DC Struck by Sudden Shortage of Crack, Cheap Wine

The unthinkable has happened. Well, that’s wrong. It was definitely thinkable. A lot of us expected it. Joe Biden has pardoned his son, one-man crime wave Hunter Biden.

It’s very interesting from a political standpoint as well as a legal standpoint.

Let’s see. What crimes has Little Biden committed?

1. He appears to have been second-in-command in a Biden family bribery operation, selling his dad’s favors. It appears other relations, such as his aunt and at least one uncle, are involved. Little Biden was under investigation for lots of related stuff, including his alleged lobbying for Ukrainian firm Burisma, a company he began working for in April of 2014.

2. He lied on an FBI background check when buying a gun. That’s a felony. A jury convicted him.

3. He evaded federal income taxes.

4. He ignored a subpoena and refused to testify before Congress. Ordinarily, I would not take that seriously, but two Trump associates went to prison for the same thing. Of course, they were prosecuted under a different tier of the injustice system.

Am I missing anything? I hope I haven’t. It’s a very complicated story.

There is no point in going through the long list of Big Biden denials. They’re all over the web right now. Even leftists are posting them. They are shocked. Just as shocked as they were when they suddenly realized Big Biden was senile, after 4 years of falling down, shaking hands with imaginary people, and forgetting where he was.

Big Biden repeatedly, indisputably asserted that he would not pardon Little Biden, and his press flak did the same thing from the White House podium. I can’t wait to see her tell the White House Press Corps Biden never said he wouldn’t pardon Hunter.

Where is this woman going to get a job next year? At least Jen Psaki was reasonably bright. It’s hard to believe any media organization would hire this other one, but on the other hand…Don Lemon. The right complexion, sexual fetish, and political stance can outweigh cognitive and moral deficits.

Big Biden lied. Incredible! No one saw a thing like that coming! Because he has always been so honest in the past.

I saw a hilarious 20th-century video of Biden saying he was knocked out of the race for the presidency because he lied. He called himself a liar. He didn’t say he misspoke or whatever. If you haven’t seen it, it’s because the 21st-century press kept it quiet. Even Big Biden has admitted Big Biden lies.

He said it very casually. He seemed to think it was funny. It was like he was admitting he cut in line at Chipotle.

The scope of the pardon is enormous. It spans a decade, up to the day when Big Biden issued it. If we find out Little Biden robbed a bank or sold 10-year-old prostitutes to depraved oligarchs, he can’t be charged unless there is a way to turn his crimes into violations of state law.

Maybe Alvin Bragg could help us there. He’s exactly the kind of unethical prosecutor we would need.

I’m sure it’s a coincidence that Big Biden’s pardon goes into effect retroactively just before Little Biden dove into Burisma.

The diary isn’t real, but we’ll imprison the lady who stole it anyway. The laptop isn’t real, but we’ll go after the people who publicized it anyway. The Burisma scandal isn’t real, but let’s pardon Hunter anyway.

It’s totally reasonable to pardon people who are clearly innocent. In Biden World.

So what’s happening here?

Little Biden had a sweetheart deal that would have spared him prison time, ending prosecution on the tax and gun charges, but the judge blew it up because she felt it was unfair and would have had the effect of a blanket pardon for unrelated future prosecutions. On the surface, it looks like a) the prosecutors were in cahoots with his defense team or b) the prosecutors were stupid and the defense team fooled them into writing Biden a lifetime pardon. Option b is completely plausible. The best and brightest generally do not go into government work.

Little Biden did not try to restructure the plea. Instead, he pleaded guilty. Why?

Let’s go ahead and be cynical.

By pleading guilty, he saved a ton of money in attorneys’ fees. Biden has very expensive representation. A second trial and two appeals would have cost him millions, in all likelihood. I don’t know why high-profile defendants hire such overpriced lawyers, but they do. Dealing with a sentencing should be much less work than a trial. Little or no research. No witness prep. No expert witnesses with huge fees. The list goes on.

Once he pleaded (not “pled”) guilty, all he had to do was sit back and wait to be pardoned.

