Nearly Almost not Exactly

I thought my enthusiasm for blogging was over, but I still feel the urge to amuse myself sometimes, so here I am.

Today’s big news: my Starlink transceiver thing is supposed to arrive today, and I already want to send it back. Tesla’s reputation for customer sensitivity is already proving true.

I know Tesla isn’t Starlink, but it’s a different arm of the same squid.

When I heard about Starlink, I got all excited. When I moved here, my Internet speeds went down to about 1.5 megs. No joke. Then I got a wireless hookup and went to around 9 megs, which seemed like a dream come true. The cost is $149 per month, which is insane, but consider what cable and a landline would cost. It amazes me that anyone would pay more than $50 for cable. I wouldn’t have it if it were free. I think my dad used to pay over $200 per month. So he could see the last 15 minutes of every bad movie over and over on 8 different channels that played the exact same things.

Starlink promised very fast speed for $99 per month, with a setup fee that was, I think, $400. And it was right around the corner. Elon was working, working, working, like a busy little techno-bee, trying to get Starlink to my area. It would be there in 2022. No question.

I put down my deposit and waited.

So far, every promise has proven to be false.

With no prior notice or consent, Starlink raised the monthly price to $110. I believe they charged me a new, increased price for the setup kit, but I’m not sure. I am too lazy to check. It doesn’t matter, because they have a monopoly. I have to pay.

They said the stuff would get here yesterday. It’s arriving today.

Why is it here? Because they sent me an email letting me know they had broken another promise. Starlink’s promised speeds will not be available until mid-2023, which really means early 2024 in the Muskverse. The email said I could opt into a program for people who were willing to pay the full price for Starlink Junior. Having no choice, I opted in. I will have Starlink, but speeds will be lower, and there may be throttling. An act that came to mind when I read that Starlink was going to be a year late.

Starlink’s website doesn’t tell you anything about setting the service up. They just tell you to pay up and wait.

With the kit on the way, I have been Googling for Starlink installation information, and the news I have gotten has been uniformly bad.

Like Dish and Hughes, Starlink uses satellites, so you get a dish. It has motors on it, and you set it outside and tell it to look for satellites. The problem is that Starlink’s dish is kind of a snowflake. Even though my dish will probably decide to point north, it supposedly needs a clear horizon all around it. This is something I, and many other rural people, will never have.

It has to be outdoors. They didn’t mention that. It may have to be on a pole. I may have to drill a hole in my house.

I live in a tropical storm area, so you can imagine the confidence I have in a satellite dish on a tall, skinny pole. Which I didn’t know I was supposed to buy.

I have an old Dish dish. The people who built the house left it. I told a roofer to remove it twice, and they screwed up both times. I was not happy about this, but it may turn out to be a blessing, because it’s on the south side of a roof, and it already has a hole for a cable. I should be able to rip the Dish dish off the little pole and put the Starlink dish on it. The big question is whether it will pick up a signal.

Guess I’ll find out.

If the Dish dish pole doesn’t work, I may send the Starlink dish back. My Internet service is bad, but it’s tolerable. It beats doing a major construction project to find a place where I can get a signal. My nearest big, flat area is over 100 yards away. I would have to fence the dish in to keep the cattle out, and how would I get the signal from the dish to the house?

Here’s a question. If Starlink can increase the price by $11 per month before I even get started, what will it be 6 months from now? There is no contract, and there is no price guarantee.

The whole thing reminds me of Tesla and Apple. You want to be one of the cool kids, you pay the price, and you defend the mothership. Tesla actually punishes people who disparage its products and practices. Maybe they’ll go after me if they see this blog post.

I hope it works. Other people who have Starlink Junior are saying it’s still worlds better than what they used to have.

The system will pay for the change in under two years if it works. Well, that doesn’t include installation costs, but anyway, it will eventually pay off. I don’t know what Starlink gives you if you send the dish back. Something, I hope. The Muskoids do as they please.

In other news, my wife and I have to go to Singapore and Hong Kong. The Czech Republic won’t even look at our visa application.

We provided them with more information than I have ever given anyone in my life, except for other unreasonable governments trying to keep Africans out. They had our bank statements. They had Rhodah’s wedding ring appraisal. They had our marriage license and certificate. Previous visas. You name it.

They turned us down because they insist on having Rhodah’s original marriage certificate, which is in a pile of papers somewhere upstairs. In America.

The implication is that if we could have provided the certificate, they would have let her in. I’ll go out on a very sturdy limb and call that a lie. They know we’re married. They can contact the court clerk and get proof. They’re just looking for a way to keep an African out. If I spent $160 to send her the certificate, which is about what it costs to mail anything to Zambia, they would reject her application for another reason.

I don’t want to go to the Far East. I don’t like Far Eastern culture. In some of the better-known countries, it’s cruel and mechanical compared to Western culture.

Starlink is here. Time to see what’s what.