Joseph, Nehemiah, Esther, Daniel
October 10th, 2009“Steve”?
What a day.
At first, nobody at my church realized I was alive. Then the pastor asked me to help him turn some sermons into books. Now I’m right in the nerve center. It happened so fast, it freaked me out.
I keep writing about how God freaks me out. It’s true. He does it several times a week, I guess.
My pastor and his wife have been running the church for 11 years, and it has been in its present location for maybe 6. As you can guess, there are lots of people there who have been around for years. They know each other well. They’re used to working together.
I showed up about eleven months ago. I sat in the back. I came in, gave my offerings, listened to the sermons, and went home. People introduced themselves to me twice because I made such a weak impression on them.
A month or so ago, I got some face time with my pastor to discuss some problems I was having, and he mentioned the book. I got to work on that. He invited me to join his weekly prayer group, and through that, I met some volunteer leaders. He just hired a publicist. I met with him and her this week.
At one of the prayer things, they asked for volunteers to help with a women’s conference, so I signed up. This week, they said they wanted me to help in the cafe. Then that changed. The pastor wanted me to join the “armor bearers.” These are guys who help out with all sorts of things behind the scenes. They pick speakers up at the airport. They hang out in the green room, helping speakers and musicians get their needs met. They roam around with earpieces, like CIA agents, fixing problems as they appear.
Today I showed up, dropped some desserts off at the cafe, and met up with the pastor and the armor bearers. I ended up driving the pastor and an older armor-bearer to the airport. While I was there, I picked up John Gray, a well-known speaker and comedian and singer. I took him to Nordstrom’s so he could get a shirt for his appearance. I took him to his hotel. Then when he arrived at church, I helped out with the service. That was pretty wild. There was a mass anointing, and about 90% of the attendees were women, so you can imagine how crazy it got. Some of them nearly had to be carried away from the altar.
I really enjoyed getting to know the other armor-bearer. He’s a fantastic guy. I feel like we’re old friends.
The pastor asked if I could run up to Lakeland and pick him up at a speaking engagement. I’d actually spend a night up there. I can’t believe that. It’s like I’m going from invisible to indispensable. What about all those people who are in line ahead of me? The people at the church are treating me like I’ve been there for years, proving my trustworthiness. I’ve never seen anything like it.
I want to do all I can, when I can. It’s not just because I want to please God and feel like part of the church. It’s also because this is like sitting on the couch, having valuable contacts delivered via dumptruck. I just met someone who has been in Christian publishing for years, and we’re working together. Then I met John Gray. Who will it be next week? I can’t even guess.
I keep thinking about Joseph, Daniel, Nehemiah, and Esther. Being useful can put you in the company of important people. It can change your life, or even the world.
I have made some observations.
First, I’m surprised how humble prominent Christians are. John Gray seems like a good example. In the truck, he was friendly, and he made conversation, but he was a wallflower compared to the powerhouse I saw in church. Sherman Klump versus Buddy Love. A few minutes after having hundreds of adoring women shriek at him, he was as regular a guy as you could ever hope to meet. I’m sure not all Christian personalities are like that, but it’s remarkable that any are. I also saw Robia La Morte, who used to work for Prince. I helped carry some chairs for her. Absolutely unprepossessing. I wish I had remembered that she played a character on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I would have had to shake her hand and mention it.
Second, Christian women are really attractive. I hadn’t realized. I used to think the things that turned me off about Miami women and northeastern women were cultural, and to some extent they are, but tonight I realized a lot of it is the difference between Christian and non-Christian. Worldly women are hard and closed compared to Christian women. They’re jaded. Their innocence is gone. They are more likely to have stupid, hateful ideas about men. If I got involved with one, I would spend a tremendous amount of time fighting with her over my “backward” morals and values. Christian women already believe most of what I believe. Dealing with them isn’t like trying to force a left shoe on a right foot. The chemistry is healthy, not corrupted.
When a worldly “expert” talks about women or men, only half of the audience claps. Because worldly men think women are wrong about everything, and vice-versa. But in church tonight, when John Gray talked about the sexes, both sexes clapped. The men gathered in the front of the church and prayed for the women. The phrase “war between the sexes” would have sounded psychotic in that atmosphere.
