Holding the Bag
October 15th, 2008What a Deal!
Isn’t there something fundamentally wrong with buying excrement?
Think about it. Money is a reward for time spent working. So whatever your money is worth is also what your time is worth. What does it mean if you take your money and buy excrement for it and consider it a good deal?
I just bought 150 pounds of excrement. My grandfather, who raised cattle, would be turning over in his grave.
The guy I bought my plantain and banana trees from said compost was important for plantains. He said horse manure was the way to go. Darn the luck. My horse is constipated. No, it’s even worse than that. I don’t even have a horse. Unless you count my motorcycle apparel, cordovan shoes, and A-2 jacket. I checked Marv’s and Maynard’s cages. They do what they can, but I just don’t have that kind of time.
The guy said cow manure was okay, too, so today I went and bought three bags, and I just distributed them under my trees. Not just the plantains. Bananas, too. They’re nearly the same thing, so I figured it could not hurt.
I wore my Israeli commando boots. I was looking sharp out there. I didn’t want to experience the all-too-familiar sensation of noxious gardening substances falling in the gaps between my socks and tennis shoes.
While I was at the store, I noticed they had MAGNESIUM SULFATE! It’s supposed to cure yellowing leaves, which can be a problem here. I thought I might try it. Only eight bucks for about a pint and a half! Wow!
Wait. Isn’t magnesium sulfate epsom salt?
I’m fairly sure you can get a half gallon of epsom salt for about a dollar. Good for your plants, and I guess it could also help with the situation I mentioned above. If you’re not shy. Maybe the drugstore is the better option.
I guess I could get tons of free manure for nothing, if I knew where to find it. We have race tracks, but they’re not close by.
I continue to be fiercely envious of the banana guy’s life. Not just the room and the greenery and the peace. I envy him, having a business which is so morally neutral. It’s tough to practice law without damaging society, and writing has its temptations. It would be fantastic to grow plants, put up a website, and sell them. You would never have to ask yourself, “Gee, was it right to sell that guy the musella lasiocarpa?” I suppose every person who works has moral issues to worry about, but some jobs are less troubling than others. I’d sleep better growing alfalfa or running a hardware store than doing plastic surgery or practicing tort law.
I hope this work pays off. My plants have many problems, and I am tired of watching them languish.
I still want to kill those squirrels.
October 15th, 2008 at 4:46 PM
I have my own poo machines.
Get yourself a bunny and a couple of chickens. Line their house floor with Tomothy hay and VIOLINS!
October 15th, 2008 at 5:08 PM
No matter what business you are in you will have ethics issues. If you have a hardware store, you will be faced with your vendors screwing you over, pr receiving overages (do you just keep the stuff, or spend an hour with the vendor trying to fix the $75 error?), shoplifters, etc. etc. The set of issues changes (the plastic surgeon has a much different set than the harware store guy), but the issues will always be there no matter what.
October 15th, 2008 at 5:23 PM
View the following YouTube vid to gain an idea on how to deal with those gray pests; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkC4f2T-h_0
October 15th, 2008 at 7:23 PM
I guess I could get tons of free manure for nothing, if I knew where to find it.
Try http://www.dailykos.com
October 15th, 2008 at 8:12 PM
Horse tracks usually contracy to have it hauled, but the hauler usually wants to sell it, and will do so for cheap. Make sure to compost, though — otherwise the seeds of whatever the horse had just eaten will immediately start to sprout.
October 15th, 2008 at 8:40 PM
I managed to slip out of actually practicing law to a highly neutral tangential niche in a governmental agency – but the pay is totally doodly squat.
So you’re paying your city to flush away your pop and you’re buying poop from elsewhere? America, what a country!
October 15th, 2008 at 9:34 PM
Skwerls MUST die. They are tiny, fur-covered terrorists. Much like mosquitoes, the world would not miss them if they went away.
I keep a varmint gun handy for whenever I find a skwerl in my yard.
October 15th, 2008 at 11:44 PM
Careful with that there poop, son. Be sure your “supplier’s” supplier hasn’t fed any hay from fields treated with Tordon or similar residual broadleaf herbicide, or your whole garden will be rendered moot. 2,4D and Milestone ought to be okay since they aren’t “residual” treatments. Dunno what gets used down your way as a rule, but it never hurts to ask before you haul away a pickup load of plant kill disguised as top dressing.
October 16th, 2008 at 3:53 PM
OK, like you could be totallym green and install composting toilets in your house, OK, and then like you’d have all the manure you need, OK?
October 16th, 2008 at 3:53 PM
OK, like you could be totally green and install composting toilets in your house, OK, and then like you’d have all the manure you need, OK?
October 19th, 2008 at 9:39 PM
The wife has horses- so our manure is “free”. All it costs is four hundred bales of hay per annum, supplements, vet and farrier bills, and our labor.
But I froze 20 quarts of strawberries this summer.