Eventually They Have to Let me Up

I have a question. How long do you have to be on Nyquil before it stops being medicine and starts being heroin in a bottle? I’ve gone through two jugs of Nyquil and one bottle of disgusting Tylenol warming cold stuff, and I’m now on Nyquil jug three. If my sinuses were clear, I’d probably dry it and snort it. I can tell I’m developing a tolerance. It takes one and a half of those little cups to get me to sleep now. Soon I’ll be making Nyquil daiquiris and sucking them through a straw.

I’m like 92% cured, but the remaining 8% is very frustrating. I would describe the symptoms, but they would ruin your breakfast.

It’s amazing how being ill interferes with prayer and other aspects of my relationship with God. I don’t get up early any more, because sleeping longer seems to damage the illness, so my whole morning prayer routine is on hiatus. And I feel like the distance between me and God is greater. Concentration is part of prayer, and illness ruins it.

Perry Stone says hindering spirits come our way when we make progress for God. I’ve seen spirits, and I know people who have seen or perceived them in other ways. I have no doubt that he’s right. I feel like I’ve been shoved onto the sidelines for two weeks, and things were going great before I got sick. This is one of those times when a wife could be handy, to take up the slack. Very often, when you fall, you can pick yourself up. But it’s better to have someone else help you. If any of you want to remember me the next time you talk to God, I would appreciate it. I have my weekly prayer group on Saturday, but that’s two days off.

I know I sound kooky when I talk about the spiritual realm, but I have been drawn into it my entire life. When I was three and four years old, I used to wake up and see hideous creatures crawling up and down the walls and across the ceiling and bed. Night after night, I dreamed the same white-skinned, grinning demon was after me. One night I felt something put its hands on me while I was in bed. I think these things happen to kids more than adults, because the enemy knows no one listens to kids. When you get older, you will doubt what you saw. We can talk ourselves into disbelieving what we know to be true.

We, ourselves, are spirits attached to flesh. Why should we find it hard to believe that other spirits exist? It’s crazy, if you think about it. Even if you’re not a Christian, you probably don’t believe you’ll cease to exist when your body dies. If you can exist without a body, why can’t God? Why can’t a demon? Seems like no one ever asks this obvious question publicly.

People choose to believe that God and other spirits don’t exist, because if you accept their existence, you have to accept the notion of sin, and that means giving up your dirty movie channels, weed, drunkenness, greed, pride, and casual sex, among other things. It means you have to admit you didn’t generate your own wealth and accomplishments. If you choose not to believe, you can convince yourself you’re not going to be held responsible for what you do or don’t do. You’ll be wrong, but it will ease your mind and help you avoid change, and avoiding change is one of our biggest motivations.

In that sense, every human being is an addict. We enjoy things we know or suspect are bad for us, and we know that if we admit they’re bad for us, we’ll have to give them up, so we cover our eyes and ears and persist in defeating God’s efforts to help us realize our potential. We’re afraid to take the red pill. I certainly am. When I turned to God, I knew I was giving up friends and opportunities in exchange for a bundle of unrealized promises. I have to renew that decision all the time, and it’s not always easy. I think this is one of the purposes of communion. Which I haven’t taken in several days.

Christianity means emptying your hands of pretty, shiny garbage so God can fill them with lasting treasures. To get the treasures, you have to be willing to suffer with empty hands for a time. Generally, you’re not going to get the good while you’re holding onto the bad, because God requires us to have faith, and if you never lack, you never have a chance to use faith.

Something very good is waiting at the end of this illness. All I have to do is keep breathing until it’s over.