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O Lord, we Thank Thee

November 27th, 2015

For Getting us Through this Tiresome Secular Holiday

I hope my 12 remaining readers had a good Thanksgiving.

I was hoping to blow it off. Weeks ago, I asked God to help me narrow my interests, and since then I have lost the drive to cook. I am very happy about that. Cooking is fun (or was), but it’s time-consuming. It’s a lot of work. Doing it right often costs a lot of money. And I am SINGLE. That means all the stuff a normal family of five or six does together lands on me.

The only person I have left to cook for is my dad, so I don’t think huge holiday meals should be considered compulsory. No one flies in from around the country for an emotional reunion. In fact, my relatives had a big Thanksgiving get-together a few years back and didn’t tell us. I have no idea what that was all about. I have never done any of them wrong, and I don’t think my dad has either. My sister is another story, but including me and my dad doesn’t really require including her. They are used to visiting us and not telling her they’re in town.

I got the news during a post-Thanksgiving call that had to do with business. My aunt said something about the holiday, and she mentioned the big gathering. She is having issues with her memory and thinking due to an illness, so she probably didn’t realize she was letting the cat out of the bag. After she said it, the conversation got awkward, but it was helpful in that it let me know where I stood.

Sometimes I have local friends over for a holiday meal. As I have mentioned in other blog entries, a young friend of mine has a music scholarship at the University of Miami, so we see each other a lot. I will not run his family down, but they have a way of leaving him on his own on important occasions. This year they took off for South Carolina. I invited him to join us, so it was nice that the meal served a purpose beyond derailing my daily routine.

I am determined to get out of cooking future holiday meals singlehanded. I hate the idea of going to a restaurant on Thanksgiving or Christmas Eve, but I also hate doing dishes for nine hours so two or three people can stuff themselves.

I’m not interested in cooking any more, and that’s a blessing, but I can still do it when I need to. Also a blessing. I no longer care about getting a serious kitchen or a huge gas range, but I’m glad I can produce good food when I have to.

I fixed a boneless turkey this year, full of cornbread stuffing and andouille sausage. It was wonderful. You remove every bone except for the drumsticks, and then you stuff the bird and sew it up. When the bones are out, you have a flat piece of meat like a doormat, and you can marinate or season it very effectively. I put mine in a pot overnight with salt and champagne.

At this time of year, people start pushing fried turkey. It’s not for me. I’ve only had it once, and it was tough and dangerous. Burns can cripple you.

Years ago, before my sister’s issues blew up, she got a fryer and hosted Thanksgiving dinner. I had to do the frying. I think I did it wrong; I don’t recall turning the gas off when I lowered the turkey. The oil didn’t burst into flame or pour all over the yard; that was nice. But some escaped from the pot.

That made me realize how perilous turkey frying is. There are all sorts of issues with it. Once oil gets hot, it’s very flammable, so if you have the flame going, oil that goes over the side can start burning. The flames from the oil on the ground can light the oil in the pot. Then you have real trouble.

If you put the lid on the pot, it warps, letting oxygen in. The fire keeps burning. If you throw water in the pot, it blows up, sending more oil out, and the oil may be flying. The fire keeps burning. If you use a fire extinguisher, you will probably just blow oil out of the pot, increasing the size of the problem. The fire keeps burning.

If the oil spills on a flat surface, and you’re standing on it, the oil can flow onto your feet. That’s bad. If your fryer is near your house, the flames can set fire to your eave or wall. God help you if you put the fryer in your house, on your deck, or in your garage.

The fried turkey was not good. I don’t know if the seasoning was weak or if frying just makes it fall off, but the turkey didn’t have a lot of flavor. The texture was like rubber.

I don’t have any confidence in frying, but a lot of people swear you can get a great result if you do it right. I guess they must know something. Personally, I’m not going to waste three gallons of oil on a process that scares me and gives me a bird that contains no stuffing and produces no gravy.

As far as I know, the ultimate turkey is one that has been boned, marinated, stuffed, and smoked. I’m too lazy to do that, but I’ve done it once or twice, and it was incredible. Without the smoking, it’s still magnificent. It’s more tender that a roasted bird. It’s just as juicy. It cooks much faster. You can carve it without wasting anything; it slices like salami. You can store the leftover bird without the aggravation of dealing with a dried-up, picked-over skeleton that resists going into the fridge.

Boning and sewing up the bird will probably add an hour to an hour and a half to the job, but you will also cut the baking time down. I used a 12-pound bird this time. I put it in the oven at around 9:50 a.m., and in two hours, it had cooked so fast I had to cut the temperature to 170 in order to avoid getting ahead of the sides. I could have had it on the table in under three hours, easily. As it was, the bird cooked so fast it was at 165 degrees when it came out. Considerably higher than optimal.

When you stuff a bird that isn’t boned, cooking takes forever. And you can’t get much stuffing into it. I would guess that you can get three times as much into a boned bird.

It was spectacular. No doubt about it. Not my best work, but considering the halfheartedness of the effort, a bona fide home run.

I did a major cheat with the mashed potatoes. I baked them, refrigerated them, and then nuked and mashed them on the day of the meal. They were a little overcooked, but that added some browning which made them taste better. It’s really hard to go wrong with mashed potatoes. They will forgive almost anything except using a food processor.

If you ever feel like boning a turkey, get yourself a $5 Forschner bird’s beak paring knife and a small, sharp chef’s knife. Learn how to use a diamond hone so you can keep them super sharp. Get a cut-proof glove for your left hand. Your left hand will get cold and relatively numb while you work, and it will be wet and greasy, so a trip to the ER is a distinct possibility for anyone who doesn’t wear a glove.

The actual boning is not complicated. Cut the turkey’s skin all the way through, straight down the back, from one end to the other. Then start peeling it off the bones and carefully cutting the meat loose. You will want to cut the wings off at the elbow, because boning a wing flat is impossible. Flex the thigh bones so the stuff that holds the hip joints is accessible and cut the tenons and ligaments so you can free the inner end of the bone from the pelvis. Then cut the meat away from the thigh bone until you get to the knee. Cut that joint open, remove the thigh bone, and get back to work on the rest of the bird. Remove the wing bones the same way you took out the thighs.

You will actually be able to stuff the upper wings, since they won’t have bones in them. That’s really nice.

You will always be working from inside the bird so you don’t cut through the skin. You want the skin intact.

You’ll lose maybe half a pound of meat, but think how much goes in the trash when you throw the desiccated skeleton out.

When you get done, you’ll be able to salt and/or marinate the bird overnight. You can season it again right before you stuff it.

When it’s time to stuff it, get a big needle and some dental floss. Sew up the torn-up area down around the bird’s former anus. You will want to restore the original pouch shape of the skin. Then start packing stuffing in.

Start sewing, pulling the edges of the skin together as you go. Shove the stuffing around to make it fit where it should. Pack it in there good. You can use a lot.

When you have the bird closed up, put it in your roasting pan on its back, season the skin however you want, and cook it normally. I like 200-250 degrees, covered with foil, with a 425 finish (no foil) to brown it. My roasting pan has a rack that holds the bird up out of the grease so it doesn’t soak.

There are Youtube videos which probably explain the boning process better than I do.

When you serve the turkey, put it on a cutting board and twist the legs off. The slice it like a cheese log. When you find the floss, pull it. The skin won’t be strong enough to hold onto it, so the floss will come out without breaking.

Obviously, this also works with chickens. I guess it would work with anything that has bones, although you would lose precious rib meat if you boned a pig.

Today I realized Thanksgiving has nothing to do with God or thanks. There is no way you can cook and eat and still have time for God.

I lost a lot of prayer time. I had to go start working early and keep at it until bedtime, two days in a row (usually, it’s three). You can’t work God into that in any meaningful way. You just do it out of obligation and accept the fact that your Christian walk will resume the next day.

When I got up today and knew I didn’t have to wrestle with turkey or side dishes, it was wonderful. I took as much time as I wanted for prayer.

I guess I sound like a downer, but people have been chasing their tails all week. They struggled to prepare during the days when they still had to go to work. They scrambled and toiled on the day itself. Then half of them went to the mall after dinner. The other half went today, to beat other people senseless in order to get three dollars off on a Chia Rihanna or whatever the big gift for 2015 is.

Next time, there will be help, or there will be a drastically abbreviated menu. And I’m not going to harbor any delusions about honoring God. This holiday is all about gluttony, shopping, and drunkenness. Get it done and get back on track. That’s my plan.

I hope all of you had a nice Thanksgiving. Maybe the turkey tips will help you. I strongly suggest avoiding fried turkey, although I did come across one good reason for doing it: it gives the men an excuse to go outside and get some peace. Maybe it’s worth it.

I only took one photo, and it’s not that great, but I’ll post it. It will help you understand what I’m talking about.

11 26 15 thanksgiving stuffed boned turkey


School is in Session

November 22nd, 2015

The Tuition has Been Paid

Today I’m not in church. This will not be news to anyone who reads the blog.

I have friends who have suggested churches, and I can tell some of them feel that a person who doesn’t have a church is in danger.

I would have said the same thing a few years ago. It’s true for most people. My situation is different, though.

I’ve known people who felt they were too holy to go to church. They got mad at the other congregants, usually. They stayed home and criticized, and sooner or later, they got way off the path. I have advised people to stay in churches that are 85% good and 15% bad, because that’s about the best ratio you can hope for.

Am I a hypocrite, then, for staying home?

Short answer: no.

I used to have much more respect for Christian leaders than I do now. I thought Kenneth Copeland was a genius (there may be some truth to that, if it means he has a natural talent which is used to screw up people’s lives). I probably thought Benny Hinn was an apostle; I don’t recall.

When I started going to Trinity Church in Miami Gardens, I thought I had found the real thing because I felt the presence of God. I thought Rich Wilkerson was doing a great job. I didn’t know very much. I hadn’t heard about the things that went on behind the scenes, and I didn’t have a great prayer life, so I didn’t have as much discernment as I should have. I was not that hard to fool.

I didn’t know that God’s presence is unrelated to his approval! God will show up and let believers feel his presence in places where people are in the process of failing.

I started praying in tongues three minutes a day, and when I got up to 15 minutes, I felt like I had accomplished something. I didn’t know I was only scratching the surface.

God started showing me things. I got up to thirty minutes, and he continued showing me things. One of the things he showed me was that Trinity was very screwed up. He showed me that the leaders were only interested in money and fame, that they used people, that people didn’t grow much under their care, and that the main purpose of the church was to promote the Wilkersons. I also realized Wilkerson was using the deranged theological fantasies of his pal Steve Munsey to collect money, even though he probably knew it was a scam.

I started to see through the TV idiots. If Kenneth Copeland came into my house today and used a glass, afterward, I would soak it in bleach to kill the cooties.

Trinity started to wear on me. I couldn’t tell the pastors anything, and it was almost impossible for me to tell other members anything. They wouldn’t listen. Only a few paid attention. The rest assumed that anyone who disagreed with a pastor was “out of submission” and headed for some kind of divine punishment.

After a long period of prayer for a new church, I ended up at New Dawn Ministries. The pastors there were better, but as my prayer time increased, I started to understand that they were proud and ignorant. They were like the character Jade Fox in the movie Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, who stole a martial arts manual, became powerful by looking at the drawings, and then hit a plateau because she couldn’t read.

They were able to make a certain amount of progress in the kingdom because they were open to the Holy Spirit, and they really did want to see people do well. But their arrogance made further progress impossible.

Like the Wilkersons, they had the attitude that anyone who disagreed was out of line. That’s not a bad attitude, if you have the revelation to back it up. But they didn’t. Revelation doesn’t soak into hardened bricks. The ground has to be ready to receive it.

They seemed lazy. The church was not open except during services, and they traveled and vacationed a lot. I don’t think they had serious prayer lives, because if they had, they would have learned.

The church is still tiny, forty-three months after I first showed up. They talk about “breakthrough” and so on, but they are going to be in their little rented room until someone new takes over or the church collapses.

As for famous preachers, I liked Perry Stone and Fred Stone. I still like Fred, but he died a few years ago. Perry receives all sorts of wonderful information from God, but it’s not very helpful with changing your heart. It’s about prophecy and the hidden meanings of things in the Bible. You can only get so far with that.

He has pride and anger problems. He has a very haughty way of talking about unbelievers and Christians who don’t know as much as he does. Sometimes he seems excited about the possibility that they will suffer for their unwillingness to listen.

I used to receive Perry’s monthly CDs, but they got repetitious. Any time a preacher seems to be going in circles, there is a problem. Circling is symptomatic of a loss of anointing. The Hebrews circled in the desert because they wouldn’t listen.

I like John Bevere a lot, but he doesn’t seem all that excited about prayer in tongues, which is the most important thing in our arsenal. He does encourage it, but I remember him complaining about a time when the church was too caught up in it. He has also said things that show he doesn’t have the kind of prayer life I need to see in a teacher.

Andrew Wommack is pretty good, but he clearly has a discernment problem, because he is palling around with prosperity preachers. That’s a major issue. If you’re sitting down and dining with the wolves, and you see nothing wrong with it, what other deceptions have you swallowed?

I don’t listen to anyone now. I don’t know anyone who is teaching the whole package in a way that makes it worth it for me to sit down and listen. I hear error most of the time, and when I hear the truth, I don’t hear anything new. They’re talking about things they consider major revelations. I heard the same things years ago, directly from God, and could not get anyone to listen to me.

I put in several hours of prayer every day, so I hear a lot of things from God without man’s help. I don’t want to learn something and then have to sit for an hour and listen to someone else repeat it. Usually, it’s not a profitable use of my time, and it’s boring.

It can be nice to get confirmation, but it’s not so nice I want to go on Youtube and listen to every John Bevere sermon.

Is it a bad thing to have no teacher? Yes. But I do have a teacher. I have the only good teacher.

John taught that we would learn directly from the Holy Spirit, and he made it clear that this teaching was an antidote to the false teachings of men. Here is a passage from 1 John:

Little children, it is the last hour; and as you have heard that the Antichrist is coming, even now many antichrists have come, by which we know that it is the last hour.

They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us; but they went out that they might be made manifest, that none of them were of us.

But you have an anointing from the Holy One, and you know all things. I have not written to you because you do not know the truth, but because you know it, and that no lie is of the truth.

Who is a liar but he who denies that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist who denies the Father and the Son. Whoever denies the Son does not have the Father either; he who acknowledges the Son has the Father also.

Therefore let that abide in you which you heard from the beginning. If what you heard from the beginning abides in you, you also will abide in the Son and in the Father. And this is the promise that He has promised us—eternal life.

These things I have written to you concerning those who try to deceive you. But the anointing which you have received from Him abides in you, and you do not need that anyone teach you; but as the same anointing teaches you concerning all things, and is true, and is not a lie, and just as it has taught you, you will abide in Him.

Ask yourself this: was John serious? Surely. This is the Bible. If we can’t rely on this, then nothing we believe is trustworthy. If John was serious, then a Spirit-led believer does not need a human teacher.

This sounds horrific to the institutionalized Christian mind. The Bible says we should not neglect the assembling of ourselves together! But consider this: the Spirit-led are not under the law.

