Adios, Angry Feminists

It seems like I’m always starting blog posts by saying what a weird day I’m having.

What a weird day I’m having.

Online matchmaking sites are addictive. When someone appealing pops up, it’s rewarding, and when someone who is…the other kind of person…appears, it appeals to morbid curiosity. I can’t resist looking at the sites when I wake up. I did so this morning.

I had a message saying someone had viewed my profile. I went to look at her, expecting to see the aftermath of a tornado in a manure-processing plant. Instead, I saw one of the most beautiful faces I had ever seen. For a long time, I stared at her. Then I went to another page. Then I went back and stared.

Great. One more babe who would pass me by.

I looked at her info anyway. Lawyer. God-fearing. Wants to fulfill her purpose for Jesus. A man who prays in tongues would be a plus.

Arrghh. She was exactly what I wanted.

Looking for men younger than I am.

Double arrghh. Of course. Why wouldn’t she be?

Okay. I was used to this. I did not make any effort to contact her. I don’t want to be a creepy old hair-sniffer like certain people who work in the Oval Office. I won’t name a name.

Then a notification popped up. She had sent me a “flirt.”

That had to be wrong.

Of course, I responded. I have faith in God, and highly improbable things happen in his kingdom. I won’t rule anything out. No matter how low my expectations are.

I couldn’t think of anything clever to say, so I just told her she was very beautiful and that I liked what she had said about God. She said my profile was awesome. “Awesome.” There was more detail than that, but I prefer to focus on “awesome.”

A couple of hours later, we were video-chatting on WhatsApp.

I never use WhatsApp unless my realtor contacts me. I would never, ever use it to talk to someone I met on a matchmaking site, because it’s where all the scammers take people. I would never do that.

Well. Maybe this once.

I hate video chatting, which is why I have never done it before. But she initiated the call, and video was enabled.

What can I say about the call? It was like talking to myself, except I’m not a gorgeous woman. Prayer in tongues is a big deal to her. She understands that it builds faith and brings revelation. She sees the many veiled references to it in the Old Testament. She has no interest in the money gospel, unlike many Africans.

She believes in having a husband, not a wife. Unlike most American women. She didn’t take offense at everything I said. She didn’t condescend. She didn’t try to correct me. This is a bizarre experience for an American man. I told her the mention of the word “submissive” makes most American women angry. I said men who wanted Biblical marriages were commonly accused of wanting slaves or appliances that had sex. She said African women didn’t see themselves that way.

She’s smart. She said law school was easy. It looks like she comes from a smart family. Her cousin is an astrophysicist.

I told her I was amazed by her looks, and she did something no American black woman would ever do. She sent me a photo of herself without a wig. If you don’t know American black women, you don’t understand the wig. I’m pretty sure they wear them into surgery.

A stunning woman without a wig still looks stunning, so I’m not sure what the photo was for.

After a long talk, I gave her my email address, and she sent an email immediately. She told me her full name. I sent an email with my first name. Then I realized I had forgotten to give her my last name, and I sent another email. I said I didn’t want to blow up her inbox. People can be clingy when you first meet them. She said I could send her a million emails a day, 24/7.

I guess things went well, then!

After that, we went our separate ways and agreed to talk tomorrow.

Yeah, right. We’re still texting on WhatsApp. She asked about children! We already have little insider jokes no one else will get.

I am not drawing conclusions or looking at wedding rings online. I am not insane. But I’m not assuming the worst, either. This lady is marvelous. Even if nothing happens, I will still want to know her. People like her are rare. I told her it was as though I had been digging through horse manure and a ruby had fallen out.

Of course, this will absolutely ruin me for anyone who comes later.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to top this post. This is the weird day to end all days.

If this is what it looks like, it has to be the hand of God. I refuse to chase women no matter how old I get, because I believe only God makes matches that work. Maybe this is what it looks like. If not, back to the usual, which is not bad at all.