Are You Sure You’re Sure?

It’s remarkable how many things I “believe” but don’t really believe.

Of course, I am contradicting myself on a superficial level, but receptive people already understand, without my having to explain. Which I will.

Consider the times I prayed to be healed and then received miraculous healing. While I was praying and commanding my body to be healed, I believed God would heal me. Had I not, I wouldn’t have prayed, right? But I didn’t believe completely, in every corner of my heart. When the healings came, there was still some surprise.

People are fuzzy thinkers and fuzzy believers. When we reason, we aren’t afraid to discard things that appear to be facts, when they conflict with other evidence, our desires, our emotions, and our intuition. Surprisingly, fuzzy logic often leads to the better conclusions than non-fuzzy logic. When it comes to faith, we can hold a mixture of belief and unbelief.

It can be frustrating to deal with folks who think the human mind takes a binary approach to thought and feeling. The world is full of individuals who can’t tolerate the notion that a person can think or feel two ways about something at the same time. It should be very obvious that human beings have internal conflicts, but many of us look at the mind and heart the way engineers look at toasters, and they draw simplistic, half-baked conclusions about the way we work, the way children do.

I guess I started this blog entry with a digression, but I don’t care.

Today I looked at Youtube over breakfast. I wanted to watch some Christian material. I chose Tom Fischer; I’ve been watching a lot of other people, and today I felt like it was his turn.

I saw a video labeled “Street teaching with Tom Fischer-evil spirits” [sic], and I was drawn to it. I have been the site of an internal battle lately, between evil spirits on one side and the Holy Spirit and me on the other. From watching Fischer’s other videos, I knew he was likely to have something important and USEFUL to say.

About 97% of the time, preachers tell us things that are useLESS or counterproductive. Actually, useless and counterproductive are synonyms when it comes to religion. Neutrality doesn’t exist.

I am only interested in teaching I can put to work. Keep the fables, traditions, and feel-good stories to yourself. If powerful material is meat and less powerful material is milk, the slop most preachers serve is colored water and valium.

A few years back, God showed me interesting things about evil spirits. He showed me that demons are actually dead human beings. You can see it in the book of Enoch, and there is also evidence in Genesis. Rebellious angels married women and reproduced with them, and they gave rise to a race of vile beings that were stronger than ordinary humans. At least some were giants. They abused and dominated people, and they also ate them.

Am I making a stretch when I call them human? I doubt it. Jesus was the result of a spirit/human coupling, and he was human. In any case, demons are our dead brothers and sisters, and they really hate us. They were going to run the world and either destroy us entirely or keep us around as slaves and food. We got it all, with eternal life in heaven to follow, and they got nothing but the promise of eternity in flames.

Supernaturally, we are the 1%.

I’m not saying we make up 1% of the beings that have lived on earth. I’m saying we’re privileged, like the mythical 1% liberals love to hate. Heard of white privilege? We have human privilege. Among humans, God’s children are even more privileged.

The Bible is all about genocide. Churches don’t get that. The earth contains two races: God’s children and the children of darkness. God and Satan battle to exterminate each other’s seed and put their own seed in charge. Read Joshua.

God said Noah was “perfect in his generations.” I take that to mean he had no demon blood. Why? For one thing, the phrase makes no sense otherwise. It doesn’t mean he was righteous, because had that been the case, God would have said, “Noah was righteous.” The bit about “in his generations” makes no sense in that context, but if you take it to mean the generations that gave rise to him were untainted, it all comes together.

Genesis lists Noah’s ancestors carefully. Why do that if you’re not proving a point? His great-grandfather was Enoch, who was so righteous God removed him from the earth. His grandfather was Methuselah, who was so righteous God waited for his death before sending the flood. You won’t see Og the giant in the list.

God flooded the earth to kill off the seed of the angels, and he chose a pure male to repopulate the earth.

The dead children of the angels are stuck here. At least some of them are. Jewish legend says the earth was cleansed of them, and that Satan persuaded God to release 10% to tempt mankind. Mary Baxter, who claims she visited hell, says there are beings partially embedded in the walls there. They can’t come here.

Like whorish girls throwing themselves at rock stars, women had sex with angels, so now we have disembodied demons that cause disease, murder, perversion, mental illness, and all sorts of iniquities.

No man taught me these things. I read Enoch, I read the Bible, I prayed in tongues every day, and things fell together in my mind.