It’s a good idea to assemble. For some of us, it’s necessary. But it’s not law. For some Christians, it’s inappropriate and a waste of time.

Jesus cautioned us not to linger where our peace was not received. He was not kidding. If you’re hearing directly from God, and churches keep mistreating you, the best thing is to stay home.

This is not a new idea.

Adam walked with God and learned from him. Enoch was set apart for God, and he was eventually taken to heaven without the intermediate step of physical death. Moses got away from people so he could learn from God. At least some of the prophets were solitary. Elijah ran off and hid by a brook, where the ravens fed him. We have no record of him living among people. After Paul was converted, he went to Arabia and Damascus and learned from God. John was living in exile on Patmos when he wrote the Revelation.

Here is a passage from the fourth psalm: “But know that the Lord has set apart for Himself him who is godly; The Lord will hear when I call to Him.”

Every humble person who prays in tongues a lot learns the same things from God. When two people hear from the same Spirit, the things they hear will always agree. This knowledge will not agree with what carnal people believe, and most Christians are very carnal. So the closer you get to God, the further you will get from humanity. You will get further from other Christians. People who have a huge amount of knowledge will be separated from people who only have a great deal. That means they will infuriate pastors and teachers.

Enoch and Elijah probably couldn’t stand life on earth. That’s probably why they were removed. They had so little in common with humanity, they didn’t belong here.

Why write about it? Because it should give everyone hope. It’s hard to find a decent church. It’s hard to find good teaching. But anyone can find the Holy Spirit.

The availability of the Holy Spirit neutralizes the danger of bad teaching. You can compare what other people say with what the Spirit says. What they leave out, he will fill in. What they don’t know, he knows.

That’s a big deal. As the Bible says, people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Through the Spirit, knowledge is available, right now, wherever you are.

You may think this was only for special people, like Paul and John. If that’s true, why did John tell us otherwise? “You do not need that anyone teach you.”

When did God become a respecter of persons?

Probably the first time a pope wore a big silly hat.

If you’re starting at square one, by all means, find a church. But once you get the ball rolling, if you do it right, you will find that you need church less and less, and that it needs you more.

This stuff is important, because persecution is really ramping up. You will need power and knowledge.

The gay marriage surrender was a disaster. We didn’t get earthquakes and plagues, and no one set off an H-bomb in Times Square, but America lost its protection. Doors are now open that used to be closed. Fallen angels and their children the demons now have authority and access they didn’t have in the past.

Christians who don’t hear from God think our mission is to spread peace and love. They think we’re supposed to be super nice, and that this will correct the world.

That’s not how it works.

We are supposed to bring people to repentance, help them get to know the Holy Spirit, and help them to throw off the spirits that rule them so they can serve God. To get this job done, sometimes we have to say things that don’t sound nice. We have to criticize. We have to be willing to be excluded.

By obsessing on making people love us, we are giving up real power. We’ve turned Christianity into a popularity contest. Paradoxically, this will make our enemies confident, bring more hatred out into the open, and enable them to destroy us.

We get power by turning from the world and leading it in righteousness. By kowtowing to confused perverts and letting them lead us, we opened our gates. Now America is becoming more and more corrupt. Trashy, cruel people who used to lose now defeat us, and they will continue to do so. Their triumphs will increase.

Look around you and ask yourself if this is the America you knew eighteen months ago. People who are controlled by demons are bold now; they are oozing out of the woodwork and assuming command over us.

Right now, it’s hard for a Christian to own a bakery. A few years from now, you may not be able to have a credit card or a bank account.

To understand the way the enemy works, think of the Muslims and Israel. The Israelis gave up one piece of land after another, thinking their enemies would be satisfied and make peace. The problem is that their enemies don’t want peace or small bits of land. They want everything, and they want Israel to disappear from the earth. They will never stop attacking. This is how people who hate God see Christians.

They aren’t going to stop when we give up bakeries and academic jobs. They’ll take everything. Wait and see.

They don’t even know they want it. Not yet. But they will. The masks will fall off, and people will treat us the way the Nazis treated the Jews. There will be no shame. They will be proud of it. The things they’re doing to us right now are very much like the things the Nazis did in the 1930s. Read up and see.

If you know the Holy Spirit, and you continue listening to him, you will receive a certain amount of power to protect yourself. You will be able to defeat persecutors and the loser spirits they’ve given their souls to. That’s very important. Many of us will have to suffer and die, but there is no law that says every Christian has to be a punching bag.

Satan owns America. Christians hate hearing that, but it’s true. We gave it to him. God is not going to swoop down and fix things. America is going to continue to rot. You are not going to be able to set the kingdom of heaven up around you. That’s a fantasy. The thing to do is to set it up inside yourself.

Now that we’ve dropped our pants for the devil, things are accelerating. It’s not clear how much time is left. How crazy will God let us get? Will he let us design babies the way we design fantastic CGI creatures for movies? That technology is not far off. Will he let computers become so powerful our governments can have us under complete surveillance at all times? Will he let us destroy every church building and every book and recording? Things like this are rapidly becoming possible.

Today God told me something. Many Christians have done well without churches, but every Christian who has no prayer life is a failure. Every single one. So don’t get your priorities screwed up.

I hope this is useful to you. Things are going sour fast, and I hope you have the time and the inclination to prepare as well as possible.


Motorize Your Bicycle

November 20th, 2015

Sober up and Ride Off

The enemy is funny. If you say you don’t need to be changed or informed, and that you can do it all by yanking on your own bootstraps, he says you’re proud. If you say you hear from God daily, and that God changes you and makes you stronger and smarter, he still says you’re proud. He says you’re proud of your relationship with God. And that it’s imaginary.

Okay, whatever. I can’t even make human beings happy, so getting Satan to lay off me is not a priority.

I have a strong prayer life. It is not perfect; I don’t pray enough in the middle of the day. But compared to the prayer life of your average Christian (or to me three years ago), it’s very good. I pray in tongues maybe two and a half hours a day, on average. I spend a lot of time blessing and cursing. I pray with my understanding. I have lists so I don’t forget things.

Why tell you this? So you will know I am not talking out of my rear end when I say I hear from God.

As far as I can tell, almost no well-known Christian leaders have good prayer lives. They love to brag about the things they do for God, so if they were praying several hours every day, we would have heard about it over and over. They’re not doing it.

One of my favorite teachers, John Bevere, recently spoke of a time early in his ministry, when he was so gung-ho he prayed a couple of hours per day. Something like that. I don’t recall the exact figure. While encouraging people to pray in tongues daily, Perry Stone spoke admiringly of old people who sometimes prayed as long as twenty minutes at a crack.

If I only prayed in tongues twenty minutes per day, I would expect to collapse in a month. If I thought praying a couple of hours every day was a burden so large I needed to mention it publicly, I would consider myself lost and in need of revival.

I’m not doing enough, but I’m doing a lot. I have the authority and the standing to say a few things.

Feel-good pulpit pimps like Joel Osteen are telling people to relax. They’re telling people things are going to be fine. They don’t want to offend anyone, they don’t hear from God, and they don’t really care about us, so they say anything that will increase the size of their audiences and their income.

We have developed the habit of going to church in order to feel better. We are not all that interested in why we feel bad. People like Osteen and Jakes realize that, so they make us feel confident and inspired. Then we give them our money, which is all they really wanted, and we go home and continue to live in defeat.

I am hearing from God, and he is not telling me to relax or that everything is going to be fine. He makes me very agitated. He urges me to change. Something bad is coming, and if I’m not ready, I’ll be in the wrong line when we go through the pride detector.

Last night I had a disturbing dream, and I woke up. In the dream, I was Christopher Reeve, but I could walk, and I wasn’t rich. I had an idiot younger sister who had borrowed my bicycle. She had been thrown out of a place she was renting, and she had left the bicycle there. She led me to the place, and I went to the front to talk to the landlord. The area around the door was enclosed by a chain-link fence. The owner was a centaur. He came out and talked through the fence, but he wouldn’t let me in.

I was something like seven feet tall, and he was about five feet tall. I could have reached over the fence, lifted him out, tossed him aside, and gone in for the bike, but I didn’t have authority to do that, so I didn’t do it. He blew me off and went back inside.

I felt uneasy and started to pray. I spent a long time praying. The Holy Spirit made odd noises come out of me. When I say “made,” I don’t mean I had no self-control. I was submitted, so I did what he moved me to do.

I felt that I was being shaken and twisted, the way you would wring out a dishrag.

I started thinking about my iniquities and sins. I focused a lot on things I usually try to think of as inconsequential. If you have the urge to sin, it’s never inconsequential. The sin itself may not be a big deal, but the fact that you have the compulsion should alarm you.

I became very uncomfortable as this stuff rose to the surface. I didn’t like it at all. No one likes to think of himself as having qualities he considers trashy or disgusting. But I told God to keep pouring it on. I told him I didn’t care about feeling good. I wanted to know myself as I really was, and I wanted to change.

At my old church, they would have told me I was condemning myself. They would have told me to swallow the poison instead of throwing it up and being healed.

Until now, I didn’t really know what the dream meant, but suddenly it seems clear.

The little sister is the influence of people controlled by weak, feminine spirits that rule the church. She was silly. She was poor. She was a person no one respected. She did not own the land she lived on.

Christopher Reeve played Superman, but he wasn’t super. He was just a man. He had no skills, talents, or knowledge anyone would consider impressive.

In the dream, he had grey hair. Superman is immortal; his hair stays black. In the movies, he wears a costume made from indestructible Kryptonian cloth. It represents authority, power, and invulnerability. In the dream, he wore jeans and a button-down shirt, with loafers.

In the dream, he was strong by human standards, but it wasn’t helpful when the law was against him. He didn’t have the authority to take back what was his.

A centaur is a man supported by the body of a beast. It’s a man with a carnal foundation. It represents an unbeliever. In the dream, a little centaur was able to defy a large, strong man and take what was his. In a way, it had been given to him, because the man entrusted it to his stupid sister, just as we entrust Kenneth Copeland and Benny Hinn with our money and time.

The thing I wanted wasn’t even a car; it was a bicycle. To a grown man, a bicycle is a symbol of defeat and shame. It’s what you ride to work when you have a DWI, or when you don’t earn much. Most churches ride bicycles. They don’t have the power of the Holy Spirit, which is like a hot-rodded car engine.

I was not myself in the dream. I was a carnal Christian who walked in defeat because he tried to do things in his own strength.

This is what happens to people who don’t pray in tongues. They will usually lose to people who don’t believe in God at all. They won’t get to ride in cars, and they can even be cut off from their puny bicycles.

Eventually, the praying and groaning wound down, and I had to reset my alarm because I had missed so much sleep. The alarm interrupted another dream.

I dreamed I saw my father. He appeared to be over 100. He had no hair, and he was skinny, like a cancer patient. His body was just about gone, but his mind was absolutely clear, and he was energetic and at peace. In real life, he is dealing with dementia, he has a terrible weight problem, and he has no peace.

He had just cleaned a bathroom that had been filthy. I was amazed. In the he dream I had been trying and trying to get him to understand how nasty it was, and to clean it up. It stank up the whole house, and he couldn’t smell it.

I was relieved to see it clean. It was like winning the lottery.

I tried to say things that didn’t sound like backhanded criticism. I didn’t want to say “Finally!” I told him I would be happy to help him keep it clean.

Then we were driving. We were north of Miami. We drove through a little planned neighborhood that was very neat and peaceful. There was a Chick-Fil-A just inside the entrance.

We decided to have lunch. When we went in, the waiters stood in a group and started singing to us. They were that happy to see my dad.

It’s not surprising that it was a Chick-Fil-A. That’s what the atmosphere is like at their restaurants. They don’t sing to you, but they treat you like an honored guest. Also, Chick-Fil-A has become a symbol of Christianity.

When my dad expressed interest in tables, people rushed to get out of the way, even if they had been there first.

Christians have made themselves toilets for demons, which are our dead half-brothers. They are the children of angels. They express themselves in illness, mental problems, and iniquity. They take the place of the Holy Spirit. We are supposed to listen to God’s prophets and clean them out of ourselves.

Preachers aren’t teaching us how to be cleaned up and sanctified. They serve demons. They just want our money, so they don’t tell us we have become dirty bathrooms. They say we smell like roses, but in reality, we stink inside.

We can’t smell the stink because we lack discernment, which comes from praying in tongues. Often we think a horrible stench is a delightful aroma.

Sometimes the church has to go through terrible, wasting persecution, which is like cancer, in order to be put right.

When we are raptured, we will be taken to God’s wedding feast, in the planned community of heaven, where every one of us has a home, and the angels will be so glad they sing over us.

The sooner a person repents and develops a real prayer left, the less chastisement he will have to face before he straightens up.

You don’t have to look like a cancer patient when you leave the earth. You can be fit and strong, with all your hair.

Hair represents the glory of God, which accumulates around people who commune with the Holy Spirit on a daily basis. Prayer in tongues is the primary method for communing with him.

The conclusion I drew is that just before the rapture comes, God will succeed in changing a lot of Christians. They won’t have much time to get to know him or to make great progress in becoming like him, but he will manage to change their direction enough to get them in the door.

They will change during a time of affliction. That’s the reason for the weight loss and the sickly look. The baldness represents the fact that the change and the rapture came too close together to permit them to accumulate much in the kingdom.

The bathroom is the heart. It’s a place where you should meet with the Holy Spirit and get rid of the demons that inhabit it. You should be bleaching the walls and floor to get rid of their excrement. You should be flushing the residue away.

I represented people God sent to warn others.

Judging by the dream, they won’t listen any time soon. They will wait as long as possible, and it will cost them, both here and in heaven.

At least they’ll make it.

According to the book of Jubilees, Noah got 120 years to warn his neighbors. He didn’t do well at all. He saved his wife, three sons, and their daughters. A legend says he saved a giant named Og; even if that were true, it would be a pretty poor harvest.

In the Flood, God destroyed the world with water. We know that he’s going to destroy it again, with fire. We know that it will happen in a time of pride and perversion, like the times of Noah and Lot. Here we are, stoking the flames and laughing at the one who is holding them back.

The end of this age will not come on a day when we expect it. We know that for a fact. We have been informed of that, expressly. When it comes, we will be hit like Ronda Rousey, flatfooted, wondering where our confidence came from.

It’s interesting that her most painful and damaging injury was to the mouth she used to say nasty things.

Persecution is increasing very quickly all over the world. Even in “Christian” America, you’re in danger. If you’re a Christian, and you plan a career or business, you have to ask yourself whether it’s safe from gays.

Do you design websites? You may have to design some promoting bathhouses and depraved gay organizations. Do you have a restaurant? You may have to rent the banquet room out for gay weddings. Are you a professor? You may have to endorse homosexuality in order to be allowed to work, and you may have to endorse it off the job, not just on campus.

Satan is squeezing the world like a boil, and we are the pus he is trying to expel. God is letting him do it, because we evicted God from our lives.

