Creepy
Received this from a reader. Not sure what it’s all about. Reminds me of Tony Shalhoub in Men in Black, right after Tommy Lee Jones shot his head off.
If this is racist, please let me know.
Oh, wait. It’s about Obama. It HAS to be racist.
More
It Gets Worse
Fausta is interviewing me at 11 a.m. Eastern on Blogtalkradio. Come listen!
Also: reader Mike S., your email doesn’t work.
I Move That we Shoot the Burglar
Here’s a new edict for you. Please pass it on to the liberal press.
Henceforth, news organizations are to stop referring to people who defend themselves as “vigilantes.”
Here is Merriam-Webster’s definition of “vigilante”: “a member of a volunteer committee organized to suppress and punish crime summarily (as when the processes of law are viewed as inadequate); broadly : a self-appointed doer of justice.”
Okay, let’s think this through. If you break in my house, am I a member of a volunteer committee? ‘Fraid not. Unless you consider me a committee. I’m not that fat yet. Now let’s consider the broad definition. Am I “self-appointed”? Again, no. Under common law and, in my case, statutes, the government grants me the right to defend myself. In other words, the government appointed me.
I’ll tell you a funny consequence of the misuse of the term “vigilante.” It’s starting to give the word a positive sound. If shooting a rapist or burglar and saving someone from harm makes you a vigilante, then a vigilante is a person to admire.
I just saw a Drudge-linked story about storeowners defending their business from armed thieves. “Vigilante Justice,” the headline says. No, Northeastern wuss journalist. The correct term is “legal self-defense.”
So much of the friction between Red and Blue states comes from provincial city dwellers on the coasts, trying to impose their culturally inappropriate rules and values on the rest of us. Remember the 55 speed limit? Not much of a hardship if you live in New York, you’re 50 years old, and you’ve never had a driver’s license. What if you live in Montana and commute 75 miles to work? Quite a bit different.
The other day I saw Dagen McDowell, who works in Manhattan, preaching almost hysterically about how we needed eleven-dollar gasoline. I wonder how she’d feel about that if a) she wasn’t rich, and b) she lived sixty or eighty miles from her office. In a place where you can’t just jump on a commuter train.
It ought to be pretty obvious that we need one sort of laws in Manhattan and another in “Jesusland.”
Anyway, I have forbidden the inappropriate use of the term “vigilante,” and I would appreciate it if everyone in the world would begin complying immediately.
God Endorses Barack Obama
There are some acts so presumptuous they can rightfully be considered depraved. I thought I had some inkling of the vastness of Barack Obama’s disgusting, bloated, edematous ego, but when I saw this photo, I realized I was wrong.
I used to think it was sad that Jews no longer knew the precise location of the Holy of Holies. But now I’m glad, because had Barack Obama been able to find it, he would have erected a throne there and posed for photos.
This is beyond belief. This is the most sacred site in Judaism, and this slimy, condescending 143-day messiah–this common political hack–sneaked in and plastered it with posters for a political campaign. The same shameless buffoon who said Jerusalem should not be divided, but later added that he felt control of the city should be shared. Which means…it would be DIVIDED. In direct opposition to the word of God. You know God, don’t you? The guy who OWNS THAT TEMPLE.
Obama carries a heathen idol with him wherever he goes. It’s the Hindu monkey-god, Hanuman. It’s small, and he carries it on his person. How much do you want to bet he took it with him when he placed his tainted, hypocritical note in the cracks of God’s temple?
Obama was heckled at the wall. An angry Jew yelled, “Jerusalem is not for sale.” And Obama had the gall to criticize him. He said he had expected a little more reverence. Of that, I have no doubt. Reverence for Jehovah? Maybe. Personally, I think he meant reverence for a different god: the false Obamessiah. He gets reverence from liberal journalists all day long; how dare a random Jew deny him his due? This is OBAMA we’re talking about. How dare some piddling rabbi or yeshiva bucher–some nothing who devotes his life to studying the Talmud and the Torah and pleasing God–try to tell him and his monkey idol how to act on the Temple Mount?
If I were Obama, I’d be afraid I’d be struck by lightning. But I guess since Obama is god, the lightning watches its step around him.
I’m not just angry in sympathy with the Jews. I’m angry as a Christian. The Temple Mount is sacred to me, too. Solomon the prophet-king built it. Cyrus rebuilt it. Generations of Jews made their sacrifices there. Jesus chased the money-changers out of it. Paul went there to pay his vows. And now, what is it? A sexy site for product placement.