This is what I “believe.” I think God showed it to me. But my faith in what I believe is not perfect. I like having it confirmed by other sources. It proves I’m not making things up.

Fischer’s video was made in 2012. I don’t recall when my understanding of the origin of demons came to me, but it was at around that time. I was going to Trinity Church, which I attended from 2008 until early 2012. I had no idea who Tom Fisher was, and he still has no idea I exist. We didn’t conspire or listen to the same preachers.

If you watch the video, you will see that he says pretty much the same things I say. He says demons are the spirits of giants. He mentions Enoch. That’s confirmation. If there were people teaching these things on TV, and we both watched those people, or if we had seen similar teaching on the web, you could say we drank someone else’s Kool-Aid. That’s not what happened.

He says things I don’t say. He says people have found bones from the giants all over the world. I have never heard anything about that, and to say that I doubt it would be an understatement. I don’t think we’ve found grossly outsize bones that appeared to be humanoid. Sometimes stories and pictures go around the web, using fossils to prove the Bible is true, but they are generally fraudulent.

It’s not unusual for Christians to be fooled by fake news or bogus science.

The Internet is so weird. I started thinking about giants, and I remembered a famous discovery: the Holly Creek giant. The story of the giant says that in 1965, man named Kenneth White found a huge skeleton buried under a cliff in the area of Kentucky known as Holly Creek. When the bones were put together, they measured almost 9 feet in length. The skull had slits instead of round eye sockets, and it was about 30 inches in circumference. White later reburied the bones, and of course, there are no photos, and no one has dug it up to prove the story’s veracity.

My mother was born on Holly Creek. It’s a tiny place. Not even a town. If Kenneth White exists, she probably knew him. I knew an Artie White and a Stan White, from the next county to the west.

I looked around to find evidence supporting or refuting the story, and I came across the obituary of my grandfather’s buddy Earl Napier. I wasn’t looking for it. The name showed up in Google results.

I had wondered what happened to Earl. He died in a hospital in Lexington in 2010. Now I know.

I remember the night Earl punched out a guy named Gary at the Dixieland Lounge in Winchester, where I worked the door. Gary called him a dirty name, and Earl Punched him immediately, right in the mouth. I would say Earl, a former boxer, was 5’7″ tall, and Gary was about 6’6″. Gary was upset afterward because Earl punched him without any warning. I think he felt a man was obligated to respond to a bar challenge orally before attacking. It was a matter of etiquette.

Earl did okay against his giant.

Sometimes I wonder if the dinosaurs were demons. With their outrageous physical adornments, dimensions, and accessories, they remind me of the demon-controlled people who pierce themselves, split their tongues, cover themselves with tattoos, put fake horns under their skin, and so on. God made people look fairly uniform and boring, and he banned body modification under Moses, but Satan is driven by pride and a craving for attention, so his children look for ways to sensationalize their flesh.

Imagine what would happen if a doctor in San Francisco got complete control over people’s genes, and he could turn you into anything you wanted. Imagine the crazy competition that would ensue. Giants. Huge birds. Creatures from Avatar, with upgrades. It would be something to see. It would be like gays competing to get the most attention with their costumes, in parades like the one they have every year in Key West on Halloween.

If God allows us to live long enough, one day we’ll have that kind of control over our flesh, and the excesses will be astounding. Antlers. Fins. Whatever you want.

Enoch said God killed the giants because they were giants in the flesh but not the spirit. That makes complete sense. Satan is all about peaking early, and so are his children. It makes sense that they would be spectacular on earth but pathetic in the afterlife. Look at his famous human children. Beyonce. Madonna. Elvis. Jeff Bezos. Bill Gates. The living ones are very impressive right now, but one second after they die, they will be pitiable, unless they repent.

Satan is like “Peaked in High School Rob Lowe.”

There are dinosaurs whose bodies don’t seem to make sense. What possible evolutionary advantage can there be, on land, to weighing 70 tons? Think of the crazy structures dinosaurs had. Spinosaurus had a huge fin on its back, which would have hindered its movement. Tyrannosaurus had front legs that were too small to reach its mouth or the ground, and scientists can’t figure out how they could have evolved. There were dinosaurs with huge, inexplicable, inconvenient structures on their heads. If you look for physical justifications for these things, they are hard to explain, but if you consider what body modifiers would do if they could change their DNA, they look logical.

