Absence Makes the Heart Grow Harder

I have to point out that there is nothing as great as living in the South. It’s like a big playground for adults. If you’ve ever watched Ducky Dynasty, you’ve seen exactly what I’m talking about. You may think that show is all fantasy, but the truth is that it shows exactly how Southerners live.

If you’re jealous, take heart. You can always move. My Uncle Jim was born a yankee, but he moved to Kentucky, and in a few years, he was totally healed.

Today I went to the heterosexual barber shop where I always get my hair cut. I wore a MAGA hat, and I thought I might stand out among the customers. A couple of guys who only spoke Spanish were in the chairs when I arrived, and they kept quiet. Soon afterward, another man arrived.

The barber said, “It’s Mr. Trump himself.”

The man was about 5’11” tall and weighed maybe 135 pounds. He was wearing a MAGA visor, the sides of his head were cut close, and on top of his head, he had a puff of orange hair that looked like a pom-pom.

Best of all, he had a Bush tall boy in his hand. And no intention of getting a haircut.

I told the barber I didn’t realize alcohol was allowed, and he asked me if I wanted a beer from the fridge. I turned it down, but the gesture warmed my heart.

I could not drink; I had to drive to Harbor Freight. Also…Busch.

Mr. Trump told us about the rallies he had been to. He said there was one in The Villages–the giant retirement complex to the south of me–drew over 10,000 golf carts. I don’t recall the exact figure. Golf carts! How Southern is that? And of course, he had a story about an idiot who grabbed someone’s Trump flag and ripped it. The perpetrator ran off in a pickup, but his triumphant escape was cut short by a traffic accident. Remarkably, no one in the shop gloated.

Only one person–another quiet individual who could have been Mexican–wore a mask. The rest of us criticized coronavirus hysteria and talked about the horrors of a Biden administration. The barber said if they tried to lock the shop down or pull any more shenanigans, he would just go to jail instead of cooperating. Of course, jail is one of the few places in this county where you’re highly likely to catch the bug.

If Biden wins and the rapture doesn’t come this year, at least I picked a great place to die.

By the way, Harbor Freight has a 15% coupon on tool chests. That’s pretty rare. It expires tomorrow, so strap one to your golf cart and take it home.