Stop Being a Fruit and Buy Man Tools Before It’s Too Late

Cutting up fallen trees is maybe 95% of my tree work. On this property, they fell themselves due to rot, so I don’t have to do it. And I’m afraid to fell them, because a lot of them are rotten and could drop logs on me if disturbed.

Nonetheless, I decided to fell a water oak today.

When this house was built, someone who didn’t know what he or she was doing allowed several oaks to remain right beside the driveway. I mean RIGHT beside it. Within two feet or even one foot.

This was stupid. Pavement and tree roots don’t get along, and oaks grow silly horizontal branches from their trunks whenever they feel like it. On a tree close to a road, these branches block cars. Pushing a tree over is the safest and cheapest way to get rid of it, but if you push over a tree next to a road or sidewalk, the roots may lift the pavement or concrete. The trunk acts like a prybar. This means you have to cut the trees the hard, slow, unsafe way.

It’s also a pain to make it up a curved driveway with oaks up against it. Your guests are likely to ding their cars.

Today I was mowing, and I decided to try to cut the tree, even though the top was rotten and could conceivably drop wood on me.

The tree was about 12″ thick at knee level, and I would say it was 50 feet tall. It was in a place where it couldn’t hit anything expensive when it fell, except for me. I looked at it carefully, and it seemed to be leaning slightly over the driveway.

I got out my 18″ Makita cordless saw, because it’s strong and handy, and I made a homeowner-grade notch on the side to which I thought the tree would fall. Then I started the back cut.

The saw got pinched. How? If a tree is leaning away from a back cut, the cut should get bigger, if anything, as the cut progresses.

I had to pound a wedge in to get the saw out. Then I got a 10″ EGO cordless pole saw and continued working, thinking a few feet of pole length would make me less likely to be crushed.

The tree started to move, and I fled like Biden from an unscripted interview, only the soles of my footwear actually left the ground. It fell exactly where I thought it would. So why did the saw get pinched?

The wood was very wet, and wet wood likes to swell. I don’t know if that explains it.

Getting rid of the tree was real work, but it wasn’t unpleasant. A tractor, a great brush fork, a timberjack, gloves, and some good saws made everything go smoothly. I am old, but I can get rid of a pretty big oak in about two hours.

The stump was a problem. When I used the Makita to cut it close to the ground, it didn’t want to finish. I fired up the new Husqvanra 562XP with its 24″ bar, and it slid right through the stump. That saw is perfect for this property. It has enough grunt to make a 24″ bar work, and it’s not too heavy.

Where I cut the stump close to the ground, it was around 20″ across.

I poured pure Roundup concentrate on it, like I did some other stumps. Is it legal? Don’t really care. Come arrest me. If I had any used motor oil, I would have used that, too. “Here’s one for my homies at Exxon Mobil. Deepwater Horizon style, y’all.”

This is all fun, but I will probably still have to pay to get some things moved. I have big trees too close to the shop and house, and I can’t make them all fall where I want with the tools and skills I have. Tomorrow a guy is coming to give me an estimate.

I’ll miss the shade very badly, but you would have to be an idiot to keep trees like these. The guy who built the house was not thinking. Maybe his wife put her foot down, thinking trees were more important than shelter and their life savings. I want the problem trees gone before the hurricane season really gets going. If my buildings are safe, I will be at peace all season long instead of hoping trees fall the right way.

So how much money have I saved this weekend? Based on previous estimates from arborists with unrealistic conceptions of my unwillingness to handle my own problems, I would say at least $2500.

That is offset by the grand or so I spent on a new saw and some parts for other machines. Maybe I should have made my old Echo function instead of springing for a second big saw, but based on my horrible experiences with shops and trying to do my own repairs, I think I did the right thing. From now on, I will ALWAYS have one big saw ready to cut. I will never again have to wait three months and put up with downed trees while shop nincompoops keep my only big saw.

I’m not counting the other stuff I’ve done for myself when I figure what I’ve saved. I had to go to a neighboring property to cut trees rooted on my side of the fence, and that had to save me another $2500. I must have done $15,000 worth of work since I’ve lived here, not including this year.

Arborists charge too much. If you’re an uneducated tradesman, and you can’t make a very good living charging $500 for an hour’s work, you are incompetent. If you insist on getting over twice that much, go ahead and lose your business and find a job shoveling manure. I was willing to work with you. I’m not your sugar daddy.

An arborist here should be able to gross three grand a day without pushing it or overcharging. He should be able to keep half of that. That’s $7500 per week, assuming he doesn’t have a subordinate who can use his equipment to handle Saturday jobs and bring in another $750.

Keep $2000 to live on, and invest the rest in your business. Get a second lift truck. Find a guy to run a second crew. There’s another $6500 per week.

Am I wrong? I doubt it. I think an arborist who charged reasonable prices would be booked up solid, all the time. The volume would pay off much better than sitting idle while trying to talk people into giving you their IRA’s for quick, easy jobs.

Quick nickels make people richer than slow dollars. Sam Walmart died a billionaire because he got that.

If they mess with me tomorrow, I am completely capable of renting a cherry picker and removing most of the problem trees. It’s not that hard if you take things slowly and minimize the risk. The smaller the pieces you cut, the safer you are. It’s hard to hurt yourself if you’re willing to spend hours cutting three feet at a time.

I should rent one anyway, just to get over the intimidation.

Moving the pieces is easy. It’s a joke. It’s safe. The fork I created for my tractor is nothing short of amazing. It does nearly everything a grapple will do, much, much better. The other things a grapple will do, I generally don’t need, or I can easily work around them.

I was told I could get this place cleaned up by a crew for $4500. If that’s true, consider the check signed. If not, I’ll be renting, doing most of the work by myself, and then paying a much lower figure for the rest. The $4500 figure I heard was unreasonable, but not so high I would refuse to pay it in order to avoid a huge hassle. Let’s see what happens.

I have 4 new wedges coming tomorrow, because I cut up and/or lost the ones I already had. One vanished into thin air while I was cutting a leaning tree. The parts I ordered for hot-rodding the Echo will arrive tomorrow, too. I finally got a decent helmet with a mesh mask and ear covers.

I need to start killing more small trees before they cause problems. Letting small trees grow in bad places is like encouraging small amounts of immigration from Muslim countries. Decades later, you will pay a large price.