No one who believes in God could feel comfortable with this. I saw the young men in yarmulkes behind the posters. Surely those were not observant Jews. Surely the Jews of Mea Shearim and the yeshivas are not smiling about this tonight.
It is as if Satan himself appointed and promoted this man, as an offense to God and everyone who worships him. I don’t take people seriously when they call Obama the Antichrist. But there is such a thing as a person who succeeds in this life because dark forces make a path for him. And when you see a junior Senator with 143 days of experience and a heathen idol in his pocket get away with putting posters up at the Western Wall, it really makes you wonder.
Personally, I want to vomit. I just hope he brings his sorry, conceited behind home without putting posters up at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre or the Vatican.
Stooges
Aaron has answered my question about the men in the photo. They are not observant Jews. We are now in a period called the Three Weeks, which lead up to Tisha B’Av. During this time, observant Jews do not shave. And these men have no beards.
No wonder they did this in the dark.
Stoogette
The girl in the photo is wearing pants. According to Aaron, this shows she’s not observant, either.
Unlikely
Today I read the Drudgebart-linked story about how former astronaut Edgar Mitchell says aliens have visited earth, and that various governments know it but have succeeded in covering it up. For some reason which he did not specify.
Okay.
I totally believe that. We can’t keep our defense secrets out of the hands of the Chinese, but a whole slew of incompetent governments can keep aliens under wraps for sixty years. Sure, no problem. After all, hiding the aliens is much more important to our government than little things like preventing the Chinese from sinking our nuclear submarines. Because…
Oh, right. People would panic in the streets, by the tens of millions. The way they just did when Mitchell’s story hit the Internet. Why do UFO kooks always claim the public will spaz out if they find out aliens are here? Think of all the big stories we’ve been exposed to. Stock market crashes. Terrorist attacks. Pearl Harbor. Those things, we manage to deal with. But the thought that somewhere on an Air Force base, a three-foot tall alien might be posing for photos, eating a Snickers bar, ready to give us a cure for cancer…that would send us screaming into the night.
I know there is no reason why aliens can’t exist, and maybe they really do visit earth, but I also happen to have a little thing I call “common sense,” which ruins the whole fantasy. Quantum mechanics is insane, and it keeps telling us things we thought were impossible actually happen. But so far, the best science we have tells us that there is no way to get to earth from the nearest star fast enough to avoid dying en route, or getting so old and senile you forget why you left the house in the first place. By the time aliens got here, they’d be like Henry Fonda in On Golden Pond, getting lost while picking blueberries a hundred feet from his house. They’d say, “We come in peace. And we hope we’re in time for the early bird special.”
“Gort. Klaatu. Geritol. Depends.”
Speaking of diapers, people are saying this guy has to be telling the truth, because he’s a former astronaut…like Lisa Nowak. Let’s be real. He walked on the moon, but he’s not claiming he met any aliens while he was there, and he associates with weirdos, and he runs something called the Institute of Noetic Science. Here is what its homepage says:
Located in Northern California [case closed], IONS is a nonprofit membership organization that conducts and sponsors leading-edge research into the potentials and powers of human consciousness.
Translation: “We like to get stoned and stare at the covers of Yes albums.”
He may be on the level, but my money is on “wacko.” Sadly, when you deal with human beings making claims like this, that’s the safest place for your money to be.
Now watch the aliens kidnap me and give me a punitive probe.
Get me a Job at The New Yorker
People seem to like Barack Urkel, so I thought I’d show you a better version of the art, done by Aaron.
Am I selling T-shirts? No. But I hope Aaron will.
Come Down From There, Senator Byrd
In case you are a black person who drove through my neighborhood at around 5:30 today and saw me outside, dressed in white from head to toe, wearing a pillowcase over my head with two eyeholes cut in it, I would like to offer an explanation.
I know what it looks like.
I was plugging the holes the bee guy completely missed when he was out here the other day, and I don’t have a bee suit, so I had to improvise.
Please do not be alarmed. There is no one else in my organization, and I am not planning to hold any meetings.
Someone do a Better Version
I don’t understand why no one else is doing this.
They Melt in Your Yard, not in Your Hands
Curiosity overcame me in the checkout line today, and I bought a bag of wild cherry M&Ms.
