This Ain’t no Disco
February 9th, 2009Dance 3, Faith 10
I used to belong to an Assemblies of God church. That ended in 1989. The pastor said some things that gave me the impression that he hadn’t put his criminal past completely behind him. He had been a petty criminal in his youth, and he told a story about how he and two friends had picked up a hitchhiker and beaten him and taken his money. And the way he told the story suggested he thought it was funny.
That disturbed me, and there were other problems with the church. For example, we often had services that lasted three hours, for no clear reason. It seemed as if the paster were out of control and out of touch with our needs.
I tried to find a new church, but I didn’t try very hard, and procrastination eventually led to years on my own. And one reason I stayed away was that there were problems with the churches I knew. For example, the charismatic churches seemed obsessed with getting God to do stuff for people, and they didn’t teach all that much about our duties to God. And the non-charismatic churches seemed like a waste of time. I was convinced that the baptism of the Holy Spirit was real, and the churches charismatics referred to as “dead”–the places where the gifts of the Holy Spirit were criticized and “debunked”–were pretty awful. Those are the places that now have gay pastors and even bishops, and which call God “she,” and which tell us Jesus was kind of a benevolent mental case who hallucinated a lot but gave us a lot of useful teaching about being nice and thinking positive.
I found clergymen disappointing. Some were clearly grifters. Others were, at best, hypocrites. Many had gigantic egos incompatible with Christian teaching. I don’t have to tell you the ways in which ministers let us down. Open a newspaper; it’s all there.
This weekend, I watched a DVD of a charismatic preacher, and I was disappointed again. Something about this guy bothered me. I finally nailed it down. First, he kept talking about his amazing respect and devotion to various highly spiritual people he had known, and he talked about how he “sat at their feet” and asked them stuff. It was a little like listening to a Michael Jackson fan talking about how he once touched a chair in which the Gloved One had sat. It seemed like this guy was praising himself for loving these people so much, and for knowing them personally. It’s a very bad sign when a Christian tells you how amazing his faith and devotion are, as if he were telling you something of real value, while expecting you to applaud. It’s not the same thing as giving your testimony in order to help other people’s faith, even though it may seem similar.
Also, he kept talking about amazing miracles he had seen or heard of. Now, miracles happen. People get healed and so on. But bad things happen, too. Sometimes you pray for people and they drop dead anyway. I’m sorry, but it happens. And there was something about the way this guy talked that seemed to suggest that we should always expect to get exactly what we ask for. I felt like he was pumping people’s hopes up, just to make them happy and raise his own profile and get him more preaching gigs.
And he was pushing people to dance and yell and sing. I resented that. I find it extremely annoying and presumptuous when a preacher tells people they have to make fools of themselves in church. I have felt God’s presence, but I have never felt like hopping up and down in a church aisle, and I prefer not to scream or sing really loud. And I don’t think I have to do those things to make God happy. I’ve always hated dancing in clubs and so on, because I was only doing it in order to gain acceptance; there was never anything sincere about it, except when it was real dancing, like salsa and merengue. Jerking around like a monkey always made me feel stupid, and let’s be honest, virtually everyone you see in the floor when you go to a disco looks like an idiot. It’s not just me. I always resented being told I had to participate in this degrading ritual in order to be normal. And I don’t want to hear the same shtick when I go to church. I don’t recall reading about Moses or Elijah or Jesus break-dancing in the street, and I see no need to do it, myself. If I decide I feel like it, I’ll do it. Until then, leave me alone.
A lot of flamboyant closeted gays choose to deny their impulses and go into preaching, and they have certain extroverted tendencies with regard to performing and singing and dancing, and they think the rest of us should share them. I don’t want any part of that. The Bible does not require me to moonwalk, so leave me alone. The fact that I’m not jumping up and down like an attention-starved XTC-popping pinhead at a rave does not mean I’m “ashamed of God” or that I’m less spiritual than you are. And your ostentatious display of passion and devotion may have more to do with pride than faith. If you’re doing it for the wrong reason, save it for Soul Train.
