In 2021, You Can Marry Anyone, Anywhere

If you’re trying to marry someone you can’t visit because of coronavirus, I have help for you, and it doesn’t matter where you live. I thought I had written about this already, but I can’t find any sign of it.

Utah County, Utah, now allows people to apply for marriage licenses and get married online. They don’t care where you live. You can be in different countries.

Jews have been taking advantage. Israel refused to recognize certain types of marriages performed in Israel, so Israelis started marrying online and then insisting their government approve their unions. This practice became so popular, Israel made an official policy decision to reject Utah marriages.

Utah County’s website will help you get a license by uploading your identification, and it provides email addresses for judges who will perform your ceremony via Zoom. There are also links to officiants who are not judges.

Problem solved.

What if you don’t want to have an online wedding in your pajamas? Iceland will help.

It’s easy to get married in Iceland, but you have to give them proof you’re single. They need a “no impediment” document from every state where you’ve lived since you were 18. In some American states, you can’t get this proof. I have lived in Kentucky, and Kentucky says I can’t have a document because I’m not a current resident. This is an idiotic requirement, but there you go.

The way out: Iceland accepts foreign marriage licenses. You can get a license from Utah County and use it in Iceland. There are probably other countries that will let you do the same thing. I have not checked.

Rhodah and I now have at least two choices. Iceland and Zoom.

It would be nice to get married in person, and I think it’s safe to say a lot of women would flip out if they found out they couldn’t start their marriages with real weddings. Rhodah does not care. As I wrote yesterday, she is strictly low-maintenance.

My only problem with an online wedding is that it will make me feel like I let her down, but as she points out, I didn’t cause the coronavirus problems. And she does expect a big fat ring and a nice honeymoon.

This week, we’ll find out if we can get her into Switzerland, where we would like to honeymoon. If we can do that, we may go ahead and do a Utah marriage. Even if we can’t, we might settle for Cancun. Hope that doesn’t happen.

Why get in a hurry? Because Utah is examining its online marriage process. The window could close. Getting married online can’t hurt us, but delaying might.

I think we should get a license tomorrow, regardless of what we do. Then we can sit back and plan at leisure. We need the license either way.

I have no reservations about marriage at all. You’re supposed to wonder if you’re making the right choice. You’re expected to get cold feet. Not me. I admit, it’s a little scary to know I’ll be responsible for another person, but that’s the extent of my negative emotions.

I’m not asking myself if there is someone better out there. I don’t doubt Rhodah’s sincerity. I don’t worry that she’s going to steal my life savings and turn out to be from Nigeria.

Compared to a fiancee visa, a spouse visa for Rhodah looks like the way to go. It may cost us a couple of extra months, but there is less hassle and less expense, and we will not have to walk on pins and needles when we’re together, for fear of committing sexual sin.

One nice thing about marrying quickly is that it will put yet another barrier between me and my sister. She would no longer be in a position to inherit, and she would have no standing to involve herself in my affairs if I became disabled. I don’t think she would have me killed for money, but I have been wrong about her before. I’m pretty sure that even if she was willing to kill me for money, she wouldn’t kill me simply for getting married and putting her out of contention.

All I have to do is live a few more days.

The fact that these thoughts are in the mind of a rational person says something about how she has lived her life.

What kind of officiant should we get? I have been sorting through them. A religious ceremony would require someone meeting certain standards. I don’t want a gay tree-worshiping pagan. I don’t want a Mormon. I don’t want a woman. He has to be a Christian of some kind.

I think it’s best to have a civil marriage. It counts in God’s eyes, and in a civil marriage, the officiant’s religious beliefs would be irrelevant. I would still want a man, though.

We need two witnesses. My buddy Mike is in. Do I invite all my friends? I can just imagine them, delaying everything while they try to figure out how Zoom works. I think I should pick one other person and let it go.

If you’re struggling to get married, think about Utah. It may be the answer to your prayers.