Tree Rats are on my Turf

Tonight I called the cops and asked their permission to kill every squirrel I see. I got some PR guy who didn’t really know the law, but he asked everyone in the office, and they were pretty sure it was illegal. So I found the municipal code online, and I noticed two things.

1. There was no reference to squirrels.

2. It turns out it’s legal to shoot an air rifle in Coral Gables, if you have the property owner’s permission. I think that can be arranged.

I have had it with squirrels eating my mangoes. And considering all the fruit they eat, they should fry up nice.

More great news: Christopher Walken and I have come to an understanding, regarding Hershey’s syrup.