Look Out, Walmart

Looks like I’m going to have to start sleeping on the other side of the bed.

My wife had her embassy interview. We buried them with evidence. Before the interview, they demanded a tremendous amount of seemingly irrelevant information, so we were concerned. We were afraid they would try to trip her up on some minor point, like my favorite color.

In reality, they talked to her for about 5 minutes, asked for a few more bits of proof I supported her and that we had been to Hong Kong and Singapore recently, and they sent her home.

I spent some time today scanning junk I had saved. I have kept a huge number of receipts and boarding passes and so on. Now it has been emailed to Uncle Sam, so we should have a visa next week.

I have the greatest bed imaginable. It’s from Costco. I don’t know if they still sell them. It cost $500, and it came in a box. No frame. No headboard. Just a big sponge. I have wonderful pillows. I found out where Hampton Inn bought pillows, and I went to the same place. I sleep right next to the bathroom door with a rifle on the floor and a pistol on the nightstand. I have my phone and Bluetooth earpiece set up for charging there. The nightstand is at my right hand, where it should be.

Now I have to move because the other side of the bed is close to the air conditioning vent. Women don’t produce any heat, so they have to stay away from drafts. This is one reason they get married. They want to sleep next to something warm. Same reason snakes crawl into sleeping bags. But one hopes there is more to the attraction than that.

On the up side, if armed leftists invade rural areas as they say they hope to, she’ll be on the side nearest the yard, so she’ll provide some protection from small arms fire.

I can’t say enough about that bed. Memory foam beds have been around a while, but they didn’t become really popular until this century. The last mattress I bought before this one was a 1994 job, and it had the prehistoric springs and plush top. It’s a great mattress, and it’s in a guest room, but when I lie on the Costco mattress, I never feel like I have to move to get comfortable.

I had my side all broken in, and now guess who will be moving in to colonize it.

Today I sent the embassy baggage tags, boarding passes, passport stamps, e-tickets, proof of bank transfers, and a receipt for a bad in-flight meal. They already have a billion photos of us in exotic locales, but they want this stuff anyway.

I can understand. I guarantee you, there are Nigerians with shops full of green screens and backdrops, charging people for photos of them wherever they want. “HERE AM I MY GRACIOUS FRIENDS ON A LAPTOP AT MOUNT EVEREST BASE CAMP SCAMMING AN OLD LADY OUT OF $40,000!”

They have shops like that in Asia, proving human beings have lost touch with everything that matters. Why would I want you to fabricate a picture of me in Hong Kong on Victoria Peak, when I am, in fact, in Hong Kong on Victoria Peak?

I can’t believe how long this has taken. It will be wonderful to be able to pray with someone without using the phone.

The sweating is over. From here on out, it’s all small strokes. Our first meal at White Castle is so close, I can smell the grease.