The Christmas Beverage Situation is Well in Hand

Google’s search now features AI, which I define as “artificial idiot.” I Googled “Christmas Ale,” and Mr. AI decided to give me his unwanted opinion.

He said it was a dark ale, often flavored with spices, hopped with things like Centennial and Amarillo. The usual Northwestern culprits.

There is a body called the BJCP that defines beer styles. I don’t think they have recognized Christmas Ale as one of them. But I could be wrong.

Well, guess what. I checked. They have a category called “Christmas/Winter Specialty Beer.” “A stronger, spiced beer that often has a rich body and warming finish suggesting a good accompaniment for the cold winter season.”

I don’t put spices in my beers. You can get a dizzying array of flavors from different yeasts, hops, and grains. I think people who jump straight to spices are trying to compensate for an inability to work with the basics.

My own (first) Christmas ale, extremely loosely based on heavy ales made by fat drunken monks in Belgium, is now ready to drink. I brewed on November 15, and today is December 19. It’s a very young beer, especially for a strong ale, but it’s ready to go.

I could have started drinking this earlier. It fermented in something like three days, and it tasted fine from the start.

I put it in my garage keezer and chilled it to 35°. I pumped it up to 3.3 volumes of CO2, which is very fizzy. When I say 3.3 volumes, I mean that if you forced all the CO2 out of one unit of beer, you would get 3.3 units of gas. Liters or whatever. I have no idea what temperature this applies to.

Tonight I made the huge mistake of using a normal-sized glass to hold my first finished serving. This beer has around 12.75% alcohol by volume, which is a little stronger than average. For wine.

It’s truly wonderful. A little dark fruit flavor, like a fruitcake. Some coconut, banana, and pineapple from the yeast and hops I chose. Sweet, but the sweetness is balanced by the CO2 and hop bitterness. Nice and bubbly. The head is beautiful and takes a while to go away.

The alcohol content may seem high, but in the winter, people like a little alcohol. It adds some heat to the beer. You feel it after you drink it.

I thought this beer would be way too sweet, but it isn’t. It has settled into a nice groove now that it’s cold and full of gas.

Going forward, it will be important for me to remember to use small glasses when I serve this beer. At the moment, I can’t feel my hands all that well.

For me, the purpose of brewing is not to get drunk. It’s to make very pleasant beverages that suit my taste better than what I can buy in stores. I think next time, I’ll use a 9-ounce nonic glass.

My second Christmas ale, which I brewed because I had no confidence in this one, is taking a while to ferment. I should be able to drink it in about 4 days if all goes well.

After this, it’s time to go back to replenishing my everyday beers. I can’t drink this heavy stuff all the time. I’ll end up on a transplant list.