God is not an enabler. God is doing what addiction counselors call “raising the bottom.” If you let an addict hit bottom, it means you don’t help him. You let him go broke and live on the streets so he’ll go to rehab. If you raise the bottom, you do things that accelerate the process so it will move faster.

Things are going to get bad much faster than we expected. You can’t change yourself overnight. It may already be too late to pray in tongues and be rehabilitated. You need to start so you can preserve as much as possible.

I’m very glad God isn’t stuffing me with cotton candy and root beer. That’s what televangelists do. They fill us with morphine and vodka so they can see our nakedness. They don’t care if we go to hell or if we are Satan’s slaves here on earth. God cares, so he tells me the truth. He’ll tell you the truth, too, but you have to turn on your radio. He’s not going to come down on a hang glider, shouting through a bullhorn. He will let you go to hell before he will let you change his ways.

He has thrown thousands of people into hell today, and you and your children are no better than they are.

My advice is to get started. Set time aside each day. Keep asking God for correction. Keep begging him to spare you the black harvest you sowed. That’s what I do.

Get to know him yourself, so you won’t have to rely on lies from imaginative preachers.

I can’t even imagine what he is going to be showing me in the months ahead. I do know that things are as good as they’ll ever get.


Chase the Carrot

November 18th, 2015

Receive the Stick

It has been a strange weekend. Two famous people known for pride had a bad time. Ronda Rousey got thrashed in an MMA match, and on Sunday, the nation found out Charlie Sheen has AIDS.

People like to make an HIV/AIDS distinction which is more political than medical. They know people are afraid of AIDS patients, and that they look down on them, so they say “HIV” instead. They use the term very strictly when they discuss people who don’t have severe symptoms, but they also use it for many people who do have severe symptoms.

No one ever says, “He has the spirochete,” when a person has syphilis, because it would be silly. If you’re carrying hepatitis, they don’t say you have HCV (Hepatitic C Virus). When your cancer is in remission, people still call it cancer.

So as far as I’m concerned, Charlie Sheen has AIDS.

Anyway, it has been interesting to watch.

I don’t care at all about MMA. If I walk into a room where people are watching it, I’ll watch, but before this weekend I could not have named a single Ronda Rousey opponent.

Making a living that involved repeated blows to the head is a stupid idea, and it’s somewhat creepy that women are doing it.

I’m not a martial arts fan, but I have seen the Rousey fight. The story really drew me in. On Saturday, I sat down and watched every MMA fight she has been in. It doesn’t take long, because they were short. Until she met Holly Holm, she won every bout she entered.

Ronda Rousey looks like the stereotypical American girl. She is blond and pretty, but she’s not too pretty; she looks like someone who would say yes if you asked her to the homecoming dance. People call her an icon, and I think there is something to that, because we use the word “icon” to mean a symbol that represents something.

We think of her as tough, scrappy, and determined. We think of her as an underdog, because when she started out, MMA wasn’t interested in women. She had to put up with lack of money and lack of attention.

As she went through opponents, her reputation started to change. People started calling her “Rowdy Ronda Rousey,” taking the “Rowdy” from a well-known wrestling heel. She resisted at first, but then she accepted it. Over time, she developed a reputation for rudeness and trash talk, not to mention an extremely high opinion of her MMA skills.

There is no doubt that she’s a top athlete. She won a medal in Olympic judo. But before she ran into Holly Holm, she had had a total of 12 professional MMA bouts, in a very small female talent pool. And her Olympic medal was bronze, meaning at least two women are better at judo than she is.

People told her she was a freak like Babe Ruth or Man o’ War. A once-in-a-century talent. Judging by her behavior, she started to believe it.

She said nasty things about other competitors. She complained about the money a round card girl made. There were stories about her talking to people as though they were slaves that needed to be disciplined.

Maybe some of the stories are untrue or unfair, but a reputation doesn’t develop in a vacuum. There is always a seed, and in Rousey’s case, there was also undeniable fact.

At the weigh-in before the Holm fight, she stomped over to Holm with a nasty look on her face and put her guard up for a photo, on Holm’s side of the dais. Holm put her arm through Rousey’s. It’s hard to tell what happened next. Rousey claims Holm put her fist on Rousey’s face, but in the video, it looks like Rousey tried to twist Holm’s arm, and Holm’s move was a response to that.

In any case, Rousey blew up and insulted her personally, saying Holm’s humility was an act. She said she was going to show her why she was the champ.

Rousey posted a short video of the weigh-in kerfuffle on the web, accompanied by a caption calling Holm “bitch.” She said, “I’m really going to enjoy the beating I give you.”

Then the fight took place, and Holm beat Rousey extremely badly and marked her face. She knocked Rousey unconscious and was able to hit her senseless body three times before the referee woke up and stopped the fight.

It wasn’t even close.

Some people are calling Rousey a fraud now. Others are saying she just needs to improve her skills. I don’t think “fraud” is correct, because that would imply that she knew she wasn’t all that good. I just think she deceived herself.

I’m no MMA expert, but I have eyes, and I boxed for a while. I can tell you what I thought of the fight.

1. Rousey can’t box. I don’t mean she’s better at grappling than striking. I mean she is a very bad boxer who wouldn’t be able to compete with good amateurs.

When you box, you keep your strong hand back, and you use your weak hand to jab and open up your opponent’s defenses. You protect yourself primarily with the weak hand and arm. You position yourself sideways so your arm and shoulder are between you and your opponent. You keep your hands close together, and you hold them high.

Generally, you don’t use your strong hand first. You lead with the weak hand. If you lead with your strong hand, you turn and open yourself up, and you don’t have much in reserve if you get hit. Leading with your strong hand is very risky. It’s a major no-no.

Holm led with her strong hand, repeatedly. Because she’s a bad boxer? No; because Rousey is a terrible boxer. Holm found out she didn’t have to worry about picking Rousey’s defense apart or getting whacked with a counterpunch. Rousey had no defense, and when she tried to counterpunch, Holm was already gone.

Rousey kept approaching Holm recklessly, with her face exposed. Broadside. She walked right into Holm’s fists. Holm just waited for her to arrive and then punched her head-on.

Rousey had no sideways movement, so her head was a stationary target. That’s ridiculous. A kid boxing in elementary school would get cussed out for that in his first round of sparring. If you don’t move your head, it will get hit.

Rousey doesn’t have the reflexes or timing to avoid punches or turn her head so they slip off. Her forward momentum drove her face into Holm’s fists, adding to the force.

Rousey’s feet seemed glued to the canvas. When you fight, you’re supposed to bounce around and avoid giving your opponent a fixed objective. Rousey simply walked toward Holm, but Holm skipped and danced so Rousey never knew where to find her.

Rousey is not an accurate puncher. She swung and missed. At least once, she actually fell on the canvas because she missed.

Holm was so much better, she was able to jump in and hit Rousey in the face with her elbow. That’s insulting. When you use your elbow, you’re giving up well over a foot of reach. You have to bring your face close to your opponent. If another boxer can come in from outside and elbow you in the face, it means your defense is terrible.

If you look at the video, Holm elbowed Rousey while Rousey was trying to hit her with a right cross. Rousey’s arm was already up and moving. Holm knocked it aside and drove Rousey’s fist into Rousey’s own face while delivering the elbow. It was horrible.

People will say it was not a boxing match, so boxers shouldn’t comment. No, it wasn’t a boxing match, but striking is striking, and Holm used boxing a lot.

2. Rousey’s endurance was inferior.

If you watch the fight, you will see that Holm looked energetic the whole time. That’s partly because she almost never got hit, but it’s also clear that Rousey had much less endurance. She was blowing and puffing between rounds. If you can’t keep fighting at a strong pace, you’re going to lose. Maybe this is why she kept rushing Holm. Maybe she didn’t get in shape, and she knew she had to take her down fast. She looked flabby compared to Holm.

3. Rousey is weaker than Holm.

People say Rousey will learn to box, and then she’ll be able to stay in the next fight until she can grab Holm and grapple successfully. I don’t think so.

If you watch the fight, you will see that Holm is much stronger than Rousey. When Rousey grabbed her, she was able to peel her off. That’s a clear indication of superior strength. If you can’t hold onto a person, you can’t grapple. Holm actually grabbed Rousey and slammed her on her back, so it looks like Rousey can’t handle her even when Holm lets her hold on.

You can’t do much about innate strength. If Rousey takes drugs, she will look like a man at the next weigh-in, so she will probably have to train clean. That’s not going to give her the kind of strength Holm already has.

4. Rousey doesn’t fight smart.

Holm is a champion boxer. Rousey tried to defeat her by boxing her, playing to Holm’s main skill. In Rousey’s defense, that may be partly due to the necessity of boxing her in order to get close enough to grapple, but any way you slice it, it was a mistake, and Rousey did it badly.

Rousey has won the overwhelming majority of her fights using a hold called an armbar. I don’t know much about it; there are apparently variations. Anyway, even if there are variations, essentially, it amounts to a single weapon. She relies on it so much they call her “the Arm Collector.”

If you watch Rousey’s fights, you will see that she tries to trap people against the fence so she can throw them and apply an armbar. This is a fine strategy if your opponent is dumb enough to let you do it. Holm was not.

Holm controlled the ring, as a fighter should. She made Rousey chase her. She stayed off the fence. Rousey spent half of the fight running after her, and when she caught up, she got blows to the face.

A grappler should not intentionally try to trade blows with a champion striker. That’s just common sense. But Rousey did that.

Holm did not try to grapple a grappler. She arranged things so she got to do what she does best.

Long after it was obvious that this was a mismatch, Rousey kept doing the same things. That probably means she had nothing else in her bag of tricks.

People are saying Holm is bigger than Rousey, and that this gave Holm a big advantage. If you look at the stats, she’s one inch taller, and her reach is one inch longer. That doesn’t explain why Rousey couldn’t touch her. Mike Tyson used to beat the daylights out of taller opponents. He had something known as “skill.”

I don’t think Rousey is coming back. I’m sure she’ll fight again, but she’s not going to beat Holm. You can’t become a world-class striker in a few months of catch-up training. You definitely can’t overcome the kind of strength advantage Holms possesses.

She will probably come back, and she may do a little better, but she’s never be the champion again. Not unless Holm gets lazy and overconfident.

MMA has a smaller talent pool than most sports. If you’re a top football player, you’re a serious athlete, because you have outcompeted millions of other young men. If you’re a top female MMA fighter, you can’t be so sure of your superiority. Women generally avoid martial arts, and even male MMA attracts only a tiny percentage of the population.

Rousey was on top because she was a big fish in a small pond. If she were really as good as people thought she was, she would have won a gold medal in the Olympics.

After the fight, Rousey chose not to talk to the press. It wasn’t because she was too injured to speak. She was able to talk to Holm.

Yesterday, she arrived in the US. She was filmed at LAX. She had a hood pulled over her head, she was wearing sunglasses, and she held a pillow in front of her face. She refused to speak. Everyone in her entourage looked shellshocked.

No one in the group would talk to the press.

I was thinking about this today. I thought it looked bad. It looked like the classic behavior of a person who can dish it out but can’t take it. I thought she would look better if she held her head up and let them film. Being beaten in a championship fight is nothing to be ashamed of.

Then God showed me something. He told me that she wasn’t ashamed because of her injuries. She was ashamed because of the way she acted before the fight.

If she had been humble, she wouldn’t have the world making fun of her now. She wouldn’t look like a brat who got her comeuppance.

The things she did that embarrassed her were done before the fight. The humiliation that came afterward was just the blossom. She was not humiliated by Holly Holm; she humiliated herself.

I wondered why this story interested me so much. Then I realized it’s because God is teaching me about pride.

For months now, I’ve been begging God to destroy my pride and help me love correction. I’ve written about it a lot. It’s wonderful. When you’re humble, you can receive wisdom, which is better than money. Humility makes you powerful. And it helps you avoid setting yourself up for degradation and ridicule.

It’s much easier to stay off of a high horse than it is to climb down.

The more I think about it, the more I realize what she lost. The fight cost her millions, not to mention her place in the celebrity pantheon.

If she had won, she would have been in line for more movie roles, endorsements, speaking engagements, and so on. Now that’s all up in the air. People want to associate with an undefeated champion. Will they still bump her to the front of the line when she’s the former champion who could never get back on top? If the rematch makes her look as bad as the first fight, it will be more than a loss. It will be the exposure of a person who was never half of what she thought she was. Her calls will start going to voicemail.

Rousey reminds me of America. We’ve won a lot of battles, and we think we did it ourselves. We think no one else can compete with us. But we live across the planet from well over a billion Chinese people who work harder than we do and who may actually be smarter than we are, depending on whether you believe the test scores.

We’ve decided pride–even nasty, cruel pride–is a positive trait. We think humility is a recipe for failure and involuntary submission. We think aggression is what puts people on top.

None of our new beliefs jibe with the Bible. It teaches us not to exalt ourselves. It says God will exalt the humble. It teaches us to rely on the power of the Holy Spirit, not our fleeting and insignificant talents. It tells us that every success in our lives comes from God’s hand, not from our work.

Right now, we’re battling Muslim nuts all over the world. We think spying on ourselves is one solution. We think military action is another. Many of my fellow conservatives think conservative government will fix it. But the truth is that God is letting our enemies win. He is turning us over to them because we have no regard for him. He gave us everything, including the strength we think comes from inside us, and we rewarded him with idolatry, perversion, and contempt.

Satan isn’t primarily responsible for the terrorism. God chose it for us because we failed to acknowledge him. We opened the door, and God gave Satan permission to enter. He is not going to leave until we turn back to God.

Yes, we should tighten up the borders, spend money on defense, and target our enemies instead of our citizens. But those things won’t help until we persuade God to resume fighting for us.

We are coming up on our Rousey moment, and the only people who will be ready are people who pray in tongues and humble themselves.

As for Charlie Sheen, who can be surprised? What kind of man lives the way he did? He was completely open about his insatiable desire for prostitutes. He slept with multiple porn stars.

The odd thing is that Sheen was our single most prominent symbol of mindless pride. His pride was so crazy and entertaining, he turned it into a speaking tour. He almost started a movement.

Is it coincidence that he was one of the one who got humbled over the last few days?

When I saw the news, I knew idiots would start calling him brave. Obviously, he is not brave. He hid the news for four years. He says he only outed himself in order to save money. He was being blackmailed. That’s not brave. Thrifty, maybe, but not brave.

This will sound mean, but maybe it will restore perspective. Charlie Sheen is a dirty old man who has venereal disease.

He’s rich. He’s famous. But he is what he is.

I’m not pretending I’m better than he is. I’m just trying to describe him the way Americans would have described him back when we were relatively sane. Try and imagine him doing his interview on The Today Show in 1965.

People say it’s nice that he’s being honest, but two women he slept with have already accused him of lying. He says that once he got AIDS, he never had sex without informing his partners beforehand. They say they were not informed, and that he didn’t take proper (“Proper”? Did I really say that?) precautions.

This is Charlie Sheen we’re talking about. Drug addict. Rake. Liar. Why would anyone think he was telling the truth about anything?

That’s how crazy we’ve gotten.

