Prescription Cookies
February 22nd, 2009Uncle Obama Will Buy Them for You With Rich People’s Money
This is truly annoying. I didn’t make it to church. The car crapped out.
My sister and I go to church together, and we take turns driving. And she has not totally mastered the concept of punctuality. We usually get there about half an hour into the service. This week, it was her turn to drive, and the service started at 12:30, and I finally gave up and left the house at 12:53. I didn’t want to drive, because the car had been acting up, but I was stuck.
On I-95, the car acted funny, and the scary motor-shaped light came on, so I exited in the ghetto and limped to a car parts store, where I got water remover, octane booster, and fuel injector cleaner. I put the water remover in the tank and headed home. I’ll clear the car’s codes later, scan it, and see what happens.
I felt very sorry for myself, and on that basis, I decided to get some ice cream. I went to CVS. If you’re not familiar with CVS, you eventually will be. Remember Judge Dredd? In the future, every restaurant is Taco Bell? In the present, every drugstore is CVS, or soon will be. I know a CVS where I can stand in the front doorway and see another CVS.
The ice cream at the CVS had melted. Unbelievable. So I looked at the cookies. They had something called “CVS Absolutely Divine” cookies. Seriously. What an appetizing name.
They had several varieties. I did what I always do when confronted with possibly faux-premium stuff (like Edy’s and Ben and Jerry’s, which are full of fake crap). I looked at the label. It said “butter”! Hmm…
Bought a package and did the mature thing, i.e., started eating them in the car. They’re really good! I was amazed. Better than Pepperidge Farm, and probably half the price.
I’m thinking of patenting a bucket-like device attached to a strap. You put the strap around your neck, and the bucket rests on your chest and catches things when you eat in the car. I think this would be very elegant. Let me know if you would consider buying one.
Maybe to make the experience seem more familiar, I could make the bucket look sort of like a kitchen sink.
February 22nd, 2009 at 3:42 PM
“I’m thinking of patenting a bucket-like device attached to a strap.”
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Sounds like a Usage Patent to me…
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Maybe you can get Billie Mays to market it for you…or that annoying guy from “Scam-Wow”? (“You watching me camera guy?”)
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You need a pretentious and annoying marketing name though…”The Feed Bucket”? “Snatch-All”? The “Bucket-Bib”? I like the “Bucket-Bib” 🙂
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Maybe Billie Mays isn’t a good choice after all…that beard’s gotta catch more food than a bucket ever will.
February 22nd, 2009 at 5:32 PM
I’m game if it has the old Hog on Ice logo. ” Bucket-Bib” is good.
February 22nd, 2009 at 5:46 PM
I always wanted a “hamburger holder” kind of thing for driving. Sort of like what musicians use so they can play the harmonica and guitar at the same time. Also, a pressure assisted hookah device for Diet Coke.
Why yes…I have given this sort of thing some thought in the past.
February 22nd, 2009 at 5:57 PM
JeffW is correct that beard of BillyMays(spelled like he says it-all together) would never work.
Sounds like a great idea! Sadly I would probably buy one.
February 22nd, 2009 at 6:50 PM
If you really want to replicate the kitchen sink angle, you’re going to have to flesh it out with Haagen Dasz and a mumu. I guess a Snuggie would fill in for the mumu, though.
February 22nd, 2009 at 7:03 PM
They make baby bibs similar to what you described so I’m afraid you won’t be able to patent that one. But it would help if we could buy them for adults. You probably can come to think of it. You’ve seen those catalogs for us old folks they have all sorts of things.
About cookies, Australia has the best cookies in the world, even the generic ones are better than our expensive ones. They must have some severe sweet tooths (teeths???) over there. We wished we could have brought back a lifetime supply of chocolate mint cookies. So much better than the girl scouts or anyone else.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:08 PM
Hope the car isn’t a big deal. This the tbird? Didn’t you get the plug towers replaced under recall?
The bucket thing is a good idea, but I keep old Kentucky Fried Chicken buckets for that purpose already. More useful would be an in-car vacuum that sucked away the remains of your burger, and sprayed them on the windshield of the idiot tailgating you.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:49 PM
OH OG that vacuum idea is BRILLIANT!!! I would dearly love to spray something on the windshield of the idiots that get behind me!
February 23rd, 2009 at 6:14 AM
That would be “Demolition Man” for the Taco Bell reference, wouldn’t it? But it was still a Stallone movie.
February 23rd, 2009 at 8:34 AM
“They make baby bibs similar to what you described so I’m afraid you won’t be able to patent that one.”
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Actually I think Steve still can through a “Usage Patent”. The idea behind this is that the patented technology already exists, but it is used in a novel way,
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I have an automotive customer that patented an Electronic Compass in the overhead console of the car. The patents for Electronic Compasses already existed, they only patented it’s use in a particulare area of the vehicle.
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I’m no lawyer, but it seems the same applies here.
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Steve, you could even use it in the workshop: “Chew you sandwich while you use both hands to run boards through the Bandsaw!”
February 23rd, 2009 at 8:36 AM
Sorry Steve.
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That was actually me above (not my wife). She left her “Call Sign” on the computer we share in the den. I knew I should of used the laptop this morning 🙂
February 23rd, 2009 at 10:14 AM
Here’s what’s funny about the Judge Dredd reference. I checked it on the web because I wasn’t sure, and apparently I took the word of someone else who gets his really bad Stallone movies mixed up.
February 23rd, 2009 at 11:47 AM
With so many bad ones, it is not suprising…
February 23rd, 2009 at 2:41 PM
wait … there are really good Stallone movies?
who knew?
with the way the economy was going for a while with mergers and cosolidations, I used to think we were headed for a day when everything just had that big yellow sign with the genereric lettering (“bank”, “food”, etc.).
February 23rd, 2009 at 2:43 PM
I get free checking at Soylent Bank.
February 24th, 2009 at 7:25 PM
In the horse world, we call those things “feed bags.” How about calling yours a crumb-catching snack satchel?