I just tried them. They taste okay. It’s a little odd to mix cherry flavoring into chocolate, but it’s not bad. The big problem is that they smell just a little bit like dog poop.
The GOP’s Sergeant Pepper
The other day I heard Rush Limbaugh say McCain seemed surprised that his liberal pals in the media were suddenly ignoring him. Rush’s take seemed to amount to “DUH.” Every intelligent conservative commentator saw this coming. My question: how come the voters didn’t notice? I hate to cite Ann Coulter, given her faults, but she was right on the money with this one. And she made an obvious point, i.e., ordinarily you don’t let your enemies choose your candidate.
The same liberal media goofs who are backing the Stalin-worthy “Fairness Doctrine” are now ignoring McCain with open contempt. Three anchors left the country with Obama, reporters don’t bother to show up when McCain’s plane arrives, and McCain can’t get a piece published in the New York Times AFTER they published Obama’s unaltered work.
I don’t watch much TV, but when I do watch, it seems like McCain is invisible. I saw more of him during the primaries. Where are his ads? Where are the interviews? Does he even have a campaign manager? If you’ve seen a lot of his ads, tell me about it in the comments. I can’t remember a single one.
And when is McCain going to pick a running mate? He should have been thinking about this last year; isn’t that obvious? How can it still be a puzzle in late July?
I thought Fred Thompson was a wimp, but McCain is outdoing him. This election should be a walk for the GOP, once people find out what Obama is really all about. But they’re not going to find out if we don’t get moving. It’s as if McCain and the RNC have swallowed the hype surrounding the 143-day messiah, and they’re afraid of going to hell.
Like I always say, you can’t be made manager at KMart after 143 days on the job. How can the same amount of experience qualify you to lead the most powerful nation in the world?
The party, including McCain himself, needs to get more excited about McCain. Sure, he’s not conservative enough. But he’s more conservative than Obama; so was Che Guevara. And even if he leans too far left, he’s not going to pack the federal courts with socialists. At least not the kind Obama would pick. Nobody cares about that. If you walk into a room with ten conservatives and point out that bad judicial appointments are the most damaging things a President can do, 19 of them will be amazed to hear it. What ignorance. Federal judges are like gods. Do you really want to see Hillary Clinton or Robert Reich or Laurence Tribe on the Supreme Court? Imagine three or four Ginsburgs. And let’s not even talk about the appellate and district judges, who have many, many times the power of the Supreme Court.
I think we ended up with McCain for a couple of reasons. First, Fred Thompson is a fool, and he got our hopes up and then proved he was just teasing us to make his wife happy. Second, Republicans are determined to make Democrats love them. We keep mewling about how we can’t get elected if we’re not aiming for the middle (like Ronald Reagan always did), and we forget that voters are attracted to confidence. The American people are more ignorant than ever, and they are not smart enough to make voting decisions based on the issues. But they love a confident candidate with a strong message. And we’re telling them our message is wrong and needs to be watered down. We’re offering them McCain as our liberalized, improved conservative. And of course, they already have a real liberal, so they’re not interested.
Say what you want about George Bush. The man exudes confidence, at least when he speaks. Remember the first Kerry debate? He just showed up and leaned on the podium. As if it had never occurred to him that he could lose. When he talked about North Korea, he said, “I know how the world WORKS.” Like it was painfully obvious that Kerry couldn’t match his understanding of world politics. Wasn’t that the first debate? I believe it was. I think confidence explains why Bush blew that debate, and it also explains why he won in the long run. He appeared to have total faith in what he said.
His deeds, on the other hand, are disappointing. He talks with great assurance, but then he shoots himself in the foot with that “crossing the aisle” nonsense. Has that paid off even once? I guess he’s willing to talk the talk, but he’s not always brave enough to walk the walk. Oh well. At least he’s not John Kerry.
I’m really starting to wonder if we’re going to turn the country over to Barack Urkel the 143-Day Wonder. I thought it was impossible, but if we don’t see some real campaigning, it might just happen.
I am a New Man
I want to apologize AGAIN for saying anything that seemed even slightly critical about the Pope. I have been Googling around, and I can see that I did not understand how protective his flock is. I saw an article online that said completely benign things about his home and lifestyle, and Catholics were posting furious comments. If that made them mad, it’s no wonder I caught hell. My remarks were somewhat negative. They were extremely mild, but I can see that that doesn’t matter.