I’m not knocking these guys for their nature; it could be worse. They could be working as female impersonators, singing at bathhouses. They’re apparently controlling their urges. They marry and so on. But still, they are different, and they should realize that not every compulsion they feel is shared by other people.
Maybe I’m completely wrong about this man. That’s not the point I’m getting at. Here’s where I’m headed: I have been very disappointed in many, many clergymen, and I’ll bet you have too. And we’re often right to be disappointed. You don’t have to be a genius to know when a preacher has severe failings.
There is a famous “Word of Faith” preacher out there who appears to have gone completely around the bend. I mean, Colonel Kurtz territory. He says no end of nutty things, and he’s obscenely rich, and he tells people, essentially, that their lives should be perfect. If they’re not, it means they’re not sending him enough money, or they’re not praying enough, or they’re not wearing the right color socks when they pray, or SOMETHING is wrong, and it’s their fault. Critics are now claiming that a lot of his stuff is plagiarized directly from the works of a man named E.W. Kenyon, and some of it is just gnosticism painted up to resemble Christianity. And this man and his crew don’t take criticism well. His daughter compared a Senator’s request for information to Kristallnacht. I am not kidding. And it’s funny, these guys never–NEVER, as far as I know–tell people they need to give more money to charity. If they’re mentioning charity, they’re not mentioning it very much, because I’ve been looking for it, and I haven’t seen it. No, you’re supposed to send your money to the ministry. Because yachts need diesel, and it’s not free.
Hmm…God helped Cornelius the centurion because of his prayers and ALMS. Not because he bought Jesus a ridiculous private jet. Something to think about. “By their fruits,” right? And God didn’t send Cornelius a big check, which is what the prosperity preachers would have told him to expect. No, he and his house were saved and filled with the Spirit. I guess they weren’t believing for the right kind of miracle.
This weekend, I realized something. Jesus said the first would be last and the last would be first, in the kingdom of God. I always thought that meant there were poor or unknown people out there who would amount to more in the kingdom than prominent Christians who were not as righteous. And I think that’s true, but I think it also means that the strongest Christians are usually found in front of the pulpit, not behind it. The guys with the big churches and the big names are making a splash now, but generally they will not be as special or prominent after the judgment. Life can be like high school. Sometimes the quarterback ends up pumping gas in his forties.
This is a useful thing to know. Back when I belonged to that Assemblies of God church, the pastor disappointed me. But the congregants never did! I mean, never. I’m sure there were people there who were hypocrites or who had bad intentions in one way or another, but I never saw any of that. I saw sincerity and real effort. In this life, congregants have less honor than preachers. But many ordinary churchgoers are people of very great virtue, and many perfectly adequate pastors are not.
Here’s something else that occurred to me. There is a big difference between preachers and congregants. Preachers get paid to be in church. They benefit in lots of ways. People give them cars. People tell them how wonderful they are. But what about congregants? They pay to be there! No one praises them. No one knows who they are. So it naturally follows that you should expect to find stronger, more trustworthy Christians in the pews. Not on the platforms. The fact that a man is leading a church doesn’t mean he’s the most virtuous person there.
History is full of insincere clergymen. But how many people will attend church, and pay for the privilege, out of insincerity? The percentage has to be much lower. Why would you waste your time and money, if you don’t believe? Tithing and alms are expensive. And it’s a pain, spending a fourth of your weekend on church, when you don’t believe. You’d have to be a masochist, if you didn’t think what you were doing was right.
Of course, there are people who get venal rewards from church. Some people want attention, and they see to it that they get to sing solos and lead choirs. Some people just like to feel like they’re better than the rest of us, so they buy really big Bibles and carry them around and tell the rest of us what we’re doing wrong. But in all likelihood, churchgoers are probably more sincere than ministers and other church leaders.
If you keep this in mind, maybe it will be easier to accept the problems you’ve discovered in your church. Every church has flaws; you have to find the best one you can and stick with it. If your experience is like mine, you’ll find that the people you meet make your church’s little imperfections worth putting up with. They will bless your life as much or more than the guy up front. If I had thought about that back in ’89, I would surely have found a new church.
