion that when I fail, it’s not a real sin. I thought of it as an almost-sin, or a miniature sin, because the women were clothed, and the slips were brief. That’s wrong. If it’s anything beyond a couple of seconds of fruitless temptation, it’s a sin.

The same must be true of other things, like cruelty and covetousness and so on.

In this world, avoiding lust is not a simple task, especially with the epidemic of whorish behavior we’re seeing now. exhibitionism is in style, and we treat people who are against it the way we should treat people who are for it. We treat them like pedophiles.

If I sin, it’s my fault, but it’s certainly not helpful to see whorish women naked or in skimpy attire every time I turn on the TV or the computer. I don’t need to see female exhibitionists displaying their wares in stores or at church.

Satan was very smart to fill modern women with rebellion and exhibitionism. It makes every attractive woman dangerous to male believers, merely by sight. It’s a hard thing to fight. You can’t go up to a stranger and throw a beach towel over her, and you can’t sit in your house with the blinds drawn all the time.

I wonder if the danger of minimizing sin is why I felt compelled to give up even small amounts of caffeine. Drugs are drugs, even in small quantities.

I no longer believe all salvation is permanent. Supposed witnesses say hell is full of Christians, and I believe it. I believe that when I become aware that I’ve sinned, I need to repent and ask for forgiveness right away, even when I commit “small” sins. I need the presence of God all the time, and sin interferes with it.

Getting away from Miami was crucial. I was mistreated there every day. It’s hard to heal when people keep reopening your wounds. Up here, I’m around people who don’t go after me like crows on a dead rabbit. Their presence is generally positive. It still feels very strange. It’s hard to believe it’s real. It’s hard to trust.

Life should be a series of ascents. You ascend from godlessness to holiness. You ascend from unbelief to belief. You also ascend out of the presence of vicious people, into solitude or the presence of better ones. You ascend out of the presence of evil spirits and into the presence of God. You should always be moving up. If you’re not, something is wrong, and you need to find out what it is.

God says there are no misfortunes for the saved; only lessons. When something goes wrong, there has to be a lesson in it. If that’s wrong, we don’t really have the victorious lifestyle God promises.

One thing is for sure. God has to rule inside me, and he has to be unopposed.

I let the sprinkler run for 21 hours. I think I’m finally safe!

In my Family, we Don’t Bicker

I did a better job with McMuffins today, and I came up with a hot zero-caffeine beverage I can stand to drink.

I gave up on making three muffins at once. I settled for two. This made it possible to put Canadian bacon in with the eggs in one skillet. I also put a covered dish in the oven and got it hot before I toasted the muffins. When they came out, I buttered them and put them in the dish. The humidity in the dish took a lot of the hardness out of them. A reader suggested applying the cheese to the muffins before putting them in the warming area, and if I make McMuffins again, I’ll give that a shot. It would surely increase the humidity.

As for a beverage, I put about half a teaspoon of true cinnamon in about 1-1/2 cups of milk with a tablespoon of sugar, a little salt, and some vanilla. Nuked it until hot. It was not bad. I would say it’s 90% as good as decaf, and that will do.

I used true cinnamon even though I like Chinese cinnamon better. There is a chemical in Chinese cinnamon which can affect the liver.

Things worked out okay, and I didn’t completely wreck the kitchen.

I barely cooked the bacon. I put it in the hot pan for a minute or less. It comes pre-cooked, so you don’t have to do much.

It’s still kind of small. A decent type of ham, like Serrano, would be better.

Ordinarily I don’t get out of bed until I’ve prayed for a couple of hours, but today I decided to eat first so I don’t have kitchen conflicts with my dad. He will stroll in when I’m cooking something and start running appliances as if I weren’t there. I would blame dementia if I could, but it’s just his way. Other people have never been fully real to him.

I don’t want him emptying the dishwasher, either. I don’t like eating off of things he has handled.

I ate breakfast with Youtube healing videos. I used to go to church and watch people talk ABOUT God, saying things that weren’t true or useful. Now I watch someone exercise God’s power. I used to hobnob with people who pretended to be saints on the weekends yet who knew almost nothing and lived pretty much as they wanted as soon as they got off the property. Being alone with videos of a sincere Christian is better than being in a crowd of 1500 hypocrites and willful ignoramuses.