I am more concerned about my own pride than ever. When people refuse to let God humble them from inside, he lets other people and spirits humiliate them from outside. I have had enough of that in my life. I want to be defended and covered, not exposed.

In the Bible, God told people that because of their pride, they would be stripped naked in front of their enemies, with their genitals exposed. Excuse me for saying this, but he even said he would remove their pubic hair. That actually happened in the Holocaust. Even today, you can see shaved naked Jews in old Nazi films.

America is going to be exposed for what it is: a weak nation that used to have a strong God on its side. I hope he sees fit to accept my repentance and keep me out of it.


Hell is for Punks

November 12th, 2015

Relief is Coming

I hate to keep writing about Facebook, but it has turned out to be a significant window on society and human nature.

During the last week, some odd things happened, and they were related to things that were already on my mind.

God does not like punks. In the Bible, he sent a bear to kill 42 children who made fun of Elisha. He made a law allowing Jewish parents to have punk kids executed. If you were nasty to your parents and generally worthless, they could have you stoned.

Satan is the father of all punks. He has the punk nature.

To black people, “punk” means a man who likes to be sodomized. To the rest of us, it means someone young and ignorant who mistreats wiser, better people. There is nothing too filthy for a punk to say. No action is too unseemly. They are so disgusting, they make their very presence an offense which is hard to bear.

Example: gay men in San Francisco. It is now legal to walk around in parts of San Francisco with your genitalia hanging out. For decent people with kids, tolerance is an inadequate solution to the problem. There are places where you simply can’t go. The mere presence of the punks–the fact that they can be seen–is unbearable.

There are men in prison who throw urine and feces on people who walk by their cells. There are men who masturbate at guards, including women. That’s punk behavior. To witness it is to be harmed by it, even if you’re not touched.

Satan is incredibly unclean. He has expressed his uncleanness very clearly through sexual deviation, including sexually motivated crimes. Among sexually “progressive” people, remarkably gross practices are considered normal. If you like smearing yourself with other people’s excrement, or eating it, you can find someone who will want to join you. The world is filling up with men who enjoy having sex with small children. Ted Bundy buried victims and went back later so he could have sex with their bodies.

Even discussing this stuff factually is offensive. There is no way around it. The world is unclean, and as long as we’re here, some of it will get on us.

Satan is a punk, and his children are punks. They rape old women. They humiliate and physically abuse their parents and grandparents. They insult smarter people who try to help them. They punish anyone who tries to teach them. It is completely impossible to make them ashamed, but it’s easy for them to embarrass the rest of us.

The punk mentality exists in varying degrees. Some punks are like Miley Cyrus and Lindsay Lohan, and they are merely annoying. Others are no longer human, like Charles Manson or Jeffrey Dahmer. Many punks are so crazy, they become sexually aroused by the sight of people being tortured.

Punks are proud. When you’re proud, you can’t be corrected. You think you already know everything. You may be extremely stupid, and your grades and test scores may prove it objectively, yet you may still think you’re the smartest person on earth.

A person who can’t be corrected can veer farther and farther off course. There is no limit to how crazy, deluded, or evil a person can be.

My old church (the new old one, not the old old one) has a young deacon who is impossible to talk to. He has achieved nothing in life. He is not highly intelligent. He is not educated. He can’t write a straight sentence. But he appears to be convinced that he has a special commission from God, to correct and insult people. He knows a little, but because of his nature, he doesn’t know how much he doesn’t know.

He has a reputation for sucking up the pastors, but he also has a reputation for staying home on Sunday and doing very little for the church.

Last week, they let this kid preach. I have no idea what he said, but the very thought of him talking to a church congregation gives me the willies.

Recently, he jumped onto someone’s Facebook comment thread and started issuing correction regarding something insignificant. He ended up insulting people and typing “lol” over and over. One person who tried to engage him wised up and started deleting her comments, which was a good excuse for another “lol.”

A couple of guys who have had issues with him found the thread and started poking him, and of course, he engaged and let them troll him for several hours. One of them referred to the pastors as “mommy and daddy” and made disparaging references to his employment history.

I stayed out of things, except for making a little joke to a friend of mine. Something that did not stir the pot. It blew by him.

The problem with this kerfuffle is that it happened a few days after he was allowed to preach. I can only guess what the pastors thought. They are terrified of anything resembling exposure. They have a thing about keeping stuff quiet. I do know that they were upset, and they went to the wrong person about it, but there was nothing they could do. You can’t control everyone you know.

During the time that this was going on, I was going through Enoch. One of the things that stood out to me was a passage in which Enoch said the angels would rejoice in the future, when certain beings were tossed into hell.

That sounds petty. It sounds as though the angels were taking pleasure in the suffering of others. I don’t think that’s the explanation, though.

The angels will rejoice because they won’t have to see or hear punks any more.

I had nothing to say to this kid, because talking to him is like hugging a cactus. There is virtually no possibility that anything good will come of it. He has no respect for intelligence, education, age, good intentions, or the revelation of the Holy Spirit. I got into an argument with him once in the past, and it was like arguing with a three-year-old. After that, I avoided him.

I was annoyed that the pastors didn’t control this character. Instead, they reached out to someone else; someone who had nothing to do with his crazy behavior. That made me angry. They need to fix their own problems instead of manipulating other people to cover them up.

They used to come after me publicly when I wrote things they didn’t like, and someone else referred to them publicly as “the Facebook police.” So there is a history.

I put this gif up:

cartman hall monitor

Above it, I wrote this:

Pastors who don’t work have a lot of time to play Facebook police.
Is this really the best way to react when people say things you disagree with?

The church is a mess, the pastors show up late, they don’t attend prayer services, they don’t work, but they have time to try to run Facebook?

They have a son. He is a challenge, to put it nicely. He talks to older people as though they were children. He says things that embarrass his parents. He calls black people he knows “nigga,” which they don’t like much. He has not accomplished anything so far in life.

He and the other kid were the only two people at the church I could not be bothered to talk to. I would say hello and so forth, but that was about it. My opinion of both of them is so low, I can’t take them seriously as human beings. This is probably why I got along with them.

The son popped up in my comments and said, “Lol you when r you going to just shut the f___ up you a Lil kid with no F___ing life grow the f___ up.”

I decided the best thing was to leave the comment up so people could see it. It was exactly the kind of exposure the family needed. I said they had done a lovely job with him, and then I took it back and said that was wrong, because once you’re 18, it’s all on you.

He said I was a “gay-ass p___y” and that it was no wonder no one liked me, and so on. He said there were pills for people like me.

I told him to say whatever he wanted, and that I was leaving it all up for people to see. I took a screenshot, just in case.

A big mixed-race guy from the church said a few things, and the kid kept calling him “nigga” and telling him to “chill.”

This morning I got up, and the comments directed at me were gone. I guess mommy went to the right person this time.

I could not get very angry at this kid. It’s like getting mad at a baby throwing a tantrum on the floor at Wal-Mart. I actually asked someone if he had a mental disorder. I still wonder.

Sometimes proud people have really proud kids. This outcome should have been expected. But they spoiled him, and they made the church honor him and give him money, and they sat him up front while he was treating older people disrespectfully. You get what you ask for. If life doesn’t slap this kid awake, in ten years, he’ll be washing dishes at Denny’s.

God help him if he goes to jail. He is not physically intimidating at all, but he has a mouth that makes people very angry.

My experience with him seemed like a continuation of the punk theme that perfused the week.

Tough times are coming, and increasingly, we are going to have to give up on punks and leave them behind. It’s not hard-hearted. It’s accepting reality. There are things we can’t change.

My sister is a punk. She went and lived in our grandfather’s house, and she walked around in her underwear all day and called him “Dougie.” She got my dad to buy her a house, and then she sent him nasty emails accusing him of trying to steal it from her and telling him what a rotten person he was. I had to buy my first pistol because I helped get her into a place where they could help her, and she said she was going to send one of her new friends to take care of me.

I often thank God for taking her away, and I ask him to keep her away. Two-thirds of my life are gone. I can’t deal with that for the other third.

I feel like there is hope for the pastor’s son, because I feel God wants me to pray for him. But there are a lot of punks out there who might as well be in hell already; nothing will fix them. They are part of the dust we will shake off our feet when we leave this mission field. They are just afterbirth. By choice.

If you watch courtroom videos, you will see punks in action. They argue with the judges, as if the judges are bad children who need to be spanked. They think their authority is superior to that of the judges. They continue talking while the judges talk. Nothing gets through.

Everyone has dealt with people like this. Eventually, you have to stop talking and shut the door in their faces. They ramble on, and it makes them feel great. Meanwhile, their status as losers is growing and growing. If you watch videos of Charles Manson, you will see that he is still rambling today. Thinking he won.

First you’re a loser because you mistreat your parents and teachers. Then you’re a loser because you’re obnoxious at work and can’t get promoted. Then you’re a loser because you mistreat other people and get arrested. Then you’re an even bigger loser because you’re nasty to prosecutors, PDs, and judges. Then you go to prison, and you’re a loser in lipstick someone else made you put on.

Some people snap out of it, and others don’t.

I keep asking God to help me to be a person who loves and craves correction. I have had plenty of punk moments in my life. I want to be a good son. After all, it’s the good sons that inherit power. The losers end up rifling through dumpsters and begging people for spare change.

God is helping me with this. I love correction more every day. It’s like free money. Admitting you’re wrong is like opening your safe so someone can put cash in it.

You might as well start preparing yourself for the losses ahead. Many people you know aren’t going to make it, and it’s not your fault. Try to get used to having them replaced with folks who can change.

I wish there were a more positive message to pass on, but this is as good as it will ever get.


The Future is What we Made it

November 9th, 2015

Warnings from Enoch

It’s unusual for me to have a sad day. Well…”unusual” is not a strong enough term. It’s rare. But today I feel a little down.

America is clearly in the grip of a spiritual seizure very much like the one we underwent in the Sixties, and I see little hope that we will come out of it. I think we will end up under the thumbs of exactly the kind of sleazy, grasping, cruel, trashy, stupid people who took over Cuba and North Korea. Decent people with common sense will be abused with increasing intensity, with the consent, support, and participation of the state. Filthy, irrational cretins will have power over us. The only way to be relatively safe will be to sell out and become a tool of oppression.

I remember how things were a few short years ago, before the latest eruption of political “correctness” and sexual perversion really got going.

I told people homosexuality would be the stick the enemy’s people used to beat Christians. It sounded crazy to hardheaded people who don’t listen, but I was correct. History proved me right. I knew the perversion lobby would never be satisfied with tolerance and coexistence. I knew they would use their new power to label the rest of us as haters (a new word I can’t stand), and that it would give them a pretext to persecute us.

Look how right I was. In 2015 America, you don’t have to do anything affirmative in order to lose your job or have your business taken away. All you have to do is refuse to participate in the celebration of perversion. It’s not enough to say, “Do as you wish, but I would like to be left out of it.” You have to choose a side, and there is only one side the left will let you choose.

Recently two day care workers in Katy, Texas were fired because they refused to call a boy a girl. A six-year-old boy has either decided or been convinced that he’s a girl, and the gay men who are raising him have insisted that day care workers call him “she” and “her.” Because they refused to lie–a very reasonable position prior to the new era of thoughtcrime–they were forced out of their jobs.

This didn’t happen in San Francisco. It happened in Texas. Possibly the state liberals hate, and wish to conquer, the most. If the pink tide has swept over Texas, there is nowhere you can consider yourself or your family safe.

The boy is six. Think about that. His “parents” have made a life-altering decision for him involving concepts he can’t possibly understand yet, and they are projecting their warped motivations and sensibilities onto him, exactly the way gays tell us we project heterosexual drives onto normal children. If this boy shows up in your school, and you have to interact with him, you will have to lie to him and be an accomplice in the assassination of his masculinity. Or you can change careers. You will have a very hard time finding work that involves kids once “progressive” childcare employers find out you refuse to involve yourself in the destruction of children.

Changing careers will not be an option forever. The LGBT[insert new letters here as they are invented] army knows you’re looking for a rock to hide under, and they want to take it away from you before you get there. They will find ways to blackball you eventually, even if you’re satisfied with digging ditches. You will be allowed to believe whatever you want, as long as you don’t mind living like a hobo.

They believe they can change the world by crushing entire generations of dissidents. They think that if children grow up in a world in which everyone who agrees with the Bible suffers economic and social hardship, the children will, universally, deny God and embrace perversion.

Then Biblical morals will be gone. It’s like killing a generation of sick plants and starting a new crop with healthy seed. Future generations will not be “infected” with the Christian disease. Hitler and the socialists had the same idea, with regard to ideas they saw as threatening.

I was right before, and I’m right now. But not enough people will listen to turn the tide. A few here and there will get it. Overall, though, people are a lot like monkeys. They have no internal compasses. They just do whatever makes their cages most comfortable in the short run. Those of us who refuse to play along will be sacrificed, and those who refused to help us will rationalize.

Conservatives think they have the answers. They think that if we all go out and vote, things will change. They believe the problem is that we don’t educate, contribute, or vote enough. That’s completely wrong. What’s happening to America has supernatural roots, and we can’t fix it with natural tools. Relying on natural tools is what got us into this mess. We were supposed to be a prayer army that obeys God and receives his help. Instead, we glorified, and relied on, ourselves. So God quit helping us.

God wants us to be defeated by perverts, aliens, criminals, other nations, and so on. He WANTS it. We are against him, so he is against us. We can’t beat God. We can’t even hide from him. We think we’re fighting deluded counterculture nutbars, or that we’re fighting the devil. No; God is helping those people defeat us. We’re fighting God himself.

The church is almost useless.

The old churches aren’t even Christian. They preach salvation, but that’s about it. They’re wrong about almost everything else. They’re against the baptism with the Spirit, prayer in tongues, and being Spirit-led. They have never had much supernatural power. They teach us to work hard or to be really nice; things that don’t work without God’s help.

Newer churches are whorehouses. They love the supernatural. They toss out a few phrases in tongues once in a while. They tell us God will do miracles. But they teach us God’s plan is to satisfy our flesh. He wants to give us money and spectacular healings. They don’t teach correction, confession, and submission. They teach moronic, legalistic schemes to help us get rich by giving God money.

In the new churches, we worship TV stars. We don’t have prophets. We have Joel Osteen, the Gilligan of preachers. We think that anyone who has a camera pointed at him has to be an apostle.

Charismatic evangelists like Osteen and T.D. Jakes are blood drinkers. They don’t care about us. They just want our money. They’re greedy, and they use our own greed to get at us. They tell us God will give us wealth, because he wants us to be rich. They don’t teach much about the internal riches God actually wants us to receive. They don’t know about those things, because they’re ignorant. They do know how to con and manipulate, so that’s what they stick to.

These characters bleed us and drink our blood to make themselves and their spoiled brat children fat as pigs. They don’t teach anyone anything powerful or helpful. They fill our hungry ears with fakery, and because we’re too stupid to recognize it for what it is, we think we’re being fed. We stop looking for the truth, so we remain undeveloped, like unfertilized eggs.