One of the worst things about non-Christian women is that they put you on trial, 24 hours a day. As if they have the right. They think there is something righteous about browbeating men. As if we need to be punished. Where do insane ideas like that come from?
I know I paint an overly rosy picture, when I talk about the ease of getting along with Christian women. Divorce statistics among Christians are not good. But there are Christians, and then there are Christians. I think God makes many, many Christian marriages work. A lot of Christians only dip their toes in the water, when they should jump in the pool. So they stay caught in worldly problems, when they should be getting deliverance. I speak from experience. I think I’m starting to get some clues about leading a blessed life. Not everyone lives in misery and disappointment and frustration. Our culture tells us they do, but it’s not true.
A few months back, I said I had the unshakable feeling that something great was going to happen to me. I still can’t figure out what it is. So many good things are happening. Which one is it? Is it all of them? Is something even better, which will happen in the upcoming weeks?
I feel like I’m being promoted quickly in life. Exactly the way Christian teachers say it works.
I don’t want to encourage anybody to do anything stupid. Mistakes about doctrine are not exactly rare, and many smart people have been fooled. But I’m amazed at how things are going for me.
October 11th, 2009 at 7:06 AM
Glad to hear it’s going well for you.
His service is not unionized; seniority is not as important as calling, availability and response. You seem to have all three. There IS a union, the Body.The shop Steward is the Holy Spirit.
I met a guy in a restaurant a few years ago, seated at a table near me.
Turned out he was the pastor of a large church in town. He knew nothing about me. After we talked, he gave me his card and asked me to teach doctrine to his congregation. He was not equipped for it. I did that for two years until a new pastor took over who was, and I stepped down.
I now teach two or three people a week in my bible study at another small church. I wish more attended, but I do what I’m told.
October 11th, 2009 at 11:24 AM
I give you 2 years and you’re going to get married to a nice Christian lady. You’ve noticed the grace of faith these women carry and it very appealing.
October 11th, 2009 at 11:31 AM
I can’t believe all the stupid things I’ve done in my life. When I thought it was possible to marry a non-Christian and work things out, I must have been high on PCP. At best, she would think I was a harmless idiot who was wrong about everything. At worst, she would see me as evil and controlling and narrow-minded. And she would function as an open door, to let the enemy get into my life and attack from inside.
October 11th, 2009 at 1:33 PM
“There was a mass anointing, and about 90% of the attendees were women, so you can imagine how crazy it got…Second, Christian women are really attractive…The chemistry is healthy, not corrupted.”
.
I believe Aaron said something about going to ‘stocked ponds’. Though I believe your intent to going to church is pure, it does seem you have a good probability of meeting a very nice (perhaps best) friend..
October 11th, 2009 at 3:03 PM
Aaron and I keep telling you this is going to happen. 😉
October 11th, 2009 at 8:20 PM
We oughta start a pool.
October 12th, 2009 at 12:15 AM
>One of the worst things about non-Christian women is that they put you on trial, 24 hours a day. As if they have the right. They think there is something righteous about browbeating men. As if we need to be punished. Where do insane ideas like that come from?
———–
From people like you, I guess. I’ve been married for almost 26 years to a non-Christian woman. I haven’t noticed that kind of behavior.
Also I work with some Christian women who are among the most narrow-minded, judgemental, bigoted people I’ve ever met.
On this topic YOU sound insane.
October 12th, 2009 at 2:14 AM
Years ago I was pushing you to go to church.
.
“One of the worst things about non-Christian women is that they put you on trial, 24 hours a day.” I don’t think my daughters fit that description. Let’s rephrase that to “One of the worst things about women who don’t share your religious values is that they put you on trial, 24 hours a day.”
.
The number of times I’ve commented on your blog about “goals, values, communication” being the three legs of a stable relationship are many. In my community, nobody “dates”. When a boy or a girl reach an age where they feel they’re ready to get married, their parents, friends and rabbis research among people who already share their religious values to determine if the boy’s goals match the girl’s. Until goal compatibility is determined, it’s not worth even meeting for coffee. Chemistry is the final leg of the platform to focus on, the crazy glue that can and should cement a relationship (and in the secular world, blinds couples to severe values and goals incompatibilities). It’s a pagan/secular/Greek ethos to elevate “eros” above values along with the insane notion that “love conquers all”, manifest on TV more as “lust conquers all”.
