As if Living in Detroit Weren’t Bad Enough

A while back, my Zambian sweetheart d/b/a “Rebecca” told me about an American TV show featuring a romance between an American man and a woman from Africa. She actually sat down and watched the whole series. Today I took a look at a couple of episodes.

The show is called BOB [heart symbol] ABISHOLA, and the symbol is pronounced “hearts.” As American literacy continues to decline, I should not be surprised to see “heart” used as a verb. Originally, phrases containing a heart symbol didn’t work that way. The first such phrase was “I [heart symbol] New York.” In commercials promoting the city, viewers were shown the slogan, and singers sang, “I love New York,” in the background. Now we “heart” things. I guess we also “smiley-face” and “thumbs-up” things in post-literate America.

I thought it might be fun to watch the show, since I’m sort of in the same boat as Bob. Having seen two episodes, however, I don’t see any reason to watch a third.

Here’s how the show works. Bob is a hefty, rich white guy who owns a sock company. He has a heart attack. In the hospital, he wakes up to find himself being tended to by Abishola, a cold American nurse from Nigeria. Inexplicably (sometimes voodoo works) he falls in love with her, and they marry.

Abishola has a family of mercenary immigrants who push her to marry Bob because they plan to move into his house and have him support them.

It doesn’t sound like a bad premise, but there are some problems.

First, Abishola. In order to be a good love interest, she should bring something to the table. Maybe not a lot, but at least one thing. She doesn’t. She’s overweight, married, saddled with a kid, rude, humorless, and bitter. She’s also domineering and not a great beauty.

Second, her relatives. They’re imbeciles. Say what you will about real Nigerians. Their emails and dating scams are the scourge of the Internet, and Nigeria’s crime rate is astronomical. But they are not all simpletons. Granted, a lot of the scammers are, but then simpletons are drawn to crime. Nigeria is a big country full of doctors, engineers, and other respectable people. I’m surprised Nigerians aren’t complaining about the show.

Maybe they are, though. How would I know?

When Bob starts pursuing Abishola, she is nasty to him, and after a couple of tries, he gives up. Personally, I didn’t see why he would make the first try, let alone the second. He and Abishola only become an item because Abishola’s greedy relatives manipulate them.

Abishola doesn’t seem like an African at all. She’s really an angry American urban single mother, tagged with an African name by American writers. She’s the kind of woman Americans marry African and other foreign women to get AWAY from.

I think the show should be named something like, “Run, Bob, Run,” or, “Bob Needs a Spine,” or, “What is Bob Smoking?”

Bob has other problems. He lives in Detroit. This is a city where houses sell for a dollar. Detroit was destroyed by creativity and hard work. Of course, I refer to the creativity and hard work of the Japanese. It was also destroyed by leftism and labor unions. The population of Detroit has decreased by over 60%, for the same reason the rat population decreases in a burning outhouse. What is wrong with Bob? Does he thrive on misery?

If Bob wanted a bitter, controlling, humorless single mother, and he lived in Detroit, he wouldn’t have to wait for a Nigerian immigrant. Like every other bastion of leftism, Detroit is jam-packed with them. Leftism creates single mothers.

Why does rich Bob live in 21st-century Detroit? He must have missed the memo. Wealth should serve a purpose. There is no reason to pursue it if you plan to use it to stay in a place like Detroit. In Detroit, escape is a strong motivating factor for pursuing wealth.

The only nice thing I can say about the show is that it looks like it’s one of the few family-centered shows in which the dad isn’t the jerk. Bob is rational, kind, and level-headed, at least in the first two episodes. Abishola is a jerk. Her best friend is a jerk. Her aunt and uncle are selfish and brainless.

I haven’t seen a show in which the man was okay and the wife was an utter idiot since “Mad About You.”

Since the show features an interracial marriage, there must be a lot of preaching later on. Just guessing. Surely Bob turns out to be insensitive and guilty of mansplaining before long. I guess I’ll never know. Who wants to watch a romantic comedy in which the suitor is making the worst mistake of his life, with a disturbed woman most men would block on Tinder?

The writing isn’t very good, so even if the show featured an appealing romance, the clumsiness would be a deal-breaker.

I am not Bob, thank God, and Rebecca is most definitely not Abishola. Rebecca is an orphan, and her sister’s families have no interest in me. They are not planning to have me fly them over at $15,000-$20,000 per visit, nor are they planning to emigrate. They are not scheming to go on the Steve welfare plan. As for my own family, it barely exists. My parents are dead, my sister is finished, and I rarely hear from any of my relatives.

My relations will not be involved with my marriage. That’s okay. In my family, most people end up divorced or perpetually single. They wouldn’t have much good advice to offer.

I have two relatives I would consider inviting to the wedding. That’s all. The rest wouldn’t even expect it. My grandfather had 8 grandchildren, and if memory serves me, I haven’t been invited to a single one of their weddings. That’s my mother’s father. I barely know my first cousins on my dad’s side. When I say “my family,” I’m not even thinking of them. I don’t know their spouses’ names or even whether they’re married or single. Only one ever expressed any interest in knowing me.

I told Rebecca I should go ahead and make her the death beneficiary on all my accounts. Even if something unexpected popped up and prevented us from marrying, and even if we fell out, she would still be a better choice than anyone else I know. I have no children, my relatives don’t expect anything, and money would destroy whatever remains of my sister.

Guess I won’t be buying the whole first season of the show. I don’t want to see Bob go out like this.

It’s crucial to have a marriage arranged by God, and he has to remain at the center of your life after you wed. So many marriages are dumpster fires. For many people, marriage is the cruelest thing that happens in life. It’s like going to hell. You marry the wrong person, you have kids, and you’re on the hook with no way out for at least 18 years. It’s amazing that people who don’t know God continue to get married, given the odds of catastrophe. It’s a testimony to the power of lust, greed, female narcissism, and self-delusion.