Brand X
Monday, January 26th, 2009Childhood Memory I Wish Had Remained Buried
I had an interesting experience today. Yesterday, I went to a viewing, and today I attended the funeral. I won’t say what kind of church I went to, except that it was one of the older denominations.
When I first arrived, looking up at the vaulted ceiling and the stained glass, I felt a sense of peace, as though God was there. And then the ceremony got underway. And the sensation vanished.
Man, what a contrast, between this church and the church I’ve been attending.
At the church I attended on Sunday, people are thrilled to be there. There is interesting teaching which always seems to be directly applicable to a problem I’ve had during the preceding week. Worship is sincere and spirited and joyful. And the congregation is right in the middle of it. They are listening and praying and responding and worshiping.
At the church I went to today, four old gentlemen in ornate robes stood behind a mammoth table, reciting canned prayers and rituals. The people in the pews were purely spectators. I’m sure they prayed and took the proceedings seriously, and they did answer the priests as required, but it was as though they were behind a fence, watching while the four old men interacted with God. How different from my relationship with God. I carry on the vast bulk of it myself; I would literally rather die than let an intermediary handle it. I go to church for teaching and to be among other Christians, not to let some seminary graduate process me like a Volvo at a car wash. For me, it’s all day, every day. The hour or two I spend at church on Sunday is just a small part of it.
The tedium was oppressive. After forty-five minutes, I was dying to leave. I thought the ceremony had to be nearly over, but I looked at the program, and we were still somewhere in the middle of it. We got in and out in two hours, but I felt like it was three.
Suddenly, toward the end, I remembered…this is how I used to feel in church! This was the misery that made me dread church when I was a kid. I was upset by it today, because my father was there with me, and as far as I know, he only enters churches for funerals. My sister and I have been hoping to persuade him to go to church, and here he was, in this incredibly lifeless and dreary place, suffering from boredom and alienation.
I really hated church when I was a kid. I had forgotten. I think alienation was a big reason. At the traditional churches my mother dragged us to, things were done by rote. Computers could have been programmed to do the whole business. Like Disney’s Hall of the Presidents. Past writings and set traditions have their place, but when you exalt them too much, you insult people who are alive today. You imply that their thoughts and feelings and contributions are worthless. Why should I go to church if everything of value has already been done and said, hundreds or thousands of years ago? Why not put it on a DVD so I can watch it without being inconvenienced? What is the point of making me attend in person?
If I had to go to a church like that, I think I’d stay home. I felt trapped, like a claustrophobic in an MRI machine. No wonder so many churches are losing members. It’s painful to sit through that kind of thing, unless your boredom threshold is extraordinary. When I was a kid, I seriously believed that salvation was partly a reward for enduring one hour of utter misery every week. Now I have a refreshed understanding of why I felt that way.
When I go to Trinity Church, I look forward to it for two days before the service. I look forward to it on the drive. I’m relieved when I get there. I can’t wait to hear the sermon. I love the teaching. I love the warmth of the people, and their proactive approach. They come up to you and talk to you. If you’re up at the altar for some reason, a total stranger may put his or her hands on your shoulders without warning and pray for you. They invite you to get involved with church programs. They laugh. Couples sit pressed against each other. Last week we sat behind a mixed middle-aged couple, and the man had his arm around his wife the whole time. And you can literally feel God’s presence every time you go, surrounding you and rising up inside you. I always hate leaving, because I want to stay where that sensation is. On top of that, it seems like some funny coincidence happens on the way home, every time, which turns out to be a remarkable and unexpected blessing.
The new churches have their failings. They sometimes verge on heresy. They make mistakes. They don’t do a good enough job, keeping hucksters out of the pulpit. Sometimes they emphasize blessings above duty. But they are getting better, and anyway, I can’t imagine joining a church like the one I visited today. Not after what I’ve seen elsewhere. Honestly, I admire people who go to bloodless, gloomy churches where empty pomp and pageantry are passed off as evidence of God’s imprimatur. Those people have more self-discipline than I do. I do not have the strength of character to go to a church where I am miserable and feel nothing. Given the choice, I’d go to the other extreme and attend a place where people roll in the floor.
Besides, if you want to hear about error, consider this: the church I went to today ordains gays. So it’s pretty clear how much reverence they have for God’s will and the clear language of the Bible. A church that endorses sexual sin is not a good place to go for spiritual guidance. A church is supposed to lead society; a church that endorses gay sex is following. Wait and see. Any error society embraces will eventually be accepted openly by this church. Society’s approval is what matters to them. Jesus, on the other hand, told his followers the world would hate them, and that it had hated him first.
It’s peculiar; in its rites and prayers and hymns, the church I went to today is frozen in the very distant past. But its doctrine comes from the present day. Forget the Torah; forget the Gospels. Make up new stuff that doesn’t offend! Crib from Oprah! Let MTV be your guide!
If this church had real power and life in it, it would be attracting members without compromising. Because the power and life are gone, it has to resort to pandering. It’s spiritual promiscuity; a church like that is like a loose woman who offers whatever she has to, in order to attract men. No wonder the Bible uses words like “whoredom” and “adultery” to describe churches that adopt the policies of the unbelieving world. And really, why go to church to learn how to behave like non-Christians? If you want the real non-Christian experience, go to bars and movies and strip clubs. People who have no interest at all in God are much better than a weak church, when it comes to helping you experience worldly pleasures. Do it right; go to the experts. If I lose my faith and decide the Bible is wrong, I’ll be in the brothels and topless bars as often as possible. I won’t be hanging around with a bunch of confused clergymen who are no fun whatsoever.
If you’re a Christian and you quit going to a traditional church because you just could not stand it, or because you realized there was almost nothing there, you really need to give the newer churches a try. I wouldn’t try to persuade an active member of a traditional church to change, but if you find church boring and lifeless, and you can’t find the strength to attend, you might find that there are churches available now that suit you better than you ever thought possible. Please don’t judge every church by the awful experiences you’ve had in the past. If you quit going to church because you thought God should be exciting and powerful and a source of joy, you were right, and there are churches where you can find the God you wished existed. He is there waiting for you.