October 12th, 2009 at 8:14 AM
Brian, your comment reflects exactly the kind of attitude I encounter from women who “don’t share my religious values” (hello, Aaron). It only confirms what I said. Being married to someone outside my faith would be like being married to you. I would hear criticisms like yours 24/7, because my beliefs would seem so wrong to my partner.
.
If you haven’t encountered an anti-male, anti-Christian bias among modern women, I have to congratulate you. And ask what planet you live on, so I can move there.
October 12th, 2009 at 12:47 PM
Aaron,
.
As usual, you (and the community that you reside within) have a very sober and solid view on how to go about the second most important decision a young man/woman could make in their life.
.
Its nice to know that there are some communities in this country that are still… intact. There is a Native-American woman I know whose community still makes concerted efforts for each other – though not necesarily in the area of the permanent bond of matrimony.
.
I am glad that Steve seems to be finding a group of people who has shared values such as his own. In this increasingly fragmented and diverse population (in terms of cultures and ideas) of the United States it is increasingly getting difficult in finding compatible partners without leaning heavily on the values of tolerance and forgiveness every second of the time you are with them.
.
That first, best relationship, should give strength, not take it away.
.
Hats off to you Steve. Things so seem to be going in the right direction for you at the moment.
October 12th, 2009 at 11:06 PM
Cond0010,
.
Even with compatible goals and values and a reasonable chemistry, marriage is hard (but rewarding) work. You want to be pushed to see whether you are really walking the walk in your values? See how you treat someone in close quarters daily when you’ve had struggles outside the home and just want to unwind when you walk through your front door. See what happens when you have financial or health struggles. See what happens when children enter the picture. Kids have the uncanny knack of being able to spot hypocrisy. How you react to being called on it isn’t going to be easy.
.
Abraham was tested 10 times, each time improving his closeness to his Creator. To paraphrase Rabbi General George Patton, measuring a man isn’t about not failing but it’s about how you pick yourself up to overcome a challenge, spiritual, physical or of any kind. The Talmud quotes Rabbi Hillel saying “It is not incumbent upon you to complete the work, but neither are you at liberty to desist from it” (Avot 2:21). Carving out a cozy crib and waiting for the end times isn’t the reason our souls were sent to earth. We’ve got a job to do. We need to discover it and make it our life’s work or make it easier for the next generation to complete.
.
My community isn’t perfect. We just try to stack the deck based on wisdom of 33 centuries since Mt. Sinai. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom” (Prov. 1:7). Society really tries hard to deny us access to wisdom that begins with awe of God and doing His will as He states explicitly in scripture. TV’s values seem to reduce God to some kind of male Oprah, everybody’s buddy, who gives out cars to adoring audiences. My version is more of a benevolent Drill Sergeant who is trying to kick my spiritual butt into gear. My reward for overcoming my current spiritual obstacle is a higher and harder obstacle. I hope I get my “120 years” measure. The divine rewards for overcoming spiritual difficulties are non-material and permanent.
October 13th, 2009 at 5:28 PM
One of the huge faults of teh Chrisitan community is the near total lack mentoring for young married people. If a couple gets off on one or more wrong vectors, and doesn’t have people to turn to then they often never get fully back to the right paths – as resentments build, they poison the relationship, sometimes irretrievably.
October 14th, 2009 at 5:01 AM
“We just try to stack the deck based on wisdom of 33 centuries since Mt. Sinai.”
.
…and this in an era where young people do not know when the American Civil War occurred, who was the Cesar when Christ was crucified, or why the pilgrims left England to live in the New World. Nor do they care.
.
As spoken throughout the ages: Those whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad.
.
This is an era when each generation seems determined ignore the wisdom of the past. I am sure that your community is far from perfect. But it sure is doing its best to avoid the modern day version of love – that which you nailed so succinctly earlier.
.
I am old enough to now witness, in its full abysmal glory, marriages that have failed with all drama and waste laid before me. To see the following generations make the exact same mistakes – without regard to even the previous generations errors – makes me wonder where all this madness is leading us. Its like the rudder on the ship is broken and our society is traveling aimlessly to no particular destination.
.
It will be a good day when people start gong back to previous generations’ experiences and stop with this ‘love(lust) at first sight’ insanity. Most of Civilization seems to be taking a big step back. Your community seems to be on the right track – in regards to this area, at least.