There are a lot of ways to find out whether someone is ignorant about God. One quick way is to say, “What’s your sign?” If they don’t tell you astrology is demonic, you’ve smoked out a superficial Christian. Another way is to ask them about their political views. Having no views isn’t all that bad, but leftist views indicate a lack of familiarity with the Holy Spirit. Leftists have been working to undo God’s work for centuries.

I went to church with a lot of leftists who loved astrology. Women were the worst. They love turning the government into a husband/sugar daddy, and women are suckers for idolatry. Satan knew what he was doing when he went after Eve. If you want to hear about astrology, tarot cards, crystals, or yoga, your best bet is to talk to a woman, because most men don’t pay much attention to such things.

It makes sense that women would be more open to temptation, because a husband or father is supposed to be a shepherd of the family. Shepherds are supposed to keep sheep from straying.

I love watching far-off Christians on Youtube confirm what God has told me. For years, I’ve been telling people, “Everyone is spirit-led. The only question is which spirit they’re following.” The other day I watched a Tom Fischer video, and he said exactly the same thing. I have never heard anyone else say it. Not once in my life. But he recited it as though he were reading my mind. Why? Because God said it to both of us. Man, it’s nice when Christians have Holy Spirit harmony. But it’s so rare.

I knew a very arrogant man at my last church. When he gave his opinions about God, which were sometimes complete foolishness, he would say, “My revelation about this is…”, and he was clearly indicating that the things he said were opinions. He thought that was acceptable.

Revelation comes from only one source: God. Does God have opinions? Does that even make sense? Imagine God saying, “I could be wrong, but…”

God doesn’t have opinions. He has the truth. Only the ignorant have opinions. Revelation isn’t opinion, and opinion isn’t revelation.

I got a neat revelation from God, about the curse of illegal immigration. The Bible clearly states that a rebellious nation will be cursed with powerful aliens. I shared this publicly, and the arrogant man I’m talking about started rebuking me. He was a former illegal. It didn’t occur to him to ask God if I was right before he got in the face of the Holy Spirit. He was an emotional person, and he was not a listener. Dealing with him was like dealing with a rebellious woman with a short fuse. Men are supposed to be stable and level-headed.

I was sharing a genuine revelation with someone who had a poor prayer life and a lot of ambition, and he got in God’s way instead of assisting. This is normal, all over the world. The problem is worse than usual in Miami, but it’s bad everywhere. We don’t hear the Holy Spirit, so we think debate is a good thing instead of the curse it really is. If the body of believers is the machine, the Holy Spirit is the oil, and when the parts aren’t oiled, they grind against each other.

Being a Christian in Miami is like trying to farm on a rock mesa with little pockets of soil. There are very few opportunities to plant or grow anything. Miamians are the smartest people on earth, regardless of what their test scores say. They know absolutely everything.

It’s wonderful to turn on Youtube and see a few Christians in agreement with each other and God. I can’t tell you how strange it is to see it.

When the Holy Spirit is behind something, and people yield, things go smoothly. I see this in the evangelism Fischer and his friends do. They go up to some of the least-promising people imaginable–Jews, Europeans, and Muslims–and the first thing you know, those people are healed, and they’re accepting Jesus. Like it’s completely normal; not extraordinary in the least. I’ve done evangelism, and I’ve seen other people do it. Almost always, it makes people uncomfortable or angry, and they take off. When the Holy Spirit is with you, he shows you which fruit are ready to drop, so you get remarkable results when common sense says you should fail.

You have to stay away from pursuits God hasn’t prepared for you. They don’t work. It’s like trying to march into a wall of briars. The other day God told me something neat: you have to stay within your anointing. God will anoint (authorize) you to do certain specific things. If you do those things, he will help you and make it work. If you do other things, you are likely to fail. Worse, you may get success from Satan so you will become arrogant, lose your connection to God’s guidance, and keep wasting your time.

