“Thanks for Nothing” Would be too Kind

Gloria Copeland is dying from dementia. My wife told me.

She is the wife of prosperity preacher Kenneth Copeland. He is 88. He says he prevented his hair from turning gray by telling it not to, and he also says he and God have a deal which will keep him alive until 2056. He says he will die on his birthday at the age of 120.

While he was announcing the deal, he compared himself to an old car that had been restored, and he said certain parts had been repaired.

He also tells a story about being short of breath while getting on one of his expensive airplanes. He said he sat down and prayed, and God told him he was giving him a new heart.

He now has a pacemaker.

I used to love Kenneth Copeland back in the 1980’s. I didn’t know any better. He mixed the truth with very seductive lies, and he was an excellent speaker. I had had supernatural experiences, so I was looking for preachers who were in the same boat, so they could teach me. I was not able to sift out the truthful ones and discard the liars.

Things got worse when I got a supernatural healing by listening to Copeland. When I decided to find a church, I got a flu-like illness that persisted for weeks. I heard him say I should pray for healing and keep saying I was healed, so I did that. I was tenacious. One day, I walked into the kitchen, looked into the freezer, and saw a dark shape fly out of me and into the freezer. Then it turned and flew out of the house through a closed door. I was instantly healed of all symptoms.

It was my misfortune to get a powerful bit of truth mixed into a gruel of lies. The healing was wonderful, but it gave me the false impression that Copeland was a man of God.

It seems ironic that I got healed and the Copelands have not. I don’t think either of them seriously expected anyone who listened to them to receive a miraculous healing.

Copeland has a protege in Africa. His name is David Oyedepo. He apparently claims to have the same deal with God. He says he will die at 120. He is 70 now, so keep an eye on him for the next 50 years.

I used to listen to Gloria Copeland, too. She is also a fine speaker. Unlike her husband, she has always exuded a false aura of class and serenity. On first examination, she seems wise, mature, and gentle. Now that I think about it, I’ve seen Buddhists who come off the same way, and of course, they go to hell.

The self-righteous act is one of the most annoying thing about Buddhists. You’re supposed to be enlightened, so you act enlightened, and if you make a career of it, people pay your bills and treat you like royalty. And every truthful, perceptive person who gives you the emperor’s new clothes treatment is sloughed off as unenlightened and in need of a few more incarnations.

To be a successful Buddhist authority, you just have to smile constantly, trying to look benevolent, and pretend you’re not as upset as everyone else. That’s really true.

Another great thing about the job is that you never have to answer a question or give intelligent input. When someone makes a remark about Buddhism to you, you can grin and close your eyes, say something like, “Who can make the wind orange?”, or just say, “Yeah, mmm,” in a dreamy voice.

There is a mildly famous lady from Texas who does this act beautifully. She has a calm, hypnotic voice. She doesn’t show signs of irritation or anger. She gives ridiculous advice, like “Stop doing.”

People give her roses at her appearances, and they stand in awe and stammer rehearsed speeches about their own enlightenment process, trying to make it look like they’re “in” with the awakened one, just like she is. They work hard to say the right things, fearing she might expose them as unenlightened.

But, you know. Who can make the wind orange?

To get back to the Copelands, Gloria doesn’t know what’s going on any more. She looks fine. Always elegantly dressed and made up, as in the past. She can talk. But she has to be led around, and people have to explain simple things to her.

If she were not the wife of a billionaire or near-billionaire, she would be in a memory care unit. She will get worse and die soon.

Like many or perhaps all prosperity preachers, Kenneth Copeland has not healed anyone.

Yes, I got a healing, but I was on my own. He never prayed for me. I’ve never been in the same building with him.

I saw a recent video of Gloria Copeland with her husband. Her condition was startling, but it didn’t startle me as much as this: her husband was on the verge of tears as he spoke to her. I was shocked to see that Kenneth Copeland loved anyone other than himself and Mammon.

He makes his living making gullible people poor and buying himself airplanes he doesn’t need while they move in with their kids or go on welfare, so it was reasonable to assume he had no heart at all.

He knows perfectly well that he has destroyed countless lives. The lives of people who had less than he did and gave it to him.

It made me think of my sister, who used to send him money. It may seem odd that a narcissistic sociopath would support a ministry, but then the ministry taught selfishness, and sending money was a way to get admiration, which narcissists love.

Ever notice how sweet and full of admiration salespeople are when you’re buying expensive clothes or jewelry? That’s how crooked preachers and their employees treat people who give them a lot of money.

My sister gave preachers money. Then she quit. Kenneth Copeland’s people called her. They said they were worried about her. They didn’t worry when she was sending them money.

She was going broke fast, because she shopped but did not work. She could have used some cash to repair her house. Although it would not have helped her, a real minister would have offered counseling.

Not one ministry offered to give her back a single penny.

She gave to John and Lisa Bevere. I will give them this: Bevere’s mother called and seemed concerned. Somehow I ended up talking to her instead of my sister. I can’t recall whether I prayed with her.

They didn’t send a refund, however. They weren’t around later to help fund her cancer treatment or rehab expenses. My sister was there for the Beveres. They weren’t there for her.

“Minister” means “servant.”

I don’t know what to think of Bevere. I drove him around for a while when he visited Trinity Church in Miami. I still have his cell number. He seemed pretty sincere, and I don’t recall him pushing for offerings. On the other hand, he was a youth pastor under Benny Hinn, and he was involved in Joyce Meyer’s company. I won’t call it a ministry. He pals around with some truly slimy and dangerous preachers.

Doesn’t the Bible say God’s children should give? If that is true, why is it that when we connect with celebrity ministries, we expect them to take a lot, but it doesn’t occur to us that they might give us anything, even if we have given generously to them in the past?

The disciples had to choose deacons because they were so busy helping the poor.

T.B. Joshua’s ministry gave a lot. When my wife and I took our son to his first pediatrician, we picked a Nigerian. Somehow, we ended up mentioning T.B. Joshua to him. He told us that when his father got married, T.B. Joshua gave him and his wife 40 bags of rice.

Where is my sister’s rice, Mr. Copeland?

The charitable efforts of Joshua’s church were extensive and generous, and he lived in a modest house.

Kenneth Copeland is not very likely to live to be 120, and he will probably be a widow by 90, so living to 120 would really be a punishment.

I won’t prophesy, but I will predict. Copeland’s health will take a downturn, and he will realize he’s going to die. Then he’ll tell the world he decided to go ahead and be with his wife, deal notwithstanding. Either that, or he’ll give up public life and abandon his flock, because he never cared about them to begin with.

Yeshua spoke about religious Jews who were like the Copelands:

But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in.

Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye devour widows’ houses, and for a pretence make long prayer: therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation.

The Bible says a lot of scary things about those who swindle and those who oppress the poor. It says if you give to the rich, you will come to poverty.

Having your wife lose her mind and die is a very harsh punishment, but when you consider the hordes of people the Copelands and their friends have impoverished, it seems very lenient to me. Ananias and Sapphira were struck dead for much less.

In any case, Kenneth Copeland’s plans and his rich old age have been spoiled, and what’s in store for him afterward is much worse.

The world is really filthy. Most people have no interest in Yeshua. When you try to find him, people who claim to represent him do their best to make sure you find Satan instead. If you’re in one of the old churches, that’s about the worst of it. If you’re in a charismatic church, they also do their best to make you poor. It’s amazing that anyone gets to know God.