Tough Love for Popular Destination

Originally written on 6/19.

It’s my second day back from Egypt, and I feel great. I can’t tell if I feel great in absolute terms or I just feel great compared to the way I felt in Egypt. I’ll take it, however.

Egypt is 6 hours ahead of me, so before I left home, I decided I would try to start going to bed early. It didn’t pan out all that well. I didn’t sleep well the night before I left.

Sleeping on the flights was not possible.

My first flight took me from Orlando to JFK on Jetblue. I have heard people say nice things about Jetblue. I’m glad they had good experiences. Both of my Jetblue flights were so packed, people were forced to check their carry-on bags, and Jetblue did not let me choose my seats. It wouldn’t have helped had Jetblue been a better airline, however, because I can’t sleep on short flights.

My second flight took me to Cairo on Egyptair. Apart from the fact that Egyptair is one of the few airlines whose most effective terrorists are their pilots, I have no complaints. My economy seat was reasonably spacious, and it reclined a long way. The food was okay. The airline supplied a good entertainment console, and we also got things like sleep masks and socks. The flight staff was polite. On top of all this, I had three seats to myself.

Problem: bad parenting. A lady a few rows ahead of me had a little girl who screamed all the way to Cairo. I know what people will think: “Poor thing. Her ears hurt.” No. This kid was a brat suffering from improper instruction. She was not screaming in pain. She just enjoyed screaming. The lady holding her encouraged her. Even with silicone ear plugs, there was no possibility of sleep.

In Cairo, the tour operator liked to get started early. For some reason, Cairo is in a time zone where the sun is pretty high at 5:30 a.m., and the Egyptians like to get moving before the air heats up. I wanted to sleep until at least 7:30 to start getting over the time change, but it wasn’t happening. We had a day tour scheduled, and the pyramids could not wait.

Later in the week, in order to get to Aswan for the cruise, we had to get up at 4:00. This didn’t improve things at all. We also had to get up early for the unbelievably long drive to Abu Simbel, a destination I recommend skipping.

Egyptians like to get up early, but they also like to eat dinner late. The cruise ship provided dinner no earlier than 8:00, which is ridiculous. You eat, you run back to your room, you prepare, and if you’re lucky, you’re in bed by 10:00. It should be obvious that ship operators don’t want their tourists limited to 6 hours of sleep, but I guess no one in Egypt has thought about this. Dinner should start no later than 7:00.

When I returned to Florida, I had to get up at 4:30 in order to make a 9:35 flight. This was what the guides recommended. In reality, 6:00 would have been just fine, but there you go. It was 4:30 in Cairo, making it 10:30 p.m. the previous day in Florida, and my flight was scheduled to land in Orlando at 8:00 p.m. Thankfully, the screaming kid was not aboard my second international flight, so I did sleep a little. By the time I got home and found my car, I had been awake for about a day, after getting too little sleep in Egypt. It was not a recipe for highway safety.

I thought I would have a hard time adjusting to Florida time, but last night I fell asleep at around 10:00 without drugs, and I woke up at 5:00, which is not all that far from my target.

Rhodah’s situation was worse. We tried to work things out so we would be together as much as possible on the way home. I didn’t want her to be alone in airport waiting areas. It wasn’t possible to make the flight times work well. My flight from Cairo left in the morning, and hers left at about 7:00 p.m. We tried to get her a nice paid lounge to sit in, but Cairo International is not set up well for that. She had to sit in the main terminal. Then she had a similar wait in Dubai. Fortunately, I was able to put her in a lounge there, with a buffet and so on, but she still ended up landing in Zambia a long time after I arrived in Florida.

Anyway, we survived. I just wish I didn’t have this cold. It’s mild, but even a mild cold is a pain when you’re traveling. Rhodah’s symptoms were somewhat milder than mine, thank God.

I have some more observations about Egypt.

