He Also Makes Great Appliances

I was just reading about how Arizona has become the third state (after Alaska and Vermont) to allow concealed carry without a permit. Some whiner in the news article was moaning about how this would lead to accidental shootings involving people who had no training.

I would argue that being accidentally shot is better than being deliberately raped or murdered, unless the accidental shooting is really bad. When it comes to concealed weapons and accidental shootings, I think the leg is the usual victim.

It occurs to me that this would be a great opportunity to build a bridge between Second Amendment supporters and people who have an irrational fear of firearms. Here is something we agree on: people who handle guns should have training. So LET’S MAKE FIREARMS TRAINING COMPULSORY IN ALL OUR ELEMENTARY SCHOOLS.

The logic is inescapable. Now the folks with neurotic gun fears will be able to sleep easy at night. Or if not, at least the irrational fear that keeps them awake will be unrelated to guns. Maybe they’ll lie awake thinking every creak and crackle is Sarah Palin, sneaking into their houses in a moose costume, to force them to carry their unborn babies to term.

If we make our kids learn to shoot, the obvious danger is that one day America might be a crime-plagued hellhole like Switzerland. Or like America used to be, before gun control solved all of our problems.

Tomorrow at 7:30, I expect to be standing in my church’s kitchen, making pizza and garlic rolls while carrying a loaded pistol with night sights. This summer, I’m hoping I’ll get a chance to teach a bunch of Jesus-loving Jews to shoot. Where did my mother go wrong?

Dang, my life sounds pretty good when I write it up like that.

I have a cheesecake waiting in the fridge. I made it for the church’s cafe. I’d kill for a few slices, but unfortunately, they belong to to God. And you know what he says. “I am a jealous God.” This cheesecake gives that scripture new life.

This cheesecake is arguably more tempting and more dangerous than the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. If Satan had had this cheesecake, he would not have had to go to the Garden of Eden to tempt the first people. Eve would have smelled it and followed her nose to hell and agreed to whatever terms he cared to name. In fact, instead of bargaining with him, she might have just beaten him to a pulp and taken it.

I am not sure human beings were ever intended to have anything this good. When earthly pleasures get sufficiently intense, they might dull people’s enthusiasm for paradise. If the stuff they have up there is better than my pizza and rolls and cheesecake, we should all hoped to get martyred as soon as possible so we can get our hands on it.

I bought about a gallon of peeled garlic tonight. I have four gallons of oil at church, plus parsley and lots of flour. I don’t know if I can pull off rolls and pizza on the same day, but I am game to try. Using the new mixer, I can crank out dough for 6 dozen rolls in a couple of minutes. Making rolls is not nearly as hard as making pizza. I might be able to do it, if I can get the pizza going efficiently enough. I will want to try my new trick of adding the yeast after mixing the dough, which complicates things. It will be worth it to hear the customers groaning in ecstasy.

My assistant should be there in the morning. If I can get him up to speed, this might work.