I know it doesn’t make sense. We date things using radioactivity, and the dates say dinosaurs disappeared about 60 million years ago. It’s just a funny thought.

I do wonder if our dating techniques are reliable. God and spirits can change the physical world’s properties. For example, there was no rain until Noah’s time. God could change a constant here and a law there and leave us very confused. He held the earth still in the sky for Joshua. He can do whatever he wants.

Why God would allow us to have a misleading fossil record is beyond me, but it’s something I think about. I know God is real; he has proved it over and over. That gives me a firm premise, so the things I see in the physical world, by comparison, are not reliable.

Genesis tells us many things happened, but there are many possibilities it does not mention and doesn’t exclude. We don’t know if the six days of creation were consecutive. It’s not clear whether the days were 24-hour earth days, longer days in an earth that turned more slowly, or longer days measured by heaven’s standards. We don’t know if creatures existed before those named in the creation story.

When I was a kid and I awoke and saw demons crawling on the walls, floor, ceiling, and bed, they appeared to be reptiles and bugs. The reptiles weren’t so large they would be considered unusual on this planet, but the bugs were up to a couple of feet long.

There are fossils of three-foot-long centipedes and an eight-foot millipede as wide as a bathroom scale. Paleontologists have also discovered a dragonfly 17 inches long. There was a two-foot scorpion.

I don’t know how to explain the fossil record, but I have proof that God is real, so it doesn’t matter. Somehow or other, the facts will reconcile when they are known.

Tom Fischer says it’s harder to get demons out of Christians than unbelievers, because Christians know better than to let them in. We allow them in through deliberate sin, and then we hold onto them through denial. We don’t confess or repent, so God allows them to stay. When they are allowed to stay, they corrupt our hearts and give us physical ailments. If we can get rid of them, the iniquities and ailments will leave.

I’ve been confessing and repenting like crazy since I saw Fischer talk about these things in other videos.

I can tell God is destroying the influence spirits have on me. Sometimes I feel things leave. My mind is much quieter than it was a month ago. I think fewer invisible things are speaking to me. My desires are changing suddenly, too.

Fischer and I agree on something else: the eradication of the giants in the promised land was shown to us to symbolize our own obligation to drive demons out of ourselves. No one taught me that. Moses sent spies into the promised land, and when they returned, they said the people who lived there were too strong, and some were giants. Ten spies wanted to quit, and God destroyed them and a bunch of other people with a plague. Two–Joshua and Caleb–had faith and wanted to keep fighting. They were preserved and rewarded with land.

Fischer is the only person other than myself whom I have heard saying these things.

A while back, God told me I was one of many, and he was not kidding. I don’t have to feel proud or special. God is saying the same things to many people. I’m just disconnected from them, as Elijah was disconnected from the 7000 people who had not bent the knee to Baal. God has an army tied together by the Holy Spirit. It’s not something I imagined.

Unfortunately, that army has almost zero influence in organized churches.

Compare modern humans to the 10 weak spies. We are defeated by all sorts of spirits. We give up in the face of cancer, addiction, mental illnesses of all types, blindness, allergies, arthritis, infertility, homosexuality, obesity, and a host of other ills. The vast majority of addicts will die addicts, even with the best help available. Medicine has never cured a cold or the flu.

Lately we’ve adapted by declaring that our demon-driven problems are actually virtues. Fat women are “curvy.” The retarded are “differently abled” or whatever the euphemism of the week calls them. Homosexuality, in which men use highly specialized reproductive organs to deposit reproductive fluid in orifices in which reproduction cannot occur, is considered normal. We glorify cripples instead of healing them. We have a “new normal” attitude toward these things, and worse, we treat people who offer hope like child molesters and rapists. A Christian who tries to help a homosexual will get about the same treatment as a Nazi.

Healing and other types of deliverance have been available, free of charge, for 2000 years, and we have turned away, and we have persecuted those who could help us, because we’re afraid to believe.

I’m going to keep going forward. If I drop dead while trusting God, so be it. I will eventually drop dead anyway, and I don’t have that many years left. What difference does it make? The people who are against me only have a few years to peck at me. After that, I will be beyond their reach and out of the way of all harm.

If you think it would be helpful to you, take a look at the video. It certainly helped me.