When Benny Hinn and Morris Cerullo started telling people God would make people rich for tithing and donating money, they went outside their anointing. God never authorized it, and he doesn’t back it up. When you give too much money to churches, it vanishes, and God doesn’t return it to you unless you repent. You can tithe yourself poor. Satan gives prosperity preachers success, even though their followers wither and go broke. He’s fattening them up like beef calves.

My last church taught the feel-good gospel and the money gospel, and Satan got free rein to destroy it, as I predicted. The man who got in my face with opinions was the pastor’s brother-in-law. He was a huge supporter. He was ambitious for God, which is always disturbing.

He was what you might call a Kool-Aid drinker. He kept his foot on the gas no matter what happened. He and his wife went from mere relatives to top authorities in the church, fast. Then the pastor got caught up in a sex scandal, and the church dissolved.

There should have been some self-examination, as well as some examination of the pastor and his doctrine, but the brother-in-law did what conceited authorities always do: he shot the messengers and abandoned the victim. “The corrupt priests aren’t the problem; Yeshua is the problem, because he criticized them in public.” “Jeremiah is the problem.” “Isaiah is the problem.” “Micaiah is the problem.” “Elijah is the problem.”

I am not planning to go to a bricks-and-mortar church yet. I ask God about it, and the message seems very clear: “NO.” I don’t know why he says that. I would like to be among Christians, even if I have very low expectations of the teaching I would receive and plan to ignore it.

It’s not, “No,” with a small “o.” It’s two capital letters!

Thank goodness for Youtube, the solid friends I have, and God’s presence. I assume I will someday be part of a group that meets to pray. Until then, I will be taken care of.

Can’t Compete with Minimum-Wage Chefs

I have embarked on a fool’s errand. I tried to make my own Egg McMuffins. I have done this before. Guess I didn’t learn my lesson.

A long time ago, I bought myself a couple of synthetic clamshell-looking dishes. You put eggs in them and microwave them, and then you put the eggs in your fake McMuffins. You get nice round eggs. They work okay, but nuked eggs aren’t as good as fried eggs.

This week I picked up some English muffins, Canadian bacon, and cheese, and I gave it another try.

Here’s my conclusion: McDonald’s deserves more credit. These things are hard to make.

To create a McMuffin, you have to fry eggs and Canadian bacon at the same time, because they have to go on the muffins simultaneously. This means two separate pans. It does for me, anyway. I wanted three McMuffins. You also have to toast multiple muffins at the same time, and before you put the eggs and stuff on them, they have to be buttered. You have to take cheese slices out and warm them up, because if you put cold cheese on a McMuffin, it stays hard.

You also have to cut butter slices and soften them in the microwave, unless you want to mash cold butter into your muffins and ruin them.

Making round fried eggs isn’t hard. You put them in the skillet gently so they don’t spread out much, and you fold the edges in so they stay round.

I tried making McMuffins two days in a row. I am not happy with the results.

Yesterday’s batch was better than today’s. I didn’t burn anything, and everything came out more or less as it should have, but they weren’t as good as the real thing.

1. The muffins were hard on the outside. McDonald’s puts its muffins in wrappers, and the steam is confined in the paper. This, I am guessing, softens the outsides of the muffins. Because my muffins were hard, when I bit down on them, it took more pressure to bite through, so the contents of the muffins were squashed.

2. My Canadian bacon was small and tough. it was also a little dry. Somehow, McDonald’s manages to make its Canadian bacon cover nearly the same area as the egg, and when you bite through the bacon, it cuts cleanly, because it’s not tough. My Canadian bacon was considerably smaller than the eggs, and it was hard to sever. It tended to pull out of the muffins in one piece.

Today’s effort was worse. I blew a circuit breaker and interfered with the toaster cycle, and when I started it again, I got a muffin that was too dark. If McDonald’s did that to me, I would be pretty critical. It’s unusual. I also threw a buttered muffin on the kitchen floor. That was not intentional. I was handling hot food and moving as fast as I could, and it happened. I ended up with two full McMuffins and one topless McMuffin.

I fried the bacon just enough to get it hot, and I put the bacon and toasted muffins in the oven to keep them warm until the eggs were done. The bacon was still very small compared to McDonald’s. I suppose the brand at my grocery store is unusually small.