Today I’ve been reading the book of Enoch. There is a long prophecy in it, in which God shows Enoch the history of the world, from Abraham to the time after the Messianic Age. In the prophecy, God shows how he has sent us his representatives time and time again, to open our eyes and help us get back on track. It tells how we ignored them and even killed them. It says we are going to continue doing those things until Jesus comes.

It’s not a rosy picture. It describes the people who should be following God as sheep, and it says they are blind. It says foul spirits tear the meat off of them because they don’t submit to God.

The prophecy describes the Babylonian exile. It says Enoch begged God to help, but God folded his hands and took pleasure in what happened to the Jews. We’re no better than the Jews. He will treat us the same way.

Here is, perhaps, the worst part: according to the prophecy, the blind sheep will be cast into hell. Sounds unfair, doesn’t it? They identify as Jews and Christians, and you would think that would please God. The reason they don’t please God is that they’re blind. Is it fair to burn them?

Yes, of course it’s fair. They made the choices that led to their blindness.

In the American justice system, you can’t avoid a conviction by saying you were drunk or high when you committed a crime. The rationale is that you chose to drink or take drugs, so you’re responsible for what you did when you were out of your mind. The same principle applies to sin. If you turned away when you had the chance to do the right thing, and later you became unable to tell right from wrong, too bad.

One more time, God is going to raise up a man like Elijah. That man will speak the truth, and he will help other people who are capable of hearing and changing. The vast majority of human beings will be against that man, and all the spirits that serve Satan will be behind them. But he will prevail. Jesus will return to help him, and then the real suffering will begin. Jesus will be angry.

If you’ve disagreed with the Satanic agenda, people know about it. Things you said fifteen or twenty years ago will come back to you. God help you if you blog, because it will make gathering evidence that much easier. You are slated for destruction already. It’s probably impossible for you to fix things unless you sell your soul and recant falsely. Think about that. A choice is in your future. It is already scheduled. It will come sooner than you expected.

My advice is to start praying in tongues every day. You’re going to need the ability to hear from God, and you’re not going to develop it in a day. It may be too late to start, but at least you can try. Put in as much time as you can every day, and ask God for correction. Ask him for the supernatural ability to change. It looks like America is descending into the toilet pretty rapidly, so you need to get to work. I don’t think we can fix America. Don’t worry about that. But you may be able to build an ark around yourself.

It may not be long before you lose your job. You may lose whatever licenses and accreditations you have. You may have to kiss your profession goodbye. Sooner or later, they won’t be satisfied with taking your earning potential. They’ll want what you already have. Anything that enables you to be a “hater,” they will want to take away, even if it’s your life. It will be best for you, because hitting rock bottom will help you convert, and if you die because you refuse to change, that will be good for society. Either result will satisfy the enemy.

God provides protection to people who are truly close to him. He went so far as to carry Enoch, Elijah, and Jesus away. He is stronger than the people who hate you for living. You need to give him a reason to be on your side.

If they eventually get me, well, then I was wrong. Fly your rainbow flag and celebrate, even if you have to fake it.

But I don’t see that happening.


Nice People go to Hell

November 4th, 2015

Grumpy Christians Make it to Heaven

John Bevere is currently the best teacher I know of. He is telling people something that sounds very original, yet which we should have known for 2000 years: being nice is not the same thing as serving God.

He doesn’t put it quite that way. He has written a book called Good or God?, and the basic idea is that we don’t please God by being “good” by our own standards. We have to identify his standards and be good according to them.

I just read something on the Internet. A Mormon injected himself into a Christian comment thread. As Mormons so often do, he kept his religion to himself until after he had been exposed by someone else. Then, as Mormons so often do, he started claiming his religion was Christian, and that the people who were rejecting it were cruel and mean and probably climate change deniers who don’t even eat organic. Or something like that. He took on a shameless victim stance, which is a classic Mormon tactic. I assume this is a strategy they have been taught, because I have seen it a number of times.

He said something about how caring and loving Mormons are. I’ll go farther than that. They do a lot of charitable works. They work hard. They don’t commit a lot of crime. They promote kindness and traditional Christian morality.

That’s great, BUT it’s not good in God’s eyes.

It’s hard–no, it’s impossible–to make most people accept this, but here is what’s truly good: hearing from the Holy Spirit and doing what he tells you to do, even if it conflicts with the Jewish law or traditional Christian morality.

Mormons can’t do that. They are not Spirit-led. They venerate weird spirits such as “Moroni,” the messenger that supposedly spoke to Joseph Smith before he found his magic golden plates and read off of them as they sat in his hat. Mormons are out of alignment with God’s authority because they reject grace and humility, so they can’t advance far as God’s empowered servants. In this respect, they are like gays and Buddhists and all the other characters who try to “correct” Christianity.

We are supposed to receive salvation, which comes purely as a gift, through faith. We do not have to perform any works in order to go to heaven (contrary to Mormon teaching). Then we’re supposed to be baptized with the Holy Spirit. Then we’re supposed to pray in tongues daily, ask God for correction, fight our pride and the spirits that controlled us before we were saved, and become Spirit-led.

Then you do what the Spirit tells you to do, not what Christian law says to do. Yes, I said “Christian law.” We treat the Ten Commandments as though they bind us. We take the things Jesus taught and turn them into rigid laws. We have law, even though we are not supposed to.

The Holy Spirit will usually tell you to do nice things, but sometimes he won’t. He told the ancient Jews to kill babies and old people. Was that good? This may be hard to acccept, but yes, it was good. It was good, because it was God’s command. That’s what made it good. Niceness does not make an action good. God–not Satan–throws nice people into hell every day. He’s doing it right now. That’s not nice. But it’s good.

Do I expect God to tell me to kill babies? No, of course not. That’s exactly the kind of ridiculous question a carnal person would ask in order to “debunk” Spirit-led Christianity. But I do expect God to tell me to go against Jewish law and Christian law.

The “Jesus only wanted us to be nice” crowd is heavily pro-homosexuality. They see nice gays, and they think they must be okay with God. After all, Jesus was very hard on people who were self-righteous and unforgiving. And many Christians are not as nice as random gays.

The strange thing about people who believe this is that they think they’re fighting legalism, but they actually promote it.

If you think you’re going to heaven because you’re nice, then you think you’re being rewarded for good works. That’s legalism. Under legalism, you are rewarded for what you do, not what you are or what you believe.

Real Christians do not believe that. They believe that they will enter paradise when they die even if they commit a substantial number of sins during their post-salvation lives. Many of us take it too far and do as we please, treating salvation as though it cost God nothing, but this is how it works. So a rude Christian who believes in forgiveness by faith will enter heaven, and a really nice Mormon, homosexual atheist, Buddhist, or Hindu will not be able to escape hell.

Going further, a Christian who is not friendly, warm, or relentlessly nurturing may please God much more than an unbeliever who is nice all the time. If the Christian does what the Holy Spirit tells him to do, then he’s doing what is right.

It’s nice to be nice, but what counts is obedience, and you can’t be obedient if you can’t hear the Holy Spirit, because you don’t know what he’s telling you to do.

If we’re saved by grace, why does obedience count? Because we’re supposed to go past salvation. God has things he wants us to do in this life. If we obey, we will be improved, we will help others to be improved, and we will build strong, Spirit-led people who can help others receive salvation, serve God, and humiliate Satan.

Jesus talked about this when he discussed people who would come up to him at judgment and tell him what they had done for him. People will approach him and say, “I built an orphanage. I gave money to the poor. I never criticized anyone else’s sins. I accepted homosexuality because I refuse to judge. I worked in my church for nothing.” Essentially, they will tell him what he owes them because of their works. They will say, “I was good. I did what I thought was good.” But what you think is good is not necessarily good. Only God knows what is good. Jesus said he will tell the people who try to collect on the debt to depart from him. He will say he never knew them.

When you decide what’s good, not only do you fail to discern God’s will; you try to correct God. You substitute your judgment for his. Doesn’t matter whether you have what you call “good intentions.” Even your intentions have to be judged by God. If you intend to do what you think is good, instead of listening to the Holy Spirit, then your intentions are bad.

Mormons are not Christians. They belong to a faith that involves Jesus, and they believe faith is PART of salvation, but they don’t believe faith alone saves us. If you believe that anything other than faith is essential to salvation, then you’re not saved. You’re under the law, and no one can fulfill the law.

The doctrine of following the Holy Spirit sounds very harsh to self-righteous people. They think their man-made doctrine is better, because it tells them to be so nice. Consistently nice. They think they’re better than Spirit-led Christians who are not always nice, and they will use their own niceness to condemn us. When they use it to put us in chains, take our homes, and kill us, this will be part of their justification. Expect it.

If you want more of what God has for you, give up the Christian law. Get to know the Holy Spirit. Ask for correction, and ask God to make you crave correction. He will answer these prayers, and the blessings you receive will be greater than anything you will ever get for being nice.


God Sets the Solitary in Families

October 28th, 2015

Creepy Pastors do the Opposite

Today I had another remarkable revelation concerning the last two churches I belonged to. They are ruining people’s relationships in a manner not unlike the damage done by the Nazis and by Americans who owned slaves.

I don’t know why I didn’t see this sooner. I suppose I didn’t care enough about being rejected to think about it.

After World War Two, many people found themselves isolated from family and friends. The Nazis tore relationships apart. It’s obvious that they murdered people, but there was more to it than that. They destroyed neighborhoods so people had to leave as refugees. They imprisoned people and moved them around. When the war was over, the Nazi infrastructure was gone, and there was no one capable of determining where people were.

Many people got back together shortly after the war. Others stayed apart for years. Some never found each other again. Slaveholders also tore families apart, and many were never restored.

I’ve known for a long time that Rich Wilkerson and the crew at Trinity Church discouraged people from talking to those who leave the church. A friend told me she had been sat down for “the conversation.” I know there were secret meetings about me. Big deal. I’m not the kind of person who suffers a lot when people drop me.

I knew about Trinity, but it was only recently that people started telling me that the pastors at New Dawn discourage people from communicating from people who leave.

If what I’m told is correct, they’re not always relatively subtle about it, as in the recent situation where a pastor preached about people like me without using my name. I am told they mentioned people by name and told others to shun them.

Here’s the interesting part: these things are generally done in secret, because many church pastors are gutless and sneaky. The problem with that is that the people who are shunned don’t know what’s going on. They don’t know the pastors are behind it. They may assume their friends don’t want to be around them.

They can’t take away true friends who are close to you, because you will communicate with those people in spite of the pastors. But they can cut you off from people who had the potential to become friends.

They can also cause people who leave to cut off the people who stay. When you leave, you may assume the pastors have turned everyone against you, so you may stop maintaining relationships.

So now I wonder: how many ruined relationships are these people responsible for?

This is really something. Many people are very dependent on their churches for help and comfort. I’m not one of those people, but not everyone is like me. What happens when such people lose their church circles?

It’s not a small problem. Even a little church can interfere with dozens or hundreds of friendships.

Thinking about this, I realize how important it is to expose this nonsense. It has to be exposed because its power comes from the fact that it was done in secret. I feel like someone should start a Facebook group or website for victims, so they can come in and announce their feelings toward people and possibly reclaim them.

I’m so mad right now. How can anyone do something this vile and cowardly and pretend to be a man or woman of God? It’s all done from a desire to get money and/or power. It’s dishonest, because it’s secretive. It’s cruel. And what benefit does it bring? Spoiled idiots with delusions of grandeur get to preserve their little empires and avoid honest work. People who would otherwise have very limited access to wealth and power–people who would be doing blue-collar jobs–get to ride around in German cars and go on expensive vacations. That’s about it.

I don’t know what to do, except for talking about it openly so that people’s eyes will be opened.


No Heart for the Louse

October 28th, 2015

Let the Bedbugs Starve

This morning during prayer I got more revelation about churches.

My prayer life keeps improving. These days I will often get up in the morning, go to the den, put on worship music (not Christian dance music), and pray while walking around. I am getting very aggressive, and I expect it to increase.

Today while I was praying, I thought about the way my life had changed since getting out from under a pastor.

When I was serving at churches, I had to deal with a lot of immature, ignorant people who were in authority. They did not pray much. They did not get revelation from God. They just repeated what other people told them. Nonetheless, for one reason or another, they were put in charge of ministries.

If you’re a pastor’s brother in law in a charismatic, money-centered church, you can pretty much count on running a ministry, unless he doesn’t like you. The wife will automatically be a pastor. Buddies and people who agree with everything the pastor says are likely to be promoted. Sometimes these people belong in their positions, and sometimes they don’t. The rest of us have to deal with them.

When the people in the Bible needed guidance, they went to men who were in contact with God. That’s what they did when they were doing things right, I mean. They went to Moses or Samuel or Jesus. They didn’t go to the high priest’s uncle or wife.

We are different now. We go to whichever crony or sycophant is available.

You can tell church leaders are useless when they have to brainstorm in order to come up with things to say or do. People who are anointed always have something on the stove. God doesn’t put a real servant in charge of something and then sit back to see the wonderful ideas the servant’s tiny, unaided brain can come up with.

When I was serving at Trinity Church, they used to come up with nutty projects. One was called “the 2020 Vision.” Rich Wilkerson said they were going to save a certain number of people by 2020.

I looked it up on the web, and it turned out about a billion churches had also had the 2020 vision, but it meant totally different things to them. And they had had the vision long before Wilkerson did, and you probably know how preachers love to steal hot ideas.

The 2020 vision lasted a few months, I think. It’s only 2015, so something is not quite right.

Wilkerson’s son Richie once preached about “microwave sermons.” The day you’re supposed to preach approaches, and you realize you have nothing to say, so you call a buddy and have him email you a sermon. You then serve his stale crap to your congregation, like a microwaved burrito.

He thought he was telling us about the problems preachers have, but he was really telling us God had not chosen him to teach us. If God had chosen him, he would have had something to say.

Rich Wilkerson manipulated people with Steve Munsey’s “Seven Blessings of Passover” nonsense, telling them God would give them a great year if they gave him lots of money. Then I exposed that lie, and he reinvented it as the “Heart for the House” offering, meaning the people were supposed to devote themselves to building his corporation.

In the Bible, “house” means something different. It refers to a human being God is trying to build. This is not something Rich Wilkerson has a heart for.

My last church put the pastor’s brother in law in charge of various things. It seemed like they were impressed because he had a career that involved IT. He put the church on Indiegogo (yes, I know) and tried to raise money. He led the men’s ministry and made us do silly team exercises which almost certainly came from corporate training. We were asked to participate in a tug of war to demonstrate how important it is for everyone to pull. I refused. A tug of war is a great way to put yourself in the hospital, especially if you’re over 40. You can’t make uneducated people understand the forces involved when several tons of men pull in different directions on a rope.

We also went bowling once, at a really dirty facility that served rotten food. That was pretty bad.

People who don’t pray have bad ideas, or they take bad ideas from other people. They have no business running anything. Even if you do pray, you need some time to mature. If you were stealing cars last year, you probably aren’t ready to be a youth pastor.

I’m not really comfortable with the whole “youth pastor” idea. We should learn from older people, because they’re the ones who know things.

