The Long Denouement
December 18th, 2008Deus, Yes; Ex Machina, No
I went to the mall with my sister to buy stuff for Christmas and my dad’s birthday. If you think God doesn’t work miracles, the fact that we manage to shop together without bloodshed is proof that you’re wrong.
Like most men, I go to stores mainly when I realize I need something. Usually I know which store has it, and which aisle it’s in, and I can often tell you which shelf it’s on. I walk in, I grab it, I pay, and I leave. Once in a while I walk around and look at stuff I want but will not buy, but that takes five minutes, tops. My sister, on the other hand, enjoys being in stores and needs no other reason to enter one. I have to keep telling her, “There will still be stuff here next week.”
We accomplished our mission, and my old man has some good stuff headed his way. Now I am exhausted, and I have missed my bedtime for the third day in a row.
I got a call from Mike today. He wants to collaborate on The Armageddon Cookbook. He figures the US is tanking, much as I do, and he is really enjoying maxing out the power of his food dollars by shopping at Costco. His new thing is baking bread. Everyone should be doing this. It’s ridiculously easy, and you get a great loaf of bread for something like fifty cents. He just bought a fifty-pound bag of flour. He already gave a lecture to some lady he knows, who has to buy bread for five kids every week.
I honestly think I could feed myself very well for ten bucks a day, without even growing food. Maybe five bucks. I might get bored after a while, though. You can only cook beans and rice so many ways, and even pizza gets monotonous after about three months.
Okay, six.
Mike is really glad I’ve become more religious, and he wanted to talk about it. That’s fantastic. No one ever listens when I try to share what I’ve found. No one who hasn’t already found the same thing. Mike is a Christian, but he doesn’t go to church, and he wants to get more serious. I suggested he tag along to church the next time he’s here, and he was all for it.
When we were kids, he lived on the southwest corner of a busy intersection, and I lived on the northeast corner. Our neighborhood was full of successful professional people with extremely messed-up families. No one we knew attended church seriously. My mother dragged me and my sister to church sometimes, but you need a father to get that job done consistently. And she could never settle on a denomination. Depending on the month, we might be Baptist, Episcopalian, Presbyterian, or Catholic. My mother was always drawn to Catholicism by the pageantry, and like a lot of women, she was mesmerized by the Pope, as if he had all the answers.
Mike says his family attended church on Easter.
Most people think God is smart. That’s obvious, but what I see in God’s work is more like talent than intelligence. When a talented person starts a creative project, it may not be clear what his plan is. He himself may not be sure. But something inside him remembers where all the loose ends are, and somehow, they wrap themselves up. I believe God always knows what he’s doing, but other than that, watching him work is very like watching a person engaged in the creative process.
Mike disappeared from my life. I thought he was gone. Now he’s back, and he has an interest in God, and it just so happens that I’m a few steps ahead of him in the same direction. When we got back together, I think we were both surprised how much we had in common. I had written a cookbook. Mike had become an amazing cook, and he fixed the same kinds of things I did. When we were kids, Mike got me interested in motorcycles, including Moto Guzzis. When we got back in touch, I had a Harley and a Moto Guzzi in my garage. Mike missed shooting. I had guns. Mike lived in New Hampshire, but he happened to have a new company with an office an hour away from me, guaranteeing he would get to come down and visit fairly often. On a couple of his visits, we talked about God, and each of us learned that the other had had supernatural experiences. Now we’re probably going to go to church together.
My sister and I were estranged. There was no way we could ever hope to get along. It just could not happen. It was not a possibility. That’s what I thought. But one day she saw a copy of God’s Smuggler on my table, and we started talking, and I found she had gone to a church two years earlier for baptism, and she was earnestly seeking God. Now we visit churches together and talk about our faith. And we pray our father will eventually join in.
There has to be a reason for all this. For the way the loose ends are coming together. I have to wonder. How many other people from my past will be brought back into my life, and what will the reasons be?
I guess before I go to bed I should share an experience I had today. I was trying to find more stuff to give my sister for Christmas, and I remembered that she said she really liked a Christian band called Third Day. While we were at a bookstore, the proprietor recommended their Christmas CD to her. I got on the web today to see if they had any more stuff she might like. Was I surprised! These guys are shockingly good. They’re not just good by Christian standards; they’re good by any standard. I can’t think of any country or Southern rock group currently working, which approaches their level. While I was checking out their music, I came across Brooke Fraser. Have you heard this woman? She’s so good, people who have no interest in God whatsoever buy her music.
It made me wish I could master Sibelius. I would give my eye teeth to write and publish really excellent Christian music. What better thing could you do with your life? Isn’t that better than being a lawyer or teaching people to overeat? Even with the dramatic improvement we’ve seen in Christian music, a lot of the stuff they play during worship is just not good. And it could be sublime.
In the past, I’ve always been able to write musical variations at will, but I’ve always had a hard time writing original melodies. I don’t know why; it’s really the same skill. Recently, though, I’ve been hearing the most wonderful tunes in my head, and I know I need to transcribe them. Maybe some of them have value. I shouldn’t let them disappear. I’ve always had a tough time writing lyrics, but maybe that will change, too.
I try to remember that I am now part of a plan, and that my life is being guided. I am sure I’m going to begin harvesting things God has been waiting for me to be ready to accept. Things are going to work out. That is what I believe. And the seemingly random or pointless or wasted events and experiences in my life will turn out to be meaningful and useful. God knows where all the bodies are buried, and he also knows how to bring them back to life.
I think that is true, and I try to keep it in my mind when things don’t seem to make sense. To me, more than a far-off promise of eternal life, this is the real magic of belief in God.
December 19th, 2008 at 12:30 AM
“I was trying to find more stuff to give my sister for Christmas, and I remembered that she said she really liked a Christian band called Third Day…These guys are shockingly good.”