What’s the answer? It’s probably best to give up and use ham, and I need some way to take the hardness out of the muffins. Maybe I should toast them and put them in a small covered dish in the oven. And making three McMuffins is just too hard. The toaster can only cope with two muffins.

I should also quit using real cheese. Real cheddar doesn’t melt and get gooey the way McDonald’s fake cheese does.

It’s a real production, no matter how you do it. McDonald’s has an assembly line, a method, and multiple personnel, so they have a big edge.

Breakfast is a meal that requires time-management skills. Everything has to be presented nearly at once. If your toast gets cool, you can’t reheat it without ruining it, and toast gets cool fast. Eggs that aren’t cooked hard will be very hard indeed if you reheat them. Making breakfast food is very simple, but if you can’t get it to the table on time, it’s not going to be good.

I have a warming area above my range, with heat lamps. I’m going to have to learn how to use it.

Most meals aren’t as fussy. Consider a big Thanksgiving dinner. Mashed potatoes can be nuked to warm them up. So can yams. So can beans. Doesn’t hurt these foods at all. Consider steak and potatoes. A baked potato can sit for 15 minutes, waiting to be joined by the steak, after you take it out of the oven. Or you can leave in in the oven at 200 for an hour. That’s a lot of slack.

My hat is off to McDonald’s. I can make McMuffins much more cheaply, and unlike McDonald’s, I don’t serve stale decaf coffee or decaf which is really regular coffee (and stale), but I can’t make them better.

I may have to forget about decaf as well as my other coffee alternative, hot chocolate. A long time ago, God told me, “Caffeine destroys peace.” I am very sensitive to caffeine these days. I got that way after I started praying in tongues a lot. I can’t drink real coffee. Sometimes I can get away with drinking tea, if I take a Benadryl before bed. But last night I kept waking up, and all I drank yesterday was decaf.

I looked it up, and decaf has something like 20 milligrams of caffeine per cup. When I was in law school, I would have laughed at that. I started every day with a quart of coffee. Now things are different. Twenty milligrams may be too much. And chocolate has enough caffeine and theobromine in it to cause problems, too.

What am I supposed to drink at breakfast? No coffee, tea, decaf coffee, hot chocolate, or decaf tea. I don’t want sugary drinks, including fruit juice. I might have to look into chicory.

I like having something hot to drink in the morning. I’m old. It shocks my body back to life.

Today I tried a crazy idea: hot vanilla. It’s like hot chocolate, only you make it with vanilla. It’s pretty lame. Better than water, though.

Incidentally, Benadryl is not a great answer to my problem. It makes you feel funny after you wake up.

Here is what I suspect. Drugs open doorways in the spirit realm. It’s very obvious when you look at hard drugs like LSD and psilocybin. People taking things like that see demons, angels, and (they think) God himself. They have visions. There are religions in which the use of psychodelic drugs is a requirement.

Maybe you don’t need to see demons and angels to be affected adversely by a drug. Maybe boring drugs like nicotine and pseudoephedrine (Sudafed) are more dangerous than we think. One of the most popular cheap drugs is dextromethorphan, which is found in cough syrup. Take enough of it, and you will trip. There are people who trip on diarrhea pills.

Caffeine is a drug. If you don’t think it’s a drug, eat a tablespoon of instant coffee and then see if you change your mind. I suspect that God wants me to stay away from all mind-altering drugs. Sort of a Nazirite thing. Remember how he forbade Samson to cut his hair with a razor or to drink wine and strong drink? Those were special laws, just for Samson.

I don’t have any problems with alcohol. Not yet.

I think God is trying to shut my doors to the enemy. Maybe he’s giving other people the same message, but if he is, it’s not well known.

Chocolate! Can you believe it? I didn’t see that coming! I hope pizza isn’t next. I don’t care much about coffee, but chocolate is incredible.

I’m not sure about any of this, but I know what God told me about caffeine, and I know I’m having problems when I consume it.

I think it’s time to give up on McMuffins. It was a fun experiment, but I don’t want to throw food on the floor every morning.

