All Beer Should be This Good

Today I’m drinking my lovely Great Again Lager, brewed to an orange hue to honor the president who stood up for our right to great showerheads.

I brewed on October 2, and today is the 10th. I kegged at a gravity of 1.013, which should have been rock bottom, judging from other iterations. I pressure-fermented in a stainless 6-gallon keg and transferred the beer to a smaller keg without exposing it to the air. The day I kegged it, I shot a teaspoon and a half of hydrated Knox gelatin into it to clarify it.

It has been 4 days since kegging, and I have been watching the beer closely, taking samples. Until yesterday it was too cloudy and yeasty to really savor, but today it is nearly normal, so I am having a full pint.

I think this beer will be a monster when it’s fully clear and mature. Assuming there is any left by then. It has always been wonderful in the past.

While I was waiting for this beer to be ready, I opened a can of Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA. My favorite factory IPA is Snake Dog, but I can never find it. Dogfish Head is very nice. Lighter in color than my Great Again Lager. They dry hop it, which means they dump additional hops into it after brewing, so they’re not boiled. These hops add raw flavor and aroma, so you really get the value of all that breeding.

I started to think Dogfish Head was better than my lager, and I wondered if I should dry hop my next lager and stout, but then I had second thoughts. The dry hop aroma and flavor were wonderful, but I felt the aroma distracted me from the taste of the beer itself.

When you cook, you don’t always have to give people both barrels. If you throw everything you have at them, you can overpower subtle qualities they would otherwise appreciate. For example, putting anything other than salt and pepper on steak is dangerous unless it’s a cheap cut, because a good steak fried in butter already has all the flavor you need. I would make an exception for Bearnaise sauce, but I believe nothing but salt and pepper should be applied prior to cooking. I don’t even use pepper.

What’s my favorite kind of pizza? Cheese, AKA plain. I like pepperoni, and I like Hawaiian, but nothing impresses like a good cheese pizza. A monkey can make an okay pizza with 6 toppings. It takes a good cook to make an excellent cheese pizza. All the flaws are exposed.

A good beer without too much frippery is like a good cheese pizza or a really excellent biscuit. It stands on its own.

The world is full of brewkids now, and they are always doing too much. They make “juicy” IPA’s. That means they have lots of sweetening malts and not much bitterness. Like juice boxes. They make “milk stout,” which is stout sweetened with unfermentable sugar. It’s gross. I saw one guy making Cinnamon Toast Crunch beer, named for the cereal. No, thanks.

They seem to dry-hop everything. I would not go so far as the Germans, who seem to think flavor and aroma are embarrassing, but if you’ve got something good to start with, why cover it up?

I now think I’m going to dry hop my next beer, a wheat, but I don’t think I’ll touch my stout, which is perfect. I might add a tiny bit of raw Crystal hops to my orange lager next time, but just enough to draw your nose to the glass, not so much it punches you in the face.

I’m always behind the times. Today I joked that my orange beer was really an India Pale Lager. It has a robust flavor and lots of hops, somewhat like an IPA. Then I Googled and found out India Pale Lagers exist.

It seems like a stupid name for a beer. “India Pale Ale” got its name for good reason, long ago. The Wikipedia page on IPA is interesting. British brewers made an amber ale called October beer. In Britain, people cellared it for two years before drinking it. It was also shipped to India, and it was discovered that the conditions of the trip improved it. Eventually, it became known as India Pale Ale.

The phrase “India Pale Lager” is a modern thing invented by brewkids. It didn’t exist until recently. The British didn’t send amber lager to India and all that. I guess I understand why brewkids call it IPL, though, because it makes it pretty clear what it is.

I started brewing again at about the turn of the year, and it looks like I have a pretty good system going. I can keep 5 kegs going in the kitchen, using both beer gas and CO2. I can ferment two beers at once at whatever temperature I want. I have the brewing machine figured out. I haven’t had a single infected beer. I think the brewing future is bright here at the Heavily Armed Gated Northern Florida Compound.