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I’ve been listening to Third Day for about 4 years; they’re one of my favorite groups. I like to sing along in the car (I have a 40-minute drive to work and a high self-embarassment threshold). I’m a bass with a limited range, but I can sing along with Third Day’s songs without a problem (not so with Michael W. Smith when my wife plays his CD’s).
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Your sister might also like their Chronology DVD/CD Combo.
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On an aside, I’ve been reading your Blog for a few years and from where you started, you give a great testimony to the redemptive power of God in your life. It’s been edifying and encouraging to read along the way; thanks for sharing your walk.
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I’ll also keep your Father in my prayers…
December 19th, 2008 at 1:24 AM
Sounds like my Disaster Area Cooking book that I never got around to writing when we were young and broke and feeding four kids. Maybe I should write it. All four kids turned out large, strong, smart and good.
Agree on the bread. But I ground the wheat and made dark bread. Very cheap food.
I can’t add a thing to the other stuff. Its all true though.
December 19th, 2008 at 6:47 AM
Welcome to the narrow path.
December 19th, 2008 at 7:53 AM
If you like Third Day, you should also check out Casting Crowns or MercyMe.
I have been following you site for about 3 months now. And some of the things have really hit home. the biggest change I have made in my walk is that I no longer pray asking for thing for myself. Of course, I may be included (stronger family) but not directly asking for wants. God know what I need and want and He gives everything in due time, in His way.
December 19th, 2008 at 11:12 AM
Steve,
I would just like to say Thank You for sharing your experiences with God and your family and your life in general. I have been a regular lurker here for what seems a few years and your experiences have touched me and given me hope (not a very manly thing to say, but so what, it’s true). The point of this little note is that I am certain that there are hundreds, if not thousands of other people you have touched. You are playing a positive part in the lives of people you will likely never meet, at least in this world; your willingness to open up parts of your life and share them on the web is a blessing to me and others. I pray that you have a Blessed and Merry Christmas!!!
December 19th, 2008 at 12:15 PM
“And the seemingly random or pointless or wasted events and experiences in my life will turn out to be meaningful and useful. God knows where all the bodies are buried, and he also knows how to bring them back to life. I think that is true, and I try to keep it in my mind when things don’t seem to make sense. To me, more than a far-off promise of eternal life, this is the real magic of belief in God.”
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For us living in this construct of reality which is held together by the clockwork rules of science, Time is linear and for all practical purposes cannot be altered or reversed.
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God is Timeless.
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Tough concept to wrap your mind around.
_____________________________________
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Psalm of life
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Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream! —
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.
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Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.
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Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.
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Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.
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In the world’s broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!
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Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act, — act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o’erhead!
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Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;
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Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.
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Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.
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http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/show/4413-Henry-Wadsworth-Longfellow-Voices-Of-The-Night—A-Psalm-Of-Life
December 19th, 2008 at 12:21 PM
“I would just like to say Thank You for sharing your experiences with God and your family and your life in general.”
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What I write here, I write largely out of a selfish desire to express myself, but of course I am happy when it turns out to be valuable to other people.
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“The point of this little note is that I am certain that there are hundreds, if not thousands of other people you have touched.”
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Scary thought. I hope people won’t put their trust in me and mistake me for the motive force. Why listen to the clay, when you can talk to the potter?
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Thanks for commenting.
December 19th, 2008 at 12:48 PM
“I hope people won’t put their trust in me and mistake me for the motive force. ”
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How humble of you, Steve. Even the beauty of a snowflake requires the flaw at its center. You under estimate yourself.
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But then, it IS much better than its opposite.
December 19th, 2008 at 1:37 PM
Christian Contemporary Music used to be almost complete drek. There is now a lot of pretty good stuff.
December 19th, 2008 at 4:13 PM
“Most people think God is smart. That’s obvious, but what I see in God’s work is more like talent than intelligence. When a talented person starts a creative project, it may not be clear what his plan is. He himself may not be sure. But something inside him remembers where all the loose ends are, and somehow, they wrap themselves up. I believe God always knows what he’s doing, but other than that, watching him work is very like watching a person engaged in the creative process.”
I’ve enjoyed the documentation of your return to G_d and how your life is being healed. It is a wonder that your family is getting along as well as it is. It is clear that your happiness has increased exponentially.
One thing about your writing that I’ve always enjoyed is some of your little side comments. They are usually some sort of snark or observation, but they are generally thought provoking. This particular thought really caught my eye and made me think. Thank you.
And while I’m at it, Merry Christmas to you and yours.
December 19th, 2008 at 4:26 PM
Man, I’m enjoying the sense of fellowship here. Like Scott says, MercyMe is good music. I loves me a Third Day concert.
December 19th, 2008 at 4:50 PM
Not sure what other kinds of music you like but I’ve been listening to Contemporary Christian for many years, and it has gotten much better. Switchfoot, while not explicitly Christian is an excellent band in the Alt category. Robert Randolph is a fantastic blues player on a pedal-steel guitar. TobyMac is a Rap/Rocker that puts on one of the best concerts I’ve ever seen, sacred or secular. Reliant K is a very intelligent pop-punk band. Flyleaf and Fireflight are Christian Metal bands that are good enough to have attracted considerable crossover success. Searching for these bands on iTunes will turn up lots of other suggestions to try as well. God bless.
Mel
December 19th, 2008 at 11:16 PM
It’s really great to continue to see you writing about your new exciting relationship with God. I hope that you will remember to be excited when he decides to throw you a curve ball, which he will. I believe that these rough spots must come as we are tested to determine what level of responsibility he can lay on us.
Stay true.
December 20th, 2008 at 4:24 PM
im listening.
youre doing fine.