Better Start Bailing

Here is an update on my son.

Can I call him my new son or baby son now? He’s over a year old, and they say any small child over a year old is a toddler, but I still tell him he’s the baby. The baby man.

He can’t really talk yet. He wears diapers. Baby.

He continues to be extremely advanced with regard to everything but talking. Runs, dances, jumps, walks backward, squats and picks up tiny things between his thumbs and index fingers, climbs…you name it. While he doesn’t really talk, he has conversations with us using gestures, expressions, and noises.

Sometimes when I tell him “no,” he stands and stamps his foot and grunts to show he’s not happy, but he always obeys. Eventually.

Morning before last, it seemed like he said “red” and “close.” One of his toys lit up a red button and said “red,” and he said something that sounded like “red.” He loves opening and closing doors, and the same day, he followed his mother into the bathroom, closed the door, and said what she thought was “close.” He imitates singing.

For a while, he has been doing things you usually expect to see at about two years. I have written about him freaking doctors out. Also, he is very tall, and we are hoping he remains tall because tall men have easier lives, as long as they’re not too tall.

I am not concerned about his speech, because he’s not late, and as long as everything else is going well, there is not much of a relationship between intelligence and the time a baby starts to speak. Personally, I don’t think it interests him much. He whistled when he was a few months old, and then he quit because it didn’t interest him, so it may be that he is the same way about speech.

I’m not going to let myself obsess on his intelligence, because intelligence is not very high on the list of things that make a successful child of God. My own intelligence has not been all that helpful in life, and many people who are close to God have been more successful than I in every way, with less mental horsepower.

He is still very, very cute and charismatic. I have written about how people fawn over him on our weekend Costco and grocery outings, and they are still doing it. There are 4 or 5 Costco ladies who come over and talk to him every time they see him. The place is always full of babies, but the others don’t get this kind of attention.

Now that he interacts with people, grinning and doing his arm-waving “happy salute” when they wave at him, they get even more pleasure out of talking to him.

We take him to baby gatherings at the local library, and the employees read books, sing, use puppets, and let the kids play with toys. He behaves very well, but he is not like the other children. He runs around constantly. The other kids generally stay up front with the herd, but he runs around the entire room.

I thought he would stay close to his mother because he adores her and doesn’t like being separated from her, but he ran off and left her.

He pushes things over. He loves pushing things, so he grabs chairs and pushes them around the room. He approaches adults and just assumes they love him. He tries to grab purses off chairs and tables. He goes to the exit doors and pounds on them. He grabbed an American flag and pulled it over.

We were the only parents there who stood up and said “no” to their child, so we know the problems the other kids are likely to have later. It’s amazing that people have learned nearly nothing new about raising kids since the dawn of time, while they have forgotten so much.

People say babies are curious, so when I tell them about him, they say it’s normal, but they haven’t seen him. He is clearly not like most kids. His abilities and energy stand out. We keep getting him toys and interacting with him, but he is insatiable. He is always finding our things, running off with them, and playing with them.

I take things away from him so often that he now tends to drop whatever he is holding, or hand it to me, whenever I appear.

I bought a new TV with an annoying remote that has a trackball and projects a moving shape onto the screen to select options. Every so often, when I sit down, I’ll see the shape moving around, and I’ll know my son is somewhere in the house playing with the remote.

The other day, he grabbed a toilet brush and tried to clean the toilet. That was upsetting.

He’s not hyperactive. A hyperactive kid can’t behave. He’s just smart.

He’s still very strong. He lifted two 5-pound dumbbells off the floor. When he pummels us with his hands and feet, it actually hurts. He doesn’t do it with hostility. He just loves to wrestle and roughhouse.

He can get into our upper bathroom cabinets now, so we had to get more baby locks. He can use almost every doorknob. Our house has lever knobs, and they make it easy.

I’m going to have to get a pool cover, because in a month or so, he will be able to open the back door. I hate the pool, because a pool is a sucker amenity, but we can’t make it go away, so we will just seal it off.

We’re trying to get music lessons for him. He shows some interest in music, and he needs things to fill his voracious mental appetite. His mom is talking about finding a swimming class, which she also needs.

I’m very grateful. The world is full of suffering children and parents. So many kids have physical and mental problems that crush their parents’ hearts. We are no more deserving than those parents, but God has been very kind to us. I keep praying God will use us to heal kids. I am horrified by the problems I see out there. It makes me feel helpless because I can’t say a prayer wherever I am and heal them. It makes me hate this world more than ever.

I keep asking God to help us receive blessings in fear and humility, and never to show off. We are pardoned criminals who live on an allowance. On God’s charity.

The dangers of showing off have been driven home to me. Our car is starting to be impractical. We’re excited about the possibility of buying a minivan. Not a Mercedes or some other kind of glamor wagon. I have realized God hates ostentation.

