Robert Hur; Defense Attorney and Prosecutor All in One

It amazes me how often Alan Dershowitz agrees with me.

Dershowitz is lauded as a true legal genius, if it’s possible for works of genius to exist in a field where true brilliance is unnecessary and not helpful. People talk about him as though he were the law’s Johnny von Neumann.

I didn’t say “Einstein,” because von Neumann was smarter than Einstein.

What about me? Well, I got a lot of B’s at my second-tier law school. A law school B is like an undergrad A, but still. I rarely visited the library. I did very little except right before exams. I drank a lot. I had a girlfriend. I was never invited to join the law review. I graduated cum laude, but that’s like being employee of the month at Arby’s. Summa is somewhat impressive, but magna and cum are not.

Graduate from college summa cum laude in physics, and you will really impress me. In law, all it means is that you’re pretty smart and you love to study. It also means you didn’t write anything in your exams that offended your deranged Stalinist professors, and it may also mean you’re black, Latin, or homosexual.

I don’t know if Dershowitz is an actual genius, but he’s very smart, and he’s fair. Functionally, fair people are more intelligent than unfair people, because unfair people reject things their reason tells them are true. Dershowitz is smart, and he knows more about law than I ever will. He’s like a student who never stopped cramming for the bar exam.

I mean a student who PASSED and never stopped cramming. Not someone who crams because they fail repeatedly. I know some of those.

Dershowitz just came out with criticism of the report special counsel Robert Hur just filed about Joe Biden’s criminal possession and distribution of multiple classified documents, which occurred over several decades and involved a dirty, messy garage which was open to his drug addict son, who is rumored to have had sex with a Chinese spy.

What does Dershowitz say? He says pretty much what I said. Basically, Dershowitz’s position is that Hur says Biden is guilty, but he refuses to prosecute anyway, and the reason is that he is afraid Biden will win a jury’s sympathy by selling himself as a well-intended elderly man with a bad memory.

Unlike me, Dershowitz goes on to talk about how improper this is. I don’t know a whole lot about criminal law. I do know that prosecutors and even police make unfair decisions every day, deciding whom to release and whom to nail to the wall, and courts have no problem with it even though it violates the Constitution’s Equal Protection Clause.

Prosecutorial discretion is a fact of life, and it will never go away, so I don’t think about it all that much. The justice system is not just. It never was. Like my dad said, its purpose is to end conflicts, not to bring justice. You say you got cheated in your divorce settlement? I believe you. That’s because the court’s real function was to put an end to your squabbling with your ex-wife. The judge probably made some effort to do the right thing, but maybe he didn’t. Tough. The best way to get justice is to avoid letting things make it to court.

“Trump’s case was worse! He did things Biden didn’t do!” Maybe, although it’s risky to say things like that without seeing all the evidence. Doesn’t matter ONE BIT. A felony is a felony. We don’t prosecute bad, bad felonies and leave bad felonies alone. Go commit a silly felony, like driving over 100 miles per hour in the wrong state, and see if the judge lets you go because it’s a bad felony but not a bad, bad felony.

If you’re guilty of one felony, no matter how little harm you’ve done, they’re supposed to indict, arrest, and prosecute you. You could go through all these things and then get a plea bargain and avoid a felony conviction if you pucker up and kiss whatever has to be kissed. You’re not supposed to get a lollipop and be sent home with a clean record, without even being booked. You should be indicted, arrested, and prosecuted. None of those things will happen to Biden, who unquestionably committed multiple serious felonies over decades.

“Your honor, my client murdered three children, but his cousin murdered three children and was also a habitual litterbug, so while I agree that the cousin should go to the death chamber, it’s clear that my client’s charges should be dismissed with prejudice.”

No.

Hur’s weird, shockingly honest reason for not prosecuting felon Joe Biden is that he’s afraid he’ll lose the case. Was he drunk when he wrote his report? What a great example of “I said the quiet part out loud.”

“I can’t indict, because I’m trying to get in bed with a sexy court reporter who voted for Biden.” “I can’t indict, because the other students in my hot yoga class will stop talking to me.” “I can’t indict because I like hanging out on Rehoboth Beach.” No difference. A prosecutor doesn’t let trivial personal interests deter him from doing what he swore to do.

It’s a shockingly stupid reason. He’s more worried about a tiny professional embarrassment than he is about prosecuting MULTIPLE FELONIES. Every prosecutor loses cases. Hur has lost many cases. It’s all in a day’s work. Imagine your doctor refusing to treat you because you might die.

Every day, prosecutors go easy on defendants they don’t think they can convict, but they’re not supposed to roll over and show their bellies PRIOR TO ARREST. They should indict anyway. If you think you’re likely to lose, you offer a plea after indictment. You don’t say, “I would rather see you get away with a crime than look bad in one of the thousands of cases I will handle during my life.”

Now people who are too stupid to understand the law are running around saying Trump is guilty but Biden isn’t. They’re saying Hur said Biden was not guilty. No; he said he was definitely guilty. He just decided not to do his job.

He thinks a jury will love cuddly, befuddled Uncle Joe. Hello? That’s what jury selection is for. Every competent lawyer strives to get the most biased jury conceivable without violating the law or the canons of ethics. Hur apparently knows he is incapable of making an effective attempt to get a good jury. Who admits that in a publicized report?

The best lawyers do not work for the government, unless you count a few scholarly judges who don’t represent anyone.

Once again, the gander gets sauce, but the goose gets a pat on the head and a juicy reprieve. Conservatives are blatantly abused and oppressed every day, by the government their confiscated tax dollars supports. And when civil war breaks out, leftists will say they have no idea what conservatives are mad about.