Babies are Solid Waste

As you know if you read Drudgebart.com.tv, the wildlife people down here are trying to arrest some goofballs who tried to sell a nurse shark to a store. One of the charges is “improper killing and disposal of an animal.”

Is PETA running the world now? Do we seriously have to worry about being charged with crimes when we off primitive creatures that barely know they’re alive?

When I was a kid, my friends and I killed fish right and left. We were real idiots. Maybe it was because our fathers didn’t spend much time with us and didn’t teach us things, but we had no grasp of the notion that you should only kill things you can use. We gigged every fish we could hit. We would have gigged whales if they had come close enough. And we almost always threw out the meat, because virtually none of it was worth eating.

I remember the time we gigged a cownose ray. I think Mike was there. It was about three feet wide, and it was stupid enough to swim near the seawall where we used to hang out. That amounted to suicide. We lugged it to a friend’s house and performed an autopsy. Our medical conclusions were that if you poked one of the things inside a cownose ray, green stuff would come out, and if you poked another thing, you would get something that looked like thousand-island dressing.

I don’t know where that ray ended up. On another occasion, we tossed a stingray into a neighbor’s pool.

I told you, we were idiots. Sometimes I wish I could travel back in time and take a belt to myself.

Let me say that I have reformed. I don’t fish for worthless creatures. But sometimes I catch them anyway, and the sad fact is, a lot of them get killed in the process. Do I have to worry that a couple of years down the road, PETA nuts will be riding along with the Marine Patrol, yammering at me for not being nice to moray eels and other trash fish?

I very much doubt that nurse sharks are protected. They’re supposed to be very tasty, but very few people know that, so they get thrown back. I would imagine that their numbers are copious. If they are protected, I suppose the doofuses who killed this one should be fined. But the bit about improper killing…that is disturbing. It sounds like it’s unrelated to the species killed. If we give random animals the right to life, we’re going to have to get permits to kill rats and ants.

Not babies, of course. Don’t worry about that. It will always be open season on unborn human beings, and, if Barack Obama gets his way, on human beings which have been born in spite of efforts to kill them.

Did you know Barak (no “C”) was the name of Mohammed’s horse? Interesting. It was the white horse Mohammed allegedly rode to heaven. Muslims like white horses a lot. Christians, on the other hand, see the white horse as a symbol of the beginning of the Tribulation. I think. See the sixth chapter of the Revelation.

The inconsistency of the animal worshipers is puzzling. Right now, we have a problem with a group of Cubans (I am assuming, with good reason) killing and butchering other people’s horses. People are outraged. Because of the theft? No, that would make too much sense. They’re upset because HORSIES are dying. No one cares about pigs and cows and chickens, thank God, but when you kill a horse (which is about as intelligent as a chicken), people act like you shot the Pope.

I have been told that we have a law in the US, banning the slaughter of horses. If you want to make a jacket or a pair of shoes or a baseball out of horsehide, which is a wonderful leather, you have to wait until a horse drops dead. Can someone explain the logic? If I felt like it, I could buy 50 pigs tomorrow, kill all of them, and have a huge barbecue. No one would care. And pigs are smarter than dogs. But a horse…that would be a sin. It’s crazy.

The reason I think Cubans are killing the horses is that no one else will eat them. Cubans eat salted horsemeat, which is called tasajo. More power to them, I say. The stealing part, I’m against. But the life of a horse is no more important than the life of a turkey. I don’t care if they open a restaurant called The All-Tasajo Cafe and hang dead horses in the main dining room. They hang hams from the ceilings in Cuban sandwich joints. It’s the same thing.

I have two horsehide jackets, one pair of horsehide pants, one horsehide belt, and four pairs of horsehide shoes. It’s all leather to me.

I think it’s wrong to kill a pet, because it does great harm to the people and other pets who are attached to it, and because there is something sick and sociopathic about killing an animal that trusts you and loves you. But apart from that, as long as the harvest is humane, I see nothing wrong with killing an animal you can use. The life itself has little or no value. And I don’t know why some animals are sacred and others are not. I don’t get the hysteria about whales. I’d buy a whale steak in a heartbeat, if I could find one. Just to see what it’s like.

Actually, I do understand why some animals get more protection. Generally, it’s because they’re cute. Horses are cuter than pigs. Baby seals…don’t get me started. Never mind the horrible standard of living in the areas where they have seal hunts. Let the humans starve! Just don’t kill those cute seals! If I were making the rules, I’d weigh in on the human side. I think I would require them to quit using clubs, but life is hard in the Arctic Circle, and I can’t imagine outlawing the hunt. Who am I to sit in an upscale suburb and tell the Indians they can’t supplement their income by selling fur? Maybe the Indians should dress up like Hello Kitty when they club seals. Fight fire with fire.

If unborn babies looked like baby seals, the abortion picture would be a lot different. And it’s a lot easier to kill something you never see. I always say that abortion is legal because it’s like peeing in a swimming pool. When it happens, you can’t see it. Every time you go to a public pool, you know half the people there are peeing in it, but you swim anyway, because you can’t see them doing it. Imagine how different it would be if they all peed in the pool while standing or squatting on the edge. The quantity of pee would be the same, but there is no way you’d swim.

Similarly, abortion would be less popular if they had to remove the baby from the womb and cut its throat on the table, in front of the mother. Partial-birth abortion approaches this standard, but they keep the head concealed while the killing is done.

It’s kind of odd that you can arrest someone for dumping a dead shark in the street, while we have no problem putting several thousand babies into incinerators every day. They used to go into dumpsters, but then that got exposed, so now they burn with the rest of the medical waste. An excised appendix, a quart of liposuction fat, a diabetic’s gangrenous toe, your unborn son or daughter…same thing, in the eyes of the law.

Maybe the answer to the seal problem is to teach the Indians to get baby seals by aborting them in the last trimester. The hippies could never object to that.

I plan to keep the next nurse shark I catch, just to find out if it’s as good as I’ve heard. I hope they don’t put me in a gulag.