I think you could get lynched for something like this, if you did it in front of the wrong crowd. I didn’t understand, because there is no Protestant equivalent. There is no one Protestants are that sensitive about. You can say things about Jesus that you can’t say about the Pope. So I would like to move on. Hooray for the Pope. What a fine person he is, in all respects. I cannot praise him highly enough, so I will not bother trying.
In other news, the Manly Grub forum died last night, but it’s working again. Kudos to Hostrocket, my new hosting company. They responded to my support ticket, fixed everything, and gave me a clear explanation of what went wrong, all in about three minutes. I have to thank Kenny for recommending them.
I hope the forum is easier to navigate than it used to be. I don’t understand why it suddenly went offline. Maybe the Catholic Defense League hacked it, or maybe it was just a run of the mill divine smiting.
Edwards Off VP List
I guess it’s stupid to link to a story Matt Drudge has already linked to. But HERE.
My observations:
1. Thank God it wasn’t a man.
2. Nice manly recovery, running into a stairwell and then hiding on a toilet.
3. Gary Hart sends his regards.
I don’t like John Edwards. I always said I thought he was more evil than even Hillary. She’s just a run of the mill hack who has a problem with male authority figures. He’s a creep who spent his life lying to juries in order to make money for himself and make medical care harder for other people to get. He has no principles whatsoever. He has the soul of a tapeworm. I am glad this happened. If we have to get stuck with Barack Obama, we shouldn’t have to put up with the additional burden of knowing this bloodsucking louse is one rifle bullet away from the Oval Office.
With Predetermined Result
Let me get your opinion on something. Who is currently the hottest babe on Fox News?
Of course, we all know the answer. Lauren Green is easily the hottest babe in the solar system. So we won’t count her.
I was watching Domenica Davis today while I ate lunch, and I have to say, Mr. Ailes has outdone himself this time. I have no idea whether she has any brains, but she can talk and point at a map, so as far as I’m concerned, she’s qualified to do her job. Some meteorologists have degrees in things like physics. Domenica’s graduate degree–I’m not making fun–is in broadcast meteorology. Yes, you can go to college and train for the specific task of being a weatherperson. One hazard: if you’re a man, it will turn you gay. At least, that’s what the evidence suggests.
On top of her other accomplishments, she’s a champion figure skater. Check out this video.
Again, Lauren Green is a concert pianist, so we have to disqualify her from competing with mere mortals.
I think it’s kind of cruel to post that video, because it shows that Domenica’s body is as perfect as her face. That will destroy the hopes of a lot of jealous women who comfort themselves with the knowledge that a lot of anchorbabes have big butts.
Fox has a sleeper babe on its hands these days, at least for men in a certain age range. They’ve really shined up Jeanine Pirro. If she had looked this good when she ran against Hillary, maybe things would have turned out differently. She used to dress like a prosecutor, but now we’re getting surprising amounts of cleavage and sleevelessness.
I think Domenica Davis is the hottest product Fox currently offers, if you don’t count Lauren Green. If anything happens to her, the title escheats to Courtney Friel.
I Didn’t Sign up for This
Really sorry about the lame blogging lately. I’ll tell you some sad facts about being a writer. You have endless leisure, and you can do what you want with your time. Until you publish something people actually might want to read. Then it’s almost like having a real job.
The book is going into a second printing, and retailers are placing more orders, so I have stuff to do. I can’t lie here on my fat rear end and blog all day. Instead I lie here on my fat rear end doing other things. I might be able to turn this book into a success. I keep thinking it would be great to have a cooking show for men.
I have not abandoned you. I shall return.
Here’s one thing I’ve done. I reworked the Manly Grub forum. I didn’t understand how the software worked the first time around. Now I’m starting to get a clue. I’ve broken things up into three general areas. General, Food, and “Beer, Wine, and Booze in General.” Hmm…two “generals.” I better fix that. The food category is broken down into a bunch of boards, like Steak and Miscellaneous Meat and Breakfast. The booze board is broken down into various types of liquor and beer and so on. Makes a little more sense now.
More photos are going up, and people are posting recipes.
The other day I threatened to come up with a recipe for blueberry cornbread, but I haven’t made good on it yet. Blueberries are really getting nice now. They’re fatter than they were in June, and they’re two bucks a pint. Probably cheaper at Costco.
Be back when I have more time.