We were taken to a bazaar during one of our day trips. I recommend against going to bazaars that are popular with tourists. First of all, there is not much you really want in an Egyptian bazaar. Second, you will pay more in markets that draw tourists. At least this is what I deduced; one of the guides let something slip. While we were in the car, he pointed to another bazaar where locals go, and he said the prices were very good. If you’re determined to buy Egyptian scarves which may or may not be genuine, find out where the real bazaar is and go there on your own.

The bazaar we went to was called something like El Khalili. I am too lazy to look it up. The main drawing point was a small coffee shop where Naguib Mahfouz and Morgan Freeman have been known to drink. There are pictures of both of them on the walls.

I have never read a Mahfouz book, and I never will. I don’t have any interest in his books. I can’t name one title. It’s amazing that I even knew who he was. As for the sensation of being in a shop where Morgan Freeman once sat, it’s everything it sounds like it would be. But the guide and the shop employees were very nice, so I was, too. They have to make a living. I was happy to look at the photos.

There were jewelry stores in the bazaar. They made a real impression on me, like the jewelry stores in airports. I wondered who in his right mind would buy jewelry in such places. If a bazaar shopkeeper in Egypt sells you a ring, how do you know if the price is good, and what do you do when the plating comes off and you find out your ring is mostly steel? And airport jewelers…has any airport merchant anywhere ever offered a reasonable price on anything? If a Whopper costs $10.00 in an airport, why would you expect a good deal on a watch?

I suppose some people shop at these stores. They’re not for me, though.

Googling around, I don’t see much of a connection between Freeman and Egypt. It looks like he visited a few years ago while doing a documentary, so I suppose his stop at the cafe was incidental. I guess the proprietors were happy when they saw him, and they decided to make the most of his visit.

Rhodah and I stayed near the pyramids every night we spent in Cairo. I wouldn’t do it again. She was captivated by the view, which was pretty neat, but until Giza is put back together, it won’t be very comfortable for tourists. Walking around is dangerous and difficult because of the street repairs, and shopping and dining out are nearly impossible. We considered moving downtown, to the area of Tahrir Square. That would have put us near the Egypt Museum, not to mention streets with usable sidewalks and functioning shops and restaurants. If I were to go back, I think I would do Giza for one night and then move downtown.

I had no problem getting money from ATM’s, but they dispense 200-pound notes, and that made life harder for me. In Egypt, a 200-pound note is a big deal. It’s around $12. When a driver runs you around all day while touring, a good solid tip is 100 pounds. When someone carries your luggage, 50 pounds is very generous. If you’re stuck with big bills, you have to get change all the time, and it can be awkward. Not that this stopped me.

My hotel, the Steigenberger Pyramids, had some failings, and one was that they didn’t keep petty cash on hand. I could not get bills changed reliably. That’s a shame, because they should have learned to provide such routine services.

When you use a public toilet in Egypt, you can pretty much count on running into someone who wants a tip. Five pounds will do it, although I think it annoys them when Americans know how little to tip. Some bathrooms have attendants, and others are jammed up with janitorial people who pretend to be attendants, and they may tell you stories about their starving children in order to get more money out of you. They will not hesitate to try to get several dollars.

Two bad things happened to me because of the constant haggling. First, I started saying no to people even when they were trying to sell me things I wanted. I would say no and keep walking, and then I’d realize I should have bought the water or whatever they were selling. Second, I haggled when I shouldn’t have, out of habit. I’d walk away after negotiating a proper Egyptian sum, and then later, I’d realize I should have given them more, just because they needed it. By then there was nothing I could do.

Haggling is a stupid system. Egyptian merchants would make more money from tourists if they just posted reasonable prices and stuck to them. Just because you got a sucker to pay you $25 for one $3 scarf doesn’t mean you’re doing a good job. You have to think of the many people you drove away with your haggling. You might have sold dozens of scarves and made money on volume.

Haggling conditions tourists not to talk to Egyptians. How can that be helpful? It also conditions them not to visit the country again.

