Fake Milk is Feminist Poison

My wife and I have three big problems as new parents.

1. We are new parents.

2. We don’t have any relatives to tell us what to do with babies.

3. The healthcare industry is full of flakes who provide bad information about baby care.

Things are working out nearly perfectly, except when it comes to one major issue: breastfeeding. We were able to figure everything else out.

When we were at the hospital, my wife flipped out because she thought our son was starving. She was loaded up with hormones that made her a little delusional and pretty assertive, and she felt way too protective. It was hard to tell her anything, even though she knew nearly nothing about babies and she was surrounded by women who cared for them for a living.

She insisted on starting the boy on formula, and this was a gigantic mistake which is causing us problems weeks later. Major problems. It is a threat to our son’s future health and even his life expectancy.

The hospital ladies pushed my wife to wait for nature to take its course and forget about bottles, but they didn’t push very hard. One of them said something stupid. Concerning formula, she said something like, “It’s perfectly all right.”

It’s not perfectly all right. Formula is garbage, and it’s very harmful to babies. I’m sure there are lots of feminists out there who would disagree, because feminists are idiots, and formula makes it easy for them to hand their nearly-estranged babies off to illegals and have Enfamil pumped into them so they can go to work and end up with children as crazy as they are, but formula is to breast milk as Skittles and Hot Pockets are to real food.

By the way, I’m not just trying to seem based when I link fake milk to feminism. Look it up. Feminists really have been behind the baby-malnutrition revolution. There are articles on the web intended to de-shame formula feeding. Sensible people have mounted a backlash against the feminist nutwads, and now there is a defensive backlash to the backlash.

I wish I had known feminism and formula were linked. Things would have gone down differently. Feminism came from Satan, and Satan is not the guy to go to for parenting advice. Eve was the first feminist and the source of the curse on women. Every time a woman screams during delivery, she can thank the mother of feminism.

Formula is for two kinds of mothers: those who can’t provide breast milk by any means and those who don’t care about their kids. I keep reading that you shouldn’t feel like a bad mom if you use formula. Yes, you should, because you are a bad mom. Unless you had no choice. I’m writing this as a warning, because some day, some dad or mom who is getting terrible advice from post-feminist nurses may Google for help, and that person will need a sane voice to cut through the toxic nonsense.

The website of a well-known hospital says this: “Deciding to feed your baby breast milk or formula is a personal matter.” No, it is not a personal matter, unless we should repeal laws protecting children from neglect.

It involves two people. It may involve a selfish, immature woman who is willing to harm her baby’s health. The other party is defenseless. Mothers should be told that formula is a last resort for the utterly desperate.

I trusted the hospital ladies, and I didn’t want to be an XY ogre about the whole thing, so I let them give us formula. If I could turn back time, I would put on a patriarchal show for them and make them leave the room while I set my wife straight.

She was exhausted. She was in pain. She was in no position to make important decisions. I should have stepped up to the plate, played bad cop dad, and looked after her and my son. If they try to give our next child palm oil and corn syrup, they will not be able to do it unless they can get the police to remove me from the building.

They were very nice. They meant well. But they were completely incompetent to give anyone advice about feeding babies.

I have been researching and making notes, and I have learned that lack of breast milk is extremely bad for babies. Not “less than optimal.” Extremely bad.

Check out this excerpt from my notes:

1. Breastfeeding protects your baby against common childhood illnesses such as ear infections and lower respiratory tract infections. Over the long term, breastfeeding lowers the risk of obesity, diabetes, asthma and much more. Breastfed babies have fewer allergies. Studies also link breastfeeding with higher IQ scores.

2. Breastfeeding helps with postpartum weight loss, delays fertility, increases a mother’s self-confidence and promotes bonding.

3. Breast milk is different from formula because it changes to meet the nutritional needs of your child as he grows.

You could stop at “ear infections,” and you wouldn’t need to say anything else to sell me. We tend to think baby ear infections are no big deal, but they are. They’re very painful. They can cause deafness. They tend to recur. They are often treated with surgery. The fact that a problem doesn’t kill a child doesn’t mean it’s not a major problem.

Deafness can make a person much less intelligent. Most people don’t know that. A psychologist who worked with people with learning disabilities told me. Many deaf people can’t read. The deaf have lower IQ’s. I mean retarded lower.

I have a first cousin whose son is asthmatic, and he had to take allergy shots every week when he was a kid. His asthma used to put him in the hospital. Of course, mom kept right on smoking in the house. He’s also obese. I don’t know if she gave him formula, but knowing what a selfish person she is and how backward our Appalachian culture is, I’ll bet she did.

If we don’t cut out formula, and our son grows up to be a fat diabetic with asthma, severe allergies, a hearing aid and an IQ of 90, we won’t know for sure that we caused the problems. On the other hand, we will know we might have.

