Who’s up for Bacon-Wrapped Bacon?

I just wrote a blog post, but I think I’ll write another one. I just ordered a grill.

When I moved here, I got myself a little Pit Boss stainless portable gas grill. I paid around $100. It was great for what it was, but it didn’t burn hot enough. I replaced the pathetic gas regulator with one for a big turkey fryer, and now I get huge flames hot enough to produce acceptable burgers. It’s probably dangerous, but a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do.

The grill is cheap, though, and it’s not a permanent solution. The heat shield things under the grate are about gone, and I had to warranty the grate once. My wife is coming, and we need some real stuff.

I used to have a DCS grill. DCS makes “pro” grills, whatever that means. I think it’s BS. You never see a regular barbecue grill in a restaurant. I haven’t, anyway. DCS grills look a lot like the ones at Home Depot, and my guess is that they’re aimed at consumers. They’re made to last a long time. That’s the big difference I can see.

The DCS I had cost about $1000, and it was around 30″ wide and 18″ deep. It did okay with burgers. It eventually developed a gas leak. So much for “pro” quality.

When I decided to upgrade from the Pit Boss, I looked at DCS, figuring their stuff had to be better than grills from hardware stores. I was amazed by the prices. A nice full-size DCS will run about 10 thousand dollars. That’s moronic.

Because I hated my greenie washing machine that made my clothes stink, I bought a commercial Maytag water hog with a heavy stainless tub. I paid under $1000. You can’t tell me a grill is worth 10 commercial washers. The washer has a cabinet, a tub, a transmission, a motor, electronics, and valves. A grill has a cabinet, a grate, valves, and a burner. Much simpler to manufacture, and surely much cheaper.

I wanted a good grill, but there was no way I was spending anything remotely like 10 thousand dollars.

I researched, and I learned a few things.

Evidently, consumer grills have gotten much better over the last decade. They don’t rust out in two summers like they used to. They get good support from their manufacturers. They also heat much better than the old ones.

People recommended Weber, which surprised me. I’ve had cheesy Weber products. I learned they make some nice stuff now. I can get a big stainless grill with porcelain-coated cast iron grates for $1330. It comes with a “sear zone,” which means there’s an extra burner to turn on to get proper meat browning. It also has a side burner, which is probably not that useful, but it can’t hurt.

I was going to get one of these things, but then I learned about Napoleon grills.

Napoleon is a Canadian company, so almost American. They make grills in Canada, not just China. For $1500, I can get a grill like the Weber I wanted, but it will have stainless grates, a rotisserie and added rotisserie burner, and a side burner that has an infrared element.

The infrared element is like a restaurant salamander. It’s a big rectangle of something or other that gets red hot. You can put a burger or steak over it, and it will brown it more or less correctly. Much better than the Weber’s sear zone. You can also heat pots on it.

I might be able to use a wok on the infrared burner. Right now, I have to use a turkey fryer.

On top of all this, Napoleon offers a lifetime warranty, with some caveats. That blows Weber off the planet.

I don’t like grilled steaks because I can’t get a grill hot enough to do it right. I fry steaks in butter on cast iron. Maybe the Napoleon will make me love the grill again. At the very least, it should do burgers correctly. I’m tired of hacking in order to get what a grill should do right out of the store.

I see know-nothings on the web bragging about their steaks with pretty grill marks. You don’t want grill marks. You want a steak that’s brown all over. Steaks with grill marks have no flavor except in the marks. It’s astounding that people can’t figure this out.

A fried steak, properly done, has a heavy brown crust that covers its surface. That’s why I fry. I suppose it’s why the French fry steak.

Good steakhouses don’t serve steaks with grill marks. They brown them all over, one way or another.

It’s a shame to pay for good meat at post-Biden prices and then ruin it. And steak is really easy to prepare, so no one has a good excuse.

I am eager to see what the new grill will do. I may even let my wife touch it.