February 9th, 2009 at 12:06 PM
Church is full of screwed up people because people are screwed up. The people who are not in any church are every bit as screwed up (if not more so) than church-goers.
BTW – I always figured that a lot of the gays who become RC priests do so not because they were heavily closeted, but because they were either genuinely clueless or heavily in denial – and convinced themselves that their lack of desire for women was a “sign” and a “blessing” to indicate God’s will that they become priests.
February 9th, 2009 at 12:47 PM
(*Sometimes you pray for people and they drop dead anyway. I’m sorry, but it happens.*)
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I know a lady that was in a severe accident. While she was still in the car, there was someone who held her hand almost the entire time. She said that meant so much to her – and still does.
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Just hold her hand. Tell her you’re there. I think it makes those terrifying moments alot more bearable.
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We all depart someday. Its just that those last days/moments can leave you so lonely. Abandoned and Forgotten.
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Just be there. Hold her hand.
February 9th, 2009 at 12:56 PM
Wow. This should stir things up.
Typical American churches are pastor-centric. I’ve had wonderful pastors (and have one now). Guys who will come and pray with you at the emergency romm at 2am. I’ve had the other, also. It seems, however, that their first name is “Pastor”. That’s the way they are addressed. This leads to a lot of problems. It takes the work of ministry off of the congregants, and places it on the “professional”.
Paul made tents. He asserted that he could live off his ministry, but that he wouldn’t.
As for E.W. Kenyon, he is the source for many of the “Word” shucksters. He was a 40’s faith healer who taught some real heresy about the cross. Copeland, Hagin, Osteen. All these guys copied his and each others sermons.
February 9th, 2009 at 12:59 PM
Steve,
You may not need to publish this – but I just wanted to drop you a line and let you know how much your efforts to renew yourself have affected me.
I am happily married with an eleven month old son. Well, my wife hasn’t been very happy with me for a while, and I didn’t understand why, but I saw it plain as day yesterday. I have become my father, who has a short temper and can’t handle criticism.
Everything becomes a shouting match, and I always felt like the victim when my wife and I got into a pointless argument, as I’d feel the sting of her criticism and leap to “defend” myself. Though here I was, shouting at her over stupid stuff, feeling slighted, with my little boy watching.
She left the room so that she could calm down, and I looked down at my sweet little innocent boy, and I began weeping, as it all became so clear what I had become. The last thing I would ever want for him is to live in a house full of conflict, or live with his parents separated from each other. My wife grew up in a house full of conflict, and will have none of it. She has her own negative ways of dealing with things that she learned from her mother, but we will work on that, too. However, I am the one that needs to change the most, and I truly saw it for the first time last night as I looked into my son’s eyes.
I held him and prayed to God to help me open my heart to patience and mercy. To stop and listen and find a peaceful way to discuss things. To let go of what needs to be let go, to step back and avoid conflict, and to not feel so defensive. It reminded me of asking a liar a simple question about a lie. They get angry and defensive. I wasn’t lying, but I was acting that way. WHY?
It broke my heart to acknowledge all of this, but my wife and I had a long talk last night, full of tears and honesty. I begged for forgiveness and her help, and understood why she was losing patience with me.
We prayed together, and I prayed a great deal on my own, for healing, understanding, patience, and the strength to continue to examine my flaws and weaknesses, for God’s love, mercy, insight, and help. I will be in the word quite a bit. We have discussed searching for a church that we’re both comfortable in, as the two of us grew up in the church (her father was a pastor), but have not been happy with many that we have attended.
I just had to let you know that your journey of self-examination and renewal has been important to me, as I have been on my own. It can be hard to be completely honest with yourself as to your flaws… I had felt that I was, for a long time, but obviously not enough. I must root this ugliness out of myself, and will be asking God for help in doing so. If you could drop a prayer for us (Kyle, Sammy and Calvin), I would appreciate it greatly.