This morning I realized how free I am. I don’t have to give big donations to wasteful people now. I don’t have to be on the prayer line for several hours a week. I don’t have to come to seven a.m. volunteer meetings and then serve until mid-afternoon, for pastors who show up late for church and then prolong the services by showing boring slides of their grandchildren.

I talk directly to God every day. He teaches me things that are true and useful. He isn’t repeating nonsense he heard on TBN.

Once nice thing about God is that he tries to improve me. He doesn’t try to convince me that Christianity is about money and miracles. He shows me the infected places on my heart. He shows me what I’m wrong about. He gives me motivation to admit fault and change.

The pastor at New Dawn was obsessed with grace. He rejected the idea that our own corruption causes problems. He believes that once you’re saved, God thinks you’re wonderful, and he does not expect you to show a lot of interest in repentance or improvement. He thinks our problems are caused by lack of faith, not iniquity or lack of obedience. He sees talk of repentance and correction as legalism.

If you tell him fat type 2 diabetics who eat everything in sight are sick because they’re gluttons, he won’t want to hear it. If you tell him we give evil spirits authority over our bodies, to cause disease, by hardening our hearts toward God’s correction, he will think you’re self-righteous.

It’s remarkable, really. He thinks talking about repentance and obedience is legalism, but he says God rewards tithes and offerings with wealth because of grace.

In the Old Testament, God told Malachi he would reward the Jews financially for giving to the priests. The people who got this promise were under the law. They had financial problems because they disobeyed the law. Restoring the offerings was a legalistic move. Obvious?

If you’re tithing, you’re obeying the law, not the Spirit. It shouldn’t be necessary to point that out.

He tries to get around this by saying Abraham tithed, but as far as we know, Abraham only tithed once. And the Jewish law of the tithe was never applied to non-Jews. Abraham was circumcised. Do we have to do that too?

I made myself unwelcome by telling people God expected us to fight our iniquities and obey the Holy Spirit. I said the prosperity gospel was a crock. That was helpful information people needed to have.

Now I don’t have to sit in the sanctuary wondering if I should say something because Albert or Rich wouldn’t like it. Or worse, because their wives, who are out of control, wouldn’t like it.

I don’t have to sit through an endless series of pastor appreciation events. I don’t have to watch the church give money to the pastor’s son, who treats older people like children and needs a boot in the rear.

It’s very good.

In the past, when I got away from church, I lost my relationship with God, but I have reached a point where churches interfere with that relationship. America’s churches are extremely screwed up. I’m sure there are good ones out there, but I don’t know of any. Definitely not around here.

The people who run our churches are doing tremendous harm. The prosperity nuts may be the worst. They fill people’s heads with promises that do not come true. They treat them disrespectfully. They use churches as their personal mad money funds. They promote their idiot relatives and give them money taken from poor people’s tithes. They even try to make churches cut people off socially for correcting them.

They do things people in the secular world go to jail for.

These swine on two legs are poisoning people against church and against God. I would hate to be in their shoes when it comes time to face him.

How can we expect people to trust God if the preachers who claim to represent him hurt us and lie to us? Is it really worth it, so you and your wife can quit working and buy things your skills and knowledge could never bring you in a secular setting? Many of the people you hurt have very little. Many were holding on by the skin of their teeth when they came to you, and you kicked them in the mouth.

I’m not sure when I’ll set foot in a church again. It seems like God has to work some positive changes in me, and he knows that every preacher within driving distance will only hinder him.

If a church has hurt you, and you don’t know where to turn, the best advice I can give you is to spend a lot of time praying every day. Ask God to correct you. Ask him to fill you with the Holy Spirit and the gift of prayer in tongues. Then use the gift as much as you can, and listen.

I don’t know what to think about the blood-drinkers in the pulpits. I assume their piglike behavior will be used to justify violent persecution eventually.

Don’t be too absorbed about serving at church. Be absorbed in knowing God and correcting yourself. The other stuff is much less important.


Touch not my Self-Appointed

October 27th, 2015

Do my Sideshow Barkers no Harm

I would say the drama continues, but it’s only drama if it makes you suffer, so I guess I can’t say that.

You will recall how I lost my old Facebook account, and the pastor of my old church, New Dawn Ministries, went on Facebook and said God cancels the accounts of people who go after men of God.

I thought I was done with the whole circus for a while, but this weekend I had lunch with friends who go to the church, and they told me that another pastor gave a sermon in which he told people they shouldn’t “like” things “haters” put up on Facebook.

You have to realize, this church meets in a room twice the size of a two-car garage. If you think they’re talking about you, they probably are. There aren’t a lot of targets to choose from.

My friends thought the sermon was ridiculous, and of course, so do I.

A young lady who used to be very close to them started chiming in on things I wrote. Her husband actually lived with the pastors for a while, and they helped him get his life together. It looks like the relationship has soured a bit.

She and her husband left the church a long time ago. I assumed they were just cooling off, but it looks like that is not so. The pastors pulled her out of a position she had held for four years, and somehow or another, things went south.

Now she has a lot to say. She doesn’t care who hears it. She said they mismanage the building fund and use it as a piggy bank. She complained about greed. She also said they had told people not to associate with her. She asked if they had done that to me, and I said they hadn’t.

Then I thought about the sermon. That was an effort to discourage people from communicating with me. So my answer to her question was wrong. They’re trying to get people to shun me.

She even thinks they got my Facebook account closed, which is possible, but they probably don’t know how to do things like that.

She referred to the pastor’s wife as the Facebook police. I thought I was the only one who had dealt with that.

It’s true that there are some people I don’t hear from now. But those people weren’t actual friends. Had they been friends, they would not have paid any attention to social pressure from people who run the church. The pastors can’t take friends away from me, but they were able to unmask people who only pretended to be friends. That’s a plus for me. I can’t always tell who is with me and who isn’t, so they gave me a hand with that.

I also found out that some people who appeared to be against me or neutral were actually for me.

So far, I haven’t gotten into the real purpose of this blog post, which isn’t about the microscopic details of a petty disagreement. The real topic is openness among Christians.

Long before I left New Dawn, I had two dreams that warned me about the upcoming problems. Rich Wilkerson, the pastor of Trinity Church, figured in both of them.

As far as I can tell, Wilkerson is totally useless as a man of God. I don’t think he ever thinks about helping anyone except himself or his family. I think his driving motivation in life is to accumulate money and become more famous. He’s like Mammon, wearing a flesh suit that used to be a man.

This explains his function in my dreams.

In the first dream, I went into New Dawn, and the whole church was dark. It was night, which is the time that belongs to the devil. There was only one light on in the church, and it was in the office. Rich Wilkerson was in there alone, counting money.

I told the pastors at New Dawn about the dream. Obviously, it was a warning that the same greedy spirit that ran Trinity was going to try to take over.

In the second dream, Rich Wilkerson followed me when I moved from Trinity to New Dawn. Again, it was night. I went into the church’s kitchen and saw him giving the volunteers orders, telling them what to do even though he didn’t run the place.

The meaning of this dream was that Satan would take people who volunteered at the church and use them to twist the pastors’ minds. They would come up with carnal plans that looked good to the pastors, and through these plans, the spirit would control the church. The kitchen is not the sanctuary; it’s a place where worldly tasks predominate.

I told the pastors about this dream, too.

I’m not the only one who warned them. A friend of mine stood up and told them they had to stay on the right course. I don’t recall everything they said. Another friend talked to them on the phone and told them they needed to listen to me, because I would help guide them.

The ironic thing about these dreams is that they could have helped the pastors, but in the end, they only helped me. The information God gave them through my two friends helped the friends. The pastors didn’t get anything out of it.

I’m still digressing.

I used to be somewhat cautious about what I said about preachers publicly. I had been brainwashed by the warped teachings on authority and submission, and by people who discouraged gossip without knowing what it actually was.

Now I will say just about anything, anywhere, as long as I believe God wants me to say it.

The Bible says we’re not supposed to touch God’s anointed. Crooks and frauds love to stand in the pulpit and repeat this, because it makes people afraid to expose them.

There are a couple of problems with the way people interpret the verse.

First of all, “anointed” means “authorized.” It applies to people who are doing what God authorized them to do. God never authorized anyone to teach the poor to give the church all their money. He never authorized anyone to teach the positive-thinking gospel. The characters who teach this nonsense aren’t anointed. They’re in rebellion. They’re wolves in sheep’s clothing. A number of them aren’t even Christians. They just like easy money.

Second, what does “touch” mean? If I disagree with you publicly, have I “touched” you in the meaning of the verse? Of course not. There’s nothing wrong with speaking honestly to a man of God. When the Bible was written, prophets were beaten and murdered. They had real problems, not Facebook posts.

If you look up the Hebrew word translated “touch,” it also means things like “afflict” and “strike.” So it’s kind of a stretch to apply it to someone who says maybe the pastors shouldn’t go on vacation four times a year at the congregation’s expense.

There is more to the subject, though. Almost no one considers this: if I spend more time with God than you do, and you’re wandering around doing your own thing, I have the right to correct you as God sees fit. Publicly or privately. Usually it’s best to correct people privately, but we are not under the law, so it’s not mandatory, and aside from that, when people repeatedly reject private correction, it becomes pointless.

Virtually nobody who fought with me has the kind of prayer habits I do. I am not bragging. It’s just a fact. God addicted me to prayer, and now I spend a great deal of time with him. The people who try to correct me pray very little. They have no right to open their mouths, because they’re not prepared.

It’s amazing how our confidence in our standing contrasts with our qualifications.

Every lukewarm hypocrite who goes to church once a year and only prays when he buys a lottery ticket feels entitled to air his opinions about God. That’s not the way it’s supposed to work. If you don’t know anything, you should shut up. You may have an opinion, but it’s worthless, and you should realize that.

I have the right to speak openly about the bad things preachers do. If you want to challenge me, develop a prayer life and ask God what you should do about me. Otherwise, be quiet. You’re in over your head.

I’ll go beyond that. Even if your prayer life is weak, if you know for a fact that a preacher is crooked or incompetent, you should say so, with reasonable discretion.

I used to think the pastors at New Dawn were great. I still believe they were much better than they are now. Anyway, other people left the church because they knew things I didn’t know. If they had spoken up sooner, maybe I would have awakened sooner.

The spirits that corrupt churches love the “speak no evil” mantra, because it protects them. Termites, roaches, and fungi love the dark. When the light comes in, it ruins everything for them. It will disarm evil spirits, and if a preacher isn’t totally corrupted by pride, it will wake him up and correct him.

If you’re sure something is badly wrong with your pastors, why would you keep it quiet? Malfunctioning pastors ruin lives. They hurt our friends. Yet we help them by adhering to a code of silence.

How are you a friend if you let someone like Benny Hinn take your friend’s money?

I am now beyond blunt when I talk about preachers. I don’t care about them or their jobs. If you hurt people for a living, your job should be taken away. Why should I help you drink the blood of innocent people?

I don’t know if I’ll ever go to church again. How am I supposed to find one that isn’t crazy? There must be a few out there, but I don’t know of any. I’ll wait, and if God sends me somewhere, I’ll go. Until then, I won’t worry. Worrying leads to carnal decisions.

My advice is to be honest but not vindictive or cruel. Say what will promote a positive result, and sleep soundly afterward.

I’ve been involved with preachers that had problems, and I have been fooled, but looking back, I can say that I never supported them in anything I knew to be wrong. I put up with a certain amount of error, because it’s inevitable, but I never pretended I thought something was right when I knew it was wrong.

If you want to argue with me, that’s fine. Just make sure you spend a few years praying several hours a day first. After that we can talk.


Grow Up

October 20th, 2015

Your World is Upside-Down

I had a couple of interesting experiences this weekend. I watched two really bad movies and got some great revelations afterward.

Revelation is a funny thing. Sometimes it’s something you already know or could have figured out had someone asked you, yet somehow, after God points it out to you, it becomes part of you in a new way.

The first movie I watched was Lucy. This is a film about a girl who overdoses on a miracle drug and suddenly develops the ability to use more of the brain than the rest of us.

There is a persistent myth that people only use 5% or 10% of their brains. That may be true in certain parts of California, but people with common sense realize it’s a made-up “fact.” The brain sucks up a lot of energy, and it’s bulky to carry around. It wouldn’t make a whole lot of sense to equip people with a big expensive organ that doesn’t do much.

In Lucy, Scarlett Johannson is drafted as a drug mule. A mean Taiwanese drug kingpin sews a bag into her belly so she can smuggle it to another country. The bag contains a chemical pregnant women produce to make their embryos develop. It breaks, and she starts developing super powers.

At 20%, she has the ability to understand Chinese instantly. I wish I had that ability while trying to get new Chinese tools to work. I would be able to download manuals I could actually understand.

The movie is awful, but I needed something to kill time while the birds were out of their cages, so I sat through it. Any fourth-grader who gets Bs in science will realize the fake science in the movie is stupid even by movie standards, and the plot is also crazy.

Lately, God has been showing me how important it is to quit getting new things and to make the most of what I already have. Sometimes your problem is that you need new stuff, but how can you be sure if you haven’t given your old stuff a chance? Covetousness is all about abandoning what you have in favor of something new, and it’s not just bad because it puts you in debt or causes friction with the people who already have what you want. It’s bad because it prevents you from developing. The most important part of the old stuff you need to make the most of is you, yourself.

In the movie, Lucy got really smart. She figured out the secrets of quantum mechanics and so on. She became so smart everything was easy for her. She shot all sorts of bad guys. She outwitted everyone she encountered. You can probably guess. But she didn’t get new stuff. She didn’t build new tools. She didn’t need to, because there was so much new power in her.

When the movie was over, I got a sudden revelation: people fixate on fixing the world around them when they should be working on themselves.

Obvious, but I felt it take root in me, and that was new.

As the movie unfolded, this fictional character was in the process of filling a flash drive with knowledge that would help humanity with its technical problems, but she, herself, proved that what she was doing was a waste of time. Because she had been improved, she didn’t need more tools. The rest of humanity didn’t need her flash drive and the new knowledge. They needed a way to become like her.

Technology exists largely to help us with problems caused by our inner shortcomings. If we were truly connected to God and living in faith and submission, we wouldn’t need gadgets and cures. We wouldn’t have most of the problems those things are intended to fix.

When Jesus met people who had diseases, he didn’t hold telethons to raise money for research. He told them to be healed, and that was it. He didn’t need microscopes, centrifuges, imaging machines, drugs…not even an exam table. That’s what life is supposed to be like. We have to come up with complicated solutions to our problems because we lost contact with the simple solution.

That may not sound deep, but it’s very important. The more you work on yourself, the better your life will be. It’s easy to take away your toys and money. It’s very hard to take away the inner qualities and assets that make you powerful and successful. They will save you no matter what happens in the world around you.

Last night, I watched X-Men: Days of Future Past.

I can’t help it. I like the Wolverine. And nothing else was on. Believe me, I looked.

The X-Men movies center on a paranoid fantasy: humanity’s war on mutants.

