Sometimes Resistance Proves You’re on the Right Track

For the last couple of days, I’ve felt like Satan was mounting a fresh offensive against me. He’s against me all the time. He tormented me when I was a kid. He’s a coward, so it’s natural that he would go after children, including the unborn. He’s always against me, but the intensity of his attacks varies. Lately I’ve been getting stronger in repentance and prayer, so it makes sense that he would launch a new offensive.

He’s always predictable. His bag of tricks is very small, and it never grows.

God has been showing me things about spirits that have been working in me. I turned back to him 11 years ago, but there is still a lot I have to do. The speed of my renewal has been limited by ignorance. I looked to men to tell me what to do, and they told me things that were wrong and omitted things that were essential. Thank God for prayer in tongues. Through it, God bypasses pulpits and cuts through error.

I have problems with a spirit of fear that comes to me, and I also have trouble with anger.

Fear is a great tool for attacking people who live by faith. I quit planning my life, and I gave up my law practice. I quit promoting my books. I’m pretty old. I can’t reasonably expect to go work in a mailroom somewhere, work my way up, and develop a new career. Satan has an easy angle of attack. He can tell me what I’m doing is irresponsibility, not faith, and that I will pay in the end. I’m fine now, but he says, “What if you lose what you have? What if banks collapse? What if an identity thief takes everything?” Of course, I know God has me covered financially. He has told me that again and again. But he doesn’t harp on financial issues the way Satan does. Satan can’t shut up.

As for anger, sometimes I get angry at people for things that shouldn’t bother me at all. I feel impatience with people who are simply weak or limited. This is not something I want in me. Even at the instant I feel it, I hate it, and I speak defeat to it, but I continue having to battle it.

You can have an iniquity you hate and refuse to act on. Very strange.

My belief is that problems like this are demonic. When you have a sinful inclination you don’t even like, it can’t be just you.

When I was a kid, I used to feel anger toward people who wore glasses, as if seeing poorly and wearing glasses were things they did on purpose. I felt anger toward people who had other flaws. My vision was better than normal. I couldn’t empathize with people who wore glasses. I empathize with them now! I have about 15 pairs of reading glasses distributed through the house.

I don’t know where I got the inclination to be angry at people for things they couldn’t help. It must have come through my dad, because my mother was never like that. My dad was angry at people about just about everything.

I feel I have to keep closing doors. Things I thought were okay a year ago seem dangerous and counterproductive now. They seem like weights and shackles.

For a long time, I’ve known caffeine was bad. Now I’m pretty sure I can’t even have decaf. It’s not caffeine-free, after all. It’s just very low in caffeine. I feel that I have to give up chocolate, which contains the stimulants theobromine and caffeine.

Chocolate is interesting. It comes from the Americas. Indians in South and Central America believed it was given to man by one of their false gods. It was believed to be an aphrodisiac, and it was used in rituals. The word “theobromine” means “food of the gods.” The Indians believed chocolate gave men power over women. They were right about that!

The other day I had a hard time falling asleep, and I hadn’t had any caffeine. At least, I hadn’t had any coffee. I had had some chocolate though. I read up on it and saw that it can keep you awake and make your heart pound.

I don’t want to go through a laundry list of my iniquities, beyond fear and anger, but they’re common things.

For a few years, I’ve felt that Christians needed to be more serious in this era. I’ve felt that we couldn’t get away with things we got away with in years past. I compared the world to a sinking ship. When you’re filling lifeboats, you don’t kiss and cajole people. You take them by the arm and say, “Drop your suitcase and get your ass on the boat.” Christians can’t be as gentle or patient as they used to be. Satan is taking over America, and the weak will be consumed.

I got a confirmation of this while watching a Tom Fischer video. He said the path was getting narrower. No argument here.

I don’t think God bothered people about chocolate and coffee 25 years ago. We didn’t need to be as sharp as we do now.