Regards,
Kyle
February 9th, 2009 at 1:15 PM
Steve, your story hit home for me. I’ve been very turned off by many things “church related”. It is a shame that something so great gets muddied up by wrongness.
Anyway, you said you were watching DVDs, and I wanted to suggest you take a look at http://www.watermarkradio.com/ you can view everything online for free. “What in the world are you thinking” was the recent series that kept me wanting to come back to hear more. I’m curious to know what you think!
Brian
February 9th, 2009 at 2:20 PM
“I found clergymen disappointing. Some were clearly grifters. Others were, at best, hypocrites. Many had gigantic egos incompatible with Christian teaching. I don’t have to tell you the ways in which ministers let us down. Open a newspaper; it’s all there.”
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As a child,
to visualize nobility was to conjure up images of kings and queens
adorned in the majestic robes of royalty.
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As a man, softened by the tutelage of life and time,
I have learned a great truth – that
true nobility is usually a silent and lonely affair,
unaccompanied by the trumpeted fanfare of acclaim.
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And more often times than not, it wears rags.
February 9th, 2009 at 3:13 PM
Yep.
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And Kyle? My prayer for you and yours.
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February 9th, 2009 at 4:24 PM
The above comment is a quote from someone whos name I do not know.
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Still, its important to me to give that anonymous person his due respect.
February 9th, 2009 at 4:46 PM
There are a lot of churches that hold that the BHS is un-biblical and are still gospel-centric and traditional and have humble men serving the flock. Just about any independent Fundamental Baptist church, most SBC (America’s largest denomination, by far), PCA and OPC churches, for starters.
February 9th, 2009 at 5:28 PM
indeed, this aint no fooling around.
good essay, i agreed with a lot of it.
emotion is never a substitute for anything except lack of emotion.
February 9th, 2009 at 9:20 PM
Amen, Steve, Amen,
I’m Irish-Catholic and I have come to believe there are more priests in the caves of Hell than on the clouds of Heaven.
February 9th, 2009 at 9:23 PM
I have been fifty years in the Catholic church, by now.
Ther’es a lot of bullshit. And there are a BUNCH of good people. Whose friendship and council I enjoy.
When I was in grade school, the drudgery of the mass nearly turned me away- and then the seminary taught me about the meanings of all the parts of the mass, how it reminds us of our rich history of accomplishments- and disasters. A lot of disasters. To the observer who knows the history, the Catholic mass is a pageant that weekly (daily, really) recreates and represents the life of Jesus, and then reminds us why we’re there, and why we are supposed to gather as a community, and then takes a well chosen piece of scripture and uses it to illustrate things we can do in our daily lives to be better Christians.
A few priests never get it. Some are marvelous at it. Rare, though, is the priest that always miss the mark. Our local priest, a total dork by most standards, hit it out of the park sunday. The creator can use the most humble tool to do his work.
No, it’s not for everyone. But it’s done me just fine for a while.
February 9th, 2009 at 9:50 PM
og,
Christianity transcends any single person, especially priests and minsters and preachers. Unfortunately, too many of our spiritual leaders are con men, crooks, and perverts. I have known many priests
who embody all that Christ intended, but have known even more who
did not. We will all be judged. Those who claim to speak for God will be judged more harshly.
February 10th, 2009 at 5:54 AM
You might be interested to know that one of the great problems the early Church had with the Gnostics was that the Gnostics were congregation centric. They met and drew lots to determine who would play what role in the service that day. Women were also allowed full participation. You can see how an organization that intended to have top down authority with popes, cardinals and priests would have a problem with that.
February 10th, 2009 at 10:10 AM
Kyle
In fixing any relationship, almost all of the work you do will be on fixing you. You can’t fix the other person in the relationship – only the other person can do that (but your work on you can inspire the other person to work on the other person).
So focus on fixing you. The rest will follow, eventually, or not. But the rest is rather out of your hands.
February 10th, 2009 at 10:33 AM
The soul of a Christian church is in the pews, not the pulpit. I am never surprised at the capacity of the clergy to disappoint, soon or late. I think it’s ego that corrupts and weakens them. Show me a humble priest and I might return to the church.