In the X-Men world, genetic mutations are giving rise to a race of beings with magical powers. They can do all sorts of impossible things. Some can shoot fire out of their bodies. Some have unlimited healing power, so you can’t kill them. There was one that was able to disappear in one place and instantly appear in another, yards away. Just silly stuff. The Marvel people don’t even try to make it sound reasonable.

The humans in the movies are scared of the mutants, probably because this is Marvel’s way of lecturing the world about our evil deeds, such as making a responsible effort to watch our borders and refusing to bake cakes for gays. I’m not sure. Anyway, the idea is that the mutants have so much power, we can’t hope to fight them once they get it together, so mean humans decide the smart thing is to round them up and kill them. Or “cure” them of their mutations.

In last night’s movie, a midget named Trask manufactured evil robots called…you won’t believe this…”sentinels.” Yes, I know. This is the same name the Matrix people used for evil robots that killed rebels. The X-Men sentinels had qualities that came from research done on a murdered mutant. Trask took her DNA and used it to give the robots all sorts of mutant powers. So when they attacked mutants, the mutants were totally outgunned. Any given robot could duplicate any mutant power, and that’s bad if you’re a mutant and all you can do is turn everything you touch into pudding.

In the movie, some of the mutants hid their powers. A couple took a serum to suppress them. They were willing to stunt themselves in order to fit in and avoid trouble. What the mutants really needed to do was to get together, organize, make the most of their powers, and fight. The head good mutant, Dr. Xavier, had a special school dedicated to teaching mutant kids how to use their powers and survive.

Again, as if I need to repeat it, the movie was stupid. Even by Marvel standards. It was not good. But I watched it, because almost any movie with superheroes and explosions in it is at least mildly entertaining.

Afterward, I got the revelation. It was so strong, I stopped walking, stood in a doorframe, held on, and stamped my foot.

In this natural world, a developed Christian is a real-life superhero. A person who has built himself up in the Holy Spirit and aligned himself with God’s will can do absolutely anything God tells him to do. Jesus walked on water and turned water into wine. Those are things a comic book superhero might do. It sounds like a silly comparison, but it’s true. He cured diseases. He ran supernatural beings off just by talking to them. We are supposed to do greater things than he did, but we don’t.

Working to develop your power is well worth it, and you don’t have to part the Red Sea in order to accomplish amazing, helpful feats. Long before you find yourself walking on water and doing similarly spectacular things, you will find that you can defeat people and situations simply by praying or by speaking certain words in faith. Those are wonderful abilities no unaided human being has.

We are supposed to be a powerful family of invincible beings, but we’re not, because we are too busy focusing on fitting in and getting God to give us external blessings like money. To God, those things are like prosthetics. We are like cripples who turn down healing because we prefer Air Jordan wheelchairs.

The prosperity gospel has never worked. It’s a total waste of time and money. But it’s worse than that. It succeeds at the thing it was actually designed to do: it keeps us powerless. Meanwhile, the spirits around us, and the carnal people who serve them, walk all over us. We should be ruling over them, but they do with us as they please, because we don’t know who we are. And we are few in number because we don’t try.

It’s an odd way to look at Christianity, but it’s completely consistent with the Bible.

Satan created a race of superhuman beings called the nephilim; the giants. From a natural standpoint, they were better than we are. They were bigger and stronger. They were dominant. But God killed them off because while they were big in the natural world, they were spiritual midgets. They didn’t have the Holy Spirit. They had no love or compassion. They were not submitted to God. They killed his people day after day.

We are supposed to be supernatural giants. Instead, we focus on natural stilts like wealth and power, to make us look like giants in this corrupt world. Then we die, and we lose those things. All we have left then is what we have made of ourselves.

So we have nephilim hearts and human bodies. That’s a horrible combination. No wonder everyone pushes us around. We have the worst of both races.

We need to be building ourselves up in the Spirit. If we were doing that, we would be strong, and we would multiply. We would be dominant, as the Hebrews were dominant when they took over Israel. As it is, we now run from gays and illegal aliens. We even run from animals. We are reintroducing large predators into areas our ancestors had the good sense to run them out of, and we can get in big trouble for bothering them when they come into our yards, where our children play. It’s funny; one of the plagues of Egypt was a flood of wild animals that terrorized people.

This blog post will sound nutty to people, but if you’re a Christian, you already believe the first human being was made from mud, and you believe God made the sun stand still so Joshua could fight. It’s not a question of whether you believe strange things. It’s a question of which strange things you’re willing to believe.

Keep praying in tongues. Keep asking God for correction and humility. Keep listening. Keep admitting you can’t help yourself. Confess everything to God. Confess your negative feelings about him. He already knows about them, he knows you want to get rid of them, and he wants to help.

The future is assured, but if you want your place in it, you’re going to have to submit. Not just on Sunday, but all day, every day. Your whole life has to belong to God. I’m not saying you can’t survive without making mistakes. I’m saying you have to side with God against everyone, including yourself, all the time.

This will help you, if you can hear it. Time is getting short and patience is running dry, so get on board while you can.


My Encounter With the Red Pill

October 12th, 2015

We have Artificial Intelligence but no Artificial Empathy

A fascinating thing happened last night. Facebook killed my account.

I don’t pay much attention to the terms of service when I use message boards and Twitter and so on. I figure that if I behave, everything will be fine. I didn’t know, or I forgot, that Facebook has an unusual requirement: they insist that you use your real name.

Using your real name on the Internet is not a bright idea. If you have enough of a presence, determined people will be able to find out who you are and what your address is, but most people are not determined, so if you use an alias, they will leave you alone. I generally use aliases.

I used my real name on Facebook for quite some time, but one day I decided to change that. I altered the last name. Then last night Facebook told me I would have to send them a scan of an ID in order to get back in. And the name on the ID had to match my Facebook name.

This adds up to abrupt, permanent obliteration. I can’t produce an ID with a fake name on it, so I’m all done. I can’t get back in. Everything I posted on Facebook will disappear, and so will my photos.

Am I mad at Facebook? Yes, but only because they gave me no warning. They should say, “If you don’t give us your real name within x days, we will kill your account.” That would give you time to tell people your time was short, so they would realize you hadn’t blocked them. Other than that, I’m not mad at all. Facebook can do anything it wants with its own service.

Now that I think about it, it’s a form of social extortion. If they gave you time to leave gracefully, you would be in control of the situation. Because they slam the door with no warning, you end up in a position where you have to do what they want. To me, this isn’t important, but to many people, it’s a big deal. They use Facebook for business, or they have big networks of people they need to stay in touch with for one reason or another. Also, there are things on the web you can sign into using Facebook, and they may be more important to you than Facebook itself.

My guess is that the nerds at Facebook thought this over carefully and did it on purpose in order to coerce us. Maybe the NSA gave them the idea, or maybe it’s just typical nerd behavior. Nerds tend to have stunted hearts, and they like controlling other people. They are very dangerous because of their power, lack of maturity, and lack of empathy. Maybe the wedgies and red bellies they get when they’re young are society taking revenge in advance.

I lost like 1300 uploaded photos. That’s a relief. I saw the exact figure the other day, and the size of it bothered me. I didn’t realize I had uploaded so many things. I didn’t want them to have that much stuff. Now they don’t, in a way. It’s still on their servers, but they can’t publish it any more. They can still give it to Obama, I guess, but the Fourth Amendment is dead, so he can get his hands on just about anything he wants with or without Facebook, and as far as I know, he has no reason to bother me anyway.

I didn’t actually lose the photos. I just lost the online collection. I still have them. After all, I had to have them in order to upload them.

Facebook was a handy way to put things on the Internet. If I wanted to post a photo on a forum or my blog, I could upload it to Facebook from my phone. That’s very quick. Then I could copy it to my PC and upload it again, wherever I wanted. I will miss that. Now I’ll have to use email.

What’s really interesting is not the effect on my online presence, though. It’s the way it affects my offline life.

I was using Facebook too much. I’m a writer, and for me, writing is about as hard as breathing. I can produce huge amounts of content with almost no effort, and I enjoy it. Facebook was an outlet for me, and it was easy to use, so I filled it up.

I got in the habit of looking at my phone a lot. Once I caught myself turning away from Facebook on the PC to check Facebook on my phone.

Habits can be pretty crazy. Obviously, I knew what I did was irrational, but I was very used to looking at Facebook when I took a break from things, and I had just taken a break from…Facebook.

To a great extent, I let Facebook replace offline interaction with people. I am solitary by nature, and I got pushed out of my church–my biggest social outlet–earlier this year. I used Facebook to stay close to people I knew. This is a legitimate, possibly healthy use of Facebook, but only as an adjunct. Not when it becomes a substitute.

When I saw I was exiled, I felt like I was in withdrawal. I didn’t like the sensation. But I was glad, because getting rid of things you depend on too much is always good.

I had a long prayer session last night. God showed me some things.

He showed me my prayers are answered with much greater consistency these days. He showed me that he is restoring things. He showed me that he is changing my heart so I side with him, even against myself. He showed me how I had sided against him for most of my life.

You don’t just side against God by committing obvious sins like fornication and stealing. You side against him by believing lies about him and criticizing him in your heart. If you think, even for an instant, that he isn’t doing the best job possible, and that his intentions toward you aren’t perfect, you’re siding against him. You’re believing the devil and the spoiled people who think God doesn’t do enough for them. If you think he is slow to answer, or that he is withholding good things for no sound reason, you’re siding against him. If you feel resentment toward him when something unpleasant happens, even if your mind hates the feeling and admits it’s wrong, your heart is siding against him.

You have to side with God, because he IS right, and you have to do one more thing: you have to hate Satan and have utter contempt for him. He is nothing. He is the excrement of creation. The lake of fire is creation’s septic tank. That’s harsh, but it’s true. He is totally worthless. You have to despise him as well as his ways and his promises.

The supernatural is full of symmetry. If we are supposed to praise God, of course we are supposed to contemn the ridiculous loser spirits that are against him, just as law-abiding citizens contemn the sleazy, defeated, stupid individuals who populate the underworld.

Somehow or another, this was related to the Facebook problem, but I can’t recall how.

God reminded me of something I realized recently: my days of defeat are over. Because I have been asking for correction, I have been turned around so I am headed in the right direction. I have not received every good thing life has to offer, but I am now headed toward them, and I can’t be stopped. I can be deterred temporarily, but it is no longer possible to overcome me permanently. I will win. No one who is against me has the power to prevent it. They are all losers. They don’t have the capacity to win.

I will win because I am becoming aligned with the will of the only real power there is: the permanent alpha male of all creation. If I am for him in my heart, and I keep turning back to him, no one else matters. They are lower than bugs before his power.

That’s really something. Crazy things may happen, but I’ve already won. Things will never stop getting better for me. Never. I’m like a leper who just received a dose of a cure. I may have scabs and sores today, but tomorrow I will have fewer of them, and a month from now, even more will have fallen off. Meanwhile, new scabs and sores will continue to appear on my enemies.

I can’t ask for instantaneous victory in all areas, but life is now a continuous and perpetual series of victories, so I will live my way into blessings day by day as long as I’m alive, like a product on an assembly line, receiving new parts as it progresses.

The one big change I would like to see is this: I would like to lose the habit of anticipating defeat that doesn’t come.

God gives me victory, over and over. “Victory” pretty much implies “battle,” though. Things that seem like problems arise, and I do supernatural warfare, and my faith tells me I’ve won. Then I win. But often I still worry, and that prevents me from enjoying victory until my eyes see it.

I’ve been bitten in the rear end a lot in life. Many times, I’ve been in positions where victory was natural and seemed inevitable, and in spite of everything, I’ve experienced sudden, unexpected attacks followed by defeat. That got me in the habit of expecting to lose. The habit of losing creates the habit of expecting loss. I’m much better about this than I used to be, but I look forward to a time when the habit of worry is totally destroyed. That way, instead of enjoying victory when I see it, I’ll start enjoying it as soon as God tells me it’s mine. That’s how life is supposed to be.

I don’t know if I’ll join Facebook again. It’s nice to be away from it. It’s also nice to use it to communicate.

I am concerned about the controlling nature of the people who design technology, as well as the controlling nature of technology itself. People tend to pass their traits on to their children, and technology has many warped, cruel, amoral, unempathetic fathers.

When you use Facebook now, it sends you ads based on things you’ve seen on the web, even if you try to opt out. If you look at something on Amazon, it will pop up over and over on Facebook. If it’s doing that with wrenches and T-shirts, what happens when you go to political and religious sites? What happens if you look at pornography or you have cybersex? Are the warm, loving, forgiving nerds disposing of all that powerful information, because they respect your privacy?

If God lets the world persist, technology is going to become extremely oppressive. They already have enough cheap storage to contain all of our emails and cell calls. The power of technology will continue to increase. And because technology never forgets and always analyzes, weird things will happen.

The Internet will know when you’re sick, before your doctor does. It will know if you use drugs, just by correlating things about your web use with known information about drug users, even if you never mention drugs on the Internet. It will know things about your relationships, before you and the people in your relationships suspect them. It will start to predict the future with surprising accuracy, and eventually, lawmakers will decide that we have to defer to its conclusions. America will be like a giant, self-driven Google car.

We already have “pre-crime” interventions. Blogger Michele Catalano got a surprise visit from armed feds because someone in her home Googled “pressure cooker.” It won’t be all that long before the feds have the power to bring a van to your house, put you and your family in it, and whisk you away to indefinite incarceration without trial, simply because the Internet says you’re going to cause problems. This will happen to people before they even think about rocking the boat. The Internet will know their intentions before they form them. It will be wrong sometimes, but how will you prove that? If Mama Internet says you’re going to shoot the president, and they put you away before you can do it, and you never get the chance, how do you prove she was wrong?

Facebook may be the tool that turns into Big Brother, or it may be Google Hangouts, or it may be something we haven’t seen yet, but we are all being turned into cells in one big, diseased brain. Loss of liberty is inevitable. Privacy, like private property, is an essential part of liberty. We don’t think about that much. I’ve never seen anyone mention the connection publicly.

I wonder if the ability to post memes and look at cat pictures is so valuable it justifies jumping back into the cage. Maybe it does. Maybe resistance IS futile, so I might as well make hay while the sun shines.

The devil has a long history of constructing seemingly impregnable structures, which God crushes with surprising speed. He and the other angels had huge children who were much more powerful than humans, and God drowned them all in a few days. Satan condemned the entire human race to hell and won the earth as a prize, and God reversed it with the crucifixion. The huge artificial brain that surrounds the earth appears to be Satan’s latest stronghold. Do we run from it in terror, or should we just enjoy technology and rest in the realization that this stronghold, like every one that came before it, will be humbled and rendered harmless?

I don’t know the answer yet.

I may sign up again. I may not. I’m not sure staying out will help me. On the other hand, I’m sure that going back in will not hurt me. Not in any meaningful, lasting way.


Gross Examination

October 6th, 2015

The Billy Mays of Advanced Math?

Still fiddling with math and physics.

I’ve had the strangest sensation lately. I feel like I’m inside RLM, the math/physics/astronomy building at the University of Texas. This is the building where I worked and went to classes when I was hoping to get a doctorate. I guess I spent 20 hours a week there.