I am so Predictable

I had an interesting shooting experience yesterday.

I set three targets up in the pasture, drove the golf cart about 100 yards off, set up my table, popped out the bipod legs on my .17 HMR, put it on the table, and noticed that it had no magazine.

I’ve had the .17 HMR for something like 10 years. I don’t recall for sure. During that time, there have been many occasions when I noticed that the box magazine, which projects downward from the gun, was hard to seat positively. Somehow, after mashing it in place dozens of times, I did not put two and two together and say, “I’ll bet this thing could drop out easily.”

Well, now it has dropped out. I drove around the pasture and various other areas where I had used the rifle, and then I gave up, packed up, and went home.

I have a new gripe. Savage rifles only come with one magazine. Glocks come with two. S&W pistols come with two. Savage…one.

Prayer did not help. I checked websites to see which local store would have the magazine, and I ended up calling Gander Outdoors. They had the magazine. I was in business. I drove and got it.

The standard magazine holds 5 rounds, which is fine as far as I’m concerned. I can’t think of any reason why I would need to shoot more than that at one time. And it’s nice for target shooting. I like to shoot 5 rounds and take a break to think. With the Savage, you fill the magazine over and over, and you don’t have to count.

I also ordered a spare magazine. They sell 10-round jobs online for the same price as the 5-round magazine I bought locally, so I figured…what the hell. Can’t hurt. Now, in order to ruin my next outing, I’ll have to lose two magazines instead of one. That is somewhat less likely.

I like going to Gander Outdoors because a) guns, and b) I get to interact with Ocala people without my dad present. My dad lives in a black cloud of resentment and determined rebellion other people can smell, so even though I love him, I have to limit my exposure, especially when other people are involved. People who meet me when I’m with my dad and then get to know me later say I’m not at all like they thought.

The cashier pronounced my first name right. I was thrilled. In Miami, Cubans call me “Steffen,” and when I correct them, they argue with me! Okay, sure. I’m middle-aged, and until today, I didn’t know what my name was. Thank you. Gracias.

It’s not just Cubans. “Stephen” is a Biblical name, and people don’t read the Bible any more, so many people are familiar with it. The pronunciation problem happens mostly with Latins and, for some reason, blacks.

I would not be surprised if a lot of black people who love church don’t read the Bible. Black churches are really just community centers. Black people love church, whether or not they care about God. He’s sort of a side dish.

White people hate church, so when you see us there, it’s usually about God.

The lady at the register said she named her son “Steven,” with a “V,” because she was afraid people would get it wrong, even up here. I told her that when people pronounce it wrong, they’re admitting they don’t read the Bible, and they don’t even know it.

She has waited on me before. I can tell she’s a Christian. I don’t have to ask. Christians–and I don’t mean worldly people who go to mass on the way to the casino–radiate warmth other Christians can detect.

It’s great to be around people I have things in common with. Latin culture is selfish, abrasive, angry, loud, and packed with arrogance. Some Latin countries are not like that, but they haven’t made a big contribution to the population of South Florida. Living in Miami was like being dragged through thorn bushes all day. Every person I dealt with inflicted a fresh scratch.

Last week, I realized people here were healing me. The kindness and patience are filling in the Miami scratches as time passes. That’s exciting. I don’t want to feel sore and battered for the rest of my life.

I like not being provoked all the time.

I rarely talked to strangers in Miami. I didn’t like repeating myself over and over or using pathetic hand gestures to communicate, and I also didn’t like rude, condescending treatment. Here I surprise myself by blurting things out to people I don’t know.

Some day I might conceivably become friendly.

My mother always told me I had been a very warm, friendly, extroverted baby. She said I reached out to people and tried to get them to pick me up. I got sick and nearly died when I was about 8 months old. She thought that was what changed me. It wasn’t. My family changed me.

It would be weird to be like that again; to be friendly, I mean. I would not know myself.

I asked someone at Gander Outdoors about a .204 Ruger. They don’t sell or order them, so I think I’ll go with Bud’s. Daddy needs this gun. Bad. Yes he does.

