The Pride of the Favelas

At some point in the past, I started seeing web characters claiming there was a steak out there that put the rib eye to shame. It was a secret! Something Americans somehow could not figure out, yet well-known in Brazil, which is, of course, known as the culinary capital of the solar system.

You may have guessed that I am talking about picanha.

I saw picanha at Walmart today, and I decided to give it a shot. My conclusion after trying it: better to cut it in little pieces and simmer it in stew. That’s assuming you received it as a gift, because there is no other excuse for having this cut in your home.

Picanha is commonly served in Brazilian steakhouses; those overpriced places where the waiters wander around with metal spears holding cuts of meat shishkebab style. Maybe you’ve tried this. You pay way too much for an all-you-can eat feed, and when a waiter comes by with something you like, you have him scrape some off onto your plate.

I did what you’re supposed to do with the picanha. Sliced it into steaks. Fried them in butter. Began by frying the fat side first.

They were slightly tough; worse than choice strips. They were juicy, but not from fat. Only water. Fat is where the flavor is. They had that faintly livery taste sirloins have. Why? Well…because they’re sirloins. A picanha comes from the top sirloin primal, so it can’t be better than sirloin, which is the kind of steak you would expect the Army to serve to privates on special occasions.

Picanha comes with a big layer of fat on one side. Tasty, tender fat like rib eye fat? No. It chews more like a fan belt. To eat the meat, you have to cut the fat completely off. Even a small bit will obstruct your chewing.

It’s pretty obvious to me that picanhas are not just not better than rib eyes; they are objectively bad steaks. I would take a fried London broil over this stuff any day. Similar texture. Infinitely better flavor. Better price.

Maybe a prime picanha would be better. The meat I bought was some kind of choice Angus.

My advice: avoid this cut. There is no reason to buy it. Strips, filets, and rib eyes are far superior, for people who are willing to spend more. For everyone else, there is really nothing wrong with frying a London broil and cutting it across the grain when you eat it. Flank, skirt, and flap are also way, way better. Even a hamburger “steak” beats picanha.

Why do people pretend picanha is a hidden treasure?

I still have a pound or so of this meat left. Now what do I do? I don’t even own a dog.