Fake milk is harder to digest. It is harder to tell when a bottle-fed baby has had enough. Babies are more likely to vomit formula. Parents like to say “spit up,” like it’s not as bad, but the correct word is “vomit.” If your food made you vomit several times a week, would you keep eating it?

Formula doesn’t contain anything that gives a baby immunity. Breast milk does. How is this stuff even legal? Did immunity suddenly become unimportant just because Germaine Greer decided women should be ambitious sluts?

How many babies have died because their immune systems were stunted by formula?

“We’re doing fine because we use breast milk in bottles.” Sorry, people. You’re not doing fine. You’re giving substandard care. It’s not just the formula that matters. It’s the breast.

Breastfeeding makes a woman’s uterus contract so her body returns to normal. Why didn’t the nurses tell us that? How many women have had problems because they didn’t know this? It’s not a minor concern. It’s important.

Breastfeeding stimulates lactation. Skin-to-skin contact fights postpartum depression. It regulates the baby’s temperature. It makes babies feel safe and loved.

Yesterday my buddy Mike, who raised two sons, told me something very wise: he said my wife and I will be inconvenienced from now on.

You may think you can give your baby a bottle most of the time and then cram a quick breastfeeding session in when it’s convenient, but it doesn’t work like that. Breastfeeding is supposed to happen around the clock. It’s supposed to be very inconvenient. If what you’re doing is convenient, you’re doing it all wrong. You’re supposed to accept the fact that a feeding session can take 45 minutes. You’re supposed to accept getting up in the night, over and over. You had a baby. You obligated yourself. Your convenience is not a factor to be considered.

I’m going to quit helping feed the baby so much. It’s the cute modern thing to do, but it’s bad for everyone concerned. I don’t think it’s bad for me to give him a bottle of breast milk once a day, but he needs the real thing over and over every day of his life. Consistently. Feeding sessions with me should be cameos.

I don’t care about changing diapers or doing laundry. No one ever got asthma because his dad did laundry. Giving milk to babies is a woman’s job. Period.

FYI, bottles are designed badly. I know it’s 2025, and human beings know absolutely everything now. Sure. But baby bottles let milk flow too fast. They spoil babies and also tired mothers who don’t want to spend 6 or more hours a day nursing. I think they’re designed to addict, not to nourish. The people who make them know perfectly well that they flow too fast.

I can get 120 milliliters of liquid into my son in about 10 minutes. That is not an acceptable rate. When he goes to his mother, he may take 5 times that long to fill up. Which will he and his mother naturally prefer? Obviously, the bottle.

We are using the slowest-flowing fake nipples there are, and they are still way too fast. My wife wanted to move to faster ones, but I told her we needed to keep him on the slow ones until he got fed up with them.

If you’re a future Googler, let me spell it out for you. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you formula and relying on bottles are okay. The enablers won’t be around to pick up the pieces in 40 years when your daughter is whale-fat, single, and childless, rides around the grocery store in an electric cart, and has to have bariatric surgery. They won’t appear by magic and heal your baby when he is screaming from ear pain at 3 a.m.

If you can’t provide your own breast milk, buy it. Find a relative who is lactating. Do what you have to do. Don’t go down without a fight.

My son has gas like a water buffalo. He has prolonged periods of discomfort because of it. I’m not sure his immunity is up to snuff. He is starting to look fat. I am getting him off palm oil and corn syrup. That’s that.

The recovery process is a little bumpy, but I took charge and explained things to my wife, and now she is on board. She feels terrible guilt about using formula. That’s appropriate. It’s not a problem to be fixed. I feel guilt about letting it happen. I should feel guilt. It’s the correct way to feel. I let my son down.

It’s going to work. The key is not to listen to my wife when the hormones tell her our son is starving. We put him on a scale occasionally. We can see that he has energy. We know the conversion will be successful.

I told her something. I said her son was going to put her to the test for the rest of his time with her. There would be one test of wills after another. I said he had to know from the start that his parents would stand together and not let him run the family. Once he knows that, he will be at peace. He will quit pushing and accept his place. As long as he sees chinks in the armor, he will instinctively try to pry them open and pit us against each other, and that will bring chaos and misery.

He may cry because he misses the bottle. To that, I say what I say when he cries during diaper changes: “No one cares.” I say that to him all the time. “No one cares, buddy. Holler all you want.” If he had his way, I’d give in and let him lie in poop.

When he is all grown up, he will be very glad we didn’t turn him into Jaden Smith. He will never resent us for standing firm when he had stupid ideas to sell us.

I am to submit to God. My wife is to submit to God and me. My son is to submit to God, me, and my wife. That’s the system. If I have to be the bad guy sometimes, so be it. I have seen the monsters enlightened feminist dads raise.