It’s startling how things have changed. Today I read that a professor of theology at a Catholic university wrote a paper or something claiming Jesus was a “drag king,” which means a lesbian who dresses like a man. He thinks Jesus was physically attracted to the disciples. It’s disgusting. You would expect it from a Jewish Marxist at Columbia University, but the deluded, lost person who wrote this mess thinks he’s a Christian and an expert on Jesus. And Catholics are paying him and providing for his pension!

We are DONE. We pay many, many people to teach our children things like this. We have given up. We don’t even try to resist. America is so filthy it beggars description. NOW, not 10 years from now.

I have given up the “once saved, always saved” mantra. It would be nice if it were true, but I don’t think it is. I want to stop sinning or at least minimize it.

I hate to keep referring to Tom Fischer, but he mentioned a man who claimed to have visited hell. The man said the angel who escorted him told him hell was his lot because he was angry at his wife all the time. He didn’t say it was because he molested kids or embezzled or beat his dog. Just anger, without repentance. That was disturbing. I can’t say it was true, but it’s something to think about. Holding onto anger is wrong even if it won’t take you to hell, so it’s a good lesson.

Another strange thing: I feel like I’m grieving for my dad, who is still alive. I’ve had that feeling before. Last year or the year before, God told me his patience with my dad was gone. He had given him relatively good health and success in spite of the things he did and his contempt for God. God had even given him a few conspicuous miracles, which my dad acknowledged, to wake him up. It didn’t work.

Since 2015, my dad has lost the ability to work, and he has lost control of his circumstances. He has a problem which typically kills people in 4 to 5 years, and he is a couple of years into it. After all that, he’s still in denial.

I don’t like to consider what our family could have been like, had we submitted to God. It’s too terrible to dwell on. So much was wasted. My dad’s wife is dead, from a disease caused by drug addiction. He has no grandchildren. He has never seen a child marry. His daughter is an estranged felon who probably lives in government housing. He has no friends. He offends people constantly. He has nothing to do.

His Christian doctor used to send him Christmas cards, showing the doctor and his wife, kids, and numerous grandchildren. I know what my dad thought about the cards. He thought, “What is wrong with my children? Why didn’t they do this for me? I was a good father.” I know that because he has said things like that to me.

You can pray for a person to accept God. You can do it all day, every day. It’s a complete waste of time unless the person agrees. My dad tells himself he has done everything right. He sees himself as wronged. He denies his pain. He says he has never had a bad day in his life. That’s not just the devil. That’s him.

I have protected my dad from himself. I used to pray about his health every day. I helped him get a CPAP. I got his doctor to force him to quit doing certain things (including the one which may be the main cause of his cognitive problems). Had it not been for me, he would have been completely incapacitated by now. I can’t carry him forever, though, especially when it comes to crossing heaven’s threshold.

His time is short. He will ask God to save him when he’s in his final terror, and that will have to do.

God put me in charge of everything my dad has. I now know how to manage it and do the books. I deal with everyone. My dad is 100% out of the loop. No one he used to know has his phone number; he can’t learn to use the phone, anyway. I will inherit everything. God has prepared me to look after it. This was not the original plan, but that’s how it is.

I thought I would stay in northern Florida, but I don’t see it that way now. I love it here, but I don’t seem to be putting down roots that would make it hard to leave. Before I got here, I told a friend I thought God would take my dad not long after we moved. I still think that’s true. I needed to move here to show me I could get away from Miami, and so I could start healing. I believe I was also intended to be of some help to a friend who lives here. Now I know I don’t have to be in Florida to look after business in Miami. I can move even farther away. Flying to Miami from Knoxville would be easier than driving from Ocala.

I think I’ll be in another (hopefully very red) state by the end of next year.

God hasn’t written these things on a scroll and delivered it to me. I could be wrong. I hope I’m not. I hope he moves me farther north, to a place more suited to me. Once there, I’ll do whatever it is he has left for me to do on earth, and then I’ll die or be raptured.