The people were really dreary. I’m not the most outgoing person on earth, but I could not make friends there. Could not do it. Everywhere I go, I manage to make friends with at least one person within a month. Not the physics department.

The guy who shared my desk in the TA office was okay, and there was a Navy guy who became an experimental physicist. He had a harder time with the work than I did, and I thought he was going to wash out, but he made it and I didn’t. There was also a guy I sort of talked to occasionally. He had a thing for Asian girls So much so that he planned to move to Japan to teach English.

Oh, my God. I just Googled him, and he’s a physics professor. In Tokyo. He has been busy.

I never made a dent socially while I was there, and I suffered pretty badly, but I miss certain things. I miss teaching. The kids I taught were not as odd as the grad students, and it was nice to know that I was good at something.

RLM is named for Robert Lee Moore, a famous mathematician from Texas. I Googled him the other day and found out. I’m sure I saw his name on a plaque whenever I entered the building, but I don’t recall.

Moore is famous for math, and also for racism. He refused to teach black students back when UT was forced to accept them. They still named a building after him. If you wear a Dukes of Hazzard T-shirt to your quantum mechanics class, you’ll probably be told to turn it inside-out, but you will still be expected to sit in a building named after a maladjusted, hateful, racist crank.

I looked around on Youtube for some complex analysis lectures, to help me remember what I used to know so well. I found Herbert Gross. If you’re a student, you have to check this guy out.

He appears in old black and white videos published by MIT Open Courseware. The video quality is about like old Andy Griffith shows, so I figured he was filmed in about 1960, but the videos are from the early 1970s.

He’s a magnificent teacher.

I don’t know for sure, but the impression I have from all my years of study is that teaching pedigree means a lot.

There are certain things people who study a given subject should know; things they will be expected to know, even though you don’t have to know them in order to be good at the subject. You can make up a series of lectures and teach a subject well without referring to other people’s lectures, but you are likely to miss various characteristic anecdotes and examples that are commonly taught.

I think this is because many instructors can trace their roots back to instructors who were seminal, just as piano teachers claim they can trace their roots back to Liszt. Wolfgang Pauli, or whoever, included this or that bit of information in his lectures, so his students went on to include it in theirs, and so on.

Studying under people whose lectures conform to common standards is helpful, because you will run into instructors who expect you to know things that are commonly taught, and they may put these things in assignments on on tests.

I guess that was a long digression, but the feel I get from watching Herbert Gross is that he developed right in the thick of the math/physics/engineering community in the northeast. He seems to know exactly what’s important and useful, as though he has heard it himself via a long practiced tradition.

He’s apparently still alive. Either that, or he died and no one remembered to remove his website. He was still around last year.

I don’t know if my guess about him is right, but I think it’s definitely smart to try to learn from people at places like MIT or Harvard or the University of Chicago when possible, before taking a chance on people whose pedigrees are unknown.

His videos are wonderful. He really flies, but he is exquisitely prepared, so everything he says is clear. If your instructors stink, check him out. I wish to God I had had Youtube back in my day, when I was watching my Japanese professor point at different expressions and say things like, “Jees one, jees one, all same.”

If you don’t understand what that means, we are in the same boat.

One nice surprise is that I don’t struggle. I guess that makes sense. After all, this material used to be easy for me, and it should be in my brain somewhere, waiting to be reactivated. I fast-forward a lot. But I do have to do problems, because understanding is not the same as remembering with the kind of familiarity required for actual work.

I don’t know why math was easy and physics was hard. Maybe it’s because math is easy, and physics is hard.

He refers to vector analysis (multivariable calculus) in his complex analysis lectures, so I am checking that out, too. Luckily, he has lectures on both topics.

I don’t know where this is going. If I can just get back to the point where I can look at a graduate physics text and have some understanding of what it says, it will be a huge relief. I feel much better about my brain. I am starting to feel smart again.

Life isn’t about self-confidence, but you shouldn’t doubt yourself wrongly, especially in your heart.

I hope the videos are useful to people. Forty years’ worth of MIT students can’t be wrong. Totally. Not about everything.


Weird Science

October 1st, 2015

My State is Solidifying

What interesting times I’m having.

I keep getting deeper into physics and electronics. It’s not something I expected, and it’s not going the way I would have predicted.

For years I’ve had dreams about my time as a physics grad student at the University of Texas. I hated these dreams, but I couldn’t stop them. I would find myself returning to my apartment north of the city. My things were still there. The apartment was different in the dreams. It was gigantic. It was disorderly, too. The kitchen was a mess. Not dirty, but stuff was out on the table and counters. There were messy rooms with all sorts of tools in them.

I would wonder why the company that owned the apartment complex hadn’t thrown me out, since I hadn’t been paying rent.

I would find myself walking around campus, attending August meetings in preparation for the new school year. I wasn’t really part of it, though. I was like a ghost, observing but not really joining.

I did not like the dreams. I knew things weren’t right. I wasn’t ready to go back to work. I hadn’t planned or made arrangements. I was just there, with no warning or preparation. I didn’t feel that I could make it work. I was on my own.

I prayed for God to take away the dreams.

Losing physics was the most painful thing that ever happened to me. I spent three years in Texas, and I didn’t make a single friend, except for a girlfriend. The students in the department were very disagreeable. They were cold. Many were arrogant and snotty, as you would expect boys to be after a twenty-odd years of having their mothers show their brains off to their relatives and friends. The instructors didn’t care at all about the students. The administration was like a machine in a far-off country that transmitted its decisions over a cable. Completely impersonal.

I arrived in Austin in 1994, about three years after returning to college. I had gotten tired of trying to sell houses, and I had tried to enroll at the University of Miami. Because of my problems at Columbia University, they made me go to Florida International University, a local school, to prove I was serious.

When I first decided to go back to school, I figured I would be a lawyer, because it was an easy job that paid well. Then I saw the horrible classes pre-law students took. Boredom epitomized. I decided to become an avian vet, so I signed up for calculus, chemistry, and physics.

I had problems in calculus, and then I remembered that I had failed math in high school. I didn’t really know algebra. I started studying algebra and calculus at the same time, and I went from a 40 on the first test to a 100 and an 97 3/4 on the last two.

UM admitted me, and I started taking courses very quickly. I took courses at the same time as their prerequisites. A guy who taught my second physics lab course ended up sitting next to me in classes, because I progressed to the point where I could study with grad students.

I got burned out in the last year, not surprisingly, and they put me on Ritalin. By the time I got to UT, I had adjusted to the drug, and it didn’t work as well. I was taking huge doses. Up to 120 mg a day. They put me on other drugs which drove me crazy, and I could not make myself study. I had to drop a class.

The department wanted me gone. I guess they were used to seeing people wash out. They didn’t care at all. They did almost nothing for me. They made some small accommodations, and the impression I got was that they were just trying to avoid an ADA suit. They had already been in trouble over that.

I was more alone than I had ever been, and I was losing the thing I thought would save me. A couple of infantile grad students gave me a hard time. I put up posters advertising my services as a tutor, and one of them got in the computer, changed the posters to make me look like a fool, and put them up all over the physics building.

I lost to people I should have beaten, and there was nowhere to turn. The drugs kept me awake for days on end, even after I quit taking them. I had thought I had found my place in society. I thought physics would save me. I was really good at it, and I had every reasonable expectation that I would get much better, but I wasn’t going to get the chance, no matter what I did.

I had test anxiety. I remember taking a test in graduate quantum mechanics. There was a simple problem I could not solve to save my life. After the test, I walked back to the T.A. office, which was shared by various students. I wrote the problem on the board and solved it, just like writing a grocery list. It took a couple of minutes. It was simple. I could do it in the office, but not during the test. Imagine the frustration.

When I prayed, I felt as if the prayers bounced off the ceiling and reverberated around the room. God refused to help me. Or rather, he helped me by turning away from me.

I was trying to do my own thing, with virtually no prayer life. Without submission or confession. In pride.

I never walked in the door of a church in Texas. I only prayed because I was miserable and wanted help, and I did it rarely.

When I returned to Florida and went to law school, it was failure. Anyone can be a lawyer. My family is full of lawyers. It was the dreadful default option, like hell. Other people were proud to be in law school. I was ashamed of it, but there was nothing I could do.

Law turned out to be pretty pleasant, but that didn’t erase the pain of losing physics. I never cared about law. I never wanted to do it.

Over the last few weeks, strange things have been happening. I’ve written about it already. I’ve been watching solid state physics lectures. That’s the class that killed me in Texas. For a long time, I’ve wished I could beat that class, even on my own, just to know I didn’t lose permanently.

I’ve been watching Sandro Scandolo’s lectures for ICTP, the International Centre for Theoretical Physics. I ordered a gray-market copy of the Ashcroft-Mermin book, Solid State Physics. The worldwide standard is a terse book by a guy named Kittel. Ashcroft is easier to understand. Yesterday I found a book of solved problems. It’s not easy to find solved-problem books for graduate-level physics. If you Google “Mihaly,” you’ll find it.

Suddenly, I feel different. I feel like a scientist again. I have the same feeling I used to have when I walked the halls of RLM, the physics building at UT. I can’t explain it. I feel as though I’m there, doing what I used to do. I feel like I can pick up a few things and regain my competence.

UT made me feel as though I were incapable of doing physics. I know that’s not true. No one can start as a math illiterate and end up in a top-tier graduate school in three years without the ability to handle the material. But you know what the Bible says: “A crushed spirit, who can bear?”

Law is easy. I’m sorry if that offends lawyers, but it’s true. If you have an IQ of 110, you can be a lawyer. If you have an IQ of 120, you can be a good lawyer. Those are not high scores. As my evidence professor used to say, to pour water on the burning egos, “You’re just smarter than the average bear.”

Law was just something to do to bring checks in the door. There was not a lot of dignity in it, given the way it entered my life.

I hope I can get through one semester’s worth of solid state. I think that will stop the dreams.

I feel like God has taken his foot off my neck.

Before I go, something I machined. My dad broke a tripod he bought for his laptop, and he asked me if I could fix it. I checked, and they don’t sell the part he broke. I had to make it from aluminum. It’s not beautiful; making it pretty would have increased the time expenditure from half a day to a day and a half. But I had no problems making it, and it’s much better than the plastic it replaced.

09 30 15 laptop tripod part installed with final operations done


Nerd Tools

September 29th, 2015

If You Can’t Learn in 2015, You are Beyond Hope

Today a few things about my progress in various areas.

First off, I found an incredible circuit analysis video.

As I have mentioned before, I have been trying to get back into (“back” is a kind exaggeration) electronics. I started watching MIT’s free online course, 6.002.

I found the book pedantic and tedious, and the professor didn’t explain things all that well. I started using other sources and compiling a notebook.

I came to realize that the MIT guy was not doing a good job. He taught things that were not useful, and he omitted things that were very useful. He may have a brain the size of a Subaru, but he is not the perfect teacher.

When you study electronics, you want to know what people who work with circuits actually do. You don’t need to learn a bunch of crap that only manifests in the real world in the homework problems of students.

Over the last week, I started writing my own method, and yesterday I checked Youtube for resources. I found this video:

You won’t believe it until you watch it, but this guy sums up six weeks’ worth of college lectures in 90 minutes, and he does it slowly.

The MIT guy taught me things that I can’t use. He told me about the “lumped matter discipline” and…other stuff I don’t remember. You don’t need to know all that. It’s filler for pedants. If you take out the junk he incorporated and you add some great things he left out, you get the video above.

Take a look. If you learn the material in the video, it will make any other class you might take make sense.

I’m sure there are huge benefits to the MIT course, once you have your legs under you, but you have to start with a solid foundation.

The video guy recommends LTSpice, which is a free program that lets you draw circuits and then run them in a virtual…space or whatever. Easier than breadboarding. I have the program, and the learning curve seems pretty flat. I was able to turn it on and draw a circuit without studying. You can find it by Googling.

I’m also enjoying a graduate-level solid state physics course. This is the course that killed me as a physicist. Well, this and quantum. I got burned out, and they had me on ADD drugs that made me nearly crazy, and I got a D in solid state.

The professor who taught the course was awful, and the department at UT Austin was not helpful at all. It was a horrible experience, losing physics. A slow-motion trainwreck on a locomotive with the brake lever welded open. Of course, even though UT was not exactly nurturing, it’s my fault. I was out of God’s favor because I chose to be.

It would be wonderful to master this course and do problems successfully. Just a closure thing.

I found this guy on Youtube. It’s easy to find undergrad physics on the web, but graduate stuff is less available. Someone uploaded his videos, and they came up in a Youtube search.

His name is Sandro Scandolo, and he teaches at an instution called ICTP, in Italy. Even if you don’t know physics well at all, if you’re technically inclined, you will enjoy the first lecture. His style is wonderful. Patient, conversational, and very organized.

ICTP has a website, and if you burrow around in it, you can find other graduate courses. You can download them as flash or Apple movies. I leave finding them to you.

I plan to watch the whole course, even if I don’t do problems. I am smart enough to understand this stuff even if I don’t take the time to put it to work. Simply understanding it will make me feel better.

If you want technical texts for home study, I can recommend two resources. First, Scrib’d. You may have moral qualms about it, so caveat emptor. It’s a site with zillions of PDF uploads. You pay nine bucks a month. Much of the material is not copyrighted, so you can read it without feeling bad. Another resource is Amazon Marketplace. When you look for a hardcover text that costs $200 in the US (they have gone up that much, believe it or not), you will often find links to people who sell gray-market paperbacks for under twenty bucks. Same books. No infringement. I have two of them, and a third is on the way.

If you go crazy and decide to study solid state, get Ashcroft. I also found a book by a guy named McKelvey. Very nice. Kittel is a torture device. Naturally, it’s the book UT used. I still have my copy. I should waterboard it.

People say Kittel was a genius, but that doesn’t mean he could write books people could actually learn from.

CAD is going well. I have no complaints about Fusion 360. I’m sorry I paid so much for Alibre and Dolphin, but I did my best to find good programs, and that’s what I came up with in my first attempts. I’ll post a jpg of a part I’m making.

09 22 15 Fusion 360 Lathe Tool Post with extraneous crap removed

I’ve always sneered at 3D printers. Now that I can do CAD and send files to a printer, I sort of wish I had one. I checked into them last week, and I found that I was right to sneer. They’re still toys, and they make rough parts made of weak materials. If you have $500,000 you can get a really nice one that makes things you can use, but I think I’ll pass.

Maybe I should get a crummy one now just so I’ll get to know the technology.

The Autodesk Fusion 360 forum is a lifesaver. That, alone, makes it worth downloading and using. I tried CNCZone when I was struggling with Alibre and Dolphin, but the kids on that forum tend to be nonhelpful and self-absorbed, and they can also be rude.

I am back to music study. I returned to Sightreading.com. I recommend it. It produces random pages of music for practice. They’re not tunes. Just notes. It’s helpful because you will involuntarily memorize tunes as you work on them, and once that happens, it’s not sightreading. You can’t memorize random junk, so it keeps the proper area of the brain working.

That’s all I have right now. I hope it will be useful to someone.

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