We got a guy in trouble at the Valley of the Kings. We went into a tomb, and he took up with us, uninvited, and started taking pictures for us. He climbed into a sarcophagus, which is highly illegal, and took photos. Then he badgered us, trying to get us to go in, too. Of course, we refused. Then he demanded a lot of money on the way out.

We had a good relationship with our guide, and I commented on what we had been through. I said the unofficial escorts in the tombs should say what they wanted up front. I wasn’t complaining, and I had no intention of trying to get money back. I was just commenting on a funny business model I found interesting. Our guide didn’t think it was funny at all. He went to the man who managed the site, and that man was irate. He dragged men out of the tombs and had us identify them so he could chew them out. He even insisted on going into the next tomb with us, to protect us. We kept telling them we didn’t want to get people in trouble, but he was adamant.

I felt like we should have told him one man was climbing into a sarcophagus and trying to get tourists to go in. He was damaging the site. I decided to keep quiet. I didn’t want to cause more trouble, and in the end, as a Christian, I don’t really care if someone damages a pagan site. The world would be better off if they were all destroyed. Rhodah agreed.

Speaking of damaged sites, we saw an interesting phenomenon in many locations. There were wall carvings of pharaohs and false gods with the faces chiseled off. Our guides told us this was done by Christians who had used the temples as churches. When Rhodah and I were alone, I told her I had no problem with it, and she felt the same way. It’s safe to say that when Jesus returns, he won’t be interested in preserving structures and artwork created to honor beings who dragged people he loved down to eternal agony.

The Egyptians don’t take good care of their treasures. You can rub your hands all over ancient carvings in every site. Many relics look dirty and worn in places because people have handled them so much. Tut’s tomb is defaced by big spots where bacteria introduced and fed by human breath have formed colonies. Between the ancient Christians, the tomb robbers, the gypsy “guides,” and tourists, many ancient artifacts are slowly being destroyed.

In the Valley of the Kings, a licensed guide can’t go with you into a tomb, but untrained attendants who crave tips practically live in them. It will not work out well in the end.

I almost feel bad about snapping a finger off a statue of Nefertari to turn into a keyring. I was going to tag the Sphinx with my Instagram handle, but they weren’t letting visitors get close to it.

Our guide told us a British man bribed tomb attendants to help him cut a placemat-sized panel out of one of the tombs. He tried to take it home to England. Somehow, I can’t help picturing a gay man who wanted a really nice board for serving cheese at parties.

When I got home, I had to go get my birds from the boarding place. The lady who helped me asked where I had been, and I told her I had visited Egypt. She practically swooned. She had been there herself, years ago. She adored Egypt. I was amazed. I found it extremely hot, very dirty, hard to get around, and, apart from the tourist sites, pretty dull. Oddly, I liked the Egyptians themselves a lot more than their country.

I can understand loving a place like Paris or Athens. If you go to Paris, you’ll have no end of things to see. You’ll also be able to walk out of your hotel and get great food in countless locations. The weather in Paris is magnificent. The shopping is great. Public transportation is great. You can even rent a car.

Egypt isn’t like that. You pretty much sit in your hotel or on your ship, waiting to be picked up and driven through security checkpoints, to see temples that all look alike, in the burning sun, with no clouds, knowing you’ll have to walk past endless merchants who will descend on you like horseflies and who will never take “no” for an answer.

Rhodah wasn’t thrilled, either. She doesn’t want to go back except possibly to celebrate the anniversary of our engagement. We met some very nice people, and we accomplished our purpose, which was to be with each other, but the country itself is a very demanding, even exhausting, destination with limited rewards to compensate visitors.

With a few changes, Egypt would be as inviting as Greece. It’s too bad the Egyptians, who can be such exceptional hosts, aren’t aware of the things they need to do.

If we had gone to Greece, we would have been filled with great food. We would have had wonderful walks in parks and on streets that didn’t smell like poop and weren’t full of constrution debris and garbage. We would have seen important historical sites. We could have been alone together without hiding in hotel rooms. Egyptians should take note. They can do anything Greeks can do. I would love to see them do better.