Well, since I wrote the last paragraph, I have done splurged. This will shock no one.

I was going to get a .204 Ruger made by Savage, because Savage is great. But I learned something interesting. The .204 Ruger rifle has a problem reminiscent of the 10mm ammunition mess.

The 10mm round was intended to be a raging beast, but because some early 10mm pistols were inferior crap which didn’t hold up to the 10mm’s power, most ammunition makers neutered their offerings. This is a great reason not to buy a 10mm pistol unless you can make ammunition. To get acceptable velocities, you will have to spend $50 per box.

In a sort of similar failure, most makers of .204 Ruger rifles use a 1:12 twist in their barrels. This is fine for smaller rounds, but most people find they get poor accuracy with 40-grain bullets, which are desirable for certain things. The very thought of buying a .204 Ruger that isn’t accurate is appalling. A lot of people complain about the twist rate.

One manufacturer–Thompson/Center–bucked the trend and designed a .204 with a 1:11 twist. People say it works fine with 40-grain bullets. And it’s guaranteed to shoot 1 MOA at 100 yards.

You can buy a new barrel for a Savage, with a faster twist. But what’s the point? Part of the fun of buying a Savage is outshooting people who have expensive guns. When you blow $300 on a new barrel, you’ve moved up to a whole new bracket, and you still have Savage’s little crude touches, to remind you where you came from.

T/C’s popular .204 is the Venture. It comes in a Predator model. For an extra hundred bucks or so, you get a thin, slick layer of camo paint which wears off easily. I was not able to see any virtue in this option. The stock isn’t that great, and you can get a better one from Boyd’s. If you do that, then what do you have? A camo barrel and a stock that doesn’t match. And you paid for a stock you don’t use. And then the camo paint wears off the barrel, and things are even worse.

Here’s something else. While I was in my usual coma, someone legalized rifle suppressors in Florida. To put a suppressor on a rifle, you have to have the end of the rifle threaded. Imagine what that will do to your little painted twigs and leaves. I need a suppressor. It will make my rifle safer and more annoying to liberals. Plus, it’s cool.

T/C makes a Venture model without the “Predator” BS. It’s exactly the same, but it’s black, and it’s a lot cheaper. And right now, Smith & Wesson, which is apparently also Thompson/Center, will give you an insane $75 rebate. So you can get a killer centerfire varmint gun for something like $375.

Are you kidding? I HAVE to buy that. It’s coercion. I have no free will any more. It’s like they tied me up and threatened me with an icepick or a stack of Justin Bieber CD’s. “Buy the rifle or spend ten hours listening to Canada’s favorite moppet!”

I may be wrong about all this, but sooner or later you have to make up your mind and buy something, so I did.

Now I have to think about reloading. Brass is super expensive for this rifle, compared to .223 crap that comes from the floors of gun ranges, so I think the best bet is to start out with factory ammo and save the cases.

I have never reloaded a rifle round. Have to get that figured out. I can’t let the press fill the cartridges, because it’s not that accurate. I’ll have to measure each charge by hand. And all the other stuff about rifle rounds, like trimming or whatever, will have to be dealt with. I don’t know much about those things.

If I get this working and get good at long-distance shooting, I’ll be a very dangerous person to my enemies. They won’t be able to get near me if I see them coming.

Of course, they could still sneak in and kill me rather easily. Hmm. Dang.

Also, I don’t have any enemies. None who are that serious, anyway. The only people who really hate me are more likely to pee on my car than try to murder me. Perhaps that will change when anti-Christian persecution gets heavy, but by that time, I’ll probably be ready to go. “Beheading? Sure. Let me sharpen your sword for you.”

The squirrels want me dead, but they’re not organized. And they’re easy to buy off with peanuts and sunflower seeds. They have no souls.

I have good daytime optics for the .204, but I am severely tempted to go ahead and get night vision. I’m looking into it. The scopes I am willing to spring for are not good enough for real distance, but then I suppose it would be weird to shoot at long range at night. Wouldn’t you think 100 yards would be more than adequate? Just guessing.

I better go outside and see if I can pop off a few rounds before I lose my new magazine. Thanks for listening.