February 10th, 2009 at 11:12 AM
Thank you for your prayers, davis, and comments, km.
km, that’s what I realized Sunday. I was seeing the problem in another person and not the (bigger) problem in myself. It’s usually under control, but has not been lately, and I need to fix that before I have any business asking the same of my wife.
I am just glad that I was given eyes to see this. My dad, who is otherwise a great guy, still has this problem, and is alienating my mother in their retirement years, oblivious to the problem. I pray for him and try to reach him in subtle ways, but it doesn’t seem to be working. Yet.
February 10th, 2009 at 11:33 AM
“Preachers get paid to be in church. ”
Well, except for the Mormon ones.
Just sayin’…
February 10th, 2009 at 11:40 AM
But Mormons are not Christians.
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Apostle Bruce McConkie wrote, “And unless men have the agency to choose to do good and work righteousness—and, in fact, do so—they cannot be saved. There is no other way” (The Mortal Messiah 1:406).
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President Spencer W. Kimball said,
“One of the most fallacious doctrines originated by Satan and propounded by man is that man is saved alone by the grace of God; that belief in Jesus Christ alone is all that is needed for salvation” (12th Prophet Spencer W. Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness, p.206; also cited in The Book of Mormon Student Manual, religion 121 and 122, 1996, p.36).
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12th Mormon President Spencer W. Kimball wrote,
“Long before you were born a program was developed by your creators … The principal personalities in this great drama were a Father Elohim, perfect in wisdom, judgment, and person, and two sons, Lucifer and Jehovah.” (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, pp. 32-33).
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Brigham Young said in 1859:
“From the day that the Priesthood was taken from the earth to the winding-up scene of all things, every man and woman must have the certificate of Joseph Smith, junior, as a passport to their entrance into the mansion where God and Christ are — I with you and you with me. I cannot go there without his consent” (Brigham Young, October 9, 1859, Journal of Discourses 7:289).
February 11th, 2009 at 8:18 AM
re The Congregation: Exactly. That’s the very definition of “church”
Only the episcopals ordain gays. The United Methodists do some thing with them, too, but I’m not sure what. Don’t count out the rest.
Presbyterians have a high profile in nursing homes and hospitals.
LCMS Lutherans run great parochial schools.
The list of good things the Catholics do is too long to go into.
February 11th, 2009 at 9:39 AM
The fact that a church does nice things has no relevance to whether it does a good job in educating them and teaching them to be good Christians.
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The Scientologists do wonderful things for drug addicts.
February 11th, 2009 at 5:50 PM
amen, bro. I think you put your finger on something I’ve been struggling with at my own church: obsessed with getting God to do stuff for us, but a little vague on the need to actually do anything for him.
There are real, alive churches out there who are neither anti-intellectual nor pew-bound. There are an awful lot more than you might think. Don’t stop looking!
Also, and I hesitate to submit this as a link because you’ll probably assume it’s spam, but if you google “Lark News,” I don’t think you’ll regret it.
February 14th, 2009 at 2:43 AM
Not a Christian or very religious but a couple of comments:
-You see people like the flamboyant closeted gay preacher in many areas of life. I once signed up for a community-college Spanish-language class taught by a popular teacher. It turned out to be essentially a theater class where students spent the class period working on skits to be videoed and presented to the other students. I hate this kind of thing — I just wanted conversation and grammar — so I dropped it. To each his own and all that, but there is always an audience for theatricality, and the people who like it are generally louder and more assertive than are the people who don’t, so it often prevails.
-I think that the point about how the congregants are paying to be there while the preacher is being paid is insightful and applies to many group/leader situations. It means that the leader is generally a different kind of person than are the people he leads. This is OK as long as everyone knows what’s going on, and I suspect that in many if not most such situations the audience members know the great leader is a bit nuts but find him entertaining or otherwise get something from the experience. A problem exists if the leader is nuts but is held out falsely as a model for everyone else.