Eat all the Fried Food You Want

The funniest thing happened to me today.

I was on the way home from the grocery store, where I managed to back the Death Star into a normal-sized parking space, much to my delight. Every day I try to set time aside for some mid-day prayer, and I often screw up and miss it, and today I was late. So I decided to get to work on it while I drove. I was praying about a conflict between me and another person, and I felt faith rush through me so hard, I didn’t know what to do. I started pounding on the fold-down console in the center seat. Then I held onto it, as if bracing myself for a strong wind.

I can’t explain it. What was it?

I thought I should document it. I get tired of hearing testimonies about things that have already happened. You know what I mean; phony psychics do it all the time. It’s December of 2008, and they announce they PREDICTED THE OBAMA VICTORY! What good is that? Do you really have to be a psychic to predict things that have already happened? Fine, I predicted…let’s see…the big 2004 tsunami, Hurricane Katrina, and Susan Boyle. I just didn’t feel like telling anyone until today. I’m shy about my gifts. You know how humble amazing people like me usually are.

Here’s something weird. I had a pimply thing developing on my upper lip today, and it was really painful, and during my prayers, I mentioned it, and now it’s barely there. Like forty minutes later.

I must be the king of insignificant skin-blemish miracles. First the warts I got rid of, and now this. I’m not knocking it. I hate little nagging skin problems that cause pain or disfigurement. But this is not the kind of thing that made the book of Acts. “Hath anyone among you a zit? Let the elders come and anoint him with oil, and verily, he shall be delivered in time for the prom.”

I guess anything big enough to annoy a believer is big enough to annoy God.

I have to go take another look at this thing. This is too weird.