Proverbs 17:5: “Whoso mocketh the poor reproacheth his Maker: and he that is glad at calamities shall not be unpunished.”

Galatians 5:26: “Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.”

Luke 14:8-11:

When thou art bidden of any man to a wedding, sit not down in the highest room; lest a more honourable man than thou be bidden of him;

And he that bade thee and him come and say to thee, Give this man place; and thou begin with shame to take the lowest room.

But when thou art bidden, go and sit down in the lowest room; that when he that bade thee cometh, he may say unto thee, Friend, go up higher: then shalt thou have worship in the presence of them that sit at meat with thee.

For whosoever exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.

I try to receive in fear and humility regarding our son, and I ask God to help me with this, because I can’t generate perfect humility on my own. Pride will always bounce back, to my disgrace. I want God to keep blessing my son, and I want him to protect the next one.

Whatever blessings my son has received came from God, in spite of my long history of wickedness and in spite of the evil my wife has done.

The main thing I want to write about, however, is love. This house is soaked with it.

When I was a kid, my sister and I were afraid of my dad. We didn’t run in terror every time he came home, but we didn’t want to be around him, either. It’s good for a child to have a healthy fear of his father, but it has to be part of an intense, loving, comfortable relationship. It’s important for a father to take a hard line sometimes, but when my dad was harsh with us, usually, it was not out of concern for us. It was because we had gotten on his nerves. Someone broke a glass. Someone stood in front of the TV.

My family never prayed together, studied the Bible together, talked about God, or went to church together. What a horror. No wonder things went so badly for us.

I didn’t pray with my dad until he was 86, and he died when he was 87.

We pray in the morning with our son. We pray in the evening with him. He’s in the room while we watch Christian videos. I speak blessings over him and his mother. We speak blessing to God when we eat. He sees us on our faces, worshiping.

My wife and I have conversations about our son’s welfare. What to do next. Where we are failing. My parents didn’t do that.

We play with him a lot. I have the priceless luxury of being with him, and so does his mother. She takes him for walks, on his own feet. I sit down and play with his toys.

He loves playing with us. He brings us his giant Walmart ball, and we bounce it around. His new thing is to make me take his Fisher-Price popper toy. He has a little stuffed chair with a dinosaur face on it, and he sits in it and watches me run the toy around the floor. If I stop, he goes to get the toy and hands it to me again.

He has been kissed so much, it’s a wonder he has any skin left. He has been squeezed so much, it’s a wonder he isn’t covered with bruises.

He screams with joy, many times a day.

We are not doing things as well as we should, and I ask God to help us do better, but my son’s upbringing so far has been infinitely better than ours.

Because the family I came from is a failure, and because I am a recovering failure, our new ways and blessings are hard for me to get used to. My mother lavished me with love, but her relationship with my sister was a war from the time she was a toddler. My sister was impossible to get along with. I had many affectionate moments with my dad, but generally, he was very selfish, childish, and unfair. And he also had a hard time warming up to my sister, or, rather, he warmed up to her at first, and then their personalities ruined it.

I have never lived in a house of love before, and it’s a first for my wife, too. My son, on the other hand, has no idea what a dysfunctional family is like. He will never know what it’s like to feel alone because his family hasn’t introduced him to God.

Outside of this house, I have never seen a family that wasn’t dysfunctional, and that includes the Christian ones. Having one of my own is an extraordinary experience.

It’s all because of prayer in tongues. Order and success in a family come only from alignment with the Holy Spirit, and you only get his help if you pray in tongues. Otherwise, you are limited. It’s like going to Disney World and not using the rides.

We try to align ourselves with each other here on Earth, but it’s the wrong approach. We are supposed to be aligned with God. Any two people who are aligned with God are automatically aligned with the Holy Spirit. This is why Yeshua is called the Prince of Peace. Peace is simply order.

We are not particularly good people. We don’t go on mission trips to India and Africa. We don’t run an orphanage. We don’t go into prisons and baptize people. We have faults. We sometimes argue a little. We’re not doing all the things many Christians think bring them God’s blessings, and we sometimes do things that are counterproductive. Nonetheless, things are going extremely well. It’s because we are taking the supernatural approach, making God our head.

The frustrating thing is that people we are desperate to help argue with our testimony.

We know people whose families are terribly screwed up. People who are suffering because of bad choices. People with lingering problems. If I tell them they need to pray in tongues more (axiomatic, since the word says it builds us up), instead of agreeing with me, some of them blaspheme the Holy Spirit instead. They want to convince me that what I know didn’t come from God and that God doesn’t give us the kind of help my wife and I received.

They can’t explain our blessings, however, or the fact that they’re doing so poorly in spite of being right about everything.

