The Need is Worse Than You Think

It looks like my sister is going to have to face the music.

She got a pile of continuances in her criminal cases, along with a year-long diversion program, but she went in for her trial yesterday, and they did not dismiss the case or give her another continuance. They are going to carry on tomorrow.

I don’t know a lot about criminal courts, but I do know that judges tend to use Mondays for housekeeping, so it wasn’t likely that the Monday trial date would be used for an actual trial. On Mondays, the judge goes through a long list of defendants. Some plead, some are released, some get alias capiases, and some are scheduled for trial.

The State’s Attorney has assigned a new trial prosecutor, and at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow, the show begins.

If they try her on the charges I looked up when she got arrested, she has at least one multiple-year minimum sentence to deal with, and the only person who can change that is the prosecutor. The judge cannot legally lower the sentence or change the charge. And the prosecutor won’t budge unless the cop she hit with her car consents.

It is amazing to see this level of rebellion and denial. She’s not insane, so that isn’t the explanation. Every day, people go to rescue missions, change their minds, and find help, and she is capable of doing that. It’s remarkable that she hasn’t done so.

With my lack of experience in criminal law, I can’t say for sure that there is no possibility of a plea, but if a plea was in the offing, why haven’t they handled it by now? As an intern, I pleaded a guy out in front of Marilyn Milian, the “People’s Court” judge. You don’t need a trial date. You stand in front of the judge for five minutes and say “yes” over and over. They could have done that yesterday, or for that matter, over a year ago.

If I were charged with a misdemeanor carrying two days’ worth of jail time, I’d lick the judge’s shoes to make things right, so I can’t comprehend the thought process of a person who does not cooperate.

I don’t worry. Anything is better than the current situation. I suffered because of my own rebellion and lack of common sense, and it worked out for the best. Same thing happens to other people. That’s life.

Prison isn’t continuous torture. They feed you and clothe you, and you get free medical care. It’s not desirable, but it’s not Auschwitz.

Changing topics, God is revealing a lot of things to me. Suddenly, I have gotten a revelation of the harm the enemy and other human beings have done to me. It’s surprising.

When you think you can’t fix a situation, the natural thing is to ignore it and even forget it. That has been the case with me, but now I know God heals, and suddenly, the memories and the pain are re-emerging.

It sounds bad, but it’s great. I’m not suffering. I feel like I’m disgorging poison other people forced down my throat. I’m getting rid of it. I’m sending it back.

Last week I realized how much harm my old pastors did, and how badly they treated me. As far as I can tell, they didn’t care much about anything except money and self-promotion. You could get a prayer out of them once in a while, and I don’t think they wished harm on their flock, but basically, they did not want to get bogged down in things like helping people and seeking God’s presence. They were very BUSY. Which means they had set their hearts on other things.

They promoted the young and foolish, because young, hip people look cute in videos and on stage. They excluded and disrespected the old and sincere. They exalted idiots like Luther Campbell. They put charlatans like Steve Munsey in front of their flock and encouraged people to give money they could not afford. And if you spoke up, you were labeled a divider. You didn’t “get it.” They wouldn’t say this to your face, but you would feel it. And you would find that other people were getting opportunities that would ordinarily have gone to you.

I still remember the time they asked me to drive to Broward County to ferry luggage for a Christian band called the Planetshakers. Through marriage, they’re connected to the pastor’s brother-in-law, who is nominally a pastor, although he’s really a realtor who hangs around the church. They flew into MIA, and they were staying in Hollywood, and the brother-in-law’s vehicle would not hold the luggage.

I live south of the airport, and the hotel was about 20 miles north, to give you an idea of the craziness of this plan.

I agreed, because I thought they were playing at our church. And because I had been conditioned to trust the pastors. In their position, I would never be corrupt enough to use my position for personal benefit. I didn’t try to analyze things to see if they made sense.

