Where is That Rescue Chopper?

Time for an update on my adjustment to the disastrous election, plus some surprising news about my experiences on Christian Mingle.

I feel much better about life now that I’ve adjusted to the fact that America is lost. It’s like that moment when it finally gets through to you that your friend will always be a crack whore. There is grief, but there is also relief because you just put down an unreasonable burden you could not carry. America has been a godless leftist nation for a long time. It was only by God’s grace that any conservative, God-friendly presidents were elected, and God’s grace only persists while there is profit in it. Fighting for America to turn itself around is like hogtying your crack whore friend and forcing her to watch Christian TV. It won’t work, and while you’re doing it, you could be helping someone who will listen, with much less heartache and aggravation.

Today God gave me a revelation. When you’re in a foreign country doing mission work, and the government is crazy, you don’t let it destroy your joy. You’re not there to fix the government, and you know most people will pay no attention to you. You’re just there for the nation within a nation; the children of God. America is more or less like Venezuela now, and Somalia is on the way. The government will not right itself, and it has popular support which is not going to go away. That’s fine. I’m a dual citizen, and my primary nation is the body of Christ.

I will not pray for this place. I will not demonstrate. If my part of the country secedes, and it looks like it’s a good idea to provide some support, I might–might–consider supporting THAT country more strongly, but my plan right now is to pay taxes, obey the law, and wave from the dock as America sinks.

I’ll try to be more unified with my primary nation and its invincible commander in chief. For dense people, I am referring to the body of Christ and God. I will not be joining a politics-driven guerrilla army unless the choice is being killed in my house, and probably not even then.

As for Christian Mingle, a really funny thing happened. On my first day, during the first couple of hours, I didn’t know 95% of the women who tried to initiate contact were African scammers. Crazy me; I expected most members to be genuine. One person pestered me for my phone number, and I gave her a tech-giant email address I don’t care about.

She bugged me about prayer in tongues, and she cited some Bible verses that were important to her. I say “she,” but it could be a man for all I know. I told her a few things I thought would help her, and she called me “teacher” and seemed very grateful. Then her account vanished, and I figured that had to mean she was a scammer. I marveled that a scammer could be so sophisticated. She kept telling me she was a normal Christian Mingle member, but I actually told her she acted like a sophisticated scammer. She disappeared.

After that, I came to understand that a huge number of the fake women who were chasing me were in Africa. I got one to admit she was a hairdresser in Ghana. I started responding to “smile” messages with this: “Nigerian? Ghanaian? Ivorian?” One lady responded with this: “Lol. Togo.”

Out of curiosity, I sent the first lady an email. It said, “West Africa, right?” She responded and admitted it. She apologized and said she wished she could have told me at the start. I let it go.

Later on, I could not stop thinking about the things she said about her faith. What if this was a real woman who wanted to get closer to God, and I was cutting her off just because she was a criminal? I felt like an idiot, but I sent an email saying I didn’t know if she was really a Christian, but that if she was, she really needed to pray in tongues. She responded and said she was a Christian who spoke in tongues and that she would not lie about that. I said it was nice if something good had come out of the whole thing. And that was that.

So I went to this ridiculous site, thinking there was a 2% chance I might find someone, expecting to sift through Americans, and what happened? I ended up ministering to a foreign criminal in Africa.

It almost seems like God is having a joke, but I don’t think he does that.

I am still being swamped with phony inquiries, a woman who is 10 years older than I am “smiled” at me, and another who is pushing 80 liked my profile. Who do they think I am? Ashton Kutcher? I think it would be more productive to drive to Orlando and walk around malls wearing a T-shirt saying, “Date me.”

I just got a new message and photos from a “lady” who claims to be Catholic. I responded before the photos arrived, declining and saying I was not Catholic. In one of the photos, she is wearing a very short see-through nightie, and her enormous breasts and her thong are clearly visible. I laughed so hard, the birds must think I’m having a conniption.

I hope “Cheryl” in Africa puts my advice to use. That’s worth a lot even if Christian Mingle is a total washout otherwise.