When you attribute the work of the Holy Spirit to Satan or deluded men, you blaspheme the Holy Spirit. This is what religious Jews did when they said Yeshua had a demon. He raised the dead and healed the sick, and instead of getting behind him, they said he used the power of Satan.

Cessationism is blasphemy, and so is claiming to be charismatic while scolding other people because they truthfully say they have received supernatural help from God.

It’s a variant of cessationism. It’s such a huge sin, Paul told us to avoid people who did it. He didn’t say to be inclusive and nonjudgmental and that such people were our brothers and sisters.

In his second letter to Timothy, Paul lumped the God-deniers in with the greedy, brats, slanderers,and despisers of good:

For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!

Here, the language translated “despisers of good” means “those who don’t love good.”

The word translated as “power” is dunamis, which, in the context of the above passage, is the miracle-working power of God, as well as all of his other abilities to help us.

There are many people out there who make up stories about what God has done for them, and there are many people who spread false revelation, but people who pray in tongues a lot, read the word, and seek humility are not like that. God will allow delusion, but he’s not a jerk. He doesn’t make supernatural help impossible, and he doesn’t allow counterfeits to be so good there is no way to find the real thing. If you pray in tongues and seek humility and revelation, he will guide you. If this were not true, there would be no hope for us, because the system would be completely rigged.

Arrogant Christians are in love with their strongholds. They love their pride. They love defending themselves instead of admitting fault. They love pointing to all the things they’ve done “for God.” They’re like Eagle Scouts who think their sashes and badges entitle them to kowtowing and deference. “I used to wax Jimmy Swaggart’s car!” “I was head deacon with a special red vest when you were still going to strip clubs!” They’re so arrogant, they can’t see their arrogance.

Old wineskins.

This is why Yeshua bypassed religious leaders and called fishermen and a tax collector.

When God shows you helpful things, and people who are in real trouble reject your testimony because they’re afraid you’ll stop thinking they are holier than you, it is extremely frustrating.

If you’re doing everything right, why is your life a mess? Isn’t it possible that a person whose life has improved drastically knows more than someone who is miserable and shows no sign of progress?

One of the worst things about Christianity is that it convinces people they are above correction. “We’re smarter than the Jews.” “We’re smarter than the awful people at the church across the street.” “The old guys who came up with our doctrine two thousand years ago were smarter than the old guys who came up with your doctrine 500 years ago.”

We’re exactly like the Jews of Yeshua’s time. Just as wrong, and just as arrogant.

Just as determined to blaspheme the Holy Spirit and glorify men.

What about me, being sure so many things I’ve been shown are right? Well, I got that by obeying the Bible. I got it the same way Paul did. The way he recommended we do it. I prayed in tongues for years. I didn’t get it by worshiping St. Augustine, who worshiped pagans. I didn’t get it by worshiping Kenneth Hagin and memorizing everything he said. I didn’t take courses at my last two churches, which were run by a con artist and a child rapist.

When I fell away for a time and wasn’t praying in tongues, I didn’t get revelation, and I had problems I don’t have now.

I don’t make things up, and I don’t claim I figured anything out. I had a genius IQ all of my life, and I was a fool for most of it. I ruined most of it. I could not figure the answers out. God had to spell things out and spoon-feed me. He still does.

I don’t say I’m right. I don’t say I should be given deference because I “got saved” decades ago or because I have put in thousands of pew hours. I say God is right, and that he has been getting through to me in spite of my immaturity and pride.

Saying these things is not arrogance. It is humility. Attributing your success to yourself and hard work is pride.

There is not one person in the Bible God rewarded for hard work. There are many he rewarded for admitting they were weak and letting him help them. There are many who were destroyed because they were proud. Consider Nebuchadnezzar and the dream of the tree.

In the Bible, hard work is always a curse. It was one of the first curses God pronounced on man, in Genesis. Hard work convinces you that you are the source of your blessings. It makes you your own God.

God preferred Mary to Martha.

Yeshua was more certain of his beliefs than any other man who ever lived. Does that mean he was proud? He had no pride whatsoever.

As the Bible says, humility, not mission trips or fasting or collecting church titles and enormous bejeweled hats, is what brings God close to us and causes him to help us. If you don’t know that, you have missed one of the three or four most important lessons that make Christianity work. You’re barely a Christian.

I always find that life is like being on a wide sea in a small boat, with many other boats around me. I’m doing fine, at last, but almost all the other boats are sinking, and when I try to help the people in them, they push me away and tell me they already have the answers.

If the analogy were really complete, they would be pulling their boats up beside mine, throwing buckets of water into my boat, and telling me they were trying to save me.

So I could be as blessed as they were.

Every day, we pray for God to keep people who won’t listen away from us and to bring us the people who will. It is discouraging and painful to watch people sink while you’re trying to tell them how to float.