Math Doesn’t Lie
April 10th, 2009Except Maybe for Al Franken
Okay, I have a new Glenn Beck theory, and it’s starting to worry me. I hate to think my idol may be a total fraud, but I have to go where the evidence leads me.
1. He started the 912 project.
2. Half of 912 is 456.
3. The number 456 is divisible by 3.
4. If you divide the devil’s number, 666, by 3, you get 222.
5. Room 222 was a popular TV show back in the Seventies.
6. The star of Room 222 was Michael Constantine.
7. Constantine was the leader of the Holy Roman Empire.
8. Roman Polanski is a pedophile.
Don’t shoot the messenger. All I did was connect the dots. Let me know if you can help me with the last leg of the puzzle. I’m trying to connect this to Kevin Bacon.
I really hope Keith Olbermann doesn’t take credit for this.
By the way, I’d appreciate it if someone could identify the lube Olbermann uses to coat his hair, face, and eyeglasses. It looks like it would be great for machine tools.
More
I have an alternate theory.
8a. New York is the Empire State.
9a. The French word for “state” is “etat.”
10a. Louis XIV said, “L’etat, c’est moi.”
11a. In the opening run of Camelot, the song “C’est Moi” was sung by Robert Goulet.
12a. Robert Goulet once locked his wife in a car trunk.
Man, this one gives me chills.
April 10th, 2009 at 10:20 AM
You’re on a roll!
April 10th, 2009 at 11:17 AM
Roman Polanski directed Chinatown which starred Jack Nicholson who was also in Mars Attacks which starred Sarah Jessica Parker who was also in Footloose which starred Kevin Bacon.
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Heh.
April 10th, 2009 at 11:23 AM
Okay, but let me ask you this: HOW DO WE KNOW YOU’RE NOT A PLANT?
April 10th, 2009 at 12:05 PM
Please. On the internet?!
April 10th, 2009 at 12:08 PM
“On the Internet” is probably almost an anagram for “not the intern”!
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Is that you, HILLARY? HA! I smoked you out!
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I have to email Glenn about this.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:14 PM
Did you happen to see the bizarre Bill Schulz segment from Glenn Beck’s show yesterday? You can watch it on Fox’s web site.
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I never felt any empathy for Bill until that moment.
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I wonder if Roger Ailes is suffering from a serious case of buyer’s remorse after having Beck on the air for a while now.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:17 PM
For some time, I’ve been thinking Bill Schulz is sort of the Grover of Fox’s Sesame Street.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:42 PM
One day he will take his rightful place in the comedy-entourage pantheon, between Larry “Bud” Melman and Stuttering John.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:47 PM
I give up. What kind of new pillow are you using now to cause blog posts like this?
April 10th, 2009 at 4:13 PM
Wait a minute…
Glenn Beck } Glenn Reynolds } Debbie Reynolds } Debbie Does Dallas } Steve Dallas } Bloom County } Orlando Bloom } Orlando Florida } Coral Gables Florida!
It all comes back to you!
April 10th, 2009 at 4:18 PM
I can do it in three:
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9. Pedophiles are pigs.
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10. Pigs are the source of Bacon.
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11. Kevin Bacon is related to bacon (ipso facto).
April 10th, 2009 at 4:30 PM
re: the lube.
It’s a proprietary grooming agent, which Keith calls Olby’s Multifunction Manscaper and Suppository Slicker.
And,
1. He started the 912 project.
2. 912 is divisable by 2 = 456
3. Kevin Bacon was born in April 1956.
April 11th, 2009 at 5:46 PM
And the star of Room 22 was Karen Valentine; Michael Constantine was the generic Dukkakis character.
Cheers
April 11th, 2009 at 10:14 PM
You’ve been taking the Louis Farrakhan numerology correspondence courses without telling me, again.
And it can be done even easier. Glenn Beck eats bacon. Fill in the rest, yourself.