Did he know he would be pardoned? Of course. He and the Big Guy had a deal. Otherwise, why plead guilty? It saved him money, but barring a pardon, it also assured he would go to prison.

Big Biden is one of the most notorious and shameless liars ever to stink up the Oval Office. Of course he lied, repeatedly, when he said he would not pardon Little Biden.

Trump would almost certainly have pardoned Little Biden. He is going to pardon a bunch of J6 martyrs, and he wants to be able to say he was as good to a political enemy’s son as he was to them. Even if they didn’t exist, he would still want to pardon Little Biden in order to appear magnanimous and get a distraction out of the way while putting his regime in place.

What about Kamala?

That’s a tough one.

I’m sure she originally planned to pardon Little Biden. She probably discussed it with Big Biden before he shuffled out of the race and used her to gut Barack Obama. It was probably a condition for his agreement to, for all practical purposes, appoint her as the Democratic candidate.

It appears that Biden sabotaged her repeatedly, however. I believe he appointed Kamala in order to prevent Barack Obama, who was in the process of knocking him out of the candidate spot for a second time, from installing his own protege, Chris Coons, who will now join Admiral Stockdale and Tim Kaine on the list of forgotten could-have-beens.

If Kamala had won, it would have been in spite of Big Biden. Maybe she would have backed out on a promise to pardon Little Biden. I doubt Big Biden was willing to take a chance.

I think Kamala was not a sure thing, and Biden did not want to give Trump a PR victory. I believe this is why he relieved himself all over his already-tainted legacy.

Is Hunter out of the woods now? Not yet.

There is some chance Trump’s DOJ will start to take the Biden family bribery operation seriously. If that happens, Hunter can be forced to testify. Thanks to Big Biden, he will not be able to refuse to answer questions. He can’t assert his Fifth Amendment rights because he can’t incriminate himself. He can, however, be imprisoned indefinitely for contempt of court for refusing to testify. He can also be imprisoned for perjury or lying to the FBI.

Sometimes prosecutors get people to testify against their accomplices by threatening them with prosecution. That won’t work on Hunter now. Another tool is immunity. They can give people immunity in order to strip them of Fifth Amendment protection. Big Biden just did that for future prosecutors.

What will the Bidens do now?

If Big Biden wants to kill the scandal permanently, he will have to pardon himself and every other individual involved in the family’s crimes. Alleged. He could also pardon everyone but himself, counting on the GOP to be unwilling to prosecute a former president.

Whatever Biden’s many faults are, he is very protective of his children. His DOJ got a woman imprisoned for the petty theft of his daughter’s diary. I don’t know whether his passion for nepotism extends sufficiently to other relatives to motivate him to pardon them.

It’s wild, seeing leftists scream about the pardon. They are very angry at Joe, but, predictably and incredibly, they have managed to turn Trump into the problem. Now Trump will pardon all the J6 defendants! The dangerous revolutionaries who pretty much took over the entire country by getting buzzed on cheap beer and throwing a halfhearted, weaponless, planless riot that lasted a couple of hours and resulted in no deaths except for the murder of an unarmed woman who tried to climb through a window.

If Batista had faced this kind of coup, Castro would have died in prison. This is the kind of revolution deposed tyrants wish they could have faced.

If the J6 defendants, and not Barack Obama, had staged a coup against Biden’s presidential campaign, he would have been on the ballot through November 5.

Trump was going to pardon the nonviolent J6 scapegoats anyway. No one should spend years or decades in prison for walking through the Capitol during a riot. Some of the J6 people are in prison for doing much less.

Is Joe Biden crazy and corrupt enough to pardon himself and his family? I guess he is. If he is willing to abandon all pretense of honesty and respect for the law in order to save Hunter from a year or two at a Club Fed, he is probably willing to go all the way.

I don’t care about Little Biden skating on the gun and tax charges, because rapists and murderers are acquitted every day, but the bribery thing is important. It needs to be fully exposed and investigated, regardless of whether he can be charged.

I don’t know whether Trump has the stomach for it. Guess we’ll find out.