I spent about 3 1/2 hours driving around in rush hour traffic, and then the Planetshakers didn’t play at my church. And the request had come through the brother-in-law, not the head pastor.

I realized what had happened. They didn’t feel like paying for luggage delivery, so they let me burn my fuel and waste my afternoon, driving sixty miles in the process. They could come up with over a grand per person to make the flight, and they could stay at a Marriott, but they could not spend a few bucks to get their luggage delivered, and they could not be bothered to have the brother-in-law or one of his kids make the trip.

It was pure corruption. I was a volunteer for my church, not for the brother-in-law’s family. What they did was like having a prison work crew do construction at the business of the brother of a governor. And they knew it. You don’t have to be a genius to see the difference between church-related work and undeserved services to ease the lives of the pastor’s relations.

When someone treats you like that, and later, you realize what happened, it has a big effect on your ability to trust. And this was just one of many sleazy things I witnessed.

Last week, I realized the leadership at that church was treacherous. They stabbed people in the back. I had never thought of it that way, but it was true. People gave them money, time, loyalty, and devotion, and in return, the leaders used them. They could not be trusted.

Suddenly I understood why I could not get used to trusting and liking the pastors at my new church. They had never abused my good will, yet it always made a big impression on me when they did the right thing. As if it were something I should not expect.

I used to complain that crooked preachers damaged people by making it hard for them to trust good preachers and God himself. But until last week, I didn’t understand how right I was. In some corners of my heart, my new pastors, who never, ever let me down, were still on trial! And so was God!

Since then, in prayer, I’ve been talking to God about healing and deliverance. I’ve been recalling the hurts that changed my life for the worse. I feel like I’ve been vomiting them out.

Healing and deliverance don’t come just from venting and analyzing. To be truly effective, they have to be supernatural. And that’s what I’m getting. I feel these things leaving me and being turned around.

I would never have gotten these things at Trinity. They would have kept me on the bottom forever, like Samson turning his millstone to make grain for his enemies.

Here’s something I wrote the other day:

In the past, I’ve complained that money-hungry liars hurt people by making it hard for them to trust churches and even to trust God. But until very recently, I didn’t realize how right I was. The damage they do is incredible. No wonder God has told me to speak up. We’ve been asleep while the wolves walked through the fold! We sit and watch while they tear our friends in pieces. We’re not even bothered! We bring them ketchup and top off their water glasses.

Jesus said:

“Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me; and whoever ensnares one of these little ones who trust me, it would be better for him to have a millstone hung around his neck and be drowned in the open sea! Woe to the world because of snares! For there must be snares, but woe to the person who sets the snare!”

What do millstones symbolize? Slavery to the ungodly world. Samson was forced to turn a millstone after his eyes were put out and he lost the power of God. What does the sea symbolize? The combined voices of many people; usually, the unsaved world.

Greedy, lying pastors are slaves to the god of this world, so it’s fitting that Jesus said they should be drowned and dragged down by the symbol of what they truly believe in: carnality. They are blind, like Samson, so they serve their enemies. Because they don’t trust God, they have to work and struggle in order to make it, while those who have God’s favor are carried forward as though surfing. Psalm 5:12.

And the fact that they drown suggests they will be destroyed by worldly voices. God won’t protect them when their true nature is uncovered by unbelievers.

I am just starting to understand Psalm 34:8-10. If we seek the Lord, we’ll live almost as Adam did, with favor going before us in all we do. If not, we’ll live like the greedy, sleazy people we see pretending to sell blessings on TBN, and our very names will come to represent whoredom.

You are probably hurt worse than you realize. There is more help available than you realize. Don’t be satisfied with what ignorant people call “grace.” The willingness to suffer with unnecessary problems is not “grace.” The word “grace” refers to God’s undeserved help.

If you’re stuck in a bad church, don’t try to fix it. Pray for God to give you a better one. Then pray in the Spirit every day, be honest with God, and get well. Then you can help others.