I am Dirtier Than Sheryl Crow’s Right Hand

I got a hilarious comment on one of my other sites. “Mrcleankitchen” says:

Man your lame and at the same time filthy. Who would want to eat something that has lots of filth you lazy ass wana be chef!? Dude hav you ever heard of microbial bacteria, free radicals and food born diseases?! I hope the health inspector shuts you down!

I may be a lame “wana be” chef, but I “hav” heard of microbial bacteria! I’m enjoying a big bowl of them right now, smothered in free radical sauce!

I hope you don’t think I took this slander lying down. Here is my response:

“Ha! You’re clearly a fanatic! You’re like those nuts who tell me I should give the toilet brush a good shake before using it to stir the soup!”

Do health inspectors shut down kitchens in people’s homes? They probably should, but I don’t think they do. I’m probably safe.

I don’t know which filth he’s referring to. Maybe the beef-aging stuff. Hey, I can’t help that. Beef has bacteria, and when you age it, they’re going to grow.

You have to wonder if this guy has ever eaten cured ham, cheese, yoghurt, kefir, or a tasty aged rib eye. You have to wonder if he has ever had a European beer, fermented in an open container. How about bread? How about wine? You can’t make those things without microbes.

He probably lives in a bubble and plays Trivial Pursuit all day. I should have replied “MOOPS! MOOPS!”

Here’s a tip: never play a game where you can only win if the game’s owner hasn’t memorized all the answer cards. Unless you own the game.

All my life, people have criticized me for being paranoid about germs. It’s so weird, being taken to task for my filthy ways.

Let me inject this quasi-non sequitur:

MOUSEBENDER: It’s not much of a cheese shop, is it?

WENSLEYDALE: Finest in the district, sir.

MOUSEBENDER: Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.

WENSLEYDALE: Well, it’s so clean, sir.

MOUSEBENDER: It’s certainly uncontaminated by cheese.

I stuffed my book with safety disclaimers. I feel like Philip Morris, recommending that people avoid my products.

Sondra found a great video at Redstate, and they got it from Youtube. You need to see it. It shows Republican lawmakers in 2004, telling Frank Raines Fannie Mae needs regulation. Raines is black, which is one reason the media won’t even mention him, let alone point out that he destroyed Fannie Mae. Members of the Black Congressional Caucus appear in the video, ranting emotionally about how the hearing is a lynching. Raines says the homes unqualified minority borrowers are living in are incredibly risk-free investments. Ho ho. Smoking gun.

He has to be a crook or just plain dumb. House prices were going up at an unsustainable rate in 2004, and anyone who passed fifth-grade math should have known it. Can you believe a guy considered capable of running Fannie Mae didn’t realize that? Hard to swallow. Maybe he’s just a socialist nut, and he saw the crash coming, and he didn’t care, because he wanted the rest of us to buy houses for minorities. Which is what we’re doing now.

He and his buddies were fined millions of dollars over illegal accounting methods, and he was, essentially, fired. So I think “crook” may be the correct description.

Prices had to adjust downward, and that means the houses were not risk-free investments. If the bank lends you X to buy a house, and you default, and the house is worth 0.75X, it’s not a risk-free investment.

Running Fannie Mae was risk-free for Frank Raines, however, because he is now out of the picture, and he is extremely rich.

Republicans failed to control Raines. They probably should have done more. If so, that’s very bad, and they deserve to be blamed for it. But it looks like Raines is the cancer. The Republicans are just the doctors who failed to cut it out. And the Democrat politicians are like “helpful” buddies who sneaked into the hospital and gave the patient more cigarettes!

It’s funny how the public is willing to believe that A) Republicans are racists, and B) Republicans caused the financial crisis by pushing for loans to unqualified minority buyers. Maybe we are the Racists That Couldn’t Shoot Straight. We have to work hard to improve and perfect our racism, because I just don’t see how giving free houses to poor minority members is advancing our evil cause.