So This is How Other Americans Live

This year, I am having a very welcome experience. I am sitting through hurricane season with the same degree of worry as a referee in a murderous MMA match. I no longer have skin in the game.

When I moved here, there were oaks all around the house and shop, and some were well over 100 feet high. Most were rotten, because they were trash oaks. Unlike live oaks, which live hundreds of years, trash oaks grow quickly, get eaten by bugs, and fall apart piece by piece. Here, they say they live for 20 years and die for 80.

I had oaks over two feet thick at chest height, held up by cylinders of sound wood with interiors made of something like rotten papier-mache. They were close enough to the buildings to fall on them if they blew over.

People call these oaks “water oaks,” although some are other species and even hybrids. Water oaks generally don’t fall over even if they’re rotten. Instead, they start dropping dead branches from near their tops. Sometimes the branches are a few feet long. Sometimes they’re 20 feet long and weigh a lot.

A typical water oak will self-destruct more or less in place, with the dead material falling close to their bases. But sometimes they just plain fall over. They can also fall just because they’re too tall and the soil here is too weak to hold them up in a blow.

We never, ever get hit by hurricanes here, but we do get hit by winds in the tropical storm range. Former hurricanes pass over us, and hurricanes that are still strong pass by within 100 miles. Tropical storm winds can’t blow a roof off or pick up a tree and throw it. They’re not dangerous to houses unless they can blow heavy stuff onto them, and that, they can do. If they are sufficiently close to tall trees.

Every year as the season started, I watched the NHC maps, wondering if I was going to have to file an insurance claim.

This year it’s very different. I paid a crew a lot of money for a day and a half of work, and now the odds of my buildings being damaged are right up there with the odds of Biden being reelected.

The first month of the season has been a big nothing. When we finally started to see activity, I was excited. Because my house might be crushed? No. Because I thought we would get some rain to fix the yard damage the tree service did. I actually HOPED we would get a tropical storm. That felt weird.

It wasn’t a smart thing to hope for. I can still lose electricity for a few days, and I shouldn’t hope for something that will harm people who are less prepared.

I still have properties in areas where hurricanes hit with full force, but they are not houses. I don’t care what happens. Andrew hit them about as hard as a hurricane can, and they weren’t harmed.

Because winds other than tornado winds (rare) can’t hurt this house, I don’t need wind insurance, and I don’t need flood insurance because before my dad bought this house, I checked the government’s satellite maps. This property can’t flood. There is one area where I can get a little standing water, but it’s maybe a quarter-mile from the house, and we’re talking about a couple of inches of water.

I am now looking for a company that will insure my house for everything except hurricanes. I don’t want to pay for insurance I will never use. Insurers are cutting customers off, citing stupid pretexts like the distance to fire stations. The real reason is fear of paying off storm claims. It seems to me there ought to be someone out there who will want to take my money, knowing they will never have to rebuild my house unless it burns.

They ought to love insuring people in my area because the storm risk is so much lower than it is in coastal areas. I’m not sure they know what they’re doing. Maybe the problem is that so many people in areas that don’t get really strong winds let trees grow close to their homes.

I’m turning into what most Americans already are: a person who isn’t interested in hurricane news. It feels great. I pray when I read about any disaster, impending or otherwise, but from now